Ha-eun and the Bandit Brigade of 200! (5)
We'd been feasting for days on end by the time everyone arrived, since I'd brought a mountain of finished dishes out of my subspace. The kids weren't much good at cooking, and frankly I didn't trust myself to attempt it either.
"Gasp! Haneul-nim himself! Ahh — Lady Ha-eun, is that really you?"
"You can see me and you still ask? Sit down already."
Every single time I came, they asked the same question over and over. Life in the city must have been rough on them.
Munch munch. Smack smack.
And beside me sat Aeng-aeng, eating like there was no tomorrow. Seriously, how much weight was this girl planning to gain?
"Lady Ha-eun, who is that child beside you?"
You can see for yourself what a strange one she is, right?
"She's the maid who looked after me when I first arrived. A Shang girl."
"Then she must have had a hard life?"
"Don't Shang people generally have it rough?"
"Yes. There have been many things too terrible to speak of aloud."
Well, it is a country with a tradition of human sacrifice, after all. A culture that treats life so cheaply is bound to slide into cruelty beyond imagining — torture in everything but name. Cannibalism probably happens from time to time, too.
"Once I've left, could you give her work to do at the stronghold?"
"Mm. There's a village where the women live separately. I'll send her there."
Ah, so that's why I'd only seen men around. There were plenty of locals outside, too — the ones with families must have had a separate place to stay.
One worry off my chest. Honestly, staying on as a maid might be worse for her than marrying a bandit and settling down here. The weight she'd put on seemed to count as good looks by local standards, too — a few of the bandits had been hanging around her, making eyes. Local ones, of course.
"So what's the hardest part of living here?"
"The lack of food like today's, my lady. Haha."
That one's a bit beyond me. Even if I sent ingredients, they're hardly the type to cook them up.
"Just eat a lot before you head back. Food's hard to carry in, and I can't come every day."
"Oh no, we manage to have our fun regardless."
Well, I suppose living freely here with no one to answer to, and bossing the kids around, would be entertaining enough.
"Oh! Now that you mention it, I barely saw any merchants here. What do you all do for a living?"
You're clearly doing quite well for yourselves, though? I just can't see what you're actually selling.
"The first batch agonized over the same thing, my lady. They'd planned to fleece merchants the way they would back home, but there were none to be had. So after much deliberation, they turned to raiding the army instead."
Hm...? Say what now?
"With no merchants around, the soldiers were the ones hauling military rations and all manner of supplies between the cities. They looked easy enough pickings, so that's what we've been robbing."
No wonder the army keeps marching out on suppression campaigns. And here I thought the palace raid was the real problem. If even one of them gets caught, it's an international incident and a colossal embarrassment — the kind people will still be laughing about thousands of years from now. Still, they do look like they're having fun.
"Getting caught would be a disaster, so the moment things look dicey, you run. No arguments."
"Of course, my lady."
Shang had a writing system, which meant there'd be history books recording all this too.
"Is there a room somewhere I could rest in?"
"It's nothing fancy, but we'll put you in our best one."
"That's fine. I've slept outdoors plenty."
"Ahaha. It will be better than that, at least."
"Alright, let's go~"
What did I expect from a den of mountain bandits? As long as it had a bed, it'd do.
"By the way, what's this?"
"Ah. The bed looked decent, so we brought it from the palace."
There, sitting plump in the corner, was a bed-frame so luxurious it could barely be called anything else.
"And what's that supposed to be?"
"Ah, we went into the prince's chambers and there was this flute made of solid gold. It looked so impressive we grabbed it."
Gold ornaments everywhere you looked. A bronze brazier held a burning fire — wouldn't it melt? There seemed to be a layer of sand in it or something. Even rich households wouldn't use a piece like that as a mere brazier, heh heh.
"You lot really know how to live, don't you?"
"We steal and eat quite well, my lady. Hahahaha."
With even one piece of gold, they'd never go hungry. And here I'd been worrying for nothing.
"Well, thank you. I'll put it all to good use."
"Stay as long as you like."
This was clearly the kid's room, but with hospitality like this, I might as well enjoy it. He'd probably take it as an honor to his family. Just thinking about it made me laugh. How on earth did they haul a bed up a mountain?
Pfft.
They were causing quite a lot of trouble, weren't they? Ah well — not my country, not my problem. Stay healthy, kids!
We must have feasted for about a week before the food in my subspace started running dry.
"Time to head back, I think!"
"You're leaving?"
"I can't stay forever."
Why are you about to cry? We had a great run, didn't we? You'll see me again once the mission's over anyway. They really were sad to see me go.
"No more whole roast chicken now?"
Huh? That's your takeaway? I'm itching to knuckle-tap this one too.
"Chieftain!"
BANG
"What is it!"
"The suppression force is here!"
Wait, what? Don't tell me that spineless prince actually brought an army? Is his family that famous? I should have asked Aeng-aeng more about it.
As for Aeng-aeng — she'd locked eyes with one of the bandits a couple of days in and run off to wherever his family lived. The ungrateful wretch.
"How many are coming?"
"We counted about 50 banners. What should we do?"
"Hmm. Not a thousand-banner force, at least. Ten or a hundred per banner — five thousand at the very most, I'd say."
Apparently you could read troop numbers off the flags here?
"Should we retreat?"
"I worry about you getting hurt, so yes, let's pull back. Pack up, everyone!"
Oh — they weren't reckless fools who charged in blind. I'd been worried they'd try to fight.
The camp packed up in the blink of an eye.
"My lady, forgive me, but could you carry the valuables as well?"
"Nothing to forgive — of course I can."
So the gold trinkets and treasures ended up in my keeping. Everything but the bed, anyway. Compared to the one in my own chambers, it was garbage.
They must have kept their bags ready at all times, because the packing was done almost as soon as it started.
"Chieftain! What do we do?"
I'd been about to head off first when a commotion broke out on one side.
"The village where the families live has been discovered!"
"Chieftain. Even if we die, we must fight, mustn't we?"
"Damn it all..."
Something bad had happened, by the look of those grim faces.
"You should go on ahead. It seems we have a battle to fight."
Figures.
"Bad news, is it?"
"They say soldiers are marching on the stronghold where our families live. There's no time to evacuate that place."
Naturally. There would be children and plenty of women up there — and unlike Daehan women, they couldn't flee over mountains in a pinch.
"I'll come with you. I'll help however I can."
"It's dangerous, my lady!"
This boy and his pointless worrying...
"Look, even if every one of you threw yourself at me, you couldn't leave a scratch — so don't fret. That said, I'll only help to the extent a human could."
This was my unshakeable prime directive: never exert force beyond a certain measure.
"Still..."
"Go do your job. I'll watch from the sidelines a bit and head home after."
"Understood. Please be careful, my lady."
I told you, it's pointless worrying.
"Everyone, drop your packs! We march to defend our families!"
"UWAAAAH!!!"
Thank goodness I'd gathered them all for one feast. Just look at those beefy lumps of muscle sprinkled through the ranks! They looked built to take on a hundred men each.
"Let's move!"
Tramp, tramp.
They even had discipline of their own, huh? Shields, supplies — they seemed to have everything. Time to change my outfit, too. Farewell, clunky Shang clothes~
Into a comfy hunter's getup~ My beloved rabbit shoes, rabbit gloves, rabbit hat! Plus my custom horn bow, built for my own strength. Weaker than the ones men used, sure, but a horn bow is still a horn bow, thank you very much.
The shortfall in power, I made up for with my baby arrows. Made those in secret, just for me — once our kids get them developed, they can have some too!
Rustle.
"..."
They'd looked so hopeless goofing around at the feast, but now they moved like well-trained soldiers. Not a single wasted word beyond what the march required. They might actually be kind of cool?
"Whoa..."
We'd been running for quite a while when a strange sound began drifting from up ahead.
Clang, clang.
The ring of weapons striking weapons. The fighting had already started.
"Everyone, make haste! The enemy appears to have arrived first."
"Yes, sir!"
That's what they said, but their pace didn't actually quicken. Sprint at full tilt and burn out your stamina, and you can't fight when you get there.
Padap, tak!
I climbed what looked like a tall tree and gazed into the distance — smoke rising, arrows flying. War was war here too, then.
Tak! Tak!
Hm? Maybe it was the absence of any fear of falling, but running along the branches came surprisingly easily?
Balance, reflexes — this body's baseline specs really were remarkable.
"Charge!"
"Attack!"
"Uwaaah!"
Our group hitting the enemy from behind was working out beautifully, wasn't it? Caught between two fronts.
Shall I get started too?
My baby arrows needed one more part: a barrel. The arrows were so short they required a guide rail — essentially a gun barrel, really.
Zuuung.
Mmm, this bow had such a satisfying sound. Nothing crunching or cracking, just clean.
Twang.
The adorable snap of the bowstring, and then —
Phweeeee.
The far less adorable whistle of an arrow in flight. Oh! Missed!
This thing was fun, but so hard to shoot. It's shot my own fingers more than once, you know. It would be perfect for planting one in an ally's skull, though — better aim at the far cluster.
"Arrows incoming!"
"From where?!"
Good luck finding me down there! How long would it take you to spot a woman up in a tree? At that rate, would you even find me by the end of the year?
Looking down from above, it turned out to be one of the two numbers after all — five hundred, not five thousand.
Just our kids alone could finish this off in no time.
Before long, the battle ended with the army — pincered front and rear — fleeing the field.
"Uwaaa! We won!"
"YEAHAHAHA!"
I climbed down to find them all cheering. Go on, get your moving preparations started already.
"Ah! So that's where the arrows were coming from — it was you, Lady Ha-eun?"
"Yep."
"Huh? That bow, though?"
"Oh, it's mine personally. You don't have any, do you? That must be inconvenient."
Horn bows were a kind of strategic weapon — kept for training, rarely ever deployed. Naturally, they couldn't issue them to these kids stationed abroad.
"That's true, but as you can see, the trees are so thick they make shooting nearly impossible."
Fair enough. I only landed about half my shots myself.
"Well then, time to prepare for the move, hm?"
Looking around, the stronghold was absolutely packed with people. The relocation was going to be a monster of a job — and they'd have to scrub away every trace as they left.
"Yes. Too many survivors, I'm afraid — we'll have to relocate the entire stronghold."
"Then good luck with all of it. I should be heading back."
"Thank you! It was an honor to meet you."
There he went again with the strange talk.
"Why do you act like I'm some rare sight? We'll meet again."
"Yes, my lady! Safe travels!"
"Off I go~"
On the way home, hm~ Where should I stop by along the way? Heading straight back would be boring.
The soldiers had fled off in that direction, so there was bound to be something that way, right?
Tatatatak!
Don't I look a bit like an elf like this? Hopping branch to branch is honestly so much fun.
Craaack.
"Whoa!"
Light or not, a branch is still a branch. They do break. I tugged myself back up onto the tree — I couldn't very well faceplant into the dirt and ruin my style, could I?
"Now, where did those boys run off to? They said something about a city out here, didn't they?"
After a long stretch along the treetops, the edge of the forest came into view. Flatland ahead — there'd be a fortress somewhere out there?
And I happened to have one secret weapon on hand. A telescope! Finally, a chance to put it to use again. Isn't this thing over a hundred years old by now, too?
"Let's see~"
From the crown of the tree I could see far into the distance. Oh! A fortress there. Let's check it out!
With a rough bearing set, I could take my time getting there.
The fortress was farther than I'd expected — I didn't arrive until the evening was settling in. Hm? No travel permit, though. How was I supposed to get in?
"Climb the wall at night, maybe? It's probably an earthen one — my dagger could dig right into it."
These people really were fools. Barely any guards on the walls at night?
Shunk. Shunk.
Sorry to use such a lovely dagger on something like this, but honestly, it's delightful. The earth was fairly packed, and yet it sank in clean every time.
Thump, thump.
"Did you hear the news?"
"They say we took a crushing defeat at the hands of bandits today?"
"Right? That's why you never march out unprepared."
Were these soldiers running my radio for me?