Hold Me Tight
I hadn't been suspicious. Not really. There had only been the faintest sliver of doubt.
"Makeup, you know, is like a woman's weapon."
"Oh… like a K2 or a K3?"
"Uhh… what is that."
Ah. She had no idea.
"Ahem. Never mind."
"Anyway, Jihye, you used to be a guy, but this is a skill you absolutely have to learn. Luckily your skin's fair and not the oily type, so makeup's going to take to you beautifully."
"'Take to me'… what does that mean."
"…Okay. This is going to be fun to teach."
Ah. There it was again.
"I don't understand any of this. I'm sorry!"
"…Fine. But you at least know the basics… right?"
"Toner, lotion, sunscreen!"
"…I meant base makeup."
"I don't know!"
What was a primer. What was a base. What on earth was BB cream.
Sure, I was pretty now, but I'd been a guy. Couldn't she just explain it simply?
"Well… whatever. Jihye, even if you just keep taking care of your skin the way you are, you're already pretty, so… damn, I'm jealous."
"Hehe. So if I just put on sunscreen carefully, I'm good, right?"
"You're learning makeup so you can look your best for Oppa, and you're giving up already?"
"I'll learn it later!"
This time I decided to get help from my sister. She sat me down at the vanity and circled around me, painting my face with sponges and pens and whatever else, and finished by running a curling iron through my hair.
"…I really will learn makeup later."
My face was pretty. That much could be taken for granted by now, but even prettiness had its own tastes and preferences.
You could call me a beauty with a sharp face, maybe.
My sister always said that as long as I was smiling I looked like a heavenly beauty, but the moment my expression went blank I turned into the coldest snow woman alive. Not that I could spend the whole day smiling until my facial muscles seized up.
But makeup fixed that.
She practically painted a picture onto my face, and the chill that used to radiate from my blank expression warmed into something soft — less ice-queen cat, more bunny-like, cute and cozy.
"At this level… you could charm every man alive."
"I only need Oppa."
"Yeah, yeah. I hope that love of yours lasts forever."
But… wouldn't this just make Oppa run away again.
I hadn't put on perfume, though. So it should be fine.
"Ahem… I should head straight to Oppa now… right?"
"Yeah…? Did you have somewhere else to go?"
I'd been planning to stop by Father's House for a bit and catch him up on things.
Today… I'd just call him instead.
If I apologized with a little aegyo, maybe I could slide by on something like a daughter free-pass.
"There was, but there isn't anymore. We're done now, right?"
"Mm-hmm. Let's go."
The moment we stepped outside, the windless cold made me wrap my arms around myself without thinking.
"Ugh, it's freezing."
"Your legs are going to be cold. I was going to put you in stockings, but… you're going straight home anyway."
"Y-yeah…."
I flinched at the cold air in the hallway, shivered again at the bleak chill of the underground parking garage, and climbed into the car.
"Haa… can I make a quick call?"
"Got someone to call?"
"My father. I need to tell him I can't come today."
My sister looked at me with a mischievous expression.
"Heh. 'Father,' huh. He'd like hearing 'Dad~' a lot more, you know?"
When had I started calling him Father.
Probably once before I enlisted, and then I just kept calling him Father after I got out, too.
The military had that kind of feel to it, and it had been my way of declaring that I was an adult now.
"Dad… 'Dad.' Doesn't that make me sound like a little kid? I'm an adult, you know."
"If you were a son, maybe. But when a daughter calls him Dad, a father just about dies of happiness."
"I… is that so?"
But going back to calling him Dad…
Of course, I'd gone to see him last time.
Nothing much had happened. Really.
He'd sat in the living room watching television while I set out food and wiped the dust off the ceiling.
Then I'd said goodbye and left.
"Mm… well. I'll try."
"If you do it cutely enough, he might even give you allowance."
"Come on. No way."
I briefly pictured my utterly blunt father laughing at my antics and sending me pocket money.
"…Yeah, definitely not."
The call connected, and after only a few seconds the ringing stopped.
"Hello."
My taciturn father. Enter stage left.
"Ahem… Dad~"
"……Click."
"Huh."
He hung up.
Wondering if I'd dialed the wrong number, I checked the name and called again.
"Hello."
"Dad~"
"……"
The words "Dad" and "Oppa" only differed by a single vowel sound.
Maybe that was why. I'd practiced so hard at letting "Oppa" well up from my chest that "Dad" came out pretty smoothly too.
"Ahem. It's Jiwu. I called to tell you I can't come today."
"…That so."
Was this a misunderstanding, or a declaration that I was going to change myself.
A greedy little want had snuck up on me.
"And Dad."
The greed of wanting to be loved.
"I love you~!"
I think I'd gotten lonelier lately.
Living apart, all on my own.
In the old days I would have been thrilled about it, but now I wanted someone with me.
"…Yeah."
His tone was still blunt, but I caught something faintly different in it.
Maybe it was just my imagination.
"Huu… you idiot."
"Any second now, 'daughter allowance' is going to show up in your account, just watch."
"Huh… what are you talking about."
"I got a whole house out of doing aegyo, you know?"
"Um…."
Weren't the units of allowance a little different there.
"Hang in there. And don't come crying to me again."
"Guh… okay."
"If you really cry, I'm making you my girlfriend."
"Ugh! I said okay!"
After a brief hug with my sister, we said goodbye, and I went up to Oppa's place.
"Huu… huu…!"
What was I even nervous about.
If I sweated, the makeup would come off.
I opened the door slowly.
At the sound of the door lock, he would definitely know I was home.
"Um, hellooo…."
Oppa's slippers, dress shoes, and sneakers were all still there. He hadn't gone anywhere.
"Ah."
"Oh… hey."
Oppa was eating something he'd warmed up from yesterday.
Have you been well?
Were you lonely without me?
Only a single day had passed. Actually, not even a full day.
So why had I missed him so much.
"…Is there anything you want to eat?"
"Ah. I'm fine. This is good too."
I'd tried floating the offer, wanting to take care of him, but he just pointed at his bowl like it was perfectly fine and went back to eating.
Rice soaked in soup, and the only side dish was kimchi. What exactly was "good" about that.
"When you're done… come to the room."
"Mm…."
Back in the room, I tossed my handbag onto the chair and collapsed onto the bed that had already grown familiar, letting my body sink into it.
"What's wrong with me…."
I muttered to myself and rolled across the mattress.
I still couldn't read my own heart.
I hadn't been angry, had I?
"Jiwu…."
"Hup… yes."
This Oppa had such uncanny timing that I almost wondered if he was deliberately embarrassing me just to seize the initiative first.
"Yesterday… I did a lot of thinking."
"Ahem… about what."
I scratched my head and offered an awkward smile.
"In the end… it was only ever Jiwu. I tried everything yesterday. Cooking, cleaning, laundry — all of it. And I failed at all of it… the suit… the creases came out weird. I'm sorry."
"…Would you reflect on how you treated me, please."
"Jiwu…? Ah. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not thinking about your feelings and just stubbornly doing things my own way."
Why was it so simple.
I was hearing exactly what I wanted to hear.
So why did my heart still want something more.
"Then… how should you think of me?"
"Uh… as a woman…?"
The question I'd tossed out without thinking, and the flustered answer he'd thrown back at random, made my mood lift just a little.
"Haha… ha."
"I'm still not done being mad, you know?"
"Ah— yes ma'am."
I must have been smiling without realizing it, because Oppa was starting to smile a little too.
Nope. Not allowed. I still had more to work with here.
"Mm… I'll give you a hint. I'm giving you one chance to make me stop being mad all at once."
"Uhh… what is it."
This time I was going to set conditions.
No wriggling out front or back. I needed certainty — a kind of verbal contract — so this Oppa wouldn't even think of running.
"But once you hear them, absolutely no take-backs. If you listen and then say you won't or you can't, that's it. This time it won't end with me leaving for a day."
I twisted it just enough that he couldn't slip free.
"Umm… okay. No take-backs. Got it. Within reason, I'll do whatever you want. After everything Jiwu's done for me."
"Eut…."
It wasn't Oppa who needed to hold it together — it was me.
If I went through with this, I might end up cheering him on even if he took up gambling, instead of getting angry.
"Huu… they're ordinary. First of all…."
"There's a second one too?"
"Hey. Just listen. First — stop calling me Jiwu."
I picked my handbag back up and pulled out my wallet.
"Jihye. My name is Lee Jihye now. You only have to change one letter when you say it."
Easy to say — but for me, it would land as something enormous. That was the first.
"The second one's easy too. I left out anything money-related, so it's super convenient to agree to."
"Mm. Jihye."
"Eut…."
Hearing my name drop in so suddenly startled me, though not enough to make my body shake.
"Ahem… please think of me as a woman."
"…I just said that."
"Think of me as someone of the opposite sex."
"…?"
This was a confession.
It felt like a confession, and yet it wasn't one — that kind of confession.
"And finally, the third…."
"Wait, opposite sex…."
"Third!"
Don't question the question.
To answer a question you had to wonder about it, sure. But at least for the second one, I wished he wouldn't.
"Hug me as hard as you can right now."
"…Right now?"
"Yes."
It was very simple. He just had to pull me into his arms. And it didn't involve money, either.
"You… you clearly just asked me to think of you as a woman…."
"Does that matter?"
"…It does?"
"No. Not anymore. This is the last one — are you going to give it to me?"
Oppa seemed to have lost his words entirely; he didn't know what to do with himself, and his hands were trembling.
"It's easy. Just pull me into a hug and it's all over. Mm… I wonder if cheese pork cutlet would be good today."
Certainty couldn't be mine alone.
Oppa needed his own calculation that he needed me here — only then would it hold.
What kind of housekeeper pushed her own charm this aggressively.
So I sprinkled on the things Oppa liked, like a little extra sauce.
"Huuu… I'll do it…?"
"Yes. As much as you want."
I steeled myself.
I, too, had been holding my heart steady with deep breaths this whole time.
"Hnnnngh…!♡"
And that composure crumbled completely.
My body had become a woman's, and with that my shoulders had narrowed, my height had shrunk, and my waist had gone ant-thin.
Maybe that was why.
"Nnh… haah…♡"
Like soft jelly filling every inch of me.
And yet firm, and warm, and stirring a strange excitement — Oppa's body drew a moan out of me before I could stop it.
Some of it was arousal, sure, but as thin as my thinking was right then, I decided it was probably happiness.
I was incredibly happy and glad right now.
It was a happiness I'd forced into being, but even so, this moment had me fluttering all over.
I paid attention to the makeup I'd finally bothered with and breathed in his scent.
I hadn't sprayed any perfume, but Oppa's smell itself was the fragrance.
If anything, I hated perfume.
"Oppa…♡ tighter…♡"
From the arms wrapped around me down to his fingers, the feel of his body's contours made me want him to hold me even harder.
"Nngh…♡"
Even hugging me, he couldn't take all of me in.
A lightheaded, floating sensation ran through me, and my body trembled.
That I liked Oppa was now a confirmed fact.
This was the moment it got proven.