Chapter 15
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 15
Chapter Title: Such Things Happen
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Vampires are no joke. The only one who can protect my body from them is me.
And since time immemorial, the best way to deal with a mad dog has been a good beating with a stick.
And that probably applies just the same to a crazy vampire.
Whether that psycho sucks other people's blood to survive or shows them hallucinations, a solid thrashing with my telescoping baton will give him plenty of time to reflect on his life choices.
'Park Gyu-cheol, you piece of shit, how you holding up?'
I called out the name of my master—who'd taught me that lesson from a young age—and got to my feet.
No matter how I thought about it, that bastard should've been reported for being some kind of violent instructor.
"Are you getting up too, young man?"
"Yes, I think I'll take a little stroll."
I gave Grandma Kim I-ja a suitable reply and left the dining hall.
Of course, I had no intention of actually going for a walk.
My goal had already shifted from purifying the pollution to surviving this mad vampire's mansion.
And for that, I needed to scout out the layout of the place.
The reason was simple.
'Strike first before they can!'
Recon for a preemptive ambush.
To survive a crazy vampire, I'd have to go a little crazy myself.
That's just how the mad moon's world worked.
If some idiot wanted to claim I was overreacting when the enemy hadn't done anything yet, I'd happily demonstrate the power of my telescoping baton right then and there.
This place was kill or be killed, no different from the wilds.
If you spot someone suspicious, probe first—it's to your advantage.
Hell, with that face and vibe, not smashing him in the back of the head first would be the real crime.
Even Caesar would've sniffed out that vampire's betrayal and punched in the counterattack command before Brutus—not this Brutus, that piece of shit—could blink.
Lost in those thoughts as I wandered the halls, I saw Jang Jin-su return from checking the drainage ditches.
He gathered everyone else in the mansion.
"Everyone, could you gather for a moment?"
I couldn't exactly ignore that, so I stood with the others in front of Jang Jin-su.
"Did the meal suit your tastes?"
"Thanks to you, I feel recharged."
He opened with some light chatter, but soon his voice grew heavy.
"I'm glad to hear that. Night will fall soon enough."
Oh, right.
Come to think of it, they'd said monsters come out at night here.
I'd forgotten because of the vampire aggro, but those were the monsters I'd originally planned to fight.
I glanced out the window.
We hadn't arrived all that early, so night was closing in fast.
Storm clouds had already darkened the sky outside, and in an hour or two, taxis would be charging night surcharges.
If the monster stories were true, something should be crawling out any minute now.
"Before that, I'd like to see what you all can do. Is that possible?"
"Of course. I'll show you my power."
The one who answered Jang Jin-su was Kang Cheol-ho.
Grinning confidently, he stepped forward and began swinging his arms.
I thought he was doing some kind of military stretching routine, but Jang Jin-su watched with genuine admiration.
"Impressive. Very reliable. Could I see the rest of you demonstrate as well?"
The others were much the same.
The Lee siblings pulled out some talismans and struck poses like they were summoning dogs, while Grandma Kim I-ja stroked a crystal orb and muttered incantations in dialect.
Jang Jin-su let out quiet exclamations of awe each time, but honestly, I had no clue what was so impressive.
'These crazy ability user bastards.'
It just made me embarrassed to be teamed up with people showing off their personal skills in someone else's entryway.
So when Jang Jin-su reached me, I spoke up.
"Sorry. My ability's a bit embarrassing to show off in front of others."
"Hmm, I see. Some kind of restriction, then?"
"Something like that."
I shrugged lightly.
In truth, I just had nothing to show, but Jang Jin-su seemed to interpret it differently.
"That's fine. It happens sometimes."
Fair enough—in this day and age, who doesn't have a patron constellation?
He probably thought I had some special reason for refusing, but I didn't bother correcting the misunderstanding.
"Then I'll show you to your rooms."
And with that, the talent show ended.
Jang Jin-su guided us to our rooms after that.
The mansion was spacious enough that the guest rooms were all private.
The furniture screamed luxury, and the space felt like a playground for the filthy rich.
If not for the crazy vampire bastard, it would've made for a pretty fun weekend.
As those thoughts crossed my mind, Jang Jin-su—who'd finished the tour—spoke up.
"Feel free to move about as you like from here on. Just a recommendation: after 10 p.m., stay in your rooms. That's when..."
"The monsters come out?"
"Yes."
He told us to come to the caretaker's office on the first floor if we needed him, then vanished somewhere in the mansion.
That left just us guests, including me.
I was about to resume my mansion scouting when Kang Cheol-ho spoke up.
"Everyone, gather over here for a sec?"
True to his proactive personality, he had something to say.
I headed over too, figuring I should show at least minimal cooperation.
But Kang Cheol-ho met my eyes and spoke curtly.
"You can go."
"Pardon?"
"You didn't expect us to work with someone who won't even reveal their ability, did you? If you want to team up, show us what you've got first."
I was caught off guard.
I had to be—never in my wildest dreams did I expect this kind of bullshit in a vampire-run mansion crawling with monsters.
This wasn't some high school girl throwing a tantrum because she was offended and refusing to play anymore.
Shouldn't we outsiders at least band together?
Forget the vampire—even the monsters were real, right?
As I stewed on that, Kang Cheol-ho crooked a finger at me.
"Or what? Show a little sincerity at least. If something comes up, we might share what we can, no?"
That's when I got it from his attitude.
This bastard just didn't want to split the loot with me.
I remembered what So Boss had told me.
Normally, it was even splits, but contributions could adjust shares.
And if those four stuck together and left me out, it was obvious what would happen after the job was done.
Even if I trailed after them begging for my cut, they'd just yell at me to fuck off.
To top it off, in his eyes, I was that worthless kid who did jack shit during self-intro time at the start of the semester.
If I were a real clueless newbie or some sensitive high school girl, I'd probably feel the world crumbling right there.
But not now.
You fucking Pollution Investigation Bureau piece of shit.
"Got it. I'll go find something to do on my own."
"Do whatever."
I turned and walked off to continue scouting the mansion.
Behind me, I heard unfamiliar terms and what sounded like strategy talk leaking out, but it just made me snort.
'Just call a crane.'
Who cares if it's cursed or whatever—smash it all down and walk out.
'But still.'
Kang Cheol-ho aside, it stung a bit that Grandma Kim I-ja and the Lee siblings said nothing.
Heartless bunch.
Feeling like a hero banished from his own party, I memorized the mansion's layout perfectly.
A little time passed, and it was full night.
I quietly rose from the guest room I'd been assigned.
Actual purification work wouldn't start till tomorrow, since monsters came out around now, or so they'd said.
Honestly, that wasn't my problem.
What mattered was that the others were probably fast asleep in their rooms by now.
I grabbed my telescoping baton and slipped cautiously out into the hall.
Monsters were supposed to roam the mansion at this hour, and sure enough...
Nothing was visible to my eyes.
Whether it was all a lie from the start or just invisible to me, it made moving around easier.
I headed stealthily toward the vampire's location.
Guest rooms were on the second floor, and to keep up the frail invalid act, the vampire was using the largest room on the first.
Makes sense—wheeling up and down stairs would be a pain.
Creeeak.
Creeeak.
Descending the creaking stairs, the dim mansion greeted me.
BOOM!
Lightning flashed with a thunderclap.
The atmosphere was spot-on for something to leap out any second.
But right now, even that was just BGM for me.
This kind of mood is scary when you're the victim—not when you're the attacker.
Hell, it's pleasant background noise.
And I was the grim reaper come to pass judgment on the vampire.
That's what I was thinking when I reached her door.
...What the hell.
"......"
"......"
Unbelievably, there was already someone there.
Not a monster, obviously.
A suspicious figure draped in a cloth bundle, flashlight in mouth, fiddling a small pair of pliers into the keyhole.
None other than Kang Cheol-ho.
"Gyaaaaah!"
A scream escaped me before I could stop it.
It had to.
This motherfucker!
What the hell was this psycho doing here in the middle of the night?
My head filled with questions and confusion.
I grabbed my flying reason.
Think! Think, Han-sik!
What reason does a strange man have for picking a lock at a woman's door in the dead of night?
To teach the vampire life's bitter lessons first?
But didn't Kang Cheol-ho not know Eun Ha-eun's true nature?
And what was with the cloth bundle?
Looked just like he was planning to kidnap someone...
A bolt of realization struck my mind.
"It's yobai! You crazy night-crawler pervert fuck!"
I bellowed the words in righteous fury.
Of course it was!
In 21st-century South Korea—not even some neighboring country—yobai?!
Even a shit vampire didn't deserve that kind of injustice!
Thinking you can commit the same crime just because your target's a criminal is a huge mistake!
Punishment is for reform, not satisfying your trash desires!
"Wh-what are you babbling about?! More importantly, how can you even see me?!"
"Gyaaaaah! Neighbors! Jang Jin-su! Everyone, wake up! There's a filthy rapist bastard here!"
"Keep your voice down! Didn't you see the monsters on your way here? They'll swarm us! Damn it!"
But Kang Cheol-ho—apparently oblivious to basic facts—gnashed his teeth and reached into his pocket.
He pulled something out and shoved it in my face.
"Look at this!"
It was a smartphone, screen dark.
Obviously not him bragging about a new iPhone.
So something invisible to others but not me...
No way!
"Hypnosis app! You fucking hypnosis app pervert!"
"What...!"
I couldn't stand by and watch these evil criminals any longer!
If I ignored this for the vampire right in front of me, true justice would never dawn on this land.
"Die, you fuck!"
I whipped out my telescoping baton and swung at Kang Cheol-ho.
Crack!
He desperately raised his arm to block.
But pain was pain—his face twisted in agony.
Of course. No human arm's tougher than a 60,000-won baton.
"Damn it, if that's how it is, you're first...!"
Even then, he quickly regained his stance.
Impressive—Bureau training wasn't for show.
I swallowed hard.
Honestly, I was a bit tense.
Kang Cheol-ho, unlike me, had formal martial arts training.
Plus, he was two weight classes heavier.
Without the element of surprise, I was clearly at a disadvantage...
That's when it happened.
"Grahhh!"
Kang Cheol-ho suddenly screamed and dropped to one knee.
And a dent appeared at his waist, like something had latched on.
Wait, what?
No way!
"You goddamn monster bastards!"
This couldn't be!
Nothing visible to me, but clearly something was in this mansion.
Kang Cheol-ho flailed his arms wildly at the air around him, face contorted in pain.
If he wasn't suddenly practicing mime, that meant invisible monsters were right there.
Shocking, but my job was clear.
Beat his ass!
"Die, you criminal scum!"
"Gah! Hngh! Wait! Stop!"
"Scum like you only learn when you get beat!"
"Aaaagh! What the hell are you talking about?! Agh! If it weren't for these monsters, a punk like you—!"
Kang Cheol-ho's indignant yells continued, but I was having the time of my life.
For real.
Invisible monster buddies teaming up with me for a beatdown? Pure joy.
Yeah, my real party members aren't some heinous criminal.
Nameless skeletons, giant spiders, the boogeyman in the closet—these are my true friends, my new hero party.
They look scary, but their hearts are gold.
They won't hesitate to lend a hand to the weak, and in tough times, they'll support each other.
Around the campfire at day's end, we'd have hilarious talk shows every night.
Worlds apart from C-rank adventurers ditching party members over an extra 100,000 won.
I was just about to wrap up the Kang Cheol-ho raid with my new party members.
"What in the world is going on here?!"
He was barely clinging to life when the others finally showed up, drawn by the noise.