Expressionless Training
Inside the carriage, Eryk turned to look at me with cold eyes when I called out, “Lieutenant Colonel.”
“What is it?”
“It’s cold.”
When I answered in a flat, emotionless voice, Eryk shed his outer coat and tossed it over. “Put it on.”
“…Thank you.”
A command delivered without feeling, gratitude expressed without feeling. …I can’t start struggling already.
The reason we were doing this was simple: we had kissed far too many times and grown too soft with each other. My body kept trying to cling to him at the slightest provocation, so—feeling the warning signs—I had proposed this expressionless training to Eryk. The rules were straightforward. We could speak to each other, but we had to respond as we once had. Of course, since it was training, we would avoid the truly wounding words from the past. That was the gist of it.
…He won’t even look at me.
It felt strangely disappointing. I almost wished he would glare instead. The feeling was so peculiar it left me unsettled.
“Ahem…!”
“……”
Even when I cleared my throat, Eryk refused to spare me a glance. After claiming he loved me so deeply, his discipline was impressive. …I almost respect it.
Thinking that, I rummaged through the coat he had thrown me and pulled out a cigarette.
“I’ll be taking this.”
“…Couldn’t you smoke in moderation?”
“…?”
Eryk suddenly spoke up, asking to pause the training.
“Why do you ask?”
“……”
“Lieutenant Colonel?”
“Major, I’ve heard cigarettes may be harmful to the body.”
“…Is that so?”
As someone from the modern era, I already knew the fact, but Eryk spoke as though it were some startling revelation. That was understandable—this world was stuck at the level of the First or Second World War. Enough said.
“So I would prefer if you refrained from smoking, Major.”
“……”
“Of course, I know cigarettes can steady the mind and body in battle, but…”
Whether from embarrassment or not, Eryk turned his face toward the window, cheeks faintly flushed, and murmured to me. “…In those moments, I’d like you to think of me a little.”
“…!!”
Eryk kept saying the strangest things. He kept shaking my heart with those unexpected words.
“Wh-what is that all of a sudden…!!”
“If you dislike it, I won’t force the matter.”
“Ugh…! It’s not that I dislike it!!”
This man kept flirting with me. It was enough to drive anyone mad. …Eryk! Was this always your personality?!
I wondered how he had managed to suppress his emotions all this time. His hatred for vampires must have run unfathomably deep for a romantic like him to hide his feelings so completely.
“…I’ll cut back.”
“I’ll cut back as well.”
Eryk smiled softly as he spoke. He barely smoked to begin with.
I huffed, snatching the cigarettes from his pocket.
“…You said you’d cut back.”
“This much is fine, isn’t it?”
“……”
He stared at me blankly, let out a sigh, and declared this would be the last time. I thanked him for it.
“Thank you for permitting it.”
“…Come here. I want to hold you.”
He patted the seat beside him. I exhaled a stream of smoke and slid over, leaning against him. His arm naturally slipped behind my back, wrapping me in a gentle embrace.
“Has the PTSD improved at all?”
“…It hasn’t gotten better yet.”
Far from improving, the peaceful rear lines had only made it worse. Even after we entered this strange relationship, I still sometimes found myself breathless.
It was bitter. I had longed to leave the battlefield and find peace—yet here I was, growing more miserable than ever.
“…I wonder how long I’ll have to live this miserably…”
With a heavy heart I drew on the cigarette and rested my head against him. Eryk stroked my hair, his fingers secretly brushing my ear.
“Once the war ends, things will improve.”
“……”
I hoped so.
“Haa……”
Pale smoke curled into the air.
“The smell of cigarettes is… fading your scent, Lieutenant Colonel.”
“Then smoke in moderation.”
He swept my hair back as he spoke. Nothing else worked as well for forgetting trauma.
“Is there anything better for forgetting trauma?”
“I’m right here.”
“…!!”
“I love you.”
He smiled as he said it. I could only blush, leaning against him.
“Didn’t you say the expressionless face was your survival strategy?”
“…Is there any reason to hide even in front of you, Lieutenant Colonel? You’re the person who cherishes me most.”
“…I suppose that’s true.”
Eryk’s face reddened; he began avoiding my eyes. The sight was so amusing I let out a soft giggle. He looked at me with open wonder.
“You laughed.”
“Am I not allowed to laugh?”
“No, it’s just surprising. Who could have imagined the Sword Saint could smile so beautifully?”
“Are you deliberately trying to seduce me…!!?”
When I asked, he chuckled and brushed my cheek with his fingertips.
“If I said I was deliberately trying to seduce you, what would you say, my dear officer?”
“I’d tell you not to waste your effort.”
At that, Eryk asked with a wounded expression.
“Why…? Does that mean you would never fall for me no matter how I tried?”
“……”
“Tell me quickly. I feel like I might get hurt.”
Embarrassed, I squirmed and finally answered.
“…Th-that’s because I’ve already been completely conquered by you, Lieutenant Colonel. How could I possibly fall any harder…?”
His eyes widened. For a moment he seemed at a loss.
-Flash!
-Grab!
“Eryk?!”
“…I love you.”
Unable to contain himself any longer, he lifted me onto his lap and hugged me tightly.
“Put me down…! This is embarrassing!”
“Sorry.”
When I pounded on his chest, he gently returned me to the seat beside him.
“Please stop lifting me.”
“……”
“…That includes during intimate moments! My feet don’t reach the ground and it frightens me!”
“Sorry.”
He gave an awkward cough. I snorted at the sight.
Night had crept up on us. The carriage still raced forward with tireless vigor.
In the darkness, Eryk gazed at Valentine, who had fallen asleep leaning against him.
“…How cute.”
One small vampire slept peacefully with her head pillowed on his thigh, breathing soft and even.
“It would be nice if she quit smoking altogether.”
As he spoke, Eryk brushed her hair aside.
“To love each other yet be unable to continue together.”
Frustration washed over him, but he understood Valentine’s heart completely. He knew she had done everything possible to survive. She must have been truly desperate to drink her subordinates’ blood. Even then, she had only taken from those already beyond saving, on the brink of death. Listening to their dying resentment must have been agony.
Exiled by vampires, she belonged nowhere. Different from humans, she could not belong to the Empire. She hid her true self in the abyss and devoted everything to blending in with others. Even though discovery meant being treated worse than garbage, Valentine chose to let them hate her instead. What had he done to someone like that?
“Haa……”
With a heavy sigh, Eryk looked out the window. In the deep darkness, it felt as though his departed family and comrades were speaking to him.
Hurry and kill that vampire, Eryk.
Complete our revenge, Eryk.
So you truly betrayed us, Eryk.
The hallucinations he had heard countless times replayed on their own. Yet now Eryk could brush them aside lightly.
“…Valentine.”
Valentine. The very life known as Valentine—not the word “vampire”—had become impossibly precious to him. Thinking of her now, the label of vampire no longer mattered. The woman he loved, the strongest and most fragile woman in the world.
“I will protect you. No matter what.”
This time he refused to lose her. That was the name of such a woman.
He did not know how long the war would last. He might die in it.
“Until that moment comes, I will fight for you.”
If the country gave nothing to this frail woman who had fought for it—if the world itself terrified her—then he would gladly stand at the forefront and shield her from it.
He had already offered his body to the motherland. Wasn’t it all right to be a little selfish now?
“…Please have sweet dreams.”
Eryk brushed a hand across her forehead. Valentine smiled in her sleep. The sight filled him with overwhelming tenderness.
War was cruel. It trampled lives, gnawed at every mind, and devoured the futures of young people who might have become friends. No matter how desperately one tried to look away, the war that seemed to hunt down exactly those people was merciless beyond measure. Where tanks had passed, not a single flower remained.
Yet there was one thing war could not stop, could not crush.
“…It must be my love with Valentine.”
This feeling alone. As long as it existed, even the darkness visible beyond the carriage no longer frightened him. Eryk believed it with all his heart.
Inside the rattling carriage, a man and woman raced toward the battlefield, driving back the dark. When he closed his eyes, he could hear her breathing. Every small shift of her body, every trivial thing filled his chest completely.
“…No matter how long it takes, I will stay with you, Valentine.”
Eryk whispered, very softly.
“So please stay with me as well.”
Even if this body wore down to nothing. Even if Valentine herself wore down and broke, he would never abandon her. That was the vow Eryk made.