The Explainer is Boring and the Night Gets Hot
After a hearty meal and lounging around in a warm house, a peaceful atmosphere filled the living room—so calm it was hard to believe this was a fucked-up world crawling with Walkers.
Ban was sunk deep into the worn sofa, chewing on a toothpick.
Eve was glued to his side on the floor, using his knee as a pillow and dozing off.
Haze sat at one corner of the dining table, silently cleaning the barrel of her sniper rifle.
Just then, Yui came bounding down from rummaging through the second-floor rooms, smart terminal in hand.
“Hey! Jackpot! Look at this!”
At Yui’s commotion, Ban cracked one eye open, visibly annoyed.
“Ugh, what now? I’m full and sleepy. Did you find a mouse hole or something?”
“This looks like an old terminal the previous owner used. Pretty sweet, right? I’ve been losing my mind without one. Hey! Do you even know how this world actually works?”
Yui plopped down right beside him. A fresh whiff of fragrant shampoo hit him.
She swiped the screen, revealing eight massive symbols with names listed beneath them.
Olympus — Willer’s outdated privileged elite, barricaded behind massive walls in the continent’s center.
317 Research Institute — Ray’s mad scientists conducting bizarre experiments in the west.
Gutter Rat — The old rat bastard mass-producing machines with insane tech on the northwest coast.
Greenhouse — Mio’s merchant empire. (Those cigarettes and canned food you scarfed down? All theirs.)
Unchained — Vanessa’s northern cult. Lunatics convinced they’re the only justice and order in the world.
Intelli — Sua’s information overlords. They control and spy on every piece of data across the continent.
Red Cross — Dojin’s den of psychopaths. They rip out brains and inject the Walker virus.
Aegis — Sonya’s trust-focused mercenary outfit. Cold-blooded businessmen who always run the numbers.
“See? These are the Eight Major Factions carving up the continent right now. The monsters you’ll probably run into outside from now on.”
Yui puffed out her chest, ready to launch into a full explanation, but Ban yawned so wide his jaw cracked and spat out the toothpick.
“Out of nowhere? What is this exposition dump? The readers are gonna drop off at this rate.”
“What the hell are you even saying! Stop with the nonsense! Read the room! These are the rulers of the entire continent!”
Yui jumped up and pointed at one section of the hologram.
“The outdated privileged fossils holed up behind a giant wall in the dead center—Willer’s Olympus. The ones running weird experiments somewhere in the west—Ray’s 317 Research Institute. And the crazy rat bastard on the northwest coast cranking out machines with insane tech—Gutter Rat.”
Ban kept picking his nose with a completely bored expression. Undeterred, Yui pressed on.
“Then there’s Mio’s merchant group, Greenhouse. The cigarettes and canned food you just inhaled all came from their distribution network.”
“Yaaaawn. Teacher, I’m sleepy.”
Ban pulled out a cigarette and stuck it in his mouth.
“Listen, you lunatic! And here’s Unchained, led by Vanessa up north. These assholes think they’re the sole arbiters of justice and order.”
Yui caught her breath and glared at him.
“And these three… you can probably guess. Sua’s Intelli—they control all information and spy on everything. I used to be one of their mas—”
“Yeah, yeah, Master~ But what are you, a Pokémon Master?”
“Get lost. Seriously. You want me to explain the whole hierarchy too?”
“It’s too loud and I’m sleepy. Go away…”
Eve, who had been dozing with her head on Ban’s knee, rubbed her eyes and spoke up. Yui’s face instantly flushed crimson.
“This cow-titted bitch, I swear! Yeah, and this is the Red Cross. A den of evil psychopaths under that crazy bastard Dojin, harvesting brains and pumping people full of Walker virus!”
“She’s right. The Red Cross people really are total assholes.”
At the mention of her old workplace, Eve—who had been rubbing her sleepy eyes—suddenly joined in the trash-talking and hugged Ban’s thigh tightly.
“That Dojin guy is a real demon! Look at me! The pitiful, tragic heroine Eve, cruelly abandoned~”
“Weren’t you doing insane shit in the third lab—”
“Shut up!”
Ah. What a glorious shitshow. Of course they’d know all about it.
Ban didn’t bother answering and just kept smoking in silence.
“Aegis, led by Sonya. A mercenary group that values trust. Though they’re basically ruthless businessmen who calculate every profit and loss.”
Haze finished cleaning her rifle, loaded a round with a sharp click, and quietly joined the conversation.
“So, is the explanation over now? Dear readers, you may stop scrolling.”
“This guy’s actually insane.”
Even after Yui cursed him out, Ban simply stretched like he couldn’t care less.
As expected, this bastard really does whatever the hell he wants.
Look at him breaking the fourth wall like it’s nothing.
“Yeah, explanation received. To summarize… they’re all ridiculously strong so don’t poke them, right?”
“You still have to be selective about which requests you take.”
“Huh? You already started by blowing the heads off Red Cross guys while saving me, so aren’t we doomed from the very beginning?”
Yui was struck speechless, her face turning beet red. She had no comeback.
She had just been spitting all over the place describing how terrifying the Eight Major Factions were,
yet the lunatic standing right in front of her had trashed one of their sub-bases and strolled out like it was nothing.
And it had all been at her sister’s request to save her.
“You… you really… Ha. Never mind. I must have been cursed in a past life.”
Yui gave up and flopped onto the sofa.
Haze let out a small, dry chuckle. Eve squealed “As expected of Master!” and rubbed her face even harder against his thigh.
Ban stared blankly at the ceiling and blew out a long plume of smoke.
“Whatever. Eight Major Factions, my ass—who cares? I’ll just say ‘Wow, the worldbuilding explanation was re~ally well done.’ If the lecture’s over, everyone pick a room and sleep. I’m so tired I feel like I’m gonna drop dead.”
Ban headed for the stairs with lazy, unmotivated steps.
“Wait a moment, Mr. Ban.”
Haze, who had been watching quietly, stood up.
“Ugh, what now? I’ve used up my daily quota. Battery’s dead.”
“Before you go to sleep, let’s settle one thing. About the employment we discussed yesterday. The three of us who have nowhere left to go—will you take us in?”
At Haze’s serious question, even Yui and Eve—who had been bickering nonstop—fell silent and stared at Ban’s mouth.
“Why do you keep asking? Separation anxiety? There, there. Do I have to carry you guys everywhere? I already told you to do whatever you want. It’s fine!!!! Oh, but don’t cook. Any of you.”
At that, Yui shot up from the sofa.
“Then let’s decide on a team name first! We’re badass, right? We need a name that’ll make everyone piss their pants! Like… ‘Phantom Syndicate’? Cool, right?!”
Ban snorted at her excitement.
“Did you crawl out of some outdated chuunibyou manga? Phantom my ass. That’s a name that screams ‘please come eat me, Walkers.’ Rejected.”
“Why! It’s cool!! Damn it, then you suggest one, sis!”
Yui pouted and looked at Haze. Haze opened her mouth with a surprisingly serious expression.
“For a combat organization, an intuitive name is crucial. If we look weak, it’s over. Something like ‘Black Vanguard’ or ‘Nightmare’ should provide adequate intimidation.”
“Whoa, Ice Witch. You raising a black flame dragon in that gun barrel? Are we dark heroes now? We’ll be lucky to stretch our legs and sleep well at night. Rejected.”
When Ban shot it down instantly, even Haze looked a little embarrassed and cleared her throat, turning away.
Then Eve thrust her hand into the air.
“Me! Me! A name that praises Master’s greatness would be perfect! ‘Ban and the Kids’ or… since I’m from the Red Cross, how about ‘Angelic Healers’ to represent saving lives?!”
The moment she finished, Yui smacked her on the back with a loud thud.
“You crazy cow-titted bitch, where’s your conscience? Saving lives? Angelic Healers?? I nearly died from that purple biochemical stew you cooked earlier!”
“That was nutritionally perfect! You’re the one with no sense of taste!”
“No sense of taste? Hey, if a random Walker ate that it would drop dead on the spot!”
Another childish shouting match erupted in the middle of the living room.
Each of them stubbornly clinging to names dripping with the superficial coolness of their old organizations. Ban let out a deep sigh.
“Quiet! Attention! Everyone focus on what Teacher says!”
At Ban’s low nonsense, the noisy living room fell silent in an instant.
“Fuck all the grandiose crap. Why are we full and lounging in this warm living room right now? Was it thanks to your perfect tactics or hacking skills? Nope. It’s simply because I wandered into the forest and luckily stumbled on this decent house.”
“W-well… that’s true.”
Yui nodded hesitantly. Ban placed one foot on the staircase and grinned.
“Our name, starting today, is the Super Lucky Solution Group. Pretty fucking cool, right?”
With that one-sided declaration, Ban smiled slyly and disappeared into the largest master bedroom on the second floor.
Thus was born the Super Lucky Solution Group—a name so dogshit that anyone who heard it would cringe.
The remaining Yui flailed, yelling “That name is so fucking lame!” while Haze burst into disbelieving laughter.
Only Eve clapped excitedly. “Super Lucky! The name is cute~!”
Still, all three of them felt relieved to finally have a new place to belong, regardless of what it was called.
That dawn.
The house was quiet and warm, filled only with the soft hum of the generator.
Ban lay spread-eagle on the spacious bed in the master bedroom, savoring sweet, heavenly rest.
For someone who had spent nights on the streets and moldy motel floors, the mattress’s softness was pure paradise.
Creak—.
The firmly closed bedroom door opened with a faint, almost inaudible sound.
Ban’s eyes—sharp even in darkness—snapped open. His hand instinctively reached for the revolver hidden under the pillow.
But what drifted through the gap wasn’t the metallic stench of blood. It was the sweet, fragrant soap scent he had caught earlier in the living room.
“Master… are you asleep…?”
A voice as tiny as a mosquito. It was Eve.
Ban pulled his hand away from the gun and sat up halfway.
When he saw Eve stepping into the moonlit room, he nearly choked. She was wearing nothing but a single hoodie.
She stood with her back to the door, fidgeting, then walked inside and stopped in front of the window.
She stared outside, looking embarrassed. Her cheeks, flushed red in the moonlight, looked surprisingly cute.
As if she had made up her mind, she grabbed the hem of the loose gray hoodie with both hands.
Swish—.
The fabric slid upward. The hoodie came off over her head and dropped to the floor with a soft thud.
Leaning against the headboard, Ban silently took in the sight of her completely bare body bathed in moonlight.
Her pale skin—now free of the gutter stench—and the way her body trembled faintly with every breath instantly turned the air in the room scorching hot.
“You… what are you doing? Sleepwalking?”
At Ban’s calm question, Eve shyly twisted her thighs together and used both hands to cover the underside of her breasts.
“No… It’s just… I’m grateful.”
This wasn’t the desperate survival instinct or forced flirting from yesterday.
Once the terror had been washed away by warm water, food, and a sense of safety, she finally saw the man before her clearly.
The insane strength that let him wipe out an entire Red Cross armed force single-handedly.
The casual consideration and relaxed confidence hidden in every offhand remark.
And the absurd luck that let him stumble on a fully equipped shelter while just going out to piss.
In this crazy apocalypse, where could you find a more perfect, more attractive male?
Eve’s heart now raced not from fear, but from pure attraction and affection.
“The only thing I can offer Master right now… is my body.”
Eve blushed and took one step closer to the bed. Even in the dark, her heart-shaped pupils glistened with strange heat.
“And… Master, you were really cool. Ever since you saved me… I haven’t stopped thinking about it.”
“I noticed since this morning—your personality changed completely from yesterday. Is this the real you? I thought you were a total coward.”
Ban let out a small laugh.
Refusing now would make him a eunuch. This was the greatest reward the world could offer; he had to welcome it with open arms.
“The view is fucking fantastic. But I can get pretty rough. Think you can handle it, Professor?”
Ban lifted the blanket slightly and patted the spot beside him. The moment permission was granted, Eve’s face bloomed with joy.
She swallowed hard, then carefully placed her knee on the mattress.
Jiggle—.
As her voluptuous body climbed onto the bed, the soft mattress sank pleasantly. Eve’s slender white hand gently rested on Ban’s firm shoulder.
The sweet scent of soap and her burning body heat intensely teased the tip of his nose.
“You can do… whatever you want. No—please do it.”
She squeezed her eyes shut and gently leaned against his shoulder.
Inside the shelter at dawn, the first secret night—thick and heated like sticky steam—was just about to raise its dizzying curtain.