Chapter 17
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 17
Chapter Title: Such Things Happen
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The Lee siblings had a relatively slow reaction time, but once they grasped the general situation, their actions were lightning-fast.
They scattered talismans around the area.
"Guardian Golden Array!"
"Seal!"
It sounded like some kind of shamanistic chant—Ho-wi-geum-jin! Bong!—but the effect was undeniably solid.
Chang Jin-su, who had been clinging to me, froze in place.
Thud!
He toppled over like a stone statue.
Okay!
I inwardly cheered at the sight.
With that, the situation was basically wrapped up.
Without help from the side, there's no way Baek Choke could be escaped on one's own.
With the carotid artery compressed, blood flow to the brain is instantly cut off, making it impossible to muster any strength in their stance.
Eun Ha-eun seemed to realize this with her body as well, letting out a grotesque roar and frantically tapping out.
"Gurgh, guk!"
But I ignored her and kept choking her neck.
If this were a ring with rules and referees, sure—but in a fight for survival, mercy had no place.
Especially not against a cold-blooded vampire hunter like me. Whether it was six-year-old kindergartener Park Min-jun or 89-year-old grandma Kim Suk-ja, if they bared their fangs, they had to die.
An exhibitionist ghost lady went without saying.
"Grrk, kkh."
But surprisingly, Eun Ha-eun's struggling showed no signs of stopping.
I wondered if the choke wasn't properly applied, but of course it was.
This bitch was just a crazy vampire enduring longer than a human should.
I needed some additional damage.
I yelled at the Lee siblings.
"What are you staring at? Help me out!"
"H-Help, you say?"
"Then fuck, you think I'm gonna hug this bitch forever by myself?!"
But the Lee siblings looked utterly flustered.
What the hell?
They didn't believe me now?
No way. Their patron Constellation had vouched for my words, after all.
"H-Hey, but if we attack now, you'll get caught in it too, Kang Han-sik!"
These idiots were just worried I'd get hit by their attack.
Those talismans were probably some kind of AoE spell.
But honestly, that was nonsense.
It wasn't like I doubted whether those talismans would work on me.
"Don't talk bullshit! Get over here and punch her in the gut alreadyyy!"
These morons didn't even know the basics of a dogpile.
Once the rear is secured, you come in and slap, punch, whatever—but thinking to throw talismans first? What kind of idiots were they?!
These crazy superhuman fuckers.
No matter how I looked at it, their mindset was nothing like a normal person's.
I suddenly missed the skeleton and the boogeyman.
At least those guys knew what a proper beatdown meant.
"G-Gut punch?"
Even Lee Shin-ho tilted his head like he'd never heard the term before in his life.
That fucking bastard.
In front of his sister, was he pretending not to know, or did he really not? Impossible to tell.
Sure, wholesome bright kids like them would grow up to run the country someday, but right now, they were just massive dumbasses.
In the end, I gave up on support from these fools.
I just needed the finishing blow anyway.
And luckily, this place was overflowing with ways to add extra damage.
Of course, I'd have to take some risk myself, but that was better than trusting these idiots.
"Dieeeee!"
Hugging Eun Ha-eun tight, I launched myself toward the window.
Obviously, it wasn't some heroic Nongae spirit kicking in.
This was the first floor anyway—jumping out would just dirty my clothes.
What I was aiming for was the window frame.
Fitting for a luxurious mansion, a marble window frame.
"……!"
For a split second, Eun Ha-eun's eyes widened in the window's reflection.
She seemed to intuit her fate.
Her struggles intensified. But flailing limbs in this hold wouldn't change the outcome!
Right then.
Splat-crunch!
Eun Ha-eun's forehead collided straight with the marble frame.
"Hup!"
"Kyaaak!"
The Lees behind us screamed.
I got it.
Splat-crunch! wasn't a sound any head—vampire or not—should make.
But this was the result they brought on themselves.
If they'd just teamed up and beaten Eun Ha-eun with me when I asked nicely, I wouldn't have had to go this brutal.
At least the shock seemed to fill the damage gap.
Twitch twitch.
Eun Ha-eun convulsed and lost consciousness.
I panted raggedly as I watched.
"Hah, hah."
If I'd miscalculated even a little, my head could've smashed into the marble too.
I'd managed to angle it just right to avoid injury.
Of course, irritation at these idiots' stupidity soon flooded in, but I let it pass with a moderate curse.
"……Fucking hell, you morons."
Well, they hadn't done it on purpose to screw me over.
They'd hesitated out of concern, so blaming them felt a bit much.
Just as the situation seemed roughly settled—
"Uwaaaaa!"
Grandma Kim I-ja suddenly screamed.
I thought maybe her reaction was slow due to age, but no.
"Eun Ha-eun's appearance!"
"Blonde hair and black cloak? So that's the vampire's true form!"
Having completely passed out, the illusion Eun Ha-eun had shown them vanished.
"Eeee! You wicked bitch!"
Grandma Kim I-ja, who had been observing until now, felt a fierce sense of betrayal.
She suddenly raised the crystal orb she always carried overhead.
It was nearly the size of a human head, so it must weigh a ton, but her stamina was better than expected…
Splack!
What the fuck!
My train of thought snapped!
"Y-You tricked us, you evil bitch!"
No, fuck!
It couldn't be helped!
Grandma Kim I-ja had smashed the raised crystal orb straight down on Eun Ha-eun's head!
Sluuuurp—.
Thanks to that, Eun Ha-eun's convulsing body went completely limp!
Faced with the old lady's belated fury, all I could do was stuff my fist in my mouth and tremble.
An elder's rage carried a killing intent unlike any young person's.
Tee-bagging in real life? Wasn't this banned by the Geneva Conventions?!
Then a thought flashed through my mind.
Ah.
If this was actually fatal…
The murderer would be Grandma Kim I-ja, not me.
I didn't land the final blow, after all.
……Right?
I prayed it was so.
Fortunately, the vampire mansion didn't turn into a murder scene.
True to her kind, using HP instead of mana as fuel, Eun Ha-eun clung stubbornly to life even through this.
What a relief.
I was a cold-blooded vampire hunter, sure, but I still had qualms about killing something that looked human.
Confirming her breathing, I sighed in relief and helped the Lee siblings clean up the scene.
"……Where am I?"
Meanwhile, Jang Jin-su, who had just come to, joined us.
"You remember nothing at all?"
"Y-Yeah. I remember coming here because weird things were happening in the mansion, but……"
Surprisingly, he remembered none of the recent events.
Probably some vampire power or whatever.
But even so, Jang Jin-su helped with our tasks.
Unlike human trash like Kang Cheol-ho, he gave off a strong impression of being well-educated.
Thanks to him, cleanup was even easier.
We tidied the room, bound the vampire and Kang Cheol-ho's limbs, dragged them to the dining room, and confiscated anything suspicious.
Especially from Kang Cheol-ho's room, we found a fountain pen and a coin—magical artifacts, apparently.
"A fountain pen that lets you remember what you wrote for ten years, and a coin that boosts your luck if heads comes up when thrown,"
Lee Shin-ho, who handled Kang Cheol-ho's interrogation, told me.
I nodded, then paused in thought at a sudden idea.
Ah, by the way.
I really needed to look into this properly sometime.
Not anything else—I still didn't fully understand my own uniqueness.
What I knew for sure was that, unlike others, I barely registered pollution or whatever, and Constellation-related items had almost no effect on me.
But it's not like nothing works at all.
Right now, the invisibility cloak and hypnosis app had little effect on me, but things like the key did work.
I'd played with it alone out of boredom during cleanup, and it unlocked a locked door.
And to confirm stuff like this for sure……
Only So Boss will do.
Once this incident wrapped up completely, I'd talk to him again.
I had to go there for deliveries anyway, so I could ask on a good day.
Of course, I worried that asking pointless questions might land me locked in some weird lab and ruin my life—but that was still better than doing nothing.
If I planned to live as a total normie, fine, but since I'd dipped into this world, self-diagnosis was a must.
Well, if by some chance I really get dragged to a lab……
Then my judgment was just shit, nothing to be done.
There weren't any other faces coming to mind anyway.
With that, we finished cleaning up and gathered back in the dining room.
No special reason—we'd been at it all night and were starving.
Especially me; I hadn't eaten dinner yesterday and felt like I was dying.
"I'll prepare the meal."
Once again, Jang Jin-su cooked for us.
I felt bad asking someone who'd just woken up, but since he insisted, I didn't stop him.
Food always tastes better when someone else makes it anyway.
Ah, good news: the meat was pork, not human.
Well, even vampires would find human sourcing tough and risky—police swarming if caught—versus grabbing pork from the mart for ten thousand won.
Fuck, shoulda eaten dinner yesterday.
Too late now, oh well.
After finishing the meal and standing watch over the still-unconscious Eun Ha-eun, dawn broke.
The heavy rain had stopped sometime too.
That made the rest even simpler.
As soon as it got light, Lee Shin-ha, the Lee siblings' younger sister, went down to where there was signal and called the Pollution Investigation Bureau.
I usually thought the Bureau was full of real scumbags, but this time they cooperated smoothly.
They were a bit psycho, sure, but finishing incidents like this was their expertise.
Of course, I worried if I'd get dragged to Namsan underground again.
"Kang Han-sik? A few questions."
"Sure."
The Bureau's attitude was surprisingly mild.
The agent dispatched grasped the rough situation, tossed me a few questions, and let me go.
"I heard you were the first to uncover the vampire's identity. How'd you do it?"
"Ah, well. I just have a good instinct for this stuff. Happened to spot Eun Ha-eun as the vampire."
"I see."
There were a few iffy parts that made me sweat, but they didn't dig deep.
What?
Was that psycho agent I ran into last time just an anomaly, and this was normal?
Or had the world gone so mad that vampire incidents got swept under with a quick background check and sent home?
I couldn't be sure.
But no reason to dwell.
The real important part was next.
"Thank you for your cooperation. As a key collaborator in subduing the wicked vampire and purifying the pollution, Kang Han-sik will receive a modest reward."
"Pardon? For real? A reward?"
"Yes."
"N-Not egg bread? Actual money? From the Bureau?"
"Pardon? Of course."
This fuck!
Yes!
These guys were human after all.
At the mention of money, the hostility toward the Bureau in my heart melted away like snow.
Of course, my grudge was like Everest's eternal snow—over 90% still remained—but at least now I'd treat Bureau folks as humans.
After the witness statement ended and I confirmed Eun Ha-eun being hauled off by the agents—still out cold—I was leaving the mansion too.
"Kang Han-sik!"
"Lee Shin-ho? Lee Shin-ha?"
For some reason, the Lee siblings were waiting for me.
"Nah, be casual. You're older than me anyway."
They'd been the most helpful this time and acted like pros, so I didn't push the Lees away.
"A-Alright. Then just call me bro or oppa."
"Sure, bro."
"So, what's up? Something to say?"
"Well, we're heading back now too, so thought we'd chat on the way."
Ah.
Now I saw it—they'd taken a real liking to me.
Well, makes sense.
If not for me, we'd all be vampire chow.
Even beasts feel gratitude to their lifesavers. And the Lees, who served beast-related gods, were no different.
Of course, I knew these siblings would ditch party members for a million won, but I magnanimously forgave them.
So we chatted idly as we descended the mansion.
Trading jokes, swapping numbers, sharing what the Bureau asked—stuff like that.
The banter ended when we reached the bus stop.
"We'll head out here. Someone's picking us up. See ya later, bro!"
"Yeah, take care, Signal Lee."
"……Pardon?"
"You're Lee Shin-ho. So Signal Lee, right?"
"……."
"Pfft!"
My parting killer joke finally cracked the stoic Lee Shin-ha.
The girl had walked stone-faced the whole way, so I'd aimed to make her laugh—glad it worked.
"……A-Ah, yeah. Anyway, good work!"
"You too, Shin-ha."
"Yes! Hope we meet again, oppa!"
Parting with the group, I boarded the bus.
Gotta get home quick, shower, and sleep.
Body's worn out—missed Ro Boss and Meow for some reason.
Lee Shin-ho, the young man who served the Mountain Lord.
No, Pollution Investigation Bureau agent Lee Shin-ho watched the bus carrying Kang Han-sik depart for a while.
The guy was peculiar in many ways.
The boldness and judgment he'd shown in the mansion, plus uncovering the vampire's identity that even Bureau agents missed.
"Kuhuhu, Signal Lee, my ass."
"……Don't laugh."
"Don't get mad, Signal Lee. But seriously, how's a person's name Signal Lee? Pfft!"
"……."
"Hehup, hng. Ahem."
Of course, he'd left with a weird remark at the end, but the new nickname wasn't important.
Once Lee Shin-ha finally stopped giggling, she asked her brother.
"Anyway, nothing suspicious, right?"
"Yeah."
In Lee Shin-ho's palm was a small, dried talisman.
The Lie-Detecting Talisman, Ho-an-jin-bu.
He'd used it for extra checks on the way down, but it remained pristine, like when first held.
Meaning no lies in the conversation with Kang Han-sik just now.
"Your read?"
"Nothing special. Just a regular guy. No malice at all—feels closer to a good soul, actually? Rare these days."
Even his sister said as much.
"I see."
I'd wondered if he had some special ability from piercing the vampire's disguise so fast, but if not, no real business.
[To counter rising pollution, actively recruit high-potential talents!]
It was the Bureau chief's direct order, but you couldn't nominate someone for agent just on "good instincts."
"Let's head back then. Still got work."
"True. What a pain—Kang Cheol-ho stole so damn much."
Plus, they had unfinished business.
The real reason these two came to this lodge wasn't the monster mansion or vampire.
Kang Cheol-ho.
Catching the ex-Bureau agent who'd fled with magical artifacts, punishing him, recovering the loot.
"This is why everyone should get a memory wipe when they retire from the Bureau."
"Isn't there a proposal like that pending?"
"Yeah, but who knows when it'll pass."
Cursing their troublesome senior, the two returned to the mansion.
Civilians sent home, unknown vampire hauled to HQ—now they could work freely.
Lee Shin-ho's heart swelled with anticipation.
When Kang Cheol-ho learned the "youngsters" stuck to him were agents sent to nab him—what face would he make?
One of the moments agent-vs-agent Lee Shin-ho looked forward to most.
Still, he couldn't fully shake thoughts of Kang Han-sik.
"Signal Lee."
"……."
After all, it had been ages since someone neither his sister nor the Mountain Lord recoiled from.
"Signal Lee?"
Kang Han-sik.
A name worth remembering.
Especially as an agent—he had a strong feeling they'd cross paths a few more times.
"This is Lee Shin-ha. Respond, Signal Lee."
"……."
"Signal Lee? Why so quiet? Bad signal?"
"……Ah, enough already!"
"Aww, stooop teasing~."
Would've been perfect without that last weird bit.
Grinding his teeth, Lee Shin-ho entered the room holding Kang Cheol-ho.