My Name Isn't Siu, So Why Are Women Fighting Over Me?
The clatter of utensils against plates was the only sound piercing the heavy silence of the living room. The air felt so thick it was hard to draw a proper breath. I couldn't even tell if the food was sliding down my throat or simply refusing to go anywhere at all.
I'd been on breakfast duty this morning, so I'd thrown together a simple bacalao soup using dried cod. Boiling the dried fish had turned it into something vaguely like a salty dried pollack soup. If I added a splash of soy sauce and some noodles, even that notorious ramen critic Aris might flash a Buddha-like smile and proclaim the perfect savory harmony of dried cod umami.
The reason for this particular soup was straightforward. It was easy to make, Airi loved the dish, and Camellia needed something to settle her hangover. A perfect three-way victory—good for me, good for them, and good for the damn kitchen.
"Master, your cooking has improved so much. After twelve years of living together, all you ever made was terrible food... but today might be the best you've ever done."
See? Even Airi was praising my cooking. I wasn't quite sure why she felt the need to emphasize those twelve years, though.
Camellia kept lifting spoonfuls of soup to her lips. Then she delivered her verdict on my cooking.
"It's quite good, Werner. Especially compared to that pie you made for me when you were ten—the one where you declared you'd marry me when you grew up."
Why the hell is she dragging up Werner's dark history from that comedic interlude in Dragnity Fantasy 1? Was it really that bad? Besides, that pie had been an unholy concoction of freshwater fish, cherries, and dried plums. Saying this soup was better than that basically meant it was still pretty awful, didn't it?
"Anyway, now that you've finished eating, you should leave quickly, Auntie."
Airi's words were practically bristling with thorns. No—more like a cavalry lance. Yet Camellia, seemingly impaled by that verbal spear, replied with perfect composure.
"Your father asked me to watch over him if I couldn't bring Werner back with me."
Oh, so that was the arrangement? Since I didn't know every single detail of the game story, these finer points had slipped past me. Something about it felt slightly off, but I decided to let it slide.
"Could you tell Father that I'll protect Master myself, so he doesn't need to worry?"
"You, who still look so frail, protecting Werner...? Isn't it the other way around—you're the one always being protected by him?"
I didn't know the full context, but I could clearly tell the atmosphere had turned hostile because of me. Running away on foot wasn't an option either. Airi sat right beside me, and Camellia blocked the path to the exit. The only escape route would be to fly out... Come to think of it, Werner's attributes were fire, wind, ice, water, lightning, light, darkness, earth, wood, and steel. That was exactly like the Digimon Frontier lineup.
I briefly imagined using a Hyper Spirit Evolution by combining fire, wind, ice, earth, and wood. The mental image of transforming into KaiserGreymon and soaring away was crystal clear. Of course, combining light, darkness, lightning, steel, and water into Magnagarurumon was out of the question. That guy was such a disaster he'd probably crash and die mid-flight.
My tangent had gone on too long, but the point was that Airi and Camellia's glares were colliding like something out of an anime. You know those scenes where their eyes meet and sparks fly? I never knew that effect could actually happen in real life.
"Master, didn't I tell you yesterday not to meet random women? Especially without my permission?"
"Werner, you've raised your disciple poorly. To speak to your master this way... Though I suppose that softness of yours has always been your one flaw."
Was Werner soft? The same guy who massacred an entire nation's leadership just because someone kidnapped his disciple? Well, maybe by elf standards that counted as being soft. Who knows—maybe to avoid being soft by elf standards, you'd have to wipe out every last citizen too.
"Um... Sister, Airi... Both of you, please calm down. Sister, just go back for today. We'll meet separately tomorrow. I'm tired too, so..."
"Sigh... Fine. You should get some rest. I was quite rude yesterday, Werner."
With those words, Camellia straightened her clothes. She had returned to her usual cool, rational self. The drunken version of her from yesterday had seemed so cruel and cold that she might as well have been a completely different person.
Camellia headed straight for the entrance, and Airi saw her out. Thank goodness. At least she still showed proper manners since it involved her father's acquaintance and her master's friend. As expected, Airi really was a good kid. I should stamp [Well Done!] right on her forehead.
The moment Camellia stepped outside, Airi offered her farewell.
"Getting drunk, having a man carry you home, and even suggesting you sleep together... You seem pretty used to that sort of thing, huh? Please don't do it again."
Fuck. That wasn't a farewell at all.
Camellia's face flushed bright red at Airi's mockery as she whirled around.
"Even when I drink, I maintain minimum discretion. If it hadn't been Werner in the first place, I wouldn't have even—"
Before Camellia could finish, Airi slammed the door shut. The click of the lock echoed loudly.
"Finally, that damn pointy-eared nuisance is gone."
Those two had bad blood in the game too. Even without Werner's death, their personalities simply didn't mesh. I couldn't figure out what exactly they disliked about each other to end up as bitter rivals.
Airi might be a bit of a handful, but she was kind, clever, and more considerate than anyone. Camellia could be a little cold and blunt in her speech and demeanor, but she was deeply affectionate and righteous. In some ways, both of them might actually have better personalities than Werner, the nihilistic slacker who avoided anything troublesome.
One of those people was now approaching me while radiating a dangerous aura. I wasn't sure why I kept seeing the illusion of a red aura swirling around Airi.
"...Master?"
"Yes, Airi... Weren't you on dishwashing duty today?"
"Master...?"
Her face was smiling, but neither her tone nor her energy matched the expression. She looked ready to gut me at any second.
"Ah, I'll do them. Suddenly I'm dying to wash dishes like crazy."
I tried to bolt from my seat, but Airi blocked me with her hand.
"Stop with the pathetic jokes and sit back down. Before I really get angry."
An angry Airi was terrifying. And if that angry Airi wrote some weird lies in her letter to her father, it would mean immediate execution.
"Fine, I'm sitting. What is it this time?"
"Do you truly not understand why I'm acting like this, Master?"
"Look, I did tell you not to meet other women, but... Sister Camellia is someone I can trust. When I was young—"
"When you were young doesn't matter. What matters is that you broke your promise not to meet other women."
Wait, thinking about it, she wasn't my wife. Whether I met women or not was my business. Was she seriously telling me to stay a virgin until I died of old age? The more I thought about it, the angrier I became.
"No, Airi. Sister Camellia said she had something important to tell me, so—"
"Is that pointy-eared woman more important than the promise you made to me?"
Airi even had her arms crossed now. There was only one way to escape this situation.
"Airi, I've been holding back, but... I'm truly disappointed in you."
Her pupils trembled. In the original story, Airi would always become depressed whenever Werner said he was disappointed in her.
"...What?"
"Sister Camellia, your father, your mother... They're all like family to me."
"But Master!"
"Especially Sister Camellia. She took care of me alongside your mother. To me, she's no different from a sister or even a mother."
It was official setting that Werner viewed Airi's mother and Camellia that way.
"You insulted someone who's like a sister and mother to me. I'm truly... disappointed, Airi."
"But I only—"
"You don't need to learn magic. You don't need to learn swordsmanship—no one would complain. But basic etiquette is something you should know."
"But Master..."
"I'm really disappointed. My mind is a mess right now, so I'll go for a walk."
The technique of deliberately pointing out the faults of someone who was already angry. This method could throw the other person into confusion. And in that opening, I could buy myself some time.
I turned the doorknob and stepped outside, but Camellia was already gone. She must have left for somewhere else. That was a relief. If she'd still been waiting outside, things could have gotten awkward.
"Get dinner on your own tonight. I'll be back late."
"Master!"
"Don't follow me. Unless you want to see your master genuinely furious, in which case the situation would be different."
I slammed the door behind me. This approach would probably work quite well. After all, no matter what happened, Werner had always eaten dinner with Airi without fail. That was why, after losing him, Airi had refused to eat dinner ever again.
Maybe I was a bit too harsh...
The thought crossed my mind, but Airi had been in the wrong today. If it had been the real Werner, he would have gotten angry too. After all, she'd insulted someone who was practically family to him.
I decided to shove the minor details into a corner and enjoy this rare moment of freedom.