Haeun and the Band of Two Hundred Brigands! (3)
What is it? Why are you staring at me like that? This smells like another kidnapping. I'd better stay sharp.
"So Haeun is part of this household, then?"
Correct! So you're not family here. That vaguely polite but condescending tone? He must be an aristocrat.
"No. I'm a distant relative staying for a little while."
"Ah. So that's why I haven't seen you before."
What's with this guy? Looks twenty-something and talks like that? He has the face of a man who'd never marry and just spend his life groping women. A real lecher's mug.
"Yes."
"..."
What? Are those greasy eyeballs not going to look away? My finger's getting twitchy! Should I just poke him? Full force.
"Is something the matter with your finger?"
"Ah! No, nothing."
Huh. I guess I was about to jab him without thinking. Guess I'm picking up the kids' habits — my body keeps moving before my brain does.
And what's with the creepy once-over without saying a word? Rude.
"Well then, I'll take my leave."
"Ah! My apologies."
Just go hole up in your room already. They'll probably call me when it's time to eat. Not that I want to see that woman again — honestly, better if they just forget to summon me.
"..."
Ugh... this is the worst kind of in-between. Nothing to do. Just sitting in the room staring at the walls.
I thought about stepping outside in case it was mealtime, but that felt presumptuous...
「Time crawling by in silence」
What's going on? It's been ages. I clearly arrived sometime after morning — and look, the sun is setting over there!
Apparently life here is harder than it looks, because they seem to skip lunch entirely. They'll eat dinner... right?
Had I known, I would've just gone out and wandered around. A country that doesn't eat lunch. Who does that?
Well, that's something. Back home we eat breakfast and lunch because we need energy to work, and it's dinner we skip.
"Hey! Are you deaf?"
The brat showed up while I was lost in thought.
"What? No?"
"I called and you didn't respond, so I figured you were deaf. Come on, dinner."
"Okay."
Guess I didn't hear because I was daydreaming. It's partly my fault, so I'll let it slide this once.
I followed along to yet another large common hall. So they really do have a separate space where everyone eats together. The tables were already set, and the meal was in full swing.
Something felt off, though.
"Ah! Haeun, you mustn't skip meals like this. At the very least, eat some dinner."
Hm? Nobody called me, though? That witch did?
"Hmph."
Oh. So she deliberately didn't call me? I'm getting the feeling that the washing spot she pointed me to earlier was a lie too, wasn't it?
I have to stay here, so I can't exactly raise hell. This is why being a guest in someone else's home is such a pain. When are proper inns going to get invented?
"Thank you for your concern."
"And pay your respects to Lord Ryu Ho here. He's had a whole pig brought in for us."
So that swaggering peacock from earlier is seated at the head of the table? Must be someone pretty high-ranking.
"Thank you very much."
"Haha. Oh, it's nothing."
All that self-important preening — he's clearly itching to show off his wealth. Buddy, I could open a drawer in my room and find more money than you'll ever see.
Well, now I finally understand what these people live on.
Wow. All-natural food! Honestly, nobody here is ever getting cancer. Vegetables blanched and seasoned with a bit of salt, that's about it? And despite the grand announcement about the pig, they're apparently splitting a single leg among everyone.
There are more than twenty people seated around this table. Sigh. So the meat ran out after all. That's why he's stuffed.
"Is the food not to your liking?"
What do you want me to do, graze on a lawn? I'm picking at my food because there's hardly anything, and now Mr. Greasy-Eyes seems to smell an opportunity and strikes up conversation?
"I don't eat much to begin with."
"Ah~ Is that so."
Later I'll just grill some jerky over the brazier. Our cook's special sauce makes it incredible. Genuinely delicious — it would sell even in the modern era.
"That's what happens when a girl barely eats. Look at her."
That woman is muttering just loud enough for me to hear. Should I make her pay for that... heh heh...
"Oh? Then since you eat so much, does that explain why you're uglier than me and flatter up top too?"
I returned the favor, same volume.
"What did you say, you little—!"
「SLAP!」
Huh? Did I just get hit? It was a ambush out of nowhere — I couldn't react and took one clean across the face.
"Mimi! What do you think you're doing!"
"What is the meaning of this!"
Oh? Excellent. Two people on my side. Her father and Mr. Greasy-Eyes have stepped up for me. You're done for, girl.
"Sniff... sob..."
「Drip, drip」
A little river water from the Subspace dabbed on the eyes, and nobody needs to say another word.
"Mimi. Yes, you. You insolent girl! I told you to treat our guest with respect — what is the meaning of this!"
"N-no... Father, I—!"
Ah, I'd love to smirk at her right now, but I can't. So hard to resist teabagging this moment.
"Miss Mimi, I am deeply disappointed."
"No... Lord Ryu Ho! It's not what you think!"
Oh? What's this? What's with the heartbreaking longing in Mimi's eyes every time she looks at Greasy-Eyes? Don't tell me — a one-sided crush! Oh my goodness.
Still, pushing that face of yours at a nobleman? Isn't that a bit ambitious? Where does the confidence come from?
Well, I suppose there may be standards of beauty I'm simply unaware of...
"I'm sorry. Sniff..."
And this is where I burst into dramatic tears and run out of the room! Total chaos, and she gets a brutal scolding afterward. Perfect.
Loo loo~ La la la~
「Grab」
Wah? Something just snatched me?
"Miss Haeun, let us go to my residence."
Excuse me? You lecherous—! What nonsense is this! She's the one who should be getting chewed out, not me!
"That won't be necessary. I need to return home. Thank you for everything."
I'm going HOME! I have to check on the kids back at the mountain camp!
「Grip」
Whoa! This bastard is strong? Is he insane?
"We can discuss the details later. For now, let us be off."
"No, my lord, even so—"
"Tut tut."
Merchant uncle? You're just going to let him take me like this? Weren't you supposed to be looking after me?
"Um... Miss Haeun, you'll find Lord Ryu Ho's residence far more comfortable for your stay. I beg you—"
This uncle? Has zero backbone whatsoever, doesn't he?
How is this any different from being kidnapped? That's three in a row now. Every single time I come to this country, this nonsense happens. Ahahaha...
「Clip-clop, clip-clop」
And so I'm being hauled away, kidnapped. The gall of it — a carriage with two whole horses.
「Rattle-rattle-jolt」
Wow. Is it this bad because it only has two wheels? The ride is absolutely awful. One wheel comes loose and I feel like the whole thing tips sideways.
"Do be careful."
Ugh, I hate this! The carriage jostles, and every bump sends this bastard lunging against me!
I just wanted a peek at how the upper crust lives, and look at the filth I've had to endure instead. Just wait until I'm heading home. I won't be going quietly.
「Neigh!」
"We've arrived. Let us dismount."
Why is he extending his arm? Gross.
「Hop!」
I just vaulted out to the side instead. Weak I may be, but that's not the same as having no athletic sense.
Well — weak compared to my kids. Out here, I'd actually count as the strong one.
"Ahem..."
"Thank you for having me."
Yeah, he's definitely a noble. His house is a palace? Surely not actual royalty? It's enormous...
"The young master has returned!"
Oh. Not a prince, after all! He's a "young master"!
"Phew..."
"Fear not. I shall look after you well."
The moment I leave, I am absolutely squeezing the ink out of those greasy eyeballs. This is unbearable.
The room I was escorted to this time had floors finished in wooden planks, and the wood itself gleamed with a polished luster — some kind of lacquer, it seemed.
Oh. A plush, cushioned bed. A first! And look — a table with teacups and the like!
「Click」
Servants who looked like servants walked in without even knocking, left a vase of flowers in the room, and went on their way. Genuinely rich household, huh?
「Knock knock knock」
"Your bathwater, miss."
Figures. I knew it. That's what servants are for — hauling in the bath. Though it's slightly different from the old days; there seems to be a fire pit set up in the courtyard.
They kept ladling hot water in from the side to top it up.
"This way, miss."
"Okay."
Hm. Are they going to scrub me raw with that rag again? It was refreshing back in the day, at least.
"I will help you undress now."
Hey... you don't have to announce that stuff. It's weird...
"You may enter now."
They'd mixed something into the water. What could it be? No bubbles, no particular fragrance.
Well, even if it were poison, it wouldn't matter much to me.
「Swoosh, swoosh」
They're wiping me down with cloth here too? Huh? Where's the scrubber?
"Um, don't you use a scrubber?"
"What's a scrubber?"
Oh. Right — my terminology isn't going to translate.
"That rough, holey brush thing!"
"Ah! That's for the lowborn. People of quality never use such things."
"Er... since when?"
"Since a very long time ago."
Seriously? Those women back then were nasty pieces of work too? No wonder they scrubbed everything raw, even the sensitive bits. I should have burned the whole bathhouse down back then. Damn it.
"Hm? Do you wear a special fragrance, miss? You shouldn't need anything extra, but how would you like it handled?"
"Oh, I naturally smell fragrant on my own. I'm fine."
No point slapping perfume on for it to just mix with my own scent and turn strange. Politely declining is the smart move.
"Oh my."
"Yes?"
"Ah! My apologies!"
Hm? I'm no aristocrat, though? Is she getting the wrong idea? Well... it's true I'm a person of quality. Back in my country I'm the Grand Chancellor, after all!
"Anyway, thank you."
"It's my duty, miss."
Hm. A robe? She wrapped a white cloth around me, tied it off, and started tidying the room.
Hardworking kid, this one. Nimble hands, too. Methodically clearing away the screens and hauling out the water.
"One moment, please. I'll bring your clothes."
"Yes, thank you."
"Please, speak casually with me."
I've got plenty of clothes in the Subspace, sure — but none of them are from here. They'd all look bafflingly alien to these people. I wonder what noble garb is like?
Whoa? After a short wait she came back carrying an entire box of things.
Goodness, what is all this?
"You wear separate sleepwear for the night, miss."
So nobility here is on another level too? There's even undergarments? That chest covering looks familiar, but what on earth is that?
"Then, if you'll excuse me."
"Of course..."
Oh... my goodness. What kind of undergarments are these? How is this any different from wearing nothing at all? The top piece I recognize, but the bottom one is a pair of split shorts, open right down the middle...
Then the upper garment wound around me layer after layer, a skirt over that — and the skirt was longer than I'd expected. Long enough to hide my feet entirely.
How am I supposed to walk anywhere in this?
Bronze and stone ornaments dangling off everywhere. Keep it simple, that's the whole point of beauty — you people have such a long way to go.
"All done. Please follow me. The young master is waiting."
"Ah... right..."
All dolled up in the dead of night. Ugh, what a chore.
「Swish, swish」
This hem is beyond annoying? No wonder people who wear this never walk anywhere themselves.
At ankle length, maybe, you could actually move. I don't understand it at all. Don't tell me the women here never go outside?
Ah. There in the distance stands the villain who dragged me here. Should I flatten him with a telekinetic smack?
「WHAM!」
"GYAAH!"
「Crash-clatter-tinkle」
Oops... my hand moved before my brain again. Sorry~
Whether he caught a glimpse of me as he fell or not, he scrambled up in a fluster and straightened himself out, and somehow I felt guilty for no reason.
"Ooh..."
Get close and he still can't collect himself. Fatal across eras, fatal across nations. This devastatingly beautiful face of mine. My sins run deep.
"Thanks to you, I've been resting quite comfortably. Thank you."
True enough — there are maids, and I'm being pampered. If I'd stayed at the merchant's house, who knows what kind of brawl that witch and I would be in the middle of.
"Heh heh. I'm glad I brought you over after all. The clothes suit you wonderfully."
"Thank you."
The clothes have nothing to do with it, dummy. A waist that slim and hips like mine — anyone would look good in anything. In this whole country, you couldn't find that with a lantern.
"Tea is served."
「Clink」
"Thank you."
Seems I've been assigned a personal maid — that same girl has been trailing me since earlier? What happens when actual guests come flocking in?
"Observing proper etiquette even toward the servants. What a gentle heart you have."
"I'm not, though."
People owe each other basic courtesy. That's just how it works — unless you enjoy getting a knife in the ribs in your sleep.