No.1 Instructor Grid's Sex Ed Class (3): Anything's Tough the First Time
"Men only—loud voices!"
"Ye—————s!!!!!"
"Women only this time—loud voices!"
"Ye—————s!!!!!"
"Fifth row, thirteenth student—pick up a tasting voucher after class."
"Kyaaah!"
I loved it. The once chilly atmosphere in the grand lecture hall had heated up nicely.
At the very least, to avoid any backlash for the lesson ahead, we needed this kind of energy from the start.
"Alright, that's enough for warming up the mood."
Clap!
I clapped to grab the students' attention.
"Now, I'll teach you the essentials on what proper sex really means."
I opened my bag and pulled out today's teaching aids.
Condoms, and a model.
"What's that got to do with sex ed?"
"Oh my, oh my—why's it so big?"
Even after loosening up the vibe, the murmurs started up as expected.
Especially about the model's size...
This thing's modeled after me, so I figured it was average. Hell, if I knew the local guys' average down there, that might freak me out more. Damn, Grid—what the hell were you lacking?
"Everyone, what is sexual intercourse? It's always such an exciting word."
I hadn't even properly started when a student from the back shot her hand up. I gestured for her to speak.
"Exciting!? It's filthy! Shameful and sinful! How can you say that?!"
A tomato-faced girl in a nun's habit, jumping up and down. There's always one like her in every crowd.
"I see. So how did you come into this world, then?"
"Huh?"
"If sex is filthy, shameful, and sinful, doesn't that mean you popped into existence some other way?"
People talk about natural things like they're crimes. And they're the product of no-condom action themselves, yet they always trot out that logic.
"Th-that's...!"
The student looked unhappy but couldn't counter and sat back down. What, you think you're a homunculus or something?
"Sexual intercourse can be seen as a deep stage of affection. It's the beautiful process of two people who've confirmed their feelings becoming one."
Tap, tap, tap, tap.
I wrote today's lecture topic big on the blackboard with chalk.
The Importance of Contraception
"You students here are all in the prime of youth. Some have fiancés, and others have found new connections at the Academy."
A few students glanced at each other, faces flushing. Come on, don't make it so obvious...
"The more you love, the more you want to hold hands, hug, and ultimately become one to confirm that love."
Put young men and women together, and sparks fly. Even the Olympics prove it—condoms always sell out at night. And this is a fantasy world? Their vigor's on another level.
"Every time I stay around here, it's tough booking a room at the Owl's Nest Inn thanks to you students."
Hahaha!
Laughter erupted among the students. Not a joke, though.
The union of youthful love—no issue there. But.
"In that process, an unplanned life often takes root between them."
In college, how many couples broke up or dropped out over skipped birth control? Community boards were full of posts like "It's your safe day, so outside is fine," at least once a month.
"Today, I want to clear up misconceptions and biases about contraception so you can all enjoy healthy sex lives."
And make a little business on the side.
I erased the previous words and wrote two big ones on the blackboard.
Preparation
"I've heard that on this continent, getting contraceptive magic in advance isn't viewed positively."
Even in the 21st century, people stigmatized visiting the OB-GYN. In a medieval romance fantasy, that's progress in its own way.
"But unprepared childbirth is highly likely to become a tough ordeal."
I shared 21st-century examples, adapted for them.
Realistic stories had them listening intently, beyond expectations.
"...So if your future plans aren't set, don't hesitate to get contraceptive magic."
"Some want to, but how do you know it'll stay secret when you get the spell?"
A tanned blond guy raised his hand. Yeah, that's you, buddy.
"Right, secrecy. Super important. If the Academy hired one person to cast contraceptive spells under a secrecy oath, problem solved, no?"
Beats me. Tell it to the chairman. I'm no mage.
"Well said! The Academy must protect students' privacy!"
"I-it's not my issue, but I think it's a good idea."
Positive reactions started popping up everywhere.
Worth the effort on stressing contraception's importance.
"And magic isn't the only way to contracept."
With that, I picked up the condom I'd left on the podium.
"This is a condom, from the East."
I tore open the packaging and pulled it out. The slick, rubbery thing emerged.
"Men wear this during sex, so semen doesn't enter the woman's body—voilà, contraception."
I demonstrated by rolling it onto the model. Living to see the day I sheath a fake dick...
"No way it stretches that far?"
"Oh my, oh my oh my!"
Various reactions burst out as the condom covered the hefty model.
But we're not done!
"You might worry it'll tear."
I tore open another packet and pulled a 2-liter water bottle from my bag.
Slid the condom over the mouth and flipped the bottle.
"Wh-whoa?! It's gonna burst! Burst!"
Students near the front jumped up, fearing a splash.
But our thin rubber balloon didn't pop—instead, it swelled to bowling-ball size, sloshing.
"See? Looks flimsy, but tough as nails."
Thousands of eyes that had seen the durability test shifted. 9 parts awe, 1 part greed.
"Where do I get those condoms!?"
"If they're for sale, I'll take 'em! One—no, three!"
Hands shot up, clamoring to buy. Who cares about face when it nukes nukes?
Time to turn pie-in-the-sky into reality.
"After the lecture, I'll talk to the chairman and try to supply them to the Academy at near-cost. Students are precious, after all."
Buy now, figure it out later.
No chairman buy-in yet, but if no, I'll just stock 'em at my general store.
"That's all I've prepared. Thanks for listening so attentively, even from a non-pro."
Time was almost up; I was wrapping when—
"Um... excuse me! No practice on using condoms?!"
Someone far back raised a hand. Red twintails... Leperi de Arno!?
Blinked, checked again—yep, Leperi. Why's she at a freshman lecture?
"Uh, usage isn't that tricky, so no need for live demo..."
"Do it. They need to use it naturally for the Academy to approve."
No biggie, but embarrassing scenarios? Hard pass.
Then the chairman appeared behind me, smiling amiably, blocking escape.
[Without my consent, you tried to scale up the deal—so you can handle this much, right, merchant?]
This guy's pissed, huh.
"Fine, I'll take two volunteers. Hands up if you wanna try."
Pick any two randos, demo quick, done.
"......"
That was before professors and students all clammed up—only Leperi and one other with hands up.
Two volunteers: Leperi, who'd yelled first, and Silbi, raising hers blankly.
Silbi? What's she thinking...? And why's no one else volunteering?
Something off. Not shyness—the prior heat didn't match. Definitely unnatural.
[Just proceed.]
Chairman? You know something?
[Nothing you do changes this now. Just go with it.]
Reason unknown, but the firm tone convinced me to bring them up.
"Okay, you two come up and give it a try."
Silbi and Leperi climbed the podium. Not strangers—we'd met at the clothing store—but not buddies either.
"Who wants to go first?"
Leperi beet-red, fumbling; Silbi stepped up, grabbed a condom.
Tore the pack, placed it on the model, and slowly... slowly... rolled it down.
Just a demo. Plain practice. Yet the vibe sucked everyone in—eyes glued.
Students holding their breath too.
Finally, Silbi finished, released the model.
"Like this?"
"Y-yeah! Perfect technique. Flawless. Great example."
"Okay."
Silbi returned to her seat like business done.
Left onstage: tomato-human Leperi.
"Like the previous student, roll it onto the model."
Shake, shake, shake.
Her hands trembled like aspen leaves taking the condom.
Gotta help.
"You seem tense. Mind if I assist?"
Nod.
Positive sign, no words. I went behind the vibrating Leperi (post-fruit), placed my palm on her hand's back.
Real-world onlookers might call it romantic soul-bonding. If not for the dildo instead of vase.
"Hup! Mr. Grid!?"
"First, tear the pack gently—no hard force, ease it on."
"O-okay!"
She aligned the opening on the model tip, lowered softly.
"Good. Perfect. Keep lowering like that."
"Cl-close. Too close..."
My whisper-cheer backfired? Her shoulders jerked, grip tightened.
Riiip.
"Uh, student? Don't squeeze there...!"
Riiiip! Pop! Crack!
Condom tip tore open; model snapped midway under pressure.
"Ah... ah... ah!?"
Leperi, who'd just potentially killed a man in sim, froze clueless.
"S-s-s-s-sorryyyyy!"
Hands over face, she bolted from the hall at Mach speed.
Left on podium: shattered model, holey condom, me.
"...Too much force, and it can't do its job. Handle gently."