Saintess's Personal Guide #2: "Don't Look at My Pussyuuu!!!"

"But I didn't look at your pussy, okay?!"

My mind went completely blank. Yeah, honestly, I had no resistance to women. Especially their intimate parts. She'd deliberately stripped off her pants at some point. Crouching down, exposing her pale, plump thighs. Whoa... were the Saintess's ass cheeks always that big...?

The panties slowly slid down her smooth thighs, trembling as they reached her knees, then down her calves and off her ankles.

"I said don't look!!!"

I told you I wasn't looking!!!!! Ah, was that a glimpse just now? No way. I'm not the kind of guy who peeks at a woman's private parts. I needed to regain my senses. My eyes kept drifting there, but I held firm with sheer willpower. This wasn't the time to let my inner desires show.

Yeah, now was the moment to let loose. Time to vent all the pent-up frustration I'd been bottling up.

"You crazy psycho Saintess bitch!!!"

I bellowed it out. An immense wave of liberation and euphoria surged through me. Meanwhile, the Saintess, whose eyes met mine, froze in her squat.

"Hic—!"

She flinched, letting out a hiccup. Serves you right for trying to piss in my sacred farmland. Just go outside ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠and do it. Sure, stepping out might get you mauled by the Jam Tiger pack waiting around, but still! You think it's okay to stink up my tiny 1-square-meter space with your piss?!

Pssshhhh—

Driiiiiiip—

No, I said stop!!! Her hiccups wouldn't quit, her shoulders shaking nonstop as she went and did the deed. Splaaaash— Sacred piss flowing into my holy farmland. And in this moment, the sunlight reflecting off that stream, creating this mystical glow—what the hell?

......What the fuck?! Did her piss count as fertilizer? So if I pissed too, would it speed up my harvest? My head was spinning. I needed to yell at her while she was still hiccuping out those last drops, but this new development in my farm had my thoughts all jumbled.

Still, I had to seize the moment. "You think it's okay to piss here of all places?! And you're supposed to be the Saintess!!!"

"Hweeeek!!!"

Splat—

...!!!

Oh god... this wasn't happening, right? The Saintess had just plopped her bare ass right into the puddle of her own piss.

★

"H-Hic... b-but... I couldn't hold it... h-hic... sniff... women are different from men... you can't just hold it in... h-hic... ugh!"

Choi Eunji, sniffling pathetically in a way that didn't suit her at all, rambling excuses. None of it registered with me. I handed her a whole ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠pack of wet wipes, and she used every last one, tossing them carelessly outside the farm. The crumpled wipes scattered everywhere... it looked suspiciously like the aftermath of some wild hookup, but the Jam Tigers sniffing them snapped me back to reality.

What the actual fuck... The Saintess was still whimpering, surrounded by a mess of white wipes. I knew it was just her wiping piss and dirt off her ass, but my brain kept picturing something lewd. If anyone saw this, they'd think I was a pervert and blast me with fireballs—no arguing that.

But more importantly, my eyes were glued to the alert window floating in front of me.

The alert popped up the instant her bare ass hit the ground. In my farmland... something was getting cultivated? Genitalia? But... was that a mango? I pictured a fruit shaped like one. It was 3D-modeled, even zoomed inside: oval like a mango on the outside, but wrinkled and hollowed out within... exactly like a genitalia, as the alert said. Fruit on the surface, but inside... yeah, like an onahole.

Since it triggered when her ass touched the dirt... so this thing was basically... the Saintess's... oh fuuuuck... My head wasn't just spinning anymore; I was straight-up flustered. Who the hell would buy and eat something like that?! If a buyer sliced it open and found it hollow, I'd have no defense against the complaint.

How do I even list this? "Holey Mango"? "Hollow Fruit"? No way I could call it a "fucking mango onahole"! Sure, the farm level was too low so it went to storage, and I had no plans to ever grow it anyway.

But that wasn't the point right now. The Saintess had just suffered ultimate humiliation. And I still had a ton of rage to unleash.

"I told you not to piss!"

"B-but I couldn't hold it... what was I supposed to do..."

"Just do it like normal?"

"You worthless little shit—wait, no, you shitty bastard!"

"Huh... progress?"

"And why are you talking casual to me?!"

"You did it first!"

"I'm not some kid...!"

"Yeah, reflex!"

Thwack!!!! Personality aside, the impact felt great. Anyway, she'd pissed all over my tiny farm, but we had to survive here until rescue. So,

"If you're gonna piss, at least cover it with dirt!"

"U-uh... okay..."

She scraped dirt over the puddle with her feet. She'd pissed so much it took forever, then,

"Huh... isn't that a sprout?"

"Where, where?!"

Come to think of it, after her piss, the tomato growth time had halved. The situation was dire and dangerous, but as a farmer, discovering accelerated growth was huge. Like Napoleon discovering America. Wait, Columbus? Whatever. It was like that. Thanks to Saintess Choi Eunji's golden shower, I'd unlocked a new ability.

Why didn't I think of this? Dungeons mean occasional piss breaks. But I'd never considered doing it ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠in my farm. Probably 'cause I treated my farmland as sacred, even if it was just 1 square meter. My crops... watered with my piss? Never crossed my mind.

But now confirmed: Saintess piss shortens growth time. Time to try it myself. Hell, I shouldn't be scolding her—I should be praising and encouraging this. A tiny pang of guilt hit me for making her hiccup and sit in her own mess from shock.

If she says she's hungry later, maybe I'll give her a carrot. Who knows? She might get hooked and buy some. My carrots were sweeter and tastier than store-bought anyway.

★

My shop comments had blown up like tenfold, mirroring the chaos outside. Should I be grateful for the updates? At least I knew the situation and could hang in there. Good thing my farm had no generation cooldown. Nine stocked carrots, tomatoes ripening soon—enough to last a bit. Or the Saintess could buy other food from the Dungeon Shop.

"I-I'm... hungry..."

"Just buy from the shop. You're freeloading anyway, so share some..."

Pathetic, but I had zero points in the Dungeon Shop. Items listed but unsold. But she was the Saintess, so...

"Me? Dungeon Shop? Don't you need points for that?"

"...No points?"

"I haven't even been inside a dungeon yet!"

"R-right..."

Oh yeah, I was guiding her from the Dungeon Entrance. She was basically a newbie awakener learning the ropes. No dungeon runs, no points collected!

Fuuuck... Crossing the Han River gates didn't instantly drop you into a dungeon. People called this the Dungeon Entrance—a safe tourist spot. Guides escort visitors to stroll and experience dungeon vibes. Mountaineers climb here instead of mountains, kids picnic with kimbap instead of parks. Monsters? Sure, but low threat, with defense teams and hunter guards everywhere. No major incidents.

The real dungeons? Deep inside, through small gates. Occasionally you'd spot one glowing in various colors—pass through for a whole new world.

So this Entrance was for newbies training, hikers, school trips, ajummas foraging herbs...

"Waaah~ Mushrooms~"

Yeah. Places like that, picking and eating mushrooms. Wait, aren't those poisonous? She stuffed her mouth full, chewing away, then met my eyes and reluctantly offered one like it pained her.

"H-here... just one, I'm yielding it...!"

I took it, and an alert rang.

......!

She washed it, right? Huh...? No? You crazy Saintess bitch! Don't pick up random shit and eat it!!!

But her eyes were already glazing over.

"Ehehehe... hehe... gimme that big muuuushroom~♡"

And just like that, Saintess Choi Eunji had lost it completely.