Did You Think You Were Fighting a Saint? (You Were)

Stepping onto Floor 2 of the Penance difficulty, I found myself squared off against yet another monster.

"Krrrk!"

"An archer... is it?"

What stood there was a goblin with an arrow nocked and ready.

The viewers, though, took one look at the monster's outfit and started pouring out uneasy little reactions, as if something didn't sit right.

"Aha."

Letting my guard down, the way the chat was telling it, would be a very stupid idea.

Fine leather boots, proper armor, a feathered cap — the goblin looked the part, and the tension in the drawn bowstring was plenty sharp.

A Robin Hood goblin. Of course it wasn't an ordinary specimen.

"Kshak!"

"Huh?!"

We'd barely settled into the standoff when the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠goblin snapped its string toward some point off to the side, no hesitation at all.

A thin whistle. Then a meaty thunk.

The arrow had punched dead through the center of an apple sitting far across the floor.

"Krk!"

"Oh..."

I clapped. I couldn't help it.

Robin Hood Goblin checked the target it had nailed, puffed up with pride — and then jabbed a finger at me, still clapping like an idiot.

"Huh? You mean me?"

"Krk!"

It flicked the apple my way and launched into a flurry of hand signs and footwork.

So. Put it on my head, was that it?

"Got it."

I set the apple on the crown of ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠my head, just as it had asked.

The goblin nodded at that, drew, and aimed —

Thunk!

"Whoa."

"Kshashat!"

It hadn't aimed at me at all. Only the apple, balanced on a knife's edge atop my head, and it split that clean in two.

"A-amazing!"

"Kshaa!"

Robin Hood Goblin snorted, then set an apple on its own head.

A taunt. If I thought I was anywhere near its level, I was welcome to try.

Fine. Then I'll show you some marksmanship of my own.

"Mmm... now!"

The hammer cocked.

I didn't hesitate. I leveled on the apple sitting over the goblin's head and pulled the trigger —

The shot cracked. Something burst.

"Ksha?!"

"Oh, fuck."

Not the apple. I'd put the round straight through the goblin's skull.

It folded.

"Kshaaa..."

Before Robin Hood Goblin went down, it looked at me with a stare soaked in disbelief and betrayal.

Wait, hold on — I didn't do that on purpose! This is actually so unfair!

"Ah, I mean... so, um..."

Midway through an apple-shooting contest, I had landed a direct attack on the other player, and the condemnation came down like rain. In the end, the excuse I chose was...

Anyway, I won, so we're good!

"I really thought I'd missed it for good, but the next floor reprinted it for me right away."

Having put down (?) Robin Hood Goblin, I received the perk I'd failed to pick on the previous floor: extended stun duration on my silver bullets.

May Era's mercy guide you.

I offered it for the goblin that had died wearing that look of betrayal, a little prayer for its soul.

Go on and be reborn in paradise.

"I can't go any higher today?"

"Aha..."

Rewards were picked, and I couldn't climb past Floor 2. There really didn't seem to be anything left to do.

"Wh-what?!"

The chat that followed set my face on fire.

"Ah... right."

Now that I thought about it, I'd set the camera behind me because they wouldn't stop staring at my chest. Which meant — don't tell me my ass had been on display for everyone this whole time...

"You perverts...!"

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

"I-I have to turn the camera back, now!"

To shut down any further humiliation, I shoved the camera right up against my face. There. Now they couldn't sexually harass me anymore, right?!

I'd framed nothing but my face, and somehow the chat got even weirder.

"Uh... uhh..."

How was I supposed to put this. I was too embarrassed to even look at the screen properly...!

Meet their eyes and they called me pretty. Look away on purpose and they started cooing about how cute I was. What exactly did they want me to do...!

"W-wait, calm down!"

The simping was getting worse, and the viewers were starting to look like they might actually fight, so I rushed to cut them off.

"Hueeeeh..."

The chat was descending into a full brawl, and my head was starting to spin, when —

"Whoa."

One solemn warning from the status window and the heat went out like a doused fire.

Named hunters and ordinary viewers alike seemed to feel some strange pressure settle over them, and the whole room hunched its shoulders.

"A-anyway, see you tomorrow, everyone!"

Click.

And just like that, following the status window's message, the broadcast cut off.

"W-why are you like that?"

"Eh?"

The moment the stream ended, she started in on me with a worried scolding.

"Yes..."

"Understood..."

"Heh... hehe, thank you!"

"Huh?"

And so, safely (?), my debut broadcast came to an end.

A bright little chime.

"Oh. What's this."

I'd gone home, showered, eaten, and was lying in bed killing time on my phone when another status window popped up and steered me toward some community.

"Th-the real-deal Hunter Gallery!?"

Up until now I'd only ever lurked the bootleg Hunter Gallery, the Pre-Hunter Hopeful Gallery, and the rest of the copycat boards where non-hunters played at being hunters. This was the actual thing.

Heart buzzing, I started skimming the featured threads —

"Eh..."

No way all of these are about me. Right?

Maybe I'll just open one...

"Heheheh..."

I'd never actually ego-searched myself before, and it was pretty fun.

Yeah... so...

The corners of my mouth kept twitching, and I was getting ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠smug without even meaning to?

Having my need for recognition filled was a brand-new experience, and an extremely addictive one. I wanted everyone to keep talking about nothing but me.

"..."

Our revered chief goddess, Lady Era — please, just delete these pictures.

...I'm too embarrassed to sleep!!!!!

"AAAAAAAH!!!!"