Sex and the Holy Sword (1)
One week later. Not the dingy warehouse from last time, but a shiny director's office.
"You went ahead and pinned the blame on the academy all on your own."
The director, who'd gone to collect the final payment, wasn't handing over the money so easily.
He seemed outraged that I'd dumped the secret contraception spell during lectures responsibility on them.
The kid's got kids older than me, and his mind's still so narrow.
What was I supposed to do? I'm a muggle. You're the one with the skills—you deal with it.
I shrugged and played it cool.
"That's surprising."
"What is?"
"If it were me, I'd have used a specialist contraception wizard as an excuse to snag more academy budget or sponsorship funds."
Counseling isn't free, you know. Gotta give you a tip so I can eat too. Such a student-loving softie.
"It'd lower dropout rates and cut down on parent complaints big time."
Lots of parents hate their kids locking eyes with strict types~.
Tell 'em you're preventing surprise pregnancies at school, and folks'll line up to pay.
"It'd lower dropout rates and cut down on parent complaints big time."
"Hmm... true enough."
"Exactly. Plus, it'd give me a reason to supply those contraception tools I showed you earlier."
I pulled the remaining condoms from my bag and set them on the director's desk.
"200 a day. That's what I can supply while I'm in the shopping district."
These have a 20-pack limit too. 3 silver per pack. 10 per pack means 30 copper cost per unit.
"How much?"
The director laced his fingers, rested his chin on them, and asked the price.
Screw it, let's go big.
"This is basically cost."
I held up three fingers for the director.
"...Even if it's super effective, 3 gold per pack is beyond our budget."
What the hell? Has sucking up blood fried his sense of money?
"No, this is 3 sil— per unit..."
"Make it 10 silver each. I'll make it worth your while elsewhere."
What's he playing at, drumming and pan-piping solo? I was aiming for a modest 10x markup at 3 silver each.
I stared at him blankly, and he continued.
"You skipped cleanup after the lecture, so I sent the used condoms to the alchemy guild for analysis."
He placed something on the desk.
"The alchemy guild succeeded in replicating the shape."
Shockingly, it was a condom on the desk. But way worse than motel freebies.
At least 1cm thick, with a heavy rubber stench.
Even a young guy on viagra would go limp in seconds.
"Impressive they replicated the shape, but this just handles contraception—everything else is a fail."
Churches or proper parent groups might love it.
No matter how quick you are, that thickness gives zero sensation.
"Exactly. Clinical tests showed even beasts in heat lost interest wearing it. And it's 1 gold each."
No reason to say no to more.
In the end, we contracted at 10 silver each—about 33x cost—and I left the director's office.
*
The moment Grid left, the director's office plunged into darkness.
In the pitch-black space that tolerated no light, a pair of red glowing eyes flashed.
"A shame. If not for that bruised lizard whelp, I'd have turned him into a minion and used him."
He conveniently forgot his own hasty attack had botched things and blamed the innocent lizard.
"Bulgogi sauce, condoms... Not the level of 'eastern' goods I can buy."
He also recalled the anomaly from Grid's lecture a week ago.
That bizarre force when Grid asked students hoping for practice to raise hands. The Twist of Truth.
"A mistake. I thought there was only one singularity."
Sudden lizard awakening, Twist of Truth, eastern goods. All from one person.
"Grid... what the hell are you?"
"Heh heh... heh heh heh."
I couldn't hold back the leaking laughter. 20 gold a day. About 20 million won.
I've stacked enough lifetime pension to retire already!
"Damn past me, why'd I decide to work till the original ending?!"
With money pouring in that'd overflow even if hoarded forever, regrets started flooding.
"No one'd care how I live anyway."
That's what I thought just minutes ago.
Sure, it feels like big bucks now, but FIRE tribe status has issues.
Sis(??) education costs, and worst, if the original plot derails, I'm screwed.
"Gotta steer the outcome right, process be damned."
-Creak
"Shopkeep in?"
Lost in my Gollum Q&A, the shop door opened.
No sign up, yet customers keep coming.
"Welcome to the Eastern Emporium."
I greeted and sized up the newcomer.
Wavy white hair, golden retriever energy, and a sword screaming not ordinary.
What? Why's the hero here?
No matter the angle, hero. The era's one true hero, Rainy de Margie. Hero daughter of a countess house.
"Hm! Nice to meet ya, shopkeep!"
The empire's first suppressor, male leads' goal. The king-god-general hero showed with her holy sword.
"Honored to meet the famed hero whose name echoes far."
I bowed deeply. But the hero's face after my greeting was off.
Frowning, head tilted.
"Might be confused, but did I say somethin' besides greetin' when I came in?"
"No, just guessed from your looks. Info's a merchant's lifeblood."
"That so? Then that's it!"
Luckily, her carefree type skipped over it.
Why tho? She was the hero from the start in the original too? Not the point.
"What brings the hero to our un-signposted shop?"
"Hm! Good question! Count Arno recommended, so here I am!"
Eh? Why's that doting dad mentioned?
"Arno and Margie houses do free duels when kids hit academy age!"
"Is that so? But Leperi de Arno's a second-year now..."
"That's it! Supposed to last year, but Arnos unilaterally delayed for some reason!"
Ah, got it. Last year was peak fatty Leperi. No way they'd duel then.
"But this year they're game! So I rushed to Arno mansion!"
Hero explained with giddy face. Total duel nut vibe.
"Then last year, I got picked by the holy sword, see?"
She tapped the sword at her waist.
"Hates other weapons, so real steel duel. But Arnos got no sword matching it!"
"I see."
I nodded.
Arnos are mage lineage forever. Even remodeling for Leperi's sword dreams, no famed blades in storage.
"I get the situation, but why come here, hero?"
Lies, obvious.
"Dunno! But Count said show this and you'd help!"
Hero beamed like sunshine, pulling paper from her bosom. Count's seal and short note.
Don't worry about price. Get me a longsword of the finest metal. Size and weight don't matter. —Lionel
Expected. No quick holy-sword rival, so tapped me.
"How long you staying?"
"3 days max! Then off to demon king subjugation expedition!"
"If I can't fulfill the count's request and duel's off, any issues?"
Hero pondered, then pouted.
"Can't be helped, but I'd be super bummed!"
Good. Decline. Minor penalty fine.
Post-expedition, no local hero visits. Pass on extra work. Sorry.
"Sorry, time's tight..."
"And tho I don't want, Arno rep'd tank. Hero moves draw eyes inevitably."
"Gotta procure fast, so please leave?"
"That so? Then I'll expect great things!"
-Bam!
Hero gave OK sign, bounced out thrilled. Easy on the door.
I pondered solutions.
"Sourcing materials for smithy? Impossible."
Holy-sword rival in 3 days? That's the munchkin.
What then?
Opened category, scanned blades.
Nothing holy-worthy.
"If anything..."
[Purchasable at skill level]
Scarier it's buyable at that level.
Even modern alloy to smith? No dice.
3-day sword hunt ain't normal request.
"Clean quit fine, but Leperi's on mind."
'And tho I don't want, Arno rep'd tank. Hero moves draw eyes inevitably.'
Hero's words nagged.
Rumors spread, twist, amp regardless.
"Can't make sword from 3 diamonds and stick...? Hm?"
Blade category led to industry/tools.
One item there.
"This might work."
3 days later, Arno Count's mansion.
Leperi anxiously awaited Grid's visit.
"What do, nanny!? Grid's coming for the duel!"
"Miss, that's not the biggest issue, is it?"
Holy-sword match weapon. Essential for hero Rainy duel.
Count relayed Grid accepted, but radio silence till day-of.
"If Grid can't bring the requested weapon, no duel."
Worried for miss lost in fave's visit.
"Nanny, no worry there."
"Pardon?"
Leperi pictured Grid, brimming confidence.
"Everything Grid brings defies common sense. Academy too, th-that... yeah."
Sex ed week-plus ago flushed her face.
Bed kicks every recall since.
Show good side this duel.
"A-anyway! No worry. I trust Grid."
As Leperi sent infinite faith...
"Grid sent the item ahead."
Count appeared with two servants.
"Really, father?"
Leperi bolted to Count at "Grid".
"Yeah, figured you'd wanna see first. Servants said pretty heavy."
Plain wooden box, no frills. Servants opened at Count's gesture before Leperi.
"Eh?"
"Hm?"
Question marks over Count and Leperi, not awe.
Inside: silver rod, longsword length.
"Ordered weapon, got rod...?"
Count's eyes filled with confusion. How counter holy sword?
"Something wrong for sure, Leperi. I'll fetch Grid now...!"
"No, father. It's fine."
Leperi grabbed rod, inspected, stopped raging Count.
"This'll do."
Awe and confidence lit Leperi's eyes.