The Ultra-Shy Girl's Pocket Money Hustle
"Ugh... Should I really try out for an audition?"
I was sitting in the living room, killing time in front of the TV, when Mom suddenly brought up auditions out of nowhere. My gaze naturally shifted toward her.
[Mom, didn't you retire?]
"I did, after you were born. It wasn't easy juggling acting with raising three kids..."
Mom trailed off with a soft smile directed at me.
Our family lives on a single income. Before I was born, both parents worked to make ends meet in their younger days, apparently. Mom used to be an actress. With young siblings to raise, Dad's civil servant salary wasn't enough. So Mom decided to join the workforce too and started looking for jobs. That's when she got scouted on the street by chance.
She was a renowned beauty in the neighborhood back then, and her mixed heritage made her stand out even more.
[Mom, what was it like back then?]
"There was a lot of social prejudice against mixed-race actors, so it was pretty tough."
[For someone who dealt with that, Dad brags about your popularity every chance he gets.]
"Ugh, that's embarrassing..."
Mom turned her head away from me, flustered. But why bring up auditions all of a sudden?
My college brother is on a scholarship, so no tuition worries, and he covers his living expenses with part-time work—basically independent. My sister refuses allowance from our parents, saying she earns her own pocket money through some personal gig.
Wait... Come to think of it, I'm the only one doing nothing and just taking handouts... Am I trash?
[Mom, is this because of me?]
"No... Honestly, your dad alone might struggle..."
Mom has this habit when she's dodging or glancing sideways—she fidgets with her thumbnail, restless. I could tell she was tiptoeing around it, lying out of kindness. Just seeing her fiddle with her nail while forcing a gentle smile to reassure me said it all.
Hospital bills... They must be a real burden, huh?
Mom had saved up some money from her acting days for our future—enough to send us to college and pursue our dreams. But ever since learning about the gender transformation disease, I've been heading to the hospital a few times a week for tests and counseling with Yeonseo unnie. My hormones are still unstable, causing wild mood swings, and I'm on meds for social phobia and depression. Even with insurance, those bills add up. Dad's single income couldn't possibly cover it easily.
"Ahhh..."
Guilt kept me from looking Mom straight in the face. All I could do was scribble an apology on my whiteboard and show it to her.
[I'm sorry.]
"Sua-ya? You might not get it yet, but parents are the type who would give everything for their kids without a second thought, no matter what happens."
She tried to ease my worries with those words, treating me like always. But that just made me more uncomfortable.
This can't go on. I need to pull my weight like my siblings. But...
What can I even do?
With my mental scars still fresh, I can't even speak—who'd hire me? And with my tiny, fragile frame that looks like a middle schooler's, good luck finding a part-time gig.
At the very least, I wanted to chip in for my meds to ease the hospital costs. Somehow... I had to find a way.
* * *
"Ughhh..."
"...Why the long face first thing in the morning?"
The wave of depression hit hard, and I slammed my head onto the desk. A pathetic whimper escaped my lips before I knew it, my face scrunched in misery.
Park Seongjun noticed and scowled with his usual irritated expression.
[I want to earn money.]
"Just get a part-time job... Oh, right, that'd be tough for you."
"Eek...!"
This jerk—super annoying. He started to say "part-time job" but scanned me head to toe, smirked mockingly, and wrote me off as impossible.
"Ughhh!!"
Already on edge, I glared at him.
[Even a total loser like me can handle a part-time job, you know?]
"Loser? What's that supposed to mean?"
[Loser, total loser, loo-ser.]
"...You're just pissing me off now."
Park Seongjun grimaced and smacked the whiteboard, erasing my words with his palm.
Lately, I'd gotten used to bantering with him like this—fairly naturally, even. It started after clearing up my misunderstanding about him at the game shop. As someone scarred by my own drastic change, judging him on looks alone filled me with guilt.
Not that it was full atonement, but since enrolling, I'd spent the last week approaching him openly, no holds barred. He seemed pretty annoyed by it, but hey, same here—I was still scared of people and couldn't meet his eyes. So during talks, my gaze stayed glued to the floor.
"If you wanna work part-time, at least look people in the face when you talk. Fine with me, but you stare at the ground with everyone else too."
And there it was—him nailing my weak spot. Spending time with him lately, I'd learned Park Seongjun was way more perceptive and detail-oriented than his tough-guy look suggested.
No comeback, so I doodled circles on the whiteboard to vent, sulking.
"Ughhh..."
"You're such a scatterbrain compared to how you look... If you're that desperate, why not try streaming?"
"...Huh?"
Did I hear that right? I looked up—and locked eyes with him. He propped his chin lazily, like everything was a hassle, and pointed toward the center of the classroom.
Following his finger, I saw some girls from class propping up their phones, filming something.
What's that about?
"Something about Shorts or whatever."
[Isn't that a red ocean? Not just anyone can do it.]
"If it's about making money, sure. But... Hmm, never mind. Nah, I'm not saying it."
He eyed my face like he was sizing me up, then bolted from his seat and out of the classroom like he was fleeing.
What the? Why run off mid-sentence?!
"Um... Sua?"
As soon as Park Seongjun left, a classmate approached like she'd been waiting. Others gathered around me cautiously, seizing the moment.
Ah, here we go again.
"Hey, you seem close to Park Seongjun lately. Aren't you scared?"
"You gotta be careful... He doesn't have the best rumors."
If you're so worried, why not approach when he's around? These girls only came to me when he was gone, and their concern felt gross—fake. I got not wanting to approach because of him if they wanted to befriend me. But their kindness rang hollow, and knowing they'd ditch me at the first sign of trouble made it impossible to open up.
My old guy friends had ghosted me clean after the change. No way I'd risk that again.
"Oh, sorry. You don't like crowds, right?"
"Hey, what were you two talking about earlier?"
Unlike my thoughts, they wouldn't let go, eyes fixed on me eagerly. I focused on the whiteboard, scribbling.
[He suggested streaming but bailed without explaining why.]
"Streaming? Huh... Makes sense. Park Seongjun's got an eye, unlike his looks."
"Guys are all the same. Even I'd tell a cutie like Sua to give it a shot."
They nodded in agreement, occasionally scanning me up and down just like he had. Sticky, creepy stares.
[It's overwhelming—stop gawking and just explain why.]
I wanted out, but curiosity nagged. The girls surrounding me all turned to the whiteboard. Then, one by one, they smiled softly at me.
The vibe shifted weirdly, making my shoulders tremble.
"So cute. Not just kid-like—pure innocence."
"With a face like yours, one mukbang vid and you'd blow up."
"Oh, mukbang reminds me—I have tteokbokki sticks! Wanna try?"
One pulled some from her pocket and dangled them near my mouth, urging me to eat.
What the hell is this? I'm not a toy.
"You need to toughen up. It's rare for other girls to like someone purely without jealousy."
"Like a little sister? She's cute beyond pretty. First time seeing someone this adorable."
"Ahhh?!"
Ah, hate this. Gotta run.
The girls went wild one by one, showering me with "cute" and "pretty" compliments, handing out candy and chocolate. Some mimicked the tteokbokki girl, shoving snacks toward my mouth.
Overwhelmed, I was on the verge of tears.
"You girls know snacks aren't allowed on campus, right?"
A familiar voice made me peek up. There was Dad, textbook in hand, stern-faced and looming right over us.