Big Trouble Always Brings the Flies
The inside of the shelter at dawn was thick with the sweet scent of soap and the heat of flushed skin. Ban let out a soft chuckle as he caught Eve, who practically collapsed into his arms. The soft, full flesh that filled his embrace, the unreal weight pressing against his chest even when she stayed still—it was undoubtedly one of the highest-tier rewards this fucked-up world had to offer.
"The view's fucking fantastic. But do you even know what you're doing? You've been shaking like a scared puppy since earlier."
At Ban's blunt observation, Eve flinched, then lifted her head with an indignant glare.
"Th-the theory is perfect! I'll have you know I'm a full professor with the Red Cross! Don't you dare underestimate my intelligence!"
"Why the hell are we talking about intelligence during a night like this, you quack? A virgin with zero practical experience, running her mouth like it's her only talent."
"I'm not a virgin! This is an essential process for forming survival bonds and the instinctive attraction toward superior genes! And anatomically speaking, I've already perfectly simulated in my head every angle and friction coefficient that maximizes male pleasure!"
Wow. What the hell is she even saying? She must get talkative when she's embarrassed. The sight of her face turning beet red while passionately ranting into thin air was something else. Ban laughed at how ridiculous she looked, then wrapped his hands around her slender waist and laid her down on the mattress.
"Kyaa!"
The world flipped upside down as Eve sank into the soft bedding. Without giving her a chance to catch her breath, Ban climbed on top of her, cutting off any escape.
"You theoretical-only quack of a doctor. I'll make sure to test exactly how well that fancy simulation of yours holds up in the real world."
Ban shrugged off the shirt he was wearing. As his toned, sharply defined upper body was revealed in the dim light, Eve swallowed dryly. Her tense eyes wandered aimlessly before sneaking a glance at the area around his collarbone.
Master... so, so sexy!
Ban's hand slid up her thigh. At the electric sensation, Eve let out a heated breath.
"Haaang... M-Master... wait just a second! My heart rate is rising too quickly, and my pituitary gland is—"
"Excuse me? Pituitary gland...? You're completely killing the mood, you know that? You sound like a total nerd right now."
Ban lowered his head to swallow her excuses whole. Their hot breaths tangled together, lips just about to meet—
Clang—crash—! Boom—!
The romantic atmosphere, once filled with the soft hum of the generator, was utterly shattered by the deafening noise. A cacophony of crushed tin cans followed by the dull explosion of a grenade blanketed the bedroom.
"Ah, fuck. Seriously."
A suppressed curse burst from Ban's lips. Veins bulged on his forehead as he flipped the middle finger toward the ceiling.
The timing had been fucking perfect. He'd been about to properly discipline that nerd who wouldn't shut up about friction coefficients... The heat that had been building inside him cooled rapidly, replaced by a boiling rage.
"Aaaargh!!! Whoever the hell you are, I'm tearing you apart today."
Ban shot up from the mattress in irritation. The look in his eyes, having been interrupted during sacred mating, was already gleaming with murderous intent.
"M-Master...? What happened? What was that noise outside...?"
Eve hurriedly pulled the blanket up to her chest, her voice trembling as she asked.
"...What else? It's a booby trap. This is seriously pissing me off."
Ban pulled out the revolver he'd hidden under the pillow and checked the cylinder. Then he threw on the tactical jacket that had been draped over a chair and spoke to Eve.
"Ha... Lock the door tight and don't come out until I get back. Got it?"
"Y-yes...! Please be careful~!"
Ban gave a slight nod instead of answering, then kicked open the bedroom door and stormed out. His footsteps, heavy with murderous fury, quickly faded toward the first floor.
"Raiders?"
Haze, who had also heard the commotion, followed with her sniper rifle in hand.
"Don't know. Whether it's those damn deer bastards or raiders, they're definitely the kind that won't live to see tomorrow. You take a sniping position on the second floor."
Ban kicked the front door open with a frustrated swing. In the moonlit yard of the two-story house nestled in the woods, seven or eight shadowy figures were wandering between the dense trees. Judging by the rusty machetes and crude homemade firearms in their hands, their caliber was obvious. Moths drawn to the light. Third-rate raiders.
"The door's open! Kill the man and if there's a woman inside, take her and all the supplies!"
The one who looked like the leader of the pack barked out the hunting order. What was with that disgusting confidence, acting like they were the hunters? Pathetic trash.
"Hey, you fucking bastards."
Ban's growling voice sliced through the night air. Standing crookedly in the doorway, he looked at the men pointing their guns at him and instead gave a cold, mocking smile.
"If you're gonna ruin someone else's sacred night, you better take responsibility, right? This uncle is seriously pissed off now."
"What the hell is this crazy bastard saying?! Shoot! Shoot him!"
Tatata-tang—!
The men frantically pulled the triggers of their makeshift guns. Of course, their accuracy was absolute garbage. Not even a graze.
Taaang—!
From the second-floor window where Haze had positioned herself, a sharp crack rang out.
The leader, who had been acting the toughest while aiming his rifle, had his head blown clean off. Blood and brain matter sprayed like a fountain, splattering across the faces of those around him. A precise, merciless headshot. As expected from our big sis.
"Uwek! F-fuck! It's a sniper!"
"Fall back! Take cover!"
Using the headless corpse as a shield, the men scattered in panic. Ban didn't miss the opening.
His body shot forward like a bullet, closing the distance to the enemies in an instant.
"Uh... huh?"
The closest one turned his head with a stupid sound. Instead of answering, Ban's fist slammed into his face.
Crack—!
A sickening sound of bones breaking. The man couldn't even scream as his face caved in and he flew backward.
"Y-you crazy—!"
The guy next to him, swinging a machete, panicked and slashed wildly. Way too slow. It was almost yawn-inducing.
Ban lightly twisted his body to dodge the blade, then grabbed the man's wrist in a vice grip.
"Look at the state of this knife. You maintain it like absolute shit. If I get tetanus, are you gonna take responsibility?"
Crunch.
"Aaaaaagh! My arm!"
The man whose arm had been bent at a grotesque angle rolled on the ground. Even then, Ban casually snatched the pistol from the man's waistband. Expensive custom revolver rounds were too valuable to waste, so it was only polite to use the enemy's weapons.
Bang! Bang!
He pulled the trigger with casual ease using the stolen gun. A clean hole punched through the forehead of the man who had been peeking out from behind cover, shaking in fear.
"Hiiik! It's a m-monster!"
Only three left now. Real terror finally filled their eyes.
This was the face pathetic trash who pretended to be hunters made when they met a real predator.
Taaang—! Taaang—!
Haze resumed her precise shooting from the second floor. One man's head exploded just like the leader's, and another's knee was completely blown off.
"Kwaaaaaagh! My leg! My leg!"
The sight of him crawling on the ground and screaming for mercy was truly pathetic. Ban walked over slowly and stomped down hard on the man's ankle.
"P-please spare me! We were wrong..."
"You pick a fight at the absolute worst fucking timing and then beg for your life?"
Ban mercilessly pressed the gun barrel against the man's head.
"I'm in a really shitty mood right now. When you get to hell, make sure to tell the King of the Underworld exactly this."
Bang—!
"You died because your timing was dogshit."
Now only one remained.
The last man had already pissed his pants. He was pressed flat against a tree trunk, trembling violently. His weapon had been discarded long ago.
"H-hiiik... you monster..."
"Monster? That hurts my feelings. If you're gonna rob someone's house, you should've expected at least this much risk. Don't you think?"
Ban strode forward and pressed the pistol against the man's forehead.
"S-spare—"
Bang—!
He pulled the trigger cleanly before the man could even finish speaking.
The body with a hole in its head slumped forward.
An unpleasant silence settled over the yard where a pool of blood had formed. The situation was over.
Ban casually tossed the pistol in his hand to the ground. His tactical jacket and the cuffs of his pants were splattered with blood.
"Aaaargh, fuck. I just washed up and now I'm covered in blood again. You pathetic pieces of shit. Aaaaaaaaagh!! My golden timing!!"
Ban ruffled his hair in irritation and looked up at the second-floor window.
Haze, perched on the windowsill, had lowered her sniper rifle and silently gave him a thumbs-up. It really was reassuring to have such a reliable big sister.
"Good work. Keep an eye on the surroundings a bit longer. I'm going back to rest."
Haze nodded silently.
Ban dragged his bloodstained combat boots back into the shelter.
He was about to head straight up to the second floor where the bedroom was, but changed direction toward the first-floor bathroom. Apparently even that bastard's sense of aesthetics wouldn't allow him to crawl into bed reeking of blood.
Besides, the mood had been perfect. Showing up covered in blood like this would be pretty bad.
As soon as he opened the bathroom door, he stripped off the bloodstained jacket and pants.
Shaaaaa—
He roughly washed off the blood under the shower. While scrubbing himself with soap and looking in the mirror, he muttered as he peeled off a piece of some unknown bastard's flesh that had stuck to his body.
"Haa... The tension I worked so hard to build is completely dead."
He toweled off the water dripping from his hair.
Would Eve still be waiting in that sexy atmosphere from earlier? Or... No way she'd fallen asleep in the middle of all that chaos, right?
Wearing nothing but a towel around his lower body, Ban opened the bathroom door and headed for the stairs to the second floor. Thud. Thud.
The sound of his wet footsteps echoed up the stairs.
Ban rolled his stiff neck from side to side as he grabbed the bedroom doorknob.
Creak—.
The moment he glanced at the bed, Ban's sense of disbelief completely abandoned him.
"You... what the hell are you doing right now?"
"Y-you're back...!"
Gunshots had been going off like crazy outside, so he'd naturally assumed she'd be buried under the blankets, shaking in fear. But this quack of a nerd was lying right in the middle of the bed in the exact same state as before. And in an utterly bizarre pose—legs twisted at a strange angle and her waist arched dramatically.
"Why are you in that kind of position? Aren't you getting a cramp? Are you trying to gather some kind of qi or something?"
"Th-this is an ergonomically optimized seduction pose that induces anterior pelvic tilt to maximize visual stimulation...! It took so much effort to get the angle right again!"
In the middle of people getting torn apart and killed, she had been lying naked on the bed calculating that exact angle?
Haha. As expected, our dear professor really is on a completely different level. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, I'm not sure.
Ban let out a small laugh and approached the bed.
"For such a scaredy-cat, you weren't scared at all."
"I'm fine! Master wins every time! But my heart rate has reached 140 beats per minute and excessive adrenaline secretion is overstimulating my sympathetic nervous system—"
"Yeah, that's enough of that."
Ban roughly shook out his wet hair and tossed aside the towel wrapped around his lower body.
His firm, freshly showered body was laid bare under the moonlight.
"Hiiik...!"
"What? It's impressive, isn't it?"
"N-no... it's just that the explosive testosterone levels are overwhelming my optic nerves—"
Eve, who had been spouting nonsense again, swallowed hard and slowly crawled toward the edge of the bed.
Jiggle. Jiggle.
Damn. It really was something special. The tension that had cooled off earlier was shooting straight back up.
Ban climbed onto the bed and instantly grabbed her slender waist.
"Kyaa!"
"Yeah. That fancy visual stimulation or whatever you were talking about earlier. Let's see if you can bring my tension all the way to the top."
Ban's hot body temperature, still not fully dry from the shower, pressed firmly against her bare skin.
Her pale flesh flushed bright red as if burned.
"J-just leave it to me! I'll serve you tonight until your pituitary gland completely melts...!"
Ban let out a dumbfounded chuckle and lightly flicked her forehead.
"Ouch!"
"Ugh, seriously. All you do is talk. Forget the pituitary gland or whatever—just let's finish what we started. I'm tired."
Though his tone was gruff, Ban's touch was completely different from when he'd been smashing raiders' heads outside—gentle and careful. He cupped her cheek with his large hand and slowly lowered his head.
The distance where their breaths nearly touched. Eve's eyes swelled with anticipation before shyly closing.
"Mmm..."
Finally, their lips met in a sweet kiss.