Let's Go Get Our Hymens Checked Together!

"Mmm-nya, mmm-nya..."

Morning, and I was savoring the warm sunlight under a soft, cozy blanket. The sleep environment was perfect—so languid I could have stayed under all day...

Pa-pa, papapa~ papparapappa~

"Ah, shit."

Perfect my ass.

A reveille bugle, obnoxious just to hear, started blaring up a storm.

"It's been three years since I got discharged...!"

And so another day opened on the status window's bull—no. On the goddess's morning greeting. I raked a hand through my bedhead and rose like a zombie.

"Nnngh... I was in the middle of the best sleep..."

"No? I'm a man..."

"Uuuugh..."

I sprawled in bed a moment longer, then, under the barrage of nagging from the status window, wobbled my way to the bathroom.

Shaaaaaa.

"Hrrt!"

Bladder, satisfactorily emptied. I scrubbed my ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠face with all the spirit of a man's man and finished a bracing wash. Pat, pat.

"Puh-puh!!!"

"Aaaah~ that's the gooood stuff!"

Once the lotion went on, I was downright crisp.

"All right, time to get this stream set up for real!"

"Oh..."

For all the fire I'd worked up, the streaming gear was already perfectly set. Dual monitors, a high-definition camera, and a broadcast mic from a famous Japanese brand. The lights and the rest of the little props were things Goddess Era had prepared herself.

"...You really are dead serious about this streaming thing."

"Streaming from outside the Tower has me kind of nervous...."

I sat down in the gaming chair and got ready to start the broadcast. Honestly, I still had questions about why a saintess had to do internet streaming at all...

Ding!

"That reward is way too generous for the quest..."

An S-Rank skill, free, just for doing a little internet streaming? This was basically someone holding a knife to my throat and telling me to get on camera.

"Mkay."

And so, following the status window's lead, my first broadcast from outside the Tower began.

"Ah... Hello, everyone."

Even though this was just me streaming as an ordinary person and not as a hunter, a pretty big crowd poured in the moment I went live. Did these people not have jobs?

"Oh... I see."

Watching a girl-streamer from seven in the morning. Yeah, these were not normal people.

"My outfit? I was too lazy to change, so I'm just still in my pajamas!"

"So what if a little underwear shows. The fat uncle next door, when he bends over his pants sag and you get these baggy red panties and his butt crack..."

Anyway, a flood of completely jobless viewers had shown up, so it felt like I ought to do something. Trouble was, I wasn't exactly gifted with words, and I had no idea how to run a broadcast.

"Hmm, what should we do today?"

I'd better take the viewers' questions and answer them slowly, one at a time.

"My name is Saintess Elia! My job is saintess, and I hunt as a hobby!"

"My age, let's see... how old am I."

Now that I thought about it, this body had turned female, and I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to answer by my age back when I was a man.

"W-wait a second! I'll go get my ID!"

I scrambled to pull out the new identification card I'd picked up at the community center yesterday and scanned it. Let's see—the first digit of the resident number was a 4, the marker for a woman born in the 2000s. And the birth year had been changed to 2007...?

"Oh my god."

Just from my body turning female, I'd gotten six years younger.

This, of course, was also the goddess's taste. A woman had to have skin that bounced and a fresh, dewy look, or she wasn't worth looking at—something like that. Era, Goddess of Mercy, kept a strict standard: she refused to so much as acknowledge any hag who'd crossed twenty-five.

"Ahem...! I'm twenty, and I don't have a boyfriend!"

"No, everyone!!! I really am a lifelong single, I'm telling you?!"

I'd told them the truth, and the viewers stayed ice-cold anyway. Tsk. If I'd just worn a slightly more wholesome saintess outfit, I never would have caught this kind of misunderstanding! This was all the status window's fault.

"Then what should I prove it with?"

The named hunters were steering the conversation away and covering for me, but I answered with my head held high instead.

At the cry of a bona fide unicorn like me, the viewers actually spooked and started tucking their tails, but I didn't stop.

A non-virgin was sin itself.

I prided myself on the fact that even when I read novels, I only touched works like Every Character, Married Women Included, Is a Virgin. Even with married-woman manga, if it wasn't a virgin conception, I wouldn't look!

"What should I use to prove my virginity!?"

Fortunately, one of the viewers watching my room happened to have the item.

"If it isn't too much of an imposition, could you give it to me? I'll pay!"

"Thank you!"

True to a named viewer of our channel, she'd tossed out a generous gift, and I immediately snapped into a full ninety-degree bow of gratitude. Still, there was something faintly off in her tone. Was she reluctant to part with the item? It didn't really seem that way to me... Well, whatever.

Ding!

And in less than five minutes, the key to the Unicorn Realm had been delivered to me.

"That got here insanely fast!"

From what the viewers were saying, delivering items through subspace like this was a fairly common thing. A five-minute bullet delivery, though, was something only the highest-tier hunters could pull off...

"That's beside the point! I'm heading straight for the Unicorn Realm!"

Just as the chat that had come up said, I drew out the golden key and turned it once toward the empty air.

Click. Kiiing!

"Whoaaa?!"

White light strobed, and my vision bled out into white.

"Hee-hee-heeigh!!!"

"This place is..."

Where I'd arrived was a perfectly ordinary ranch. Ordinary, except for the strange sight of unicorns galloping across a green meadow.

"Get over here!!!"

"Kuruk...!"

A woman in gothic-lolita fashion was locked in a tug-of-war with one of the unicorns.

"What is that person doing?"

From the rough explanation, a unicorn horn was the essential of essentials among famous female streamers. Without one, people raided your channel and started fights, calling you a non-virgin, a slut, whatever...

"I'll go give it a try too!"

I stepped into the ranch, meaning to walk up to any unicorn and come back with a horn, and—

"Fenrir-chan!!! Block the front!"

"Lena! We absolutely cannot let that one get away! It's Kemono Live's last hope!!!"

"Nyanyako... deploying...!"

"Hold it right there, you little shiiiiit!!!"

Heeheeheeheeigh!

Beastkin girls of every stripe, eyes bloodshot, were chasing a single unicorn.

"Those girls... what are they?"

"Aha."

These days, hunters working as VTubers didn't seem especially strange. Doctors, military officers, famous voice actors—every kind of person had already jumped into VTubing anyway.

"O-over there! Be careful!!!"

"Huh?!"

In the middle of it, a dog beastkin woman shouted an urgent warning at me.

Heeheeheeheeigh!!!

"Kyaa?!"

The unicorn the others had been chasing veered and came charging at me in a frenzy...

"Hee...heigh?"

"Oh."

An instant before we collided, it stopped dead.

D-don't tell me... it's testing me right now?

I'm not ready for this yet...!