I Didn't Stream Because I Missed You

Human beings are creatures that live so they won't die.

I was no different. You could just as well have called me a creature that lived in order to stream.

So today, same as always, I turned the stream on.

It wasn't like I had anything better to do anyway.

"Hiya."

"I just felt like streaming."

"Don't get the wrong idea. I didn't come on because I missed you people."

"What I mean is I purely, simply wanted to stream. That's all."

"It's very different. I didn't come here to see you. I came here because I wanted to stream."

"Haa. Forget it. I never expected any of you to understand me in the first place, so I'll just ignore you and play the game."

"Dark, obviously. What else would I play? Please don't ask questions with answers that obvious. They're exhausting to respond to."

"Oh, and from now on my alias is Asel."

"Places where the sea parts actually exist in the real world, and in the Bible Moses parted the sea as well. In other words, parting the sea is a surprisingly time-honored tradition, so that metaphor doesn't even fit."

"No reason. It just popped into my head."

"Yes."

Last night, lying in bed trying to fall asleep, the thought had simply arrived: Asel. That would be a perfect name.

Why that thought had arrived, I honestly couldn't say.

"What does it mean?"

"And I care because…?"

"I did?"

I shook my head. As far ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠as I could remember, I had asked no such thing.

"Why would I want to kill you? You'll all go extinct on your own anyway."

"Facts have always been the most powerful weapon there is, so I'm afraid I can't stop hitting you with them."

"How disappointing. I was under the impression that the people who watch my stream had a certain amount of class."

"Yes. I just realized it myself. I've been overrating my viewers far too much. So from now on I'll be underrating you a bit."

"If nobody's done it before, then I'll just be the first."

"Throughout history, the people who tried something first have always been persecuted by everyone else. I'm no exception. So accept it with humility. Just remember this one thing: my ideology will eventually take its rightful place in the world. You can deny it all you want — it will come to pass no matter what. Remember that."

"So there are a thousand goldfish living in my stream… I had no idea."

"Normally a streamer should be happy when the viewer count is high, but I just can't bring myself to celebrate when it turns out all one thousand of them are goldfish."

"Tell me what I just said."

"See? Goldfish."

"I remember everything you people say, though? Oh, wait. Is that it? The other person is supposed to remember what I said, but I don't have to remember what they said. That kind of attitude."

"As expected, my viewers really are world-class at changing the subject. Fine. I'll let it slide for today. But don't get comfortable — tomorrow I won't let you off this easy. Be ready."

"I'm so relieved you've finally figured that out. All right, let's start the game."

"Oh. Support Yone. That's actually pretty tasty. The Yone-Yasuo brothers really are the most delicious thing in Dark."

"It's Asel. Not 'the streamer.'"

"You've finally seen the light. That's right. If I land on your team, you can just think of it as a free twenty LP."

"Well said. Games aren't fun if they're too easy to beat, and streamers aren't interesting if they're too easy to meet. Like a couple you see every single day until you get sick of them."

"We're not a couple, and my charm is the kind you never get tired of no matter how often you see it, so it's fine."

"Hmm. I just checked the connection logs and you come running every single time I go live."

"That tone is a little much. And I told you to call me Asel. Not streamer."

"Now there's a username that's honest about its desires."

"It really is."

Somewhere in the middle of talking to my viewers, the game had started.

I was Yasuo. Our support was Yone.

"See? My elegant way with words worked after all."

"Slander gets you banned."

"A Ronaldo stan. I could kind of tell from the way they talked."

"I'm not a Ronaldo freak. I just happen to know that Messi is the greatest soccer player in the world and the GOAT of the sport."

"Let me just kick a few Ronaldo stans and we can get going."