Rabielbaragi
How could that even be possible?
How could those three people possibly be the same person?
…It made no sense.
The shock left Seorin speechless. Words simply refused to come.
Yet time kept moving regardless. On the screen, Rabiel kept screaming, and Rabielbaragi’s chat continued to scroll upward without pause.
He was watching her flee from a ghost and typing out pure admiration. Staring blankly at that chat once more, she heard Ijun ask her a question, as if he found her reaction strange.
“Why are you so shocked? Have you seen it before? My nickname?”
Every single day.
She had barely taken ten unplanned days off in three years, not counting the regular scheduled ones. His nickname had been impossible to miss.
“…Yeah. I’ve seen it. Rabiel’s chat wasn’t exactly flying by, you know. It was mostly the same regulars every time.”
“Ah, right. Same here—I ended up memorizing the nicknames of the people who chatted, even when I wasn’t trying to. They just stuck.”
“It’s kind of a shock. Finding out that Rabielbaragi is you, Ijun, and that you’re also the guy who runs Rabi is free.”
“Ahh~ yeah, I get that. Even I’d be pretty amazed if I ran into a nickname or a clipper I used to see all the time in real life.”
Of course, for her it was far more than simple amazement. He had no idea. He didn’t know she was Rabiel. That was the only reason he could talk so casually.
No—even if he somehow learned she was Rabiel, he still might never understand. That warm, fluttering, homesick feeling rising from deep in her chest. The gratitude for the person who had stayed with her like a lighthouse from the moment she went live until the moment she signed off, Monday through Sunday. And the pure astonishment of discovering that person was Ijun. No matter how carefully she tried to explain it, he might never fully grasp it.
“Come to think of it, Seorin, were you the type who chatted a lot?”
“…No. I never chatted. I usually just lurked or watched.”
“Ah, I see. Yeah, most people watch that way.”
“Yeah.”
“Shame. If you’d chatted more, I might’ve recognized your nickname and been happy to see you.”
Rabiel.
If she told him her nickname, Ijun would probably faint from the shock. He’d go past delighted straight into panicking and not knowing what to do with himself.
…Maybe that was why being with Ijun had always felt so easy. From the first time they met until now. The reason conversation flowed so naturally, the reason she felt comfortable and happy simply being around him—maybe it was because they had already shared three years of memories online. Even if her mind hadn’t known, maybe her body had recognized him all along.
She slowly turned her head and took him in.
…So this is what you look like. This is the kind of person you are. Rabielbaragi.
She studied the real face of the man she had wondered about for so long. Black hair with a faint brownish cast. Delicate bone structure for a man, yet sharply defined features. Fair skin that clearly belonged to someone who spent a lot of time indoors. And a height that wasn’t small at all. Everything about Ijun suddenly felt brand new. A face that had been familiar only yesterday now looked like it belonged to a stranger she was seeing for the first time.
…I want to touch him.
Seorin wanted to feel his shape with her hands. Not virtual data, not a nickname, not text on a screen. She wanted to feel the real him. She already knew he had a physical form, yet it felt as if he might dissolve and float away if she didn’t touch him right now.
So she let go of the sleeve she had been clutching and reached out. Slowly, carefully, she lowered her fingers and rested her hand on top of his.
“…Huh?”
Startled by the sudden warm sensation on his hand, Ijun turned his head slightly and looked down at whatever had settled there. The moment he realized it was Seorin’s hand, his face flushed scarlet with fluster.
“Uh… that’s… whoa… Seorin?”
But Seorin barely heard him. Every scrap of her attention was lost in the heat of his body and the solid reality of his shape. Like a blind person carefully exploring an object for the first time, she traced his hand with delicate, gentle movements, committing every contour to memory.
A little warmer than mine.
Not rough at all. Soft.
While she memorized the feel of his hand, Ijun’s face only grew redder.
“W-what is it? All of a sudden. Why are you… holding my hand…”
“…”
“Is this payback for earlier? Because I called you cute?”
“…”
“I didn’t realize you held grudges this hard… but how long are you planning on doing this… seriously.”
By the time she came back to herself, she was meeting the eyes of a bright-red, mumbling, thoroughly embarrassed Ijun. And the second she registered that what she was holding was his hand—
“Waaah! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Grabbing you out of nowhere like that without a word…”
She sprang up as if struck by lightning.
What the hell did I just do. Seriously.
It was rude. Even if they were sort of in that gray zone of mutual interest, feeling up someone’s hand without so much as a signal was obviously crossing a line. And the way she had moved her fingers—like some weirdo fondling a guy’s hand because she liked it. What if Ijun got the wrong idea? It wasn’t like she had a hand fetish or anything. Ugh…
“N-no, it’s fine. I was a little startled, but it’s okay.”
“No. I was kneading your hand like dough, but it didn’t mean anything weird—”
“Don’t tell me… last time when you were putting on hand cream you were staring at my hands pretty hard too…”
His eyes narrowed with mock suspicion.
I’m doomed. He’s definitely going to think I’m a pervert.
“It’s not like that! It’s really not!”
“Pfft. Puh. Hahaha.”
When she kept shaking her head furiously with her face still scarlet, Ijun finally burst out laughing. The sound only made her more mortified, and she dropped her gaze.
“Seorin, you really like hands, huh?”
“…Ugh. I told you it’s not that!”
“Then what was it just now?”
“That’s… well, the thing is…”
But she couldn’t finish the sentence. How was she supposed to tell him? That finding out he was Rabielbaragi had been so astonishing, that meeting the fan she had adored in real life had been so overwhelming and so purely joyful, that she had reached for his hand without thinking—like a teenage girl finally holding her idol’s hand for the first time at a fan meeting.
Ijun chuckled softly again.
“I’m kidding.”
“What?”
“I said I’m kidding. I know why you grabbed my hand.”
He knew?
How could he possibly know what she was feeling? Even she could barely put this complicated tangle of emotions into words. Did he have some kind of mind-reading skill? She knew that was ridiculous, yet her throat still went tight as she swallowed hard.
“I warned you when the video started, remember? That if it got scary you might grab me or hug me.”
Habit.
Apparently he had decided her behavior was simply fear. The video really was charging through the highlight of Chapter 1 right now—the chase sequence with the monsters in the psychiatric hospital. Seorin finally let out a quiet breath of relief inside. If that was what he thought, she was grateful. She couldn’t have explained the real reason right then even if she tried.
“You’re right! That was why. I’m sorry. It was so scary I just grabbed you without thinking.”
“I already told you it was fine. It’s okay.”
“…Is it?”
“Yeah. And could you not apologize? Honestly, I liked it.”
This is basically an industry reward, he added, eyes still on the screen where Rabiel’s character was screaming and dashing around. Listening to him confess that so openly, Seorin felt her own heartbeat pick up against her will.
Why?
Was it because she was grateful he had been Rabielbaragi? Or because she had just been stroking his hand? Or because he had said he liked it when she held him? She couldn’t separate the reasons cleanly. Maybe every single one of those feelings was swirling together inside her chest at once.
But one thing was crystal clear. Knowing he was Rabielbaragi had only made her like Ijun more.
…No. Now she was even starting to like him because he was Rabielbaragi.
“Just a second. I need the bathroom…”
“Ah, sure. Go ahead. Want me to pause it?”
“No, keep watching. I’ll be right back.”
She stood up under the excuse of the bathroom, desperate to calm the heart that was racing out of control. If she stayed sitting next to him any longer, the scent of him would make it impossible to settle down.
And the moment she rose too quickly—
…Huh?
She realized her foot had caught, her center of gravity vanished, and she was already falling. Naturally, the direction was straight toward Ijun right beside her. His eyes flew wide with surprise; then, reading the situation in an instant, he opened his arms and caught her as she tumbled.
“Ugh.”
“Hhh.”
Their soft grunts overlapped. With a dull thud they hit the floor together, her still wrapped in his arms.
Thump-thump-thump-thump.
The overlapping rhythms of two heartbeats thundered loudly through her body. It wasn’t only hers. The sound of Ijun’s heart—the one that had caught her on the floor—was mixed in too. His was a little faster than hers, creating a slight dissonance, but Seorin was far too busy registering the heat flooding her body to care about that.
Of course she was. The two of them had fallen tangled together, and when Seorin opened her eyes, Ijun’s face was right there, mere inches from her own.
“You okay?”