The Oblivious Man, the Woman Who Won't Hint
"Heh heh. Of course he'd be surprised."
I was past triumphant and well into smug. And why shouldn't I be? I had done everything I possibly could.
The blankets were clean. The floor wasn't just free of dust—I had mopped it until it shone. The backlog of laundry was already tumbling away in the dryer.
Everything that had been left lying around was back in its proper place, and I hadn't forgotten to take stock of the groceries either.
"All right… maybe I should go grocery shopping."
I was going to stuff tonkatsu into hyung's mouth without mercy…!
Before his good looks made me lose my nerve again.
I headed back outside and walked the cold winter streets toward the mart.
Maybe it was the padding jacket my sister had given me, but even though most of my body mass was gone, I didn't feel cold.
"I'd like to make tonkatsu… loin cutlets, please."
"Sure. How many servings?"
"For me and one man—enough for about two meals."
I never got tired of tonkatsu, but if you ate too much of it, that first pure taste—whatever you wanted to call it—stopped coming through the same way.
"Got it."
While I waited, I looked around for a sauce to go with the tonkatsu, and a few other things. I ought to make a couple of side dishes too.
Hmm… cheese. I wanted cheese.
My body was practically demanding it.
"Ugh… fine."
Hyung liked it well enough too. He preferred the taste of the meat itself, but this was for me… yeah.
When it came to cheese, mozzarella was king.
"Thank you~"
By the time I had tossed this and that into the basket and come back, the meat seemed to be ready, so I took it and headed straight for the register.
This hyung of mine only ever consumed things and never restocked them, so the fridge was basically a hollow shell.
"That'll be 75,800 won. Do you have points?"
"Under 0806… Kim Suhan."
There was a certain satisfaction in collecting points. Just knowing I had already saved that much whenever I bought something with them was enough to put me in a good mood.
"Hmm… what happened to that young fellow from before?"
"…Excuse me?"
"This one's your brother-in-law, and I distinctly heard that young man was living with him… Not anymore, then?"
Keep going to the same store long enough and you got this kind of thing.
How the manager—or whoever oversaw this mart—knew the old Lee Jiwu, I had no idea. However he remembered, the smart move was to brush it off lightly.
"Ah… yes, that's right. We don't live together anymore."
"Got himself a wife and moved out, did he? That young man was so bright and capable—I liked him. Bring him by sometime."
"Ahaha…. Uh. A wife?"
I had never heard anything about hyung having a wife.
"Oh. Not a wife? Still just dating, then."
"I wouldn't kn—ah. No! A wife, what are you—"
Why on earth would he jump to that conclusion?
Then it hit me. I was a woman.
I had been acting so naturally that I had honestly forgotten. Of course he would misunderstand. Some woman he had never seen before was casually using her brother-in-law's membership number—anyone would get the wrong idea.
"That so? Look like wife material to me, no matter how I slice it."
"Tha—no. I—I'm his little sibling. His sibling."
I threw out a half-baked excuse and hurried out.
"Ugh…."
I had never once dreamed I would be mistaken for something like that. My face burned a little.
Even in the biting cold of a winter that had long since shoved autumn aside, my cheeks only grew hotter. I pulled my sister's scented padding tighter around myself.
My face had to be bright red.
—Brring~!
"Oh, you're back?"
"Y—ye… hello…!?"
"Hyung. It's me, Jiwu. You've already seen me once—why are you so startled?"
It was a little late when he got off work. The exhaustion in his eyes turned to shock the moment he saw me, and his body stepped back to match.
"…Go wash up and eat. Mm… no, wait. I already finished cooking, so eat first and bathe after."
"Y-yeah…."
Why did he look so lukewarm about it? Do you have any idea how hard I worked on this? It was heavy and my hands hurt.
"…Oh."
"You don't like tonkatsu?"
"…I like it. I like it a lot. Thank you."
Thankfully, the moment he saw the food, that halfhearted look vanished and left only anticipation behind.
"Oh… this is good."
"Of course it is! Do you know who made it?"
"Right. Right. This does taste like Jiwu."
At this point his suspicion was a full-blown clinical condition.
Why couldn't he believe me? Everything was the same. Even the cooking was exactly to my taste.
I was the one thing that was different, sure… but still!
"Haa…."
"Sorry."
"What would it take for you to believe me?"
"Umm… I don't know. But I'll try. The tonkatsu is… definitely Jiwu. No question."
Even after so long away from the kitchen, my skills hadn't died. The tonkatsu was crisp and delicious. The mozzarella in the cheese cutlets was exquisite.
"I'll wash your suit… For tomorrow, just wear the one hanging by the bed."
"Ah. Okay."
I answered more curtly than I meant to and got up from the table. The food had been good, but I felt slighted by hyung, and my body ached for no good reason. Caught between one feeling and another, a small irritation prickled through me.
"Ugh!"
It wasn't as if we had no history together.
I was Lee Jiwu. Why was he being like this?
"Ngh…."
My period was still being vicious. The flow had probably lessened, but cramps and bleeding clearly operated on separate schedules.
I wanted hyung to see even less of this than anything else, so I rushed to the bathroom, clutched my stomach, and curled up. So this was what people meant when they said you needed at least two painkillers.
"Hoo… hoo…… hoo."
I splashed dry water over my face and schooled my expression. At the very least, I didn't want to look any more alien to him. I wanted to look like ordinary Jiwu.
I had clearly come back—and yet it didn't feel like I had come back at all.
"I'm sorry."
"…For what."
"I'm sorry I couldn't believe you."
He was quick with apologies, I had to give him that.
Fine. You know exactly what you did wrong, so I don't even have anything to say.
"It's all right. It happens."
He had apologized, clearly—but I couldn't hide how annoyed I still felt. All he had to do was treat me comfortably. That was the one thing.
"…Want to play a game?"
"No… I'm fine. I'm a little tired today."
I didn't want to do anything with this aching body, and something about everything just irritated me. Maybe it was because my cycle still wasn't over, and I understood his reaction, I did… ah, I didn't know.
"Th…at so?"
"Sorry. I'm just in a bit of a mood today."
I really didn't understand my own feelings. I had no idea how to untangle this endless knot of complicated emotions. It was like a puzzle that had been scrambled—and half the pieces were missing—so I couldn't finish it no matter what.
Why did I have to think this hard? Couldn't I just keep it simple?
"Hoo…."
As if asking myself would change anything. As if anyone was going to answer.
I am me, and I am not two people.
Even lying on freshly washed bedding, I couldn't get comfortable. The fabric softener had soaked in properly, the stuffing sat right, and my whole body was warm—I should have been asleep within minutes.
—Rustle.
"…?"
"Ah… sorry."
"Where are you going?"
At the rustling sound I forced my closing eyes open and looked around. It was hyung.
He was poised to walk out, arms full of pillow and blanket.
I could somehow already guess why he was taking the whole set with him. Out of that tangled snarl of complicated feelings, I found a single clear one.
He was uncomfortable.
"I… yeah. I was going to sleep in the living room."
"Don't go."
"…Even so."
"No. I don't want that. Am I that uncomfortable to you?"
This was discomfort. Even if everything else was fine, if one thing sat wrong, it nagged at you without end.
I was uncomfortable too. If he was uncomfortable, then of course it would weigh on me as well.
"…Th—"
"Then I'll go sleep somewhere else. That works, doesn't it?"
Now I was just incredulous.
He knew I was Jiwu… he really did know, and he was still doing this.
"No… that isn't—"
"Then sleep in the bed. Why can't you be comfortable in your own home like it's your own home? Is it because I'm a woman after all? Did you hate it that much when I dug my heels in!?"
A sound like a violin's highest note tore through the room. I clapped a hand over my own mouth without thinking, and hyung bowed his head, looking wretched.
"I'm sorry. I'll just go home to sleep from now on."
I had been unreasonable.
I had only thought of myself.
It was his house, his money, his right to do as he pleased.
"……"
"I'm sorry. I'll go. I'm really sorry."
I had pushed too hard.
My little sibling might not have been a little brother anymore, but a little sibling was still a little sibling.
The one who had done everything to help me meet someone good—who had even waited on me hand and foot.
"I'm sorry. Don't go. I was wrong."
I had been thinking about this all wrong. Completely wrong.
I had been thrown by Jiwu suddenly becoming a woman, but that was one thing, and Jiwu still moved through the world like a man, as if refusing to deny who he was.
The one who was more shaken was Jiwu.
I had been keeping too much distance.
"You're uncomfortable. Sleeping with me. I'll come tomorrow. Just for today… I'll go."
"It's the middle of the night. There aren't even any buses—how are you planning to get there?"
"I'll walk."
"No. Don't go. Just stay and sleep."
How could I push away the little sibling who had been working so hard for my sake?
"…But you're uncomfortable."
"No. It's fine. I'm not uncomfortable at all."
I changed my mind.
Jiwu was still Jiwu.
Even if he had become a woman.
"You mean it… right?"
"Yeah. I mean it."
"Th…then let's sleep together. You won't regret it, right?"
"Yeah, yeah."
I hated the me from a few hours ago—the me who had judged by outward appearance alone, even when every gesture and every turn of phrase had made it blindingly clear that this was Jiwu.
I had scraped by for a month on triangle kimbap and cereal, then eaten tonkatsu and even marveled at it—and the moment Jiwu finished first and got up, a pointless hollowness settled in.
My suit had been pressed to knife-edge sharpness; there wasn't a wrinkle to be found.
The room was clean and the blankets were soft enough that I had doubted whether this was even my house.
And every bit of it was because Jiwu had worked so hard.
"…Jiwu?"
"What."
"About sleeping together…."
"You don't want to…?"
"No. Good night, Jiwu."
The floral scent was lovely, and disorienting.
Jiwu was lying beside me in my bed.
Jiwu is a guy… a guy.
"……"
I didn't know.
At the very least, no man smelled this nice.
And looking so delicate that even brushing against him felt like too much shouldn't have been part of the package either.
And… why was he this beautiful?
"Haa…."
No. She was a woman, but she was Jiwu.
She smelled like this because she was a woman.
I had never really been with a woman, so I didn't know. Did they all just… smell like flowers?
"Mmh…."
I wondered if I would be able to sleep at all tonight, but sleep found me absurdly fast.
Not sleep so much as exhaustion pinning me down, probably. A command from my body to deal with the fatigue before I started thinking thoughts like these.
I didn't regret it.