Ha-eun and the Band of 200 Bandits! (4)
Sluuurp.
This is tea? Really? Is this medicine or something? Wow...
"*Cough, cough.*"
"Ah. Is the tea too strong for you?"
I'm impressed you people drink this stuff at all and call it tea. I could use another whole bowl of water.
"Yes. A little."
"You don't seem accustomed to tea. Heheh."
I drink my own tea just fine. Yours simply doesn't suit my taste.
And why are you staring at me like that again, all uncomfortable and everything?
"When I gaze upon your beautiful eyes..."
"*Cough, cough.*"
Cut the crap. You've been warned.
"From the very first moment I saw you, my heart bea—"
"*COUGH, COUGH!*"
Looks like I'm about to commit murder in a foreign country. Of a nobleman, no less. Should I just deal with him and head home?
"..."
"..."
"Haha. I was too hasty. My apologies."
"I beg your pardon?"
Does he have any idea how close he just came to getting his throat slit?
"Let us retire for the evening and rest."
"Yes..."
Exhausting. Time to go to my room and sleep.
Pat, pat.
The shoes are leather, sure, but walking in these feels practically barefoot. Can't they make the soles a bit firmer?
"You're the first person to ever refuse the young master, my lady."
"Hm?"
Oh? And this is also the first time she's spoken? I thought she was the silent type.
"Everyone lines up trying to catch his eye. The maids, too — they fawn and flutter about hoping to end up in his bed."
Is that a noble thing? Or do they actually think he's handsome? Ah — this isn't going to turn into one of those 'you're the first woman to ever reject me!' obsessive stalkers, is it?
"It seems you'll be leaving soon, my lady."
Oh? This kid's pretty sharp. Quick on the uptake.
"Will you get in trouble for it?"
"A little scolding, maybe. Nothing serious."
Really? A guest ran off on her own two feet, and they'd punish the maid for failing to stop her?
"I'll help you change into your sleepwear now."
"Okay."
"You're the daughter of a noble house somewhere, aren't you?"
"Ah... no."
"I can tell from serving you. You're used to having things done for you."
Is she perceptive by nature? Or did she grow so sharp from a lifetime of having to read every mood around her?
Wait — hold on. Sleepwear, they say, but how is this any different from sleeping in nothing at all?
It's just a single layer of gossamer-thin white cloth draped over you, and that's it? They can't manage anything else but they nail this! Everything shows.
"This is it?"
"Yes. At night, the women dress to be easy for the men to... receive."
Women's rights in this era are absolute garbage, huh?
"Right. Thanks anyway."
"Call if you need anything. I'll be right outside the door."
"Aren't you going to sleep?"
"I sleep outside the door..."
Great, what did I get wrong this time? What's out there by the door that makes it a bedroom?
"How do you sleep out there?"
"There's a chair."
How does a person sleep sitting upright in a chair?!
"Then sleep in here."
"I can't. There's a guest present."
"So? Will you get in trouble?"
"It's not that. I... I'm not sure, exactly. The only guests who ever bring a maid inside are the male ones."
Ha. What a mess. Grim. Hard to listen to.
"Just sleep inside. That's an order."
"...Yes."
Try to make a fuss about this and see what happens. I'll yank this whole place up by the roots and bury it in the river before I leave.
Grrrooowl.
"Hm?"
Oh? Was that me? Am I hungry too?
"I'm so sorry."
Ah. There's one more person in the room, isn't there.
"You haven't eaten dinner?"
"There was less than usual today..."
"Why? What do you normally eat?"
"The leftovers from the masters' meals. Tonight there was meat on the table, so everyone ate a great deal and..."
Unbelievable. This is exactly what the old days were like. So much of it makes absolutely no sense by my way of thinking.
"Hey — don't go telling anyone what you're about to see. And don't be too shocked."
"My lady?"
Thump. Rattle-rattle.
I pulled out my secret weapon: a brazier and a mountain of dried meat.
"...!!"
Looks like the shock landed. Her eyes went absolutely enormous.
"Come on, let's grill some meat together. My dinner got ruined by party-crashers too."
"Th... th... this is..."
She's lost the power of speech. Not that anyone would believe her if she ran off and told.
Sizzle, sizzle.
When I committed my little act of terrorism on Haneul's account back in the day, I learned one thing: items stored in subspace keep exactly as they went in.
Which means if you stash lit charcoal inside, it comes out smoking quietly and ready to grill meat on the spot. Simple as that.
You'd better feel blessed, kid. No more smoke-pit duty for you. Just in case of carbon monoxide, I'll crack the window a touch.
"Here, eat this. It's good."
"Ah... uh, aaaah..."
The girl's gone mute.
"If you don't come get some, I'm eating it all myself?"
Dash!
Apparently she did want to eat — she's over here in record time.
"Where did you pull that from?"
"I have my ways. Just pretend you didn't see it."
"!!! Could it be — Lady Nüwa?!"
Who on earth is Nüwa now?
Chomp, chomp.
"Mm. Tasty. Stop making weird noises and just eat."
"Thank you!"
She's wolfing it down, shoveling bite after bite. Girl can eat. She must have been starving. If you're going to keep servants, you feed them while you work them. Wretches, all of them.
Even back when we used slaves, we never ran things like this!
"What is this? It's incredibly good."
"It's dried meat. People eat it plenty around here too, don't they?"
"Meat is scarce here..."
If the feed problem doesn't get solved, livestock is harder to raise than you'd think, right? Could it be that thanks to us, the nomad kids have no contact with this region? I hear those folks overeat on meat so much it makes them ill.
Anyway, she'd better eat her fill while I'm around. If I leave it behind, someone will just steal it, or she'll get beaten for having it and no story about where it came from.
Yaaawn~
Where'd she run off to first thing in the morning? I woke up and she was gone.
Knock, knock, knock.
"Lady Ha-eun? Are you awake?"
"Yes~"
Hm. I suppose I'll have to go open it myself. Tedious creature, bothering me first thing in the morning.
Clunk.
"Good morning."
"Gah...!"
What? Does the sight of a beauty first thing in the morning set your heart racing?
Thunder of footsteps.
"My lady!"
Hm? Looks like she'd gone out somewhere. That's a fair distance away, yet she's sprinting back at incredible speed.
"Young master, forgive my intrusion!"
Clunk.
She yanks me inside and slams the door shut? Is this not going to get her in trouble?
"You can't just walk around in your sleepwear!"
She hisses at me, whispering everything she needs to say. What even is this 'sleepwear'?
"Huh?"
The thing I slept in last night? Right? That thing was basically the same as being buck naked. Did I just put on a nude show first thing in the morning?
Ha! Unbelievable. Time to get out of this town. embarrassment everywhere.
"Let's... let's get you dressed first."
"Sure. Let's."
Though really, what's the fuss? It's not like I'm getting changed — I just showed a little skin.
Once again with the help of my maid friend, I got wrangled into that cumbersome outfit. This takes forever...
"I will now attend the young master."
The maid steps outside, leaving the two of us alone to wait by the door.
And then there's this lunatic. Why is he staring holes through my body? Is he some kind of pervert?
"What business brings you here so early in the day?"
"Ahem. Hem. There lies a beautiful city to the south called Hangzhou. Shall we not take a boat out on the water?"
Hangzhou? Does he mean West Lake? Oh! People went sightseeing back in this era too?! Ohh. Now this I have to see. Escape postponed — for now.
"Yes. Let's go."
"Splendid. I shall make the arrangements at once."
Wait? We have to make arrangements before going?
What kind of preparations take a whole week? I knew I shouldn't have agreed to this. Well, thanks to it my hips have gotten pleasantly plump, at least.
I should bring this girl to the bandits later and ask them to look after her. She's discovered the taste of meat now. At this point, it's an addiction.
For now, we're drifting down the river aboard a modest little boat.
"Aeng-aeng, is West Lake far?"
My pleasantly plump maid, Aeng-aeng.
"I heard it takes about a fortnight by boat."
He's out of his mind. So with everything there is to do there, that's over a month round trip? Is he unemployed? A whole month of leisure with nothing else on his plate?
"Still, the river breeze is lovely."
"It's my first time on a boat. It's nice."
The Yangtze must be truly long. Took us a whole five days before we caught the smell of the sea.
The boat isn't big, so we all slept in a single cabin, but mercifully that lunatic refrained from any funny business while we slept. Otherwise we'd all have ended up as fish food.
And here's the funny part — out at sea, the servants all started fishing. Whatever they catch, I suppose they'll grill it for their masters.
Reminds me of the time I rode a slave ship. Not bad, actually.
This lunatic voyage of ours came to an end eighteen days later, working our way back up the river. From now on, I'm only traveling after GPS exists in the modern era.
And as it turns out, I won't even get to see West Lake.
"Hahaha. Looks like fine young nobles, don't they~"
"Heh heh heh. What a charmed life they lead."
Yes. We stepped off the boat and were walking toward the city when we met bandits!
"You! You scoundrels! What is the meaning of this! Stand back at once!"
Shaking voice and all — who exactly is supposed to be scared, you fool?
The whole party amounts to four guards, plus our four. Over there, eleven.
"My lady! There's a city nearby — I shall ride ahead and muster soldiers!"
With that, the idiot galloped off alone on his horse. The remaining soldiers and men all fled.
The clothes make it hard enough to walk, so running away was never on the table. Aeng-aeng and I got scooped up, and now we're being hauled off to the bandit camp.
"My lady! What do we do?!"
"Nothing bad will happen."
"Ah! As expected of Lady Nüwa!"
Who IS this Nüwa, seriously? Hmm... some spirit or goddess they believe in, maybe?
"Heh heh. Soft and delicate-looking — the Boss will love this one."
"Let's wait a bit. Surely he'll give us a chance too. Heh heh."
We shall see. The south, though... I have a feeling our kids might be around here somewhere.
Creak, creak.
These guys are strong too. The cursed idiot rode off on the carriage horse, so there's no horse left. So now they're hauling and pushing the carriage by sheer manpower.
Going by their behavior, these are definitely our kids — the lower rungs of them, that is.
"Hahaha, ladies, step on down! We've arrived!"
Fine, fine, the ladies are getting off. No need to worry about me, but why is Aeng-aeng trembling like a leaf and stealing glances at everything?
"Right. Thank you. Could you fetch your boss for me?"
"Huh? Oho-hot. Delicate-looking, but she's got some bite! You got it. Just you wait!"
They said bandits, so I figured they'd live on a mountaintop, but they've built a palisade camp on flat ground, haven't they?
You can tell they put real thought into it. Getting in from outside would be tough.
Trudge, trudge.
Whoa. Look at the size of that fellow. Yes. That's our kids all right.
"Hey, you lot. What's the idea, bothering a man while he's sleeping?"
"We've captured a woman in exactly the Boss's taste!"
"A girl like that, here? If you're lying, I'll beat you to death."
Looks like bandits from any angle, doesn't he? And where on earth did that oversized blade slung carelessly over his shoulder come from?
Blink, blink.
Why? Well, up close, doesn't he look awfully familiar?
Dangle, dangle.
If I just give my identity tag a little wave in front of his eyes~
"HIIIICK!"
"Oh! You were right — exactly the Boss's taste!"
"HEY! YOU! You mangy dogs! WHO did you drag back here?!"
Oh? That reaction is intense, even for him.
WHAM-WHAM-THUD. Flurry of blows.
"Gack."
"Ghukk."
"Uuurgh."
"Kak."
All eleven of the men who dragged me here got planted headfirst into the dirt. Are they alive? They didn't seem to be breathing even before the planting.
"HOW did you come all the way here?!"
The one called the Boss is flat on the ground in a deep bow, tears streaming down his face. Isn't that a bit extreme?
"I just came out for some sightseeing, and your boys gave me a lovely escort. They even pulled the carriage for me. Don't be too hard on them."
They're good kids, really. I said the clothes made walking difficult, so they pulled the carriage for me. If it were me, I'd have stripped the outfit right off and dragged the person instead.
"Still, the audacity—!"
"Ah, come on. They led me right to you, so we got to meet like this. Isn't that a good thing?"
"Ah! You're right! Keh-heh. You lucky little blessings."
Excuse me? You just beat them half to death and planted them in the ground? Swinging back and forth like that, these kids must have a rough life.
"Do the others live far away?"
"Hmm. About three days, and we can gather them all."
"I brought loads of good food! Let's have a feast."
You've heard of it, haven't you? The golden carriage. My subspace is stuffed to the brim, you rascals.