Chapter 16
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: penny
Chapter: 16
Chapter Title: Such an Incident
-----------------------------------------------------------------
The reactions from the latecomers were more intense than I'd expected.
"Kang Cheol-ho? Kang Han-sik? Hold on! There are monsters here too!"
Lee Shin-ha—no, was it Lee Shin-ho?
Anyway, one of these guys—the male one—pulled a talisman from his pocket and flung it toward me.
It looked like a flimsy yellow slip of paper, but it flew through the air as fast as if he'd chucked a credit card. It whooshed right past me.
Then it stopped dead in midair, like it'd stuck to something, and burst into flames on its own, vanishing.
'My friends!'
It was obvious what it had burned: my friends.
A surge of anger hit me for a second, but I shoved it down quick.
Thinking about it, there was no way a person could be buddies with freaks like those monsters anyway.
Especially that Boogeyman bastard—he'd been creepy from the start, hiding in other people's wardrobes.
Anyway, once I confirmed the others had arrived and were checking things out, I finally stopped beating him.
Then I turned to the people behind me.
"Looks like everyone's here."
"...Kang Han-sik? What the hell is going on?"
"I was in the middle of subduing this piece-of-shit sex criminal, Kang Cheol-ho."
"...Sex criminal, you say?"
Lee Shin-ho's face tilted in confusion as he heard my explanation.
I got it. Normal people don't expect to run into vile criminals like this.
But I was the kind of guy who could give a long, boring, pretentious lecture in the name of justice if needed.
"Perfect timing. I was walking down the hall when I saw Kang Cheol-ho here hunched over, picking the lock on Eun Ha-eun's door. Wrapped in that shitty rag, no less."
"..."
"...Is that for real?"
I pointed at the cloth on the floor to continue, and not just Lee Shin-ho—even the others' eyes went wide.
Of course. A grown man sneaking into a woman's room in the dead of night? That meant exactly what it sounded like.
Kang Cheol-ho's face twisted in horror, his body already covered in bruises. He yelled desperately.
"Lies! It's all lies! I was just standing here minding my own business, and this guy attacked me first..."
Hold up, this fucker.
Kwak!
"You lying sack of shit!"
I slammed the telescoping baton right in front of his nose.
"Hey, you dog! I clearly saw you picking the lock at her door, and now you're backpedaling?"
"Th-that was!"
"What else? Did Ha-eun ask you to fix her doorknob or some shit? Weren't you supposed to be some agency agent? Or were you actually a retired locksmith?"
"..."
Naturally, Kang Cheol-ho couldn't respond. The truth hit hard like that. Or maybe it was the baton, but it didn't matter. The result was the same.
"Kang Cheol-ho? Is this true?"
That's probably why.
Kang Cheol-ho went with the classic move people make when they're out of words.
He shouted at Lee Shin-ho as he approached.
"W-wait, you're not buying this guy's bullshit, are you? Didn't you see what happened earlier?!"
See what?
"This bastard attacked me alongside those monsters! Lee Shin-ho! You saw it too! The monsters ignored this guy and only went after me!"
"...That much is true."
"Right? It's suspicious! Hell, maybe he summoned those monsters in the first place! Come to think of it, he was hiding his abilities earlier—that was shady! Dark wizard! Yeah! This guy's definitely an evil dark wizard! Or one of that vampire's minions! You're gonna believe a guy like this?"
If you can't refute the message, attack the messenger.
It was a go-to strategy for people losing arguments, and damn if it wasn't effective.
Doubt crept into the eyes looking my way.
I mean, even I'd think twice about someone hanging with monsters like skeletons or the Boogeyman.
There's a reason they say "still waters run deep."
Unless you're a weirdo like me, anyone buddying up with monsters is probably a monster themselves.
Fuck.
No choice, huh.
I braced for the messy courtroom drama ahead.
Of course, I had no doubt I'd win.
The facts were crystal clear, and I had the Baton of Truth on my side.
Even Kang Cheol-ho, spouting nonsense now, would admit his crime if we talked a bit more.
The dark wizard accusation? Not worried.
'From the start, fuck.'
Monsters had been crawling all over this mansion before I even showed up.
I might look suspicious as hell now and drawn aggro, but anyone thinking straight would see it didn't add up.
That's when I was about to take the initiative.
"Hold on! I have a great idea."
What now.
I shifted my gaze to Lee Shin-ho, who had everyone's attention.
If he suggested some Solomon bullshit like splitting the blame fifty-fifty, I'd bash his head in right there.
Thankfully, Lee Shin-ho wasn't Israel's baby-killer.
"My sibling and I serve Lord Mountain God."
He said that and pulled a talisman from his pocket.
"And one of Lord Mountain God's powers is the ability to detect evil and divine good fortune."
"So?"
"Would you hold this talisman for a moment?"
I took the talisman from Lee Shin-ho.
He handed it over like it had some special power, but to me, it was just a yellow scrap of paper.
You know, the kind neighborhood shamans sell for 100,000 won a pop.
'Fucking creative economy.'
But Lee Shin-ho kept a straight face.
"Now repeat what you just said."
"What?"
"It's a lie detector of sorts. If anyone dares speak falsehoods before Lord Mountain God, the talisman will punish them immediately."
For real?
It was surprising, but I shrugged and nodded. People drop 200 million on some old belt, so a lie-detecting talisman? Whatever.
One doubt lingered, though.
'Does this even work on me?'
Constellation-related stuff always fizzled out around me.
But it didn't matter right now.
Whether it worked on me or not, everything I said was true.
I repeated my story.
And naturally, nothing happened to me.
"...It's true."
Lee Shin-ho glared coldly at Kang Cheol-ho.
No more words needed.
From this moment, Kang Cheol-ho was a filthy sex criminal.
Of course, he got a chance to defend himself.
But since it was laced with lies, it didn't go well.
"I was just passing by... Aaaagh!"
Every lie made him convulse like he'd been electrocuted. Pointing out my suspiciousness worked fine, but it didn't mean shit.
"Dark wizard my ass! You just looked like dog shit sprawled there, you punk!"
With this magical tiger lie detector, I was invincible in court.
Look at my forehead—Lord Mountain God's KS mark of approval. Way more trustworthy than Kang Cheol-ho's "Made in Investigation Bureau" crap.
And that's when it happened.
"Shin-ha, take a look at this."
"Yes, Granny. Huh? This."
Two people picking up items near Kang Cheol-ho freaked out.
I wondered what the fuss was about, but the reason was beyond my imagination.
"Oppa Shin-ho! Look at this!"
"These are all magic artifacts."
They looked like junk to me, but apparently everything Kang Cheol-ho had was infused with constellation power.
Of course, nothing impressive.
Just a plain invisibility cloak, a plain master key, a plain hypnosis app.
'This fucker, it really was a hypnosis app.'
Even that sent chills down my spine.
What the hell did this psycho plan to do, showing it to me?
No way he was gonna preach about living a honest life.
One Bill Gates was enough for brainwashing folks into that.
Anyway, with all the circumstantial evidence and my verified testimony, things wrapped up quick.
"You'll need to explain in more detail, Kang Cheol-ho."
Kang Cheol-ho bit his lip until it bled at Lee Shin-ho's question.
Right after, we moved spots.
To Eun Ha-eun's room, no less.
She must've heard the commotion outside. Once things settled, she opened the door and invited us in.
We'd cleaned up the monsters in the hall, but who knew when more would pop up.
'But isn't this the most dangerous spot?'
That's what I thought, but figuring she wouldn't pull shit with everyone watching, I went in too.
If she could've, she'd have slaughtered us all at dinner.
Truth was, that's why I'd planned to jump her—drag it to close combat, and I'd win.
I wouldn't lose to some half-naked chick. Kang Cheol-ho, maybe.
Anyway.
There, Kang Cheol-ho spilled his plan.
No need to rehash a vile criminal's words, but long story short, sex crime wasn't the goal.
"You were gonna hypnotize Eun Ha-eun?"
"...Yeah."
Hard to believe it wasn't a sex crime, but he claimed he just wanted to twist her perception so it'd seem like he'd cleared the request.
"My type's curvy babes, not this bony skeleton!"
"...Does that matter?"
"...No, whatever. You're making it weird. Anyway, you felt it yesterday too, right? The pollution here's too much for us to handle. Even if we could, it'd take forever."
"So you went for the easy way out?"
"...You could say that. No way you planned to hole up in this shithole forever?"
"Unbelievable. Weren't you an ex-Investigation Bureau agent?"
Lee Shin-ho sounded incredulous, but to me, it made perfect sense.
Investigation Bureau and scumbags were synonyms. Like tiger and panther. Lee Shin-ho was young, hadn't realized yet.
Maybe some conscience left—he turned away at Lee Shin-ho's grilling.
But the interrogation didn't end there.
Q&A continued.
Did you come here planning this from the start?
Kinda.
Where'd you get these tools?
Took 'em when I left the Bureau.
What do they do exactly?
Cloak hides presence and sight. Key opens any door if you leave it five minutes. Phone temporarily alters perception.
Anything else?
Two more.
How many times have you done this?
Six.
Why fuck with me?
...Didn't wanna split cash with some dog-shit-looking punk.
Last question was obviously mine.
"This fucker?"
Anger flared, but I couldn't beat him more.
He was half-dead already, and this was interrogation, not torture.
Once most of it wrapped up, Eun Ha-eun stood with an incredulous look.
"...Everyone, please leave."
"Miss!"
That was just in everyone else's eyes.
To me, she'd just listened bored to Kang Cheol-ho's story, sighed, and stood.
Probably got tired.
But regardless, she opened her mouth like her situation was utterly pathetic.
"I trusted you all. But to think something like this would happen..."
She went on like some tragic heroine, but it wasn't worth paying attention to.
'Wait a sec.'
What mattered was her position.
Coincidentally, she'd turned her back to us, staring out the window.
Avoiding eye contact probably amped the drama.
It worked—the others swallowed hard, sucked into her tale.
But only one thought in my head.
'Fuck yeah! Good deeds pay off!'
This was a golden opportunity.
No, really.
In hindsight, my night assault plan had flaws I hadn't foreseen.
Setting aside Kang Cheol-ho screwing things up, I didn't expect Eun Ha-eun to lock up and sleep tight in her own house.
I figured the barriers or spells kept monsters out.
So I'd thought about camping like some ajusshi waiting for a punch-up, and after the snag, it'd only get harder...
I quietly called Lee Shin-ho.
"Lee Shin-ho?"
"Yes?"
I showed him the talisman he'd given me earlier.
"Does this still work?"
"Yeah, I think so? Why all of a sudden?"
"Got something to say."
"Pardon?"
"Watch."
"...Watch what?"
Ignoring his question, I licked the talisman, slapped it on my forehead, and charged at Eun Ha-eun full tilt.
"My grandfather was right. People from our family bring misfortune... Huh?"
Her eyes met mine in the window reflection.
Sensing something off, her eyes widened.
But.
"Too late, bitch!"
"Gek?!"
I grabbed her throat before she could react.
Rear naked choke!
Well, I didn't know fancy moves, so I just pressed the baton to her neck, but same effect.
"K-Kang Han-sik?"
"What the hell are you doing?!"
"Kek! Kek!"
"Miss? Miss!"
Her room exploded into chaos!
Jang Jin-su charged me, faces twisted in shock.
Even tied-up Kang Cheol-ho stared like What the fuck is this guy doing?
Of course!
Some lunatic strangling a frail beauty? Anyone would freak.
Even I thought it was pure evil.
Unless you're a robber who's given up on humanity, you don't choke your host after being invited in!
But right now, I had a greater mission than that inhuman wickedness.
"Lee Shin-ho! Grab Jang Jin-su!"
"Y-yes?"
"Eun Ha-eun's a fucking vampire!!! Beat her if you don't wanna die!!!!!!"
For vampire hunting, I'd sacrifice any humans necessary.
To fight monsters, become a monster yourself!
Nietzsche-approved legal inhuman tech!
"Don't just stand there gawking—beat her! She's a vampire, I said! You see the talisman on my head?!"
Hell, I even had the quality seal from Lord Mountain God or whatever on my forehead!
"!"
Lee Shin-ha and Lee Shin-ho moved right after confirming the talisman wasn't reacting to my shout.