Super Shy Me's Pocket Money Grind (2)
“Sorry about that. I have to treat everyone fairly, so there was no helping it.”
[It's okay. But isn't it usually fine to eat snacks at school?]
“There was a kid recently who got caught tossing snack wrappers anywhere and sneaking eats during class to film Shorts...”
[Still feels unfair. I didn't even eat any.]
Dad at school was way stricter than I'd imagined. I'd held out a sliver of hope he'd let it slide, but nope—he lumped me in with my classmates who'd actually passed me snacks, and we all got an earful together. It ended with just a light scolding, but the way he loomed over me in that heavy atmosphere was straight-up terrifying. It felt exactly like facing my brother at home—I couldn't even look him in the eye.
“Was it that scary?”
I shook my head, pretending it wasn't a big deal. I couldn't admit it, not when my brother's face kept overlapping with his. Saying it out loud would just sour the mood at home again for sure.
Lately, Mom and Dad had been trying to patch things up with my brother by talking to him about keeping his distance from me. But it wasn't easy, no matter how much they wanted it. There hadn't been any huge blowups with our parents, but he'd just muttered something about needing time to think and bolted back to his dorm like he was fleeing.
His actions hurt, and the more it went on, the scarier he seemed. In the middle of all that, I desperately craved his affection. If he just hated me outright, I could deal—but why was I such an idiot, clinging to the hope of getting close to him like this? I felt pathetic, obsessing over it.
Ugh, enough about bro.
“By the way, what were you chatting about with the kids earlier?”
Dad suddenly asked, curiosity piqued about my morning talk with the class. Caught off guard by the ambush question, I stared blankly at my whiteboard, racking my brain for what to write.
“Hanging with just the boys and then having to deal with the girls too... sounds like it'd be pretty tricky...”
“Ah...”
So Dad's been worrying about that stuff...
He might look stoic on the outside, but he was watching me from afar, concerned if I was fitting in at school. Made sense—I'd passed out from a panic attack on day one, after all.
Still, contrary to his worries, I was actually adapting better than expected. As long as I didn't look anyone directly in the face, I could manage conversations just fine. I'd been diligent with my meds too, so the hallucinations and mood swings had tapered off a lot lately. All in all, I figured I was doing okay.
“I heard your desk mate is Park Seongjun... the one with the yellow-dyed hair.”
[He's not a bad guy.]
“The teachers all speak highly of him. No idea why he'd dye his hair yellow recently, though...”
Park Seongjun had vented to me about it once before. He said explaining it would just come off as excuses anyway, so he never bothered.
Should I spill the beans?
Curiosity getting the better of me, I scribbled down the story behind his yellow hair.
“So, he dyed it like that purely by accident?”
[He was pissed about it.]
“I... see.”
Dad turned away, clearly finding it ridiculous too. Ah... Dad was smiling.
[You bought that pretty quick?]
“Park Seongjun's polite, great grades, and he seems to look out for you a lot.”
[I never told you that.]
“I Seol mentions it all the time.”
Yeah, that tracked. I didn't cross paths with Dad much outside English class since he wasn't my homeroom teacher. Guess I Seol was giving him constant updates on my school life whenever she got the chance.
She's got a bit of a loose-lips vibe...
“Glad to hear it, though. Making guy friends, seeming natural around people...”
“Ahhh...”
Embarrassment hit hard—I couldn't lift my head. Dad thought I was making real friends, but I still couldn't wrap my head around it. I was just dodging them one-sidedly, barely making eye contact...
**
“Haa...”
Back home, exhaustion crashed over me, a sigh slipping out on autopilot. I dropped my bag at the entrance and glanced around—no signs of life. Usually, Mom would be prepping dinner with her warm smile by now, but today the house felt eerily quiet.
Did she go to that audition we talked about yesterday?
It made sense; she'd brought it up first. Bro was long gone to his dorm, and Sis hadn't come home yet either. The place was dead silent for once. Being home alone felt weird after so long.
More than that, thinking about Mom diving back into acting to cover my hospital bills wasn't exactly uplifting.
Streaming... could a loser like me really make money that way?
Park Seongjun and the class's streaming pitch kept circling my brain.
Is it even possible?
I couldn't even talk right now—what mukbang could I do besides munch on potato chips? Nothing.
...Why am I seriously pondering this? Am I finally losing it?
I clutched my head in confusion. I just needed cash for bills, nothing more—no real intent to stream. Everyone around me seemed dead set I'd blow up purely on looks, though...
No way in hell...
I loathed this new girl body of mine—using it as a weapon? Hard pass.
Ugh, just lie down and think later...
Overthinking wouldn't help. I dragged myself to my room, stripped off the stuffy uniform, and threw on comfy casuals. Pants over skirts any day. Uniform skirts were unavoidable, but why were they so short? No clue.
“Haa...”
Flopping onto the bed in fresh clothes was pure bliss. School was my choice to get back to normal life, but man, the hurdles were steep. Guys treated me like a flower on a cliff—uncomfortable. And the girls swarming without a care? Somehow even worse, harder to endure.
If I were still a guy, I'd have loved this setup...
Something I'd noticed lately: girls getting close barely sparked any romantic vibes anymore. It wasn't just fear of people—it felt different. My sense of seeing the opposite sex as opposite was fading bit by bit.
Hell, I don't even know what gender to see that way anymore...
Weird to even dwell on it. Deep down, I knew I liked girls. Back as a guy, full of teenage hormones, I'd been into them—heck, jerked off plenty.
Come to think of it, haven't tried since the change...
The transformation left no room for that. No sensation down there, no erections possible. And now? Not even a trace left. Touching this girl body terrified me; it'd just mess me up mentally.
Good thing I haven't felt urges yet...
It was during a session with Yeonseo sis.
“Sensitive topic, but straight talk: you haven't felt any sexual excitement with that body yet, right?”
“Eh...”
Her blunt question made me grimace. She waved off any misunderstanding, face dead serious as she explained.
“I always stress this: your body's pumping out sex hormones like crazy right now. Puberty, remember? Female hormones dominate, but male ones are no slouch either.”
[Too complicated. Just the point, please.]
“You'll get horny eventually. I'm warning you now so you don't freak. FWIW, I do it twice a week with this body.”
“Uwaaaah!!!”
I couldn't face Yeonseo sis. My brain unhelpfully pictured it.
“Ahahaha! Still a guy at heart, huh? This look gets me 'hottie' compliments nonstop. Kinda young-looking, so people treat me like a student, but...”
She ruffled my bowed head casually, like it was no big deal. Looking back, her words were wild. No signs yet, but hearing it from someone who'd been through it hit with brutal realism.
Still fine for now... no weird vibes.
“Ugh...”
Now that I was hyperaware, my body itched, eyes drifting downward naturally.
Insane... just sleep it off...