I Told Him How I Felt. Did It Reach Him?
“…Get out.”
“Uhmm…”
“Hurry!”
“O-okay, okay.”
What an idiot.
I’d enjoyed myself far too much.
I’d been happy, sure… but how was I supposed to face what came next?
“Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot.”
“Uuuugh…!!!”
As if swinging my fists at empty air would change a thing. Stomping my feet on the bed didn’t change anything either.
“Hah.”
I decided to reframe it.
I’d just keep flirting with him. That was what couples did, wasn’t it?
Then this would simply become the kind of skinship lovers shared.
It still felt… a little overwhelming… but for now… yeah. I’d just keep that thought in mind.
“Hah.”
I cleared my throat, smoothed my hair, and carefully checked my makeup in the hand mirror my sister had given me, making sure nothing had smudged.
“Good…”
My faintly flushed cheeks bothered me a little, but honestly, they looked cute. A girl in love—who wouldn’t find that charming?
I quietly opened the door.
Oppa was just stepping out of the bathroom.
“Ahem… I’m sorry. I got a little carried away.”
“Ah… yeah. It’s fine.”
Somehow Oppa’s face was terribly red too.
Did he get worked up over me…?
…That’s kind of thrilling.
No. He was just flustered. What was I even thinking?
“Um… would you maybe want to go to the supermarket?”
“The supermarket?”
“I was wondering what cut of meat to get for the pork cutlets… and also…”
It was the weekend, and wandering around alone felt a little off somehow… Truthfully, I just wanted to go on a date.
“Alright. Let’s go.”
“Oh— ahem. Okay.”
“I’ll just wash my face and throw some clothes on. Can you wait a bit?”
Oppa grabbed a towel and headed back into the bathroom.
“Whew…”
It felt like I’d forced the conversation along, but still… at least we hadn’t fallen apart.
“…Ah.”
I needed to put on more clothes. If I went outside with these bare legs, they’d freeze solid as ice.
“Hmm… should I wear these?”
Stockings.
It wasn’t that I wanted to feel that creepy sensation again—I just couldn’t wear pants under a skirt, could I? And putting on pants outright wouldn’t look as pretty.
This was simply the natural choice. And I needed to get used to that prickly feeling anyway.
“Hnn…”
Well. I still wasn’t sure. They looked pretty, at least.
“Ji…hye. Mind if I change real quick?”
“Ah. Sure. Go ahead.”
“……”
“…?”
Oh.
“Should I step out…?”
“Probably…?”
Darn. That had been the perfect chance to admire his muscles with my own two eyes. From what I remembered, it would have been maddeningly tempting.
“Ahem… I’ll come right out when you’re done.”
“Mm.”
While I sat on the living room sofa waiting, I idly stroked my thighs. The sensation was strangely pleasant—I kept wanting to touch them.
“Let’s go. We’re taking the car, right?”
“Yes, yes. I figured we might as well buy a decent amount.”
I stepped outside again.
This time with Oppa. A supermarket… date?
Oppa, who was hopelessly dense when it came to women, probably wouldn’t even think of it as one.
It had been a long time since I’d ridden in the car beside Oppa.
He looked incredibly handsome behind the wheel.
One quick wash of his face and a change of clothes, and he somehow looked even better—wasn’t that basically cheating?
…Am I cheating too, then?
“Is this supermarket okay?”
“Yes, yes. This one’s fine.”
I got out of the car and linked my arm through his.
“Wha—!?”
“W-well… people keep coming up to me…”
It wasn’t a complete lie. I could feel eyes on me every so often.
Well, a quick glance around usually made them vanish. I’d just needed an excuse to stay close to Oppa.
If I tacked on something resembling a reason, Oppa had a habit of nodding along before he could think it through.
“Hmm… I get that a lot myself, so I understand.”
This time he even nodded, as if we’d found common ground. Given how bad he was at turning people down, it made sense.
Taking that as permission, I tightened my hold on his arm just a little. His body gave a startled little tremor, but I was trembling too, so it was probably fine.
“Pork cutlets today. That’s okay, right?”
“Yeah! Cheese pork cutlets, right?”
“Hehe. That’s right.”
We stepped into the supermarket.
The automatic doors slid open onto a place so packed with goods it was harder to find what wasn’t there than what was. It was also the kind of place where everything looked so pretty and delicious that if you started grabbing things at random, you’d regret it later.
After falling for that once or twice, I’d learned the smartest approach was to decide what you needed beforehand.
“Ah! Hello~”
“Yes. What can I get for you?”
The clerk glanced at Oppa, then at me.
“Hmm… Oppa. How much pork cutlet do you think you’ll eat?”
“Uhmm… I could eat it every day for a week.”
“You wouldn’t get sick of it?”
“Nope. It’d still taste good if I ate it for a whole year.”
No matter how delicious pork cutlets were, you still needed other food for the sake of your health. Even so, a whole year seemed like it would get old—but faced with that look of absolute conviction, I had nothing left to argue with.
“Alright then… for one week, we’ll really just eat pork cutlets. I’ll study up and make you every kind of pork cutlet there is.”
“Oh… thank you. Really, thank you.”
That put me in a good mood. Of course… it was Oppa’s money, but I was confident I could make pork cutlets taste amazing.
“A week’s worth. Two portions each day, packed separately, please.”
“Yes, understood.”
While they prepared the meat, we’d just pick up the other ingredients and we’d be done…
Would we? Was I not allowed to linger a little longer?
Swallowing my disappointment, I headed toward the produce section.
“?”
I thought I heard someone sigh.
“Something wrong?”
“Ah, no. Nothing.”
I picked out a pretty head of cabbage—white, just the right size—and put it in the basket. I turned an apple over in my hands, inspecting it from every angle, then added one.
“Hup… one more…?”
If we were eating for a week, buying one more made sense, didn’t it?
“Hmm…”
“Jihye. Maybe just get a whole bag…”
“Ah-ah. We won’t even finish them all, and then we’d just throw them out later?”
“Ah… alright.”
In the end I added one more apple.
“No, wait. I should put it back.”
I’d gotten so giddy over the idea of a date with Oppa that I’d completely glossed over how much apple actually went into a salad. I set the extra one back down.
“Mm-hmm. Perfect.”
We already had onions at home, so I skipped those.
Oppa was staring at me like I was some kind of marvel, but this, I’ll have you know, is what thrift looks like.
“Cheese… ah. Oppa. When we have loin cutlets, I’m going to make a different salad instead of the usual lettuce one. Do you like cheese in your salad?”
“Uuuh… Jihye? I think you can just decide…”
“…Okay.”
I was doing this for him, you know.
Oppa didn’t seem particularly bothered either way; he just watched whatever I was doing. It felt a bit like talking to yourself while walking a pet.
“Hmph.”
Feeling a little peevish for no good reason, I tightened my grip on his arm.
I handled the rest on my own, just as he’d said. Whenever I glanced over, Oppa was carefully easing the tension in the arm I’d linked with his—never letting go, just adjusting the pressure ever so slightly.
You don’t care what you eat, so why are you being so careful with me?
“Oh… is that your boyfriend?”
“It’s a secret.”
I answered with a quiet smile.
He wasn’t my boyfriend… but linking arms was still allowed, right?
“What a handsome pair you two make.”
I tried to keep my expression steady, but the corners of my mouth refused to stop climbing.
“When you get married, you’d better send us an invitation!”
“Ah— no, it’s not like that!”
A half-hearted denial, but maybe it would be enough to scrub the scheme out of Oppa’s mind. We fled the supermarket like we were making a getaway and climbed into the car.
“Jihye… want to stop by a café for a bit?”
“I’d like that.”
We decided to grab a quick coffee at a nearby café.
“Uh… but I don’t really know much about coffee.”
I genuinely could not understand the point of drinking extremely expensive water that started at forty-five hundred won a cup. Was it even that different from instant coffee?
Was there really any reason to drink several of those pricey coffees just to study?
All of those reasons combined meant I had almost no café experience—except for the times someone else was treating.
But Oppa had suggested it, so of course I was going.
“Then… do you like sweet things?”
“I do.”
I like you, Oppa.
“Then a caramel macchiato. It’s really sweet—that okay?”
“Hmm… then I’ll have the same as you, Oppa.”
After a brief moment of thought, Oppa went up to the counter.
“…One regular hot café latte, please.”
He paid, took a number ticket, and we sat by a window where we could see outside clearly—and where no one else was sitting.
“So why did you suddenly want to come to a café…?”
I’d agreed because I wanted to stay with him a little longer, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t curious about the reason.
“I have something I want to say.”
Oppa straightened his clothes and brushed his hair back.
“I want to see the real you, Jihye.”
“What do you mean by that…?”
“There are a lot of reasons I’ve never been able to date anyone, but I think I’ve figured a few things out by now. I could be wrong, but… haha.”
Somehow the mood had turned serious. Oppa sat with proper posture and looked straight at me.
“I know how you feel, Jihye. Even someone as dense as me can tell. I’ve always been grateful, but now… I don’t even know how I could ever repay you.”
“You don’t need to repay me…”
I just…
“I know. You like me, don’t you.”
“……”
“Don’t you?”
“I… I like you.”
I simply liked Oppa.
“I’m glad. Having a beautiful, adorable woman who’s good at every single household chore like me—I think that’s something to be happy about.”
“Y-yes…”
I’d been thoroughly praised. He was saying he liked that about me.
“But…”
Oppa took a short breath.
“But I keep wondering if Jihye is giving up on the person named Jiwu.”
“Whether you’re throwing away the person named Jiwu and manufacturing someone named Jihye instead.”
“That’s why I said it at the start. That I want to see the real you.”
Had I been acting?
At the very least, I didn’t think so.
Everything I’d done, I’d done because I liked Oppa—because I’d changed into someone he might like. It wasn’t acting.
I’d changed because I wanted to.
With sincerity.
With love poured into that sincerity.
To convey what was truly in my heart, I grew serious too.
“This is the real me… Oppa. No—back when I called you hyung, Lee Jiwu liked you too. Back then it was simply liking a kind older brother, but…”
I’d always had a soft spot for him. Wasn’t that only natural? Of course, it hadn’t been anything like being gay.
I’d simply, genuinely liked him—as a younger brother likes his hyung.
“Now it’s gone past fondness. I sincerely like you, Oppa.”
But I was a woman now.
I’d wondered whether becoming a woman had turned fondness into love, but I’d decided to throw that doubt away.
Keep it simple.
I liked Oppa.
And I wanted that feeling to keep going.
Lee Jiwu and Lee Jihye were both me. I hadn’t thrown anyone away. The memories were still there, and most of them belonged to Lee Jiwu.
I’d just assigned too much meaning to a name and gotten confused. In the end, both of them were me.
“So I’ll say it now.”
Even if you stripped the name away, I myself wouldn’t change. It was only the label someone used when they called me that was different.
And if a woman liked a man, who would find that strange? Who would look at me and think I was a man?
“Please go out with me.”
I was in love with Oppa.
I had no intention of backing down now with excuses about my “true self” or anything else. This was the sincerity welling up from my own heart—what I truly believed.