Just a Little Longer
Time seemed to have stopped.
It was the first time she had ever seen Ijun’s face this close.
His neat, delicate features and slender jawline filled her vision.
…He’s handsome.
He hadn’t dressed up or anything, so it didn’t jump out at first glance. Still, Ijun belonged firmly in the warm, good-looking category—and he was exactly Seorin’s type. Seeing him this near only made her more certain.
“You’re not hurt, right? That really startled me.”
“…No. I’m fine because you caught me, Ijun.”
Their faces were far too close. And it wasn’t just their faces. The hand she had been fidgeting with earlier was supporting the small of her back, and Ijun’s soft breath brushed the bridge of her nose.
Their pounding heartbeats overlapped. She could feel the warmth of his body. How long had it been since someone held her like this? Aside from her childhood in her parents’ arms, it was a memory she hadn’t had in ages.
…Is being held by someone supposed to feel this good?
Excitement at being in his arms mixed with relief and comfort from the sturdy body that had so gently caught her. Enough that she wanted to stay right there forever.
“I’m just glad I was right in front of you.”
“…Yeah.”
She was straddling him as if she had tackled him flat. At this point she could have gotten off, but Seorin couldn’t bring herself to climb down. She simply stared into his eyes, dazed.
“Seorin…?”
His voice trembled faintly with unease. In those wavering eyes she felt a strange hunger. He was trying to hide it, but he was clearly feeling the same urge she was—wanting to press his lips to those soft-looking ones, wanting to pull her tight until there was no space left between them. Exactly the thoughts running through her own head right now.
“Am I heavy, Ijun?”
“Huh? No. You’re not heavy, but—”
“…Then just a second. Could you not get up for a little while?”
She spoke to the flustered man beneath her. The restless movements under her body stilled. Looking down at his face, Seorin burned every detail into her eyes as if taking a photograph.
Your eyelashes are longer than I thought, Ijun.
Closer. Closer still. She closed the distance until their lips were a hair’s breadth apart, until Ijun’s face flushed scarlet.
“…Nnh.”
Whether her breath tickled him or not, Ijun made a soft, strange sound and twisted. That voice sent a tiny flutter through Seorin’s chest before she could stop it. Staring at his face, a strange impulse rose up. She wanted to just say it.
…Actually, I’m Rabiel.
Just like that. And she wanted to pour out every feeling she had been holding inside. Thank you for loving me, for liking me. I was so happy that you came every single day, that you typed in chat, that you always reacted to my words. Happy that you cried with me when things were hard and laughed with me when things were good. And even after I graduated… thank you for still liking me without forgetting. Thank you for cheering me on and wishing me well even when I’m not Rabiel. And I’m so glad we met again like this.
That would be nice. They would probably be able to dig up old memories so much more easily. The stories Rabiel and Rabielbaragi could share ran far deeper and richer than anything Kang Ijun and Lee Seorin could manage.
“…Hey, Ijun.”
“…Yes.”
But—
What kind of face would he make if he really found out she was Rabiel? He said he supported her, but was there truly not even a sliver of resentment? And Rabiel was already over. She was a being who no longer existed in this world and never would again. What was the point of telling him she was Rabiel? Wouldn’t it only plant useless hope and then disappoint him? Worse—when he learned the person inside Rabiel had been her, wouldn’t he be disappointed?
Countless worries churned through her mind.
“Actually—”
Yet among all those worries, the one that gripped her heart the hardest was this:
If he finds out I’m Rabiel… will Ijun and I still be able to keep the relationship we have right now?
She loved her present with Ijun so much. Casually trading stories of the past, talking about Rabiel together, sharing the struggles of job-hunting and studying side by side, laughing—this relationship. But the moment Rabiel stepped between them, everything would twist into something entirely different. Two fellow Rabi fans who were both job-seekers versus a favorite VTuber and her devoted fan were completely separate concepts. They might never be able to treat each other as comfortably as they did now. And the kindness Ijun was showing her right now… might all get stolen away by Rabiel instead of the human Lee Seorin.
…Are you really okay with that?
In the end Seorin closed the mouth that had been about to confess. Even though this might have been a chance to take a step further with him. Even though if she let it slip by she had no idea when she would next find the courage. She still couldn’t force the words out. She shut her lips tight.
“Actually?”
“—No. Nothing.”
“Huh?”
But the feelings she held for him hadn’t changed at all, so she didn’t pull away. Instead she wrapped her arms around Ijun and held him even tighter.
“Um… Seorin…”
“Just let me stay like this a little longer. Just a little more.”
“…Okay.”
He answered so timidly he could barely move, and she kept holding him for a long while after that—hoping that this gratitude would reach him even if she never said a word.
“I should get going. Today’s watch party was fun.”
“Yeah, me too. There really was a reason you told me to watch it, Ijun.”
“Right? Heh.”
“Even on a rewatch I was shocked a person could cry that desperately.”
I finished cleaning up the trash and stood. All we’d eaten was chicken and some drinks, so there hadn’t been much to tidy.
“Doesn’t Rabiel cry in the ugliest way?”
“Does she…? Is it that bad?”
Why was she the one looking downcast? Because I teased her favorite? Finding the reaction cute, I snorted a laugh and answered.
“She cries ugly, so it’s cute. You can tell it’s not fake.”
“…I’ve thought this before, but Ijun, you have a perverted streak sometimes.”
“Guys are all perverts. It’s just whether they show it or not.”
I pulled on my coat, grabbed my bag, and headed for the entrance. She followed behind me. As I bent to put on my shoes, Seorin next to me fumbled into her slippers. Seeing that, I said,
“Don’t come out. It’s still winter—cold outside.”
“I’ll just walk you to the gate.”
“It’s fine, really.”
“…I’m going because I want to.”
What more could I say after that? She stubbornly opened the door and followed me out. The moment we stepped outside Seorin’s house, cold air slapped my face. A small white puff of breath rose, and my face—still burning from earlier—finally started to cool. The reason was simple. Honestly, earlier had been way too embarrassing. Even now I was scrambling to keep the conversation going so the air wouldn’t turn awkward. The second the words stopped, I was sure the earlier scene would come flooding back—when she had me pinned under her and stared straight into my face, when for some reason she had kept holding me for so long. My heart had felt like it was going to burst and kill me.
Why had she done that all of a sudden? Sure, the atmosphere had been charged, but the way she held me felt different from usual. The Seorin I knew was proactive, but she wasn’t the type to pull impulsive stunts like that. It had felt like something more than just an aggressive approach toward a guy she liked.
Curious, I called her name.
“Seorin.”
“Yes?”
“Why did you do that earlier?”
“Earlier?”
“…You know. When I caught you. Why did you keep holding me.”
The second the words left my mouth I wanted to die of embarrassment. “Why did you keep holding me”—what kind of question was that?
“Why I did that?”
“Yeah. It wasn’t because you were scared like when you grabbed my hand, right?”
“What if it was because I was scared?”
“Liar.”
When I answered flatly, Seorin giggled. Then she carefully added one more line.
“Because I was grateful.”
“Huh?”
“Because I was grateful that you like me.”
What did that mean? Grateful that I had feelings for her? That was the only way I could parse it, yet somehow her words felt like they carried a slightly different weight.
“So… you’re saying you’re grateful I have a crush on you?”
“Pfft. Yeah. Something like that.”
That’s just because you’re pretty, though.
“What’s that supposed to mean? Weird.”
“You don’t have to understand. And honestly, I just wanted to hug you.”
“Huh?”
“I used falling as an excuse because I wanted to hug you. When I actually got held, it felt so good.”
Her sudden honesty always left me speechless. Maybe the Seorin I thought I knew had been wrong. Maybe she was the type who did impulsive things.
“W-was it… that nice? My arms, I mean…”
“Yeah. It was nice. It felt like forever since anyone had held me like that.”
Seorin smiled the way people do when something nostalgic drifts through their mind. Huh. Well, once you become an adult, unless you have a partner, there really aren’t many chances to hold someone close. It had been a long time for me too.
“What about you, Ijun?”
“Huh?”
“How was it for you? Did it feel good hugging me?”
Did I really have to say it out loud?
“…Of course it did. What do you want me to say?”
“Pfft. Puh-huh. I like that you’re honest, Ijun.”
Still chuckling, Seorin stopped when we reached the front gate. Figuring it was time to say goodbye, I turned and gave her a little wave.
“Okay, I’m really going. Today was fun. See you tomorrow.”
“Yeah. See you tomorrow, Ijun.”
I finished the reluctant farewell with a wave of my hand. And just as I turned to head home for real—
“Ijun!”
Her voice came from behind. I stopped. But before I could even turn around—
Grab.
Something soft and warm slammed into my back. I froze in surprise, yet what I felt was a gentle, curving body no man could ever possess. She hugged me around the waist for a brief moment, then let go. Only then did I manage to turn.
Cheeks faintly pink, smiling, Seorin stood looking at me.
“I told you it felt good. One more time. On the house. Good night.”
Watching her like that, feeling my heart take off at a full gallop all over again, I thought:
…Yeah. Sleep is definitely not happening tonight.