Someone I Like but Can't Help but Hate

"Hwaaam… mmnh…."

Morning.

This time, not at the hospital—at my brother's place.

"Uh… hyung…?"

"Yeah. You're up?"

Whenever he'd woken, he was already dressed and ready.

"Ah. Breakfast!"

"It's fine. We've got time."

"Aah. I'm so sorry…!"

"…?"

I scrambled out of bed. Mornings always moved too fast.

Even if I'd slept in, pork cutlet first thing was out of the question no matter how you looked at it, so I reheated the egg soup we'd made yesterday alongside the cutlets.

"Whoa."

I pulled the rice from the fridge.

I'd frozen it ahead of time.

If you left rice on warm overnight while you slept, it lost its sheen and turned bland and lifeless.

So it was better to pack it into containers, stash them in the freezer, and in the morning just microwave them for about five minutes—then you could eat it like freshly cooked rice from the night before.

I spooned crisp kimchi into a small dish, set out spoons and chopsticks, and put together the braised lotus root and the seasoned bean sprouts as well.

"Breakfast is ready!"

I ladled the egg soup into bowls, scooped the thawed rice into rice bowls, and set everything neatly in place. Morning breakfast, complete.

"…Impressive."

"Eat quick. You'll be late for work."

He gave me a little round of applause as he sat down at the table.

Wasn't he in a hurry?

"Ahem… Actually, I pushed my start time back thirty minutes, so it's fine. I was going to tell you earlier…"

"Ah."

I'd wondered why he was taking it so easy getting ready. I just hadn't picked up on it.

What an idiot.

"You eat ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠too. You must be hungry."

"Ah. Okay."

Maybe it was the later start, but his complexion looked a lot better. I'd only seen his face yesterday and today, but at least compared to yesterday's exhausted look, the clear skin he had now was a definite improvement.

…Was that just from sleeping, though?

"You must've slept well, hyung? Your face looks good."

"Uh… yeah. I slept great."

Ah. Right—I'd stubbornly insisted we sleep together yesterday.

No, wai…t? Hold on. I wasn't sure.

"Ah… want some coffee?"

"Yeah. I'll have some."

If he'd slept badly, wouldn't his eyes be all dark and puffy?

Ah. Not dark-and-puffy—dark circles.

Ahem. That was the thing about sleeping next to someone else. It was supposed to be uncomfortable.

I was kind of an idiot for stubbornly forcing us to share a bed…

And then I was the one who'd gone and said it straight out instead of letting it lie, which made me look even dumber….

Anyway. It hadn't been uncomfortable, had it?

"Something on your mind?"

"Ah. No."

Still, the fact that I hadn't cried yesterday was a relief all on its own. I had no idea how my personality had gotten this prickly and high-strung, but I really regretted the way I'd been yesterday.

"Here you go."

"Thanks."

He seemed to be pretending he barely noticed anything, for my sake.

I was the one who ought to be grateful.

"Uh… your face is red. Are you feeling okay?"

"Mm. I'm just going to wash my face."

Yesterday's events unspooled like film and started playing back as a video.

"You crazy bitch…."

No matter how I looked at it, that hadn't been like me.

Who even was that? Was that really me?

"Haa…."

I threw out the pad and took out a smaller one than yesterday's.

Yesterday had been a large; this time it was a medium.

Still wrestling with that strange sensation, I rolled the used pad up tight like a kimbap roll and threw it ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠away. Not a whiff of smell was getting out.

"Haa…."

Was I ever going to get used to this…

Lately it felt like I'd been sighing a lot more.

♡Unnie Choi Suhyun♡

"Oh… h-hello?"

"Ah. Unnie! How have you been?"

I'd just sent my brother off to work and was killing time with the leftover cleaning when my phone buzzed and skittered across the floor. I snatched it up.

Whether it was that unforgettable, commercial-jingle of a contact name, or the affection built up over that short month we'd spent together…

Well. Both were true.

"Let's meet up sometime, okay? And I'm not just saying that! We really have to see each other."

I still needed to properly return the padding and the clothes, after all.

"Come on. Then let's call every day. I'll always pick up."

Holding the phone, it felt like she was right there in front of me.

Hearing her teary voice through the receiver brought back, unbidden, the days we'd clung to each other and cried. Even though we'd been apart, I guessed I'd gotten pretty attached myself.

"When are you free? With this kind of thing, you really have to lock in a time."

I knew how those "let's grab a meal sometime" promises went—I'd never once actually set a date and followed through.

It was close enough to empty talk that you absolutely had to pin it down.

"Then let's meet then. You'll be free, right?"

I could practically feel her fierce determination through the phone, and it pulled a small laugh out of me.

"Hehe. Me too."

And I had plenty of things I wanted to ask her, besides.

All sorts of women's secrets that men never knew about… yeah.

"Okay, okay. Good luck."

With that hurried voice, the call ended.

I was already worrying about whether we'd actually manage to meet.

"Hoo… I should work hard too!"

The room was tidy enough, but there were still a few blemishes left.

How was I supposed to clear out a month's worth of neglect in a single day?

I could clean it if I had to—but I wasn't the person I used to be.

Even holding a broom long enough left my arms trembling afterward.

This wasn't a cleaning problem so much as a sign I needed to start working out.

"Suhan-ssi~ Looks like you made up with your girlfriend? That suit is sharp."

"Haha… she's not my girlfriend."

"If she's not your girlfriend, who irons a crease that perfect?"

"Haha… she really isn't."

It had been like this before, and it was still like this now.

Back when I'd had a wife… people had actually asked if I was even married. And now… well, everyone here already knew about the divorce.

I'd taken the wedding ring off a while ago, and they were always saying my face had filled out and I looked better for it.

"Haa…."

The real problem was Jieun. Jieun.

It had to be the same person.

No—it was the same person… except for the face….

Except for the body, and a considerable amount of upper body besides. Outwardly, I could say with a hundred percent certainty that there was nothing left of Jieun's male appearance to find.

I'd simply decided to look at what was inside. Habits of behavior and speech ran alongside a whole life, after all.

The way Jieun tuned everything else out while cooking and focused only on the food—it looked cool.

And sometimes, when a dish was coming out well and the mood was good, there'd be a little hum and a slight wave through the hips like a dance, and even I found it fun to watch.

There was that conviction that no matter what else was going on, dinner had to be eaten together.

And wherever those suit-ironing skills had been learned… the touch was practically master-craftsman level.

Jieun was the same as ever—then and now.

I was simply the one who hadn't been able to accept it.

Just for a little while. A little while. I wasn't going to upset Jieun anymore.

And honestly, there was nothing but good points. If Jieun ever said about leaving, I'd want to hold on.

"Suhan-ssi. Something going on today? You seem distracted."

"Ah. Sorry."

"Even if you're worried about your girlfriend, you still have to focus on work~"

"Yes… she's really not… my girlfriend."

Jieun's domestic skills were enough to make your jaw drop, so everyone at the office figured that after the divorce I'd gone and gotten myself a girlfriend.

"Then how about we drop by for a housewarming?"

"Oh. You're going to Suhan-ssi's place? Then me too!"

Of all times.

And right when Jieun had become a woman.

"I heard the place is nice. Mind if I come along?"

Once they piled on like that, there was nothing for it.

Even if I told them a man had turned into a woman, who would believe me?

"…Let's just say there is one."

"What? Suhan-ssi!"

"Okay, so there definitely is one."

Chased out under a cloud of clashing, overpowering perfumes, I stepped outside.

"Haa…."

Jieun's scent hadn't been overpowering.

It clung softly to the body—the kind of fragrance that seemed like it would drift gently closer on a breeze.

"Ugh…!"

I'd somehow fallen into a deep, sweet sleep, and when I woke I found myself holding Jieun around the waist without meaning to.

Those impossibly slender fingers had been tugging my hand closer, pulling it up over that stomach as if wanting more of it.

Soft—and so embarrassing my heart had been screaming through my whole body that it was going to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠kill me.

If Jieun came to sleep beside me again tonight, I was truly done for.

"Yo!"

"…What. Why are you here."

"Can't I come see my beloved little sister?"

This bastard.

"Are you insane?"

"No? I'm not insane."

What exactly was happening right now.

Right—so this crazy older brother of mine had shown up again.

And with that bizarre line, no less. Little sister, my… what.

"Beloved little sister my ass!!"

"Aigoo, don't be like that. Let's go hang out."

"What are you talking about. Why do I have to go anywhere with you."

"Ahem… truth is, I asked Sua for a little favor?"

Name: Sua. My brother's girlfriend.

I'd only ever caught glimpses of her face in passing, enough to register that yes, he did have a girlfriend.

…Wait.

"You told her? That I turned into a woman!?"

"Yep."

"You son of a—!"

Why would you tell her that.

"Hey, don't get so mad. This hyung… this o-ra-beo-ni of yours did a little thinking, okay?"

"Orabeoni my ass. Why are you telling other people my business!"

No matter how much money he threw around, there was no way I could ever call this brother of mine a good person. Wasn't the teasing going way too far?

"She's not 'other people' anymore."

"…?"

"We got married. Heh…."

He laughed that wicked laugh of his again.

How did that girlfriend of his end up marrying someone like this?

"Haa… crazy. So. What's your actual business."

"Come clothes shopping with Sua. You're not planning to live in nothing but your old stuff, right?"

"So what if I am."

I denied it out loud, but I knew my situation perfectly well.

Aside from the clothes Unnie Suhyun had given me, nothing fit.

It was the dead of winter, so I needed long sleeves—but everything just slid right off. And my hands disappeared into the cuffs.

For someone who cooked, not being able to use your hands was obviously fatal, so while Unnie's clothes were in the wash I wore short sleeves at least. Those were still pretty huge.

They covered me down to the thighs. It was basically that no-bottoms fashion that had been popular in summer.

Ah—women's fashion only, of course.

"Looking like that?"

In the end I'd gathered up all the excess sleeve and tied it off in front.

A sliver of stomach showed, but it still beat feeling like I was wearing a dress.

"…Close the door, it's cold. And this is my brother-in-law's house, you know?"

"You've been working since the second you got discharged? As a woman, in a house where a man lives?"

"Don't treat me like a woman."

Even jokes had a line. From a stranger I could understand it, but having the people around me treat me like a woman rubbed me the wrong way for some reason.

"Tch… yeah, Suhan-hyung doesn't exactly have it in him for that."

"Shut up."

It made me feel like something that needed protecting, like I couldn't take the lead—and that just irritated me for no good reason.

Sure, it was true, but we weren't some awkward acquaintances judging each other on looks alone. We were family and friends. Brothers.

"Anyway, let's go! It's not like you've got anything better to do."

"No."

"Jihyeok, what's taking so lo…… ah?"

"Ah… hello."

The face I'd only ever glimpsed in passing. And now we'd met.

I'd run into my brother's girlfriend looking like this.

I was seriously going to kill him.