Dating Is a Sin

Dating is a sin. I’ve never actually dated, but it’s the absolute pinnacle of inefficiency—a total waste of time and money. "I’m not just saying that because I’m a lifelong virgin who’s never had a girlfriend, okay?"

"....Pfft."

"......"

"Hey. Stop talking shit and push the tower. Your top lane is playing like a legend right now."

"Yeah, well, your mom’s kimchi stew is a masterclass."

"Your mom’s soybean paste stew is a divine miracle cooked in five minutes."

"....Right. Let’s just play the game."

What I mean is, spending time with a friend playing games at a PC bang is just more enjoyable. I’ve had plenty of crushes. I’ve confessed a few times, and there were even a couple of times where things drifted into a vague, pseudo-relationship. But dating requires you to prove your love to someone else at every single moment, and for someone like me who hates being scrutinized, that’s a massive headache. I’d much rather curse at a close friend and play games; it’s far more comfortable.

And so, my middle and high school years—the so-called spring of youth—passed by, and before I knew it, I was a college student.

"Hey, order some ramen."

"...I’m out of part-time money this month. Buy it yourself."

Tap, tap. I ignored the headlock from Shin Dongbin, my friend of ten years, and kept scrolling on my phone. Entering adulthood, I realized that having a friend you can trust and hang out with since childhood is a huge blessing.

"...Ugh. You stingy bastard. What are you looking at?"

"Webtoons."

"Let’s see... Whoa... A romance webtoon?"

"...."

"Didn't you say you had no interest in real-life dating...? Hey Jinu, should your big brother introduce you to some girls?"

"Get lost. I’m not interested."

"Hard to believe you’re not interested when... what was it? That mysterious idol-tier high school girl you met at the terminal a year ago. Why didn't you at least get her number?"

"....That girl."

I tried to come up with an excuse for Dongbin, but my words died in my throat. It was a memory I found easier to dismiss as a simple case of mistaken identity. *...What are the odds that someone like that would ever get involved with me?*

If she had been a girl with a reasonably average look, I might have felt a flutter of excitement. I might have tried to talk to her a bit more, or, as my friend suggested, asked for her number. ...But honestly, we just didn't match. There’s no way someone so beautiful—someone whose very art style seemed different from everyone else’s—could know who I am. And unfortunately, the common cliché of the "childhood friend" didn't exist for me, aside from that demon sitting in ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the PC bang next to me.

"Forget it. She was a high schooler. You want to go to jail?"

"Since when did you care? You used to say you’d wait years if she was pretty enough."

"....."

I stood up, throwing on my jacket. I grabbed my phone and wallet from the table and flicked a middle finger at my friend, who was still glued to the game.

"I’m not hanging out with you anymore, you idiot."

"What are you talking about? You’re the one who called me out. I bet ten thousand won you’ll log into a game as soon as you get home."

"Oh, really?"

"Nah, I’m lying."

"...Eat shit."

Clink. I walked past the musty stairs and into the night, where the city lights stretched out before me. Breathing in the cold night air, my eyes caught sight of couples showing affection. ...Honestly, I was a little jealous. Every human is dominated by loneliness at some point. It’s a bit cringey to say, but the chilly night breeze makes you think all sorts of things.

"I’m lonely... a little."

I passed through the bustling streets and entered a spooky back alley. A drunk man was rolling on the ground, and only the lights of a 24-hour convenience store were flickering. Following the sparse streetlights, I arrived near the apartment where I lived alone.

Thud. Clatter... A pile of stones stacked in front of the apartment entrance collapsed after I kicked it. It was probably made by some kid living in the same building. Feeling unnecessarily guilty, I put the stone tower back together, gave a nod to the security guard, and walked down the hallway.

While waiting for the elevator, I fell into deep thought again.

"...Have I already gotten used to this? What..."

It felt like only yesterday that I arrived at Seoul Station, unpacked my room, and attended the freshman orientation, but a whole year had already passed. It felt like time was just slipping away meaninglessly, to the point where I felt a sense of guilt.

[It is the 7th floor.]

"...Ah, I don't know~ Sex. Sex, sex, sex."

[The door is opening.]

"....."

"....?!"

As the elevator door opened, my body, which had been about to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠head into my room without a second thought, froze in place. What are the odds that a stranger would be standing right in front of me the moment the elevator door opened while I was mindlessly acting like an idiot? To say "it happens, you idiot" wouldn't work, because the family living across from me on the 7th floor had moved out a long time ago. In other words, what just happened was a natural disaster.

'...Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.'

I thought about just playing it cool and walking past her as if she were "Passerby 1," but... ...Something about her face looked familiar.

I stared intently at the woman in front of me. She was wearing a black mask and had long, straight hair that reached her waist. She was in leggings and a simple white t-shirt, but even at a glance, her violent, stunning physique drew my eyes involuntarily. ....No, that’s not it. I’ve really seen her somewhere...

"....I, I must have mistaken the floor...."

"....Ah. Right."

Dash! The woman in front of me hurriedly stepped into the elevator, bowed her head, and frantically pressed the "Close" button. She was holding a black plastic bag, and as soon as I looked at it to see what was inside, she hurriedly hid it behind her back.

'No, no. I’m not that kind of weirdo...'

[The door is closing.]

I squeezed my eyes shut and ran into my room without even looking back.

".....Ahㅡ"

By the time I turned off the buzzing alarm with a dazed expression, the combo of the orientation and freshman welcome party had already begun. ...Of course, if I ran for it now, I could still manage to get my attendance checked. I started frantically digging through my closet, pulling out clothes.

"...Dammit. What the? Where did my clothes go?"

The neutral-colored clothes I usually kept in the most visible spot were nowhere to be found, so I grabbed whatever I could find—a plaid shirt and jeans—and started running. The distance from my room to the university was about 10 minutes... If I sprinted, I could cover it in 5. I had to get there by at least 9:30 to get my attendance checked—so I started running like a madman.

"Haa, haa.... haa...."

The professor was ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠still in the lecture hall. He was an incredibly old-fashioned person who insisted on everyone introducing themselves and gave strict assignments, but luckily, I had made a good impression on him, so he would probably let this slide. The bigger problem was my heavy panting, so after catching my breath, I opened the lecture hall door and walked in. The familiar face of the bald professor greeted me.

"....Soㅡ let’s talk about the upcoming schedule..."

"Oh, you made it?"

"...Almost fucked up."

I pushed aside Dongbin, who was sitting in the back row as usual, and sat down next to him. According to the information I got in a whisper, the student council was going to throw a massive welcome party for the freshmen that evening. Looking around, I saw bright, fresh faces scattered here and there.

"Oh. There are juniors too. This feels weird."

"Hey. Do you see her? She’s insanely pretty."

"....Ah, give it a rest."

"She looks like Kirina, doesn't she? Or Seol-yeon?"

"...Who are you talking about?"

Naturally, if someone says there’s a pretty person, your eyes are bound to wander. I knew exactly who he meant without him pointing. You can tell a truly beautiful person just by their back. I had even seen her profile.

"...She really is pretty. Did she come here after being a trainee?"

"The guys in our year are already gunning for her."

"....The orientation hasn't even finished yet?"

"Her photo is already up in the guys' group chat for our department."

"...Wow. Seriously, you guys are going to get sued for that, you know?"

"No, no, she uploaded it herself as a selfie, so I think it’s excusable."

"....."

"Anyway, if you don't want to get drained, don't go into the eye of that storm. I’ll stay in the corner like before, and when the time is right, I’ll escape to your side with some beer."

"....Thanks for the advice."

I stared blankly at the professor’s orientation, looking at the female student far away. Yoo Soyeon, was it? She felt familiar, but I soon cleared my complex thoughts, finished the attendance, and decided to go back to my room to get some sleep for the war that was to come.

. . .

"Alrightㅡ everyone.... Cheers!!"

Ah. I want to go home. With my whole body, I desperately want to go home. I want to go back home, crawl into my warm blanket, and lie down. The only reason that’s impossible is that I’m on the student council, which has to run the freshman welcome party. Of course, I left everything to the extreme extroverts, but in name, I have to at least stand by and clap.

"Alright, everyone, please enjoy! Thank you!!"

Whoaㅡ since everyone at my table went off to get the freshmen drunk, I just need to heat up the atmosphere for about an hour and then find a time to escape. As the alcohol started to kick in, people started singing, turning up the volume on their phones, and holding impromptu karaoke sessions, shouting at the top of their lungs everywhere. I hated this kind of thing, which is why I didn't like drinking parties. Everyone here was irresponsibly venting the true nature they had been suppressing, using alcohol as an excuse. For someone like me who prefers to drink alone just until the point before getting drunk, this wasn't a pretty sight.

Spinning a glass cup on the table, I fell into a daze. Everyone is making such a fuss, trying to get a girlfriend, trying to get someone into bed. ...Am I the strange one?

I wasn't impotent or anything. But I didn't want to satisfy my sexual desires or my need for the opposite sex to that extent.

'That’s easy for you to say. It sounds more convincing coming from someone who’s actually dated.'

Just then, as I was searching for an escape route, tap-tap.

"....Excuse me. Can I sit here?"

"...Oh, sure."

"...."

"....."

...Hmm. What is this situation?

Yoo Soyeon, was it? As a freshman, she possessed such incredible beauty that she enjoyed immense popularity, regardless of her introverted personality. I had seen guys of this age swarming around her, trying to make a move, so I had decided to stay far away from that side and was eating snacks alone at the complete opposite end. Why is a nuclear bomb suddenly here?

I felt glances from the side. Of course, there were other people’s gazes, but it was none other than Yoo Soyeon, sitting right next to me. '...Why is she doing this to me?'

It could be a common behavior ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠for a young woman to sit at a table and flirt, expressing, "I’m interested in you." But she should be going to that handsome senior surrounded by pretty female juniors over there, or one of the cool-looking freshman guys who joined with her. I couldn't understand the purpose of sitting next to a senior she didn't even know.

"Do you remember me?"

She didn't look at me, but started a conversation while looking at the table. Her expression, filled with a sense of longing and many emotions, made my mouth, which had been about to say something, snap shut.

"I. I’ve been waiting so long... until we met again."

"...."

Seeing my dazed face, which clearly showed I had no idea, Yoo Soyeon smiled gently, poking me with her finger as if she were used to this.

"...Back then... we. We met, didn't we?"

".....?"

"That I would... find you again..."

Pushed by that desperate look that seemed to plead with me to recognize her, I started racking my brain. What kind of relationship could such a pretty junior possibly have with me? She was only wearing a white t-shirt and black leggings, but because her base was so good, her appearance was so violent...

....Wait.

"....Oh? That..... at the apartment?"

"....."

Upon hearing my answer, Yoo Soyeon’s pupils wavered for a moment.

"....Ah?! That... we met in the elevator...? So you were my neighbor...!!"

"Th, that’sㅡ"

"...Oh. No? Then why did you.... come to our apartment."

"....."

Yoo Soyeon’s ears were turning insanely red. She looked as if she had been caught doing something terrible, her lips trembling as she opened her mouth, but I couldn't properly capture her expression.

Glug, glug, glugㅡ

"...Shall we. Sh, shall we drink a little more."