A Loner's Human Disqualification
It was the end of first period that morning. Things seemed to be flowing smoothly, blending into the background without any major incidents, just like any other day. But my nerves had been on edge since arriving at school, thanks to the sudden late-night stream I'd helped my sister with the night before. She'd been steadily building her audience since her Hakko days, and then the unintended red pill incident went viral, drawing in viewers all at once. Handling them wasn't easy for a total newbie like me.
At first, we'd planned to re-stream using her VTuber character again, but she didn't hesitate to go facecam, using my speech issues as an excuse. As her guest, I'd sat there stiff-faced, staring at the incoming chat and scribbling responses on my whiteboard as best I could. That was all I'd done. Yet people showered me with donations like it was a pity party. Did I really look that pathetic?
Anyway, staying up late helping her meant exhaustion hit hard from the morning. I'd nodded off through class, fighting sleep, and my notes were just illegible scribbles.
[Show me your notes.]
"...Isn't that a bit too shameless?"
Park Seongjun rolled his eyes at my sparkling plea for his notes, but he handed them over without much fuss.
People really shouldn't be judged by appearances... Wasn't this what they called a tsundere? Flipping open his notebook, I was struck by his surprisingly pretty handwriting and neatly organized notes. They were so meticulously gridded, like a machine—mirroring his personality perfectly. I couldn't help but admire it inwardly.
"What, something wrong?"
[No... Just wondering if all the good students are on another level.]
"I've never claimed to be a good student myself..."
[Heard it from the girls. They say you were always top of your middle school class?]
Sometimes the girls would huddle up, gossiping loudly enough for me to hear about Park Seongjun. From those who'd gone to the same middle school, I'd picked up stories about his past. Sure, fights with delinquent boys were routine, but apparently his grades were insanely good regardless.
"Straight up: I hate people who talk behind backs. Especially girls."
His sharp glare and irritation hit home. I felt the same discomfort imagining the girls praising or trash-talking me behind closed doors. My sister Seo Yeon had once told me women's social circles were brutally wild, unlike guys'. I'd thought they'd be softer, fluffier...
"And you make me uncomfortable too. Why act so meek? You haven't done anything wrong."
[Classmates make me uncomfortable. Especially the girls.]
"...You ever hear you're weird?"
[Why?]
"Kids avoid me outright, thinking I'm a delinquent. Can't deny the fights, but aren't you supposed to treat me awkwardly?"
"Ah..."
I instantly got it. If I hadn't cleared up the game shop misunderstanding, I wouldn't be chatting so casually with him either. He kept his head down around others, but relaxed with me—naturally, he'd wonder.
[You're kinder than the others.]
I tilted my head with a soft smile. I couldn't quite meet his eyes, but somehow, those words carried perfectly.
"Wh-what...! The others like you too! J-just... copy it quick and give it back!"
His face flushed crimson as he shot up from his seat, glancing once before bolting out of the classroom like he was fleeing.
...I didn't say anything embarrassing, did I? Puzzled by his uncharacteristic fluster, I pushed it aside and focused on copying the notes.
"Um, hey..."
"...Huh?"
A few minutes in, a nearby voice made me look up instinctively. I'd assumed the girls were gathering for chit-chat while Seongjun was gone, but this was different. A boy stood there, fidgeting, staring into space like he had something to say.
What the—? My face paled, shoulders trembling.
"Eek...!"
"N-no, I didn't mean to scare you! Uh, was that really you? The guest on Yangkku's stream yesterday... Kim Sua?"
"...Ugh?!"
He whipped out his smartphone triumphantly. There I was on the screen: stiff-faced, whiteboard in hand, forcing a grin while answering questions.
"...!!!"
My gaze snapped to him. Our eyes met by accident. As I shuddered, shoulders twitching, his lips curled in a creepy smirk of confirmation. Chills ran down my spine.
I'd hoped school would stay normal since no one mentioned the stream on the way in. But that was wishful thinking. With 400k subscribers—and that huge incident yesterday—someone here had to know.
I'm such an idiot. Why was I so naive?
"Wait, talking about the stream?"
"I was debating whether to ask, but yeah—that was really you, right?"
The boy's question sparked it. The usual girl crowd swelled with boys too, encircling me. No escape routes. Classmates' eyes sparkled, fixed on me—but no one spoke rashly, mindful of my past collapse.
They all knew... Their reactions confirmed it. They'd held back out of consideration. I'd always seemed antisocial, avoiding people except Seongjun, struggling even with small talk...
[How much do you guys know?]
No point dodging now. Best to wrap this up fast. Seeing my whiteboard, they lit up and started talking.
"Your sister's really Yangkku?! She's so pretty!!!"
"I was curious—is the mixed blood thing true? What kind?"
[Quarter... English...]
"British mixed!!! Eeeeek!!!"
The girls squealed, lunging in for skinship. The soft press against my back made me freeze, face horrified.
Wh-what do I do! Th-they're touching my back!!
Unlike the boys, the girls closed in shamelessly.
"How do you skincare? Your sister's skin was flawless! Any product recs?"
"Huh? Looks barefaced. So squishy!"
"Aahh...!!"
They poked and prodded like I was a toy. Hands trailed my cheeks; I squeezed my eyes shut, body jerking. They groped freely, cooing in awe. My sister touched me often at home, but strangers' hands felt different. I tensed unconsciously. Knowing it was a woman's body made my nerves fray.
"Hic... snff..."
Lips pressed tight, trembling, a tear escaped. It felt gross, like snakes slithering over my skin—chills everywhere. They meant well, treating me like one of the girls, but it overwhelmed me. Old male instincts clashed, hyper-aware of them as women. I'd thought my sense of attraction was fuzzy... but touch brought it roaring back.
Even in this female body... traces of my male past lingered.
"Ah... s-sorry! We got too friendly?!"
"I watched yesterday! Social phobia, right? Guest spot to help overcome it?"
[No, it's fine. Just... don't touch me.]
Seeing my tears and shivers, they backed off apologetically. I didn't snap at them—their kindness, in their way. I forced my shoulders to relax, steadying my breath. The crowd dispersed slowly. Relieved, I wiped my tears.
...Something's off.
Mopping with my uniform sleeve, a foreign itch spread from my waist down my legs. Familiar yet utterly new. Mid-sniffle, I froze, then bolted up.
No way... This can't be real!
"Whoa?! S-Sua?!"
"Wh-where you going?!"
Ignoring their calls, I dashed out, panting, straight to the girls' bathroom. Locked in a stall.
It's not...
Trembling hands slipped under my skirt, easing down my panties. My own body, yet tension brought alien waves through me. I knew exactly what it meant.
Crazy... I'm trash...
Confirmation blanked my mind white. Self-loathing surged; tears flowed. My body still craved, the itch tormenting relentlessly. Hands shook; I gripped my wrist to stop it wandering lower.
H-help... No...!!
First time like this. Never this intense as a guy. Couldn't hold out. Teeth gritted, I slammed my head against the wall.
"Agh! Ack! Ugh... Hic!!!"
Thuds echoed with pained groans. It hurt bad. But focusing on the forehead pain dulled the maddening urge bit by bit.
"Hic... Snff..."
Head drooping, red blood dripped down. Mind rang empty, but it was okay. The torment vanished.
What the hell do I even want...?
Self-disgust hit late. I curled on the toilet, eyes shut, praying to escape this nightmare...