A Fist Closer Than the Law, Magic Closer Than the Fist
The bell above the door tinkled brightly as it swung open. The fence, who had been buried in his newspaper, greeted us with a thoroughly irritated grunt.
"What do you want?"
"You're a damn fence, but your customer service is complete garbage. Don't you know the customer is god?"
On the surface it looked like any ordinary general store, but this place specialized in moving goods stolen or seized by thieves and robbers. The fence set his paper down and stared at us with open hostility.
"If you're really a customer, start with the password."
"Password my ass, you criminal scum."
"Password."
"The password is 'Stop talking bullshit and answer my question before I rip every hair out of your head.'"
The fence reached over and rang a small bell sitting in the corner.
"Boys, we've got a problem customer. Teach him some manners. Take care of the girl separately."
The door beside the counter flew open. Five thugs armed with knives and clubs came pouring out.
"Wow, look at those ugly mugs. What the hell did your mothers go through while they were pregnant with you..."
Before I could finish the insult, one thug's blade was already flying toward my face.
"Master! Dodge!"
Luckily my dynamic vision and reaction speed were still Werner's, so I slipped aside without any real effort.
"Hey, you bastard, can't you see I'm talking? Your upbringing is trash too."
I grabbed the thug by the hair and slammed my fist straight into his face.
"Hey, isn't this that thing? They say fist potatoes are really delicious."
I kept hammering my knuckles into his face until his teeth scattered across the floor like popcorn. This guy probably couldn't handle tough meat anymore.
The rest of the thugs had gone pale. They trembled but didn't dare take a single step forward.
"What are you staring at? Your friend just got force-fed a whole pile of fist potatoes and even lost his corn. Don't you have any loyalty?"
I hurled the thug whose teeth had been knocked out onto the floor. As I did, his flailing arm caught the edge of my robe's hood and yanked it down.
This was exactly why you didn't buy cheap robes.
"Th-that guy is...!"
One of the thugs recognized me. He pointed with a shaking finger.
"Don't point at our master... and definitely not at his head... how rude..."
Suddenly Airi spoke in a low, ominous voice that sent chills down everyone's spine. Wait, why was she going full yandere mode again?
The other thugs, who clearly didn't know who I was, turned to the one pointing.
"Hey, what is it? Who the hell is that guy?"
"That bastard is Werner... that Werner..."
He seemed to know me all right.
"Long black hair, blue eyes... and that fighting style... It's definitely the Werner who wiped out the entire human trafficking ring in this area all by himself...!"
Come to think of it, when Werner first took in young Airi, he'd heard rumors about a child-selling syndicate nearby and exterminated them. I'd learned that from reading the game's side story novel.
"But there are tons of guys with black hair, and blue eyes aren't that rare!"
"No... the biggest giveaway is that girly face with the massive dark circles! It's definitely that Werner!"
What the hell did this bastard just call me?
Of course Werner had a pretty face, but I never expected to hear it described that way. So that's why the community had been flooded with perverts and their weird fetish posts about him.
Remembering the hateful memes I'd seen—images of Werner being assaulted after falling for their bait titles—pure rage boiled up inside me.
"Hey, you fucking bastard, did you just say I have a girly face...?"
"Honestly, if you got rid of the dark circles, Master could definitely be mistaken for a girl."
"Airi, shut your mouth before I smack you for real."
"Mmph mmph..."
Airi clapped both hands over her mouth and made weird muffled noises.
"You fucking bastards, what about my face? It looks girly?"
One thug immediately pointed at the guy who'd said it and tried to throw him under the bus.
"No, sir! I think you look extremely manly! Only this idiot said anything disrespectful!"
"Shut up. Joint responsibility."
But another thug beside him muttered,
"He really does look kind of like a girl..."
"Aha. So that's what all of you thought."
I pointed straight at their crotches.
"O steel!"
"Rise at once and pierce!"
⟨ Iron Spike ⟩
Puff. Puff. Puff. Puff.
Iron skewers erupted from the ground and drove straight through their most precious parts.
"GYAAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
"KYYYYAAAAAGH! GRRRRRRK!"
"My, my... AAAAAAAAAAGH!"
I had personally removed their symbols of manhood. Call it forced TS. If they had a magic crystal ball, they could broadcast it. Who knows? Maybe singing a little song during the stream would give them a second life. I just hoped they wouldn't fall into female corruption.
"From this moment on, you bastards are the girls."
The fence had already gone pale. He sat bolt upright in the most respectful posture imaginable.
"Hey, I have one question."
"Y-yes! Ask me anything you like, manly-looking Sir Werner!"
It was the right answer, so I gave his head a few pats. Every time I saw how few strands of hair remained, I felt a little sorry for him. That's why I hadn't wanted to do anything too terrible.
"A sky-blue wallet came in as stolen goods recently, didn't it?"
"Y-yes, it definitely did..."
"Where is that wallet?"
I already knew where it was, but with Airi here I needed a proper reason to raid the place. Those poor thugs had literally sacrificed their balls just to create that narrative justification. In a way it was pitiful, but after all the hateful memes I'd seen, I didn't feel sorry at all. Why the hell would you upload tentacle scenes with male characters under the title "hot memes," you fucking degenerates?
"Where is it? Do you really want to die?"
"Just a little while ago, the branch manager of our organization's Bechem branch took it... He said he liked the design."
"Oh, really? Where are those bastards?"
"At the main headquarters..."
"Where is the headquarters, you shiny bald bastard?"
The fence avoided my eyes again. The sight pissed me off all over again.
"You bald bastard, I was being nice and you thought it was funny?"
"But if I tell you the headquarters location, they'll kill me!"
I sighed at how pathetic he was.
"O wind!"
"Cut!"
⟨ Wind Blade ⟩
A razor-sharp gust of wind sliced away the last few pathetic strands of hair on his head. It might have been cruel, but since he hadn't obeyed Werner's orders, losing a few hairs seemed like a cheap price.
"Hii... Hiiiik..."
"Next time it won't be your hair... ah, you don't have any left, do you? Anyway, next time I'll cut off your head."
"Y-yes...?"
"If you don't answer my questions, you'll die by my hand, not theirs. Now tell me where the headquarters building is."
Sobbing, he finally spilled the location. Trash like this never listened to words alone. You had to beat them, stab them, and cut them before they obeyed.
While I was dealing with him, Airi had been browsing the stolen goods in the corner. She picked up a small ring case.
"What is it? Airi, do you want that?"
She opened the case, looked at the ring inside, and broke into a radiant smile.
"Yes! Will you give it to your cute disciple as a present?"
She poked her own cheek with her index finger and struck an adorable pose. Damn it, it really was cute. When I'd played as the heroine I hadn't felt anything, but seeing it in person like this, she really was adorable.
No. If I laid a hand on her, I would actually die. My body would be chopped into pieces.
"Fine. This kind and merciful master will give it to you as a gift."
The fence asked cautiously,
"Um... the price..."
"It's stolen goods anyway, right? I'm taking it, asshole."
"B-but when we acquire such items, we have to pay..."
"Wind..."
"Please take it! Please take it!"
"Good boy!"
I patted his bald head again. The smooth feeling was surprisingly satisfying.
There was also a high-quality robe made of dark gray fabric near the counter. I tried it on and it fit my body perfectly. I tossed aside the ragged robe I'd been wearing and slipped into the new one.
"I'm taking this too. No complaints, right?"
"Y-yessir! Of course not!"
"Good boy!"
The same man who'd been haggling over prices moments ago now handed over the goods without another word. As expected, humans really were learning creatures.
"Wow, Master, it looks great on you!"
"Isn't it all thanks to this master's exceptional appearance, my disciple?"
"Yes, exactly!"
When she admitted it so readily, it felt a little embarrassing.
"But the gray color makes you look a bit... because of Master's face..."
"What about gray?"
"You look like a nun who ran away from a monastery. One who's been worn down by years of ascetic training."
Bang!
I smacked Airi on the head. This was perfectly legal—her father had said it was fine to give her a good knock if she got out of line.
Airi let out a pathetic "hing" and sniffled before holding the ring case out to me.
"What is it, disciple?"
"They say a woman shouldn't put a ring on her own finger."
"Where did you hear that nonsense?"
"In romance novels."
"I need to burn every last one of those damn books."
Airi thrust the open case right in front of my eyes, clearly urging me to hurry.
"Come on, put it on me quickly!"
"Sigh... fine..."
It wasn't like I was proposing to her. Just putting a ring on her finger should be fine.
I took the ring out of the case. It had a red gem set in it... I was sure I'd seen this somewhere before. Was it in the game side story? A DLC? Or maybe one of the official four-panel comics...
"Hurry up~"
"Don't rush me. This master isn't going anywhere."
I slipped the ring onto Airi's ring finger.
"Hehe, I'm going to brag to Father that Master put a ring on my finger!"
"Disciple... you really do want to watch this master die, don't you?"
I'd left my younger sister in his care, and now a man twelve years older had put a ring on her ring finger? That was more than enough to cause a misunderstanding. Even I would lose my temper in that situation.
"So your father doesn't misunderstand, just tell him you bought it yourself."
"Why? Master really did put it on for me."
"If you don't want to see this master die, do it that way. You were the one who insisted on having it put on in the first place."
Being murdered by Airi's father was something I wanted to avoid at all costs.