The Tail of My Words
Yeji proved a deft hand at the cleanup, and by the end of it I was a hero crawling back alive from the depths of hell.
The hellish cleaning I'd expected to take forever was over before I knew it.
So this is why hero parties fight tooth and nail to recruit their members in the early game.
Come to think of it, a couple of the serials I'd had running were hero stories, weren't they? I really ought to add a few more side characters and build out a proper harem — the harem party members doing all the actual wrecking while the hero struck cool poses until the credits rolled. Now, what were the tags on those series again...?
Resolving to look it up later, I straightened my aching back and spoke as though lodging a complaint.
"Ugh... well, at least that went fast. Aaah, I'm exhausted..."
"Tell me about it. The CEO was saying he might just buy a whole new refrigerator."
Spending what you earn matters just as much as earning it — is he too young to get that, or what? Someone really needed to do something about Lee Suho's thoroughly shattered sense of money.
Yeji glanced into the sink as I nodded along.
"Um... what about these? What would you like to do with them?"
"I've set aside the ones that are broken or past saving, and I'm only soaking the dishes worth washing and keeping."
"Oh, you sorted them out in advance?"
"Yes. The washing-up I can handle myself... Um... would you mind throwing out just the ones wrapped up in newspaper over there? Sorry — asking you for favors the second we meet."
I pointed at the dishes, feeling sheepish, and the angelic Yeji answered with a smile.
"Of course. The CEO told me to help you, so don't feel bad about it. I'll be right back."
"Oh, take your time. I won't be able to change clothes until I've finished the dishes anyway."
The one boxy tee I had left to change back into had been dyed in the colors of hell: sweet-and-spicy fried chicken sauce, yukgaejang broth, and the soup of some gukbap that had, I could only assume, once contained a lump of fermented soybean paste.
I'd dodged most of the debris, but the things I'd actually needed to dodge were the very ones that got me — and so I stood there, a hero draped in sticky blood. Call it a medal for having cleared out that hell; the question was whether anyone would ever recognize it as one.
I wanted nothing more than to peel off the grimy clothes, but the garments crammed inside the department store shopping bags were absolutely not going to qualify as "comfortable."
I told Yeji I'd change after finishing the dishes, and got to work at the sink.
Once the dishes were done, I stood before Yeji — who walked me through how each piece was worn — changing in and out of outfit after outfit, drilling into my hands how everything I'd be wearing from now on was supposed to go on.
There was far too much to commit to memory. Hooks, strap adjustments, exactly how far to bend at the waist at each stage — trying to hold all of that in my head seemed hopeless, so I decided to do what the Korean army had always done best: beat it in through mindless repetition until my body learned it on its own. Yeji simply looked on as I dressed and undressed, again and again.
Aside from demanding a certain care on account of their sheer variety and all the little embellishments, the clothes were honestly quite tasteful. The wardrobe ran mostly to whites and blacks — a few dresses as easy to throw on as a boxy tee, along with blouse-and-skirt combinations.
Thinking I wouldn't need to buy clothes for a good while, I summed up everything she'd taught me.
"It's sneakily complicated. But after a few rounds, I think I've got the hang of how it all goes on."
"If you ever need help down the line, please just call me. I know you'll be living with the CEO, but hands-on assistance like this really ought to come from me."
"Ah... right. Thank you."
I accepted the phone back from her as she entered her number into the spare handset that was now, for all intents and purposes, my phone. My contact list contained exactly two entries. I could remember my parents' numbers — we were all but estranged — but I didn't register them, and as an only child I had no sibling to call, older or younger.
Knowing them, they've probably changed their numbers by now anyway.
"You said you're going grocery shopping today? Then shall I teach you how to tie up your hair as well?"
"Wh... what?"
I couldn't for the life of me see what groceries had to do with hairstyles, and said as much, staring at her; she simply smiled and explained.
"It's blowing rather hard outside today. Your hair's on the long side, so you'll be better off with it tied back."
"Oh... okay, then."
I hadn't set foot outside, so how was I supposed to know? Couldn't tell from the window, but I guess it's really gusting out there.
She had a point — hair grown down past my hips looked like it would be a nightmare to manage. It was long enough that I'd needed my free hand just to get through brushing my teeth, so learning to tie it up seemed only sensible. I nodded and accepted the hair tie she held out.
"Now, copy me, just like this."
Yeji ran her hands through her hair a few times to loosen it, so I dutifully copied her — and ran my hands through her hair.
Yeji burst out laughing, caught my wrist, and began smoothing down my hair instead.
"Pfft! Samonim... I didn't mean pet my hair — I meant smooth yours back with your hands, like combing it with your fingers. Here, like so."
There were a few tangles, and my fingers snagged once or twice, but before long my hair sat neatly combed.
"Back when you were a man, what hairstyles did you like on women? You'll have seen them often enough that knowing the look should make it easier to learn."
"P... ponytails..."
I said it quietly, feeling for all the world like a man caught with adult sites saved in his bookmarks. Why do I feel like I'm confessing to a crime...?
Yeji merely looked at me and nodded.
"Easy to tie up, and pretty, too. Then today's lesson is the ponytail."
She was carrying on like some beauty YouTuber, which was funny — but I had no time to laugh. I was too busy watching her hands whip this way and that, copying every move.
The ponytail I tied while following my reflection in the mirror on the door turned out surprisingly pretty.
Is it really all right for me — a thirty-something ahjussi — to look like this?
Even being generous, the girl looking back at me read as early twenties, and the sight of her was deeply disorienting. When I moved, the girl in the mirror moved too, so at minimum it was still me in there. But the me in my head and the me in the glass were two entirely different people.
Yeji watched me twist this way and that before the mirror, a small smile playing on her lips.
"If you want to see the back of your head, stand at a slight angle to the mirror and check with a hand mirror — you'll get a much better view. Oh, actually, I can just take some photos for you right now."
"Wh... what?"
—clickclickclickclickclick
Exactly how many pictures is she taking...?
Yeji, like Lee Suho, seemed to be the sort of person whose words and actions left her mouth and hands at practically the same moment. When the clicking from her phone — far too many shots to count — finally ceased and her fingers stopped their dance across the screen, my phone let out its very first notification chime, sounding almost delighted about it.
"Isn't that... rather a lot of photos...?"
"Ahaha! Still, firing off a whole batch and keeping the winners is the efficient way to do it!"
"Is it, now...?"
Her logic was strangely persuasive. I nodded and opened the photos she'd sent over. A slender waist, and above it, hair falling in a pretty, orderly curtain — gathered at the crown into a shape that, for a first attempt, looked remarkably well done.
Oh... so this is that style I used to see in pictures.
It wasn't as though I'd gone looking out of personal interest. Naturally, it had been pure reference research. Absolutely, positively not personal interest.
After staring at the photos for a good long while, I decided the thing looked pretty well tied and glanced sideways at Yeji.
"Not bad for a first try, right?"
"It is. You tied it nicely. Although..."
Yeji stepped in front of me and plucked a few strands loose from the hair I'd worked so hard to arrange. Does she have any idea how hard it was to sweep in the side pieces...?
"There — like this, and it's even prettier."
She slipped aside, as if to say check the mirror. I tore my eyes from her to my reflection and found a girl a touch softer around the edges than the one from moments ago.
"Hmm. It is pretty, I'll give it that."
As I fingered my bangs into place and tilted my head this way and that, the ahjussi who, only yesterday, had been weighing the purchase of an electric razor mid-shave had vanished from the glass entirely — in his place stood nothing but a young woman in her twenties, turning to and fro to fuss over her own looks.
"Ha..."
"Why the sudden sigh? Overwhelmed by how pretty you are?"
"No, no! I was just thinking what a chore it'll be, doing all this every single day."
"All the same, you do need to look your best when you go out. Understood?"
It was a chore. I could get by perfectly well going out looking whatever, so why on earth...
"I suppose that won't do, will it."
"Ah... f... fine. I'll do it. I can do it, right?"
"Hmm~? Then, Samonim — every day before you head out, take a photo in front of the mirror and send it to me. Your outfit for the day, how you've done yourself up. All of it."
"Ehh......"
With photo evidence, I can't even lie my way out of it...
"For today, I'll even do your makeup for you. People whose bodies change through ASCS all come out gorgeous or dashing at first, but they let the upkeep slide, and the next time you see them, they look like a completely different person. Take care of yourself while you're as pretty as you are now — and spare yourself the regret."
Just how many people had she watched go through this? Yeji spoke as though lecturing me, all while straightening the ribbon that dangled precariously from my blouse. The enormous ribbon felt like a lot to carry off, but it scattered the eye far better than a pair of large breasts jutting out on full display, so it probably worked in my favor.
Then again, it kind of emphasizes them too, doesn't it...
"Could I really ever manage all this myself going forward...? I don't see it happening..."
"You will, once it's habit. Now — eyes half closed, and tilt your chin up toward the ceiling a little."
Just as my eyelids began to feel like something had taken hold of them, Yeji's hands busied themselves before my eyes, plucking at my lashes.
"Mm..."
"It's fine for now, but no moving your mouth either. Please hold still."
"Y... yes!"
I answered Yeji and clamped my mouth firmly shut.