I Think I Like Him, For Real (3)
“How is it? Pretty awesome, right? You guys think it’s insane too, don’t you?”
Gararam replayed the scene Gang-hu had filmed over and over, buzzing with excitement. Everyone stood there with their mouths hanging open, staring shamelessly at our kiss scene. It wasn’t even the real take—just a rehearsal—but the visual quality was more than enough. At the level of a group project, it would be hard to get anything better than this anyway.
“It’s good, but… it’s a little embarrassing. Watching myself kiss on loop like this. Don’t you think, Yoo Chae-ryeong?”
“Huh…? Yeah… a little…?”
Was I the only one feeling embarrassed? Chae-ryeong kept staring at our kiss scene like she was possessed, replaying it again and again. It was like her soul had left her body. Her face looked completely dazed. Every now and then she’d swallow hard, so maybe she just hadn’t shaken off the nerves yet.
After a long stretch of appreciation time and a rough discussion with Ha-min about the editing points, Gararam, acting as director, announced the end of today’s shoot.
“And that’s a wrap on filming! Everyone worked so hard today! Especially our actors. Thank you so much for the great performances. Good job! Looking forward to the next shoot too!”
“Not at all.”
With Gararam’s closing remark, we checked the final footage together and wrapped up the shoot. The group members packed their things and left one by one. Since our houses were close by, the two of us said goodbye to the others and left campus.
“......”
We walked out the main gate and headed toward our respective homes. We’d tried to finish filming before sunset, but because the rehearsal take had been perfect, we ended up shooting longer than planned. The sky was still painted in soft yellow and orange hues.
Maybe it was because we’d filmed the kiss scene, but an awkward atmosphere lingered between us. I glanced sideways at Chae-ryeong, who hadn’t said a word. Whether she realized what she was doing or not, she kept touching her lips.
……That’s definitely where my lips touched hers.
They had been soft and intoxicating. Maybe even sweeter because they belonged to the girl I liked. Even after the director called cut, I’d pretended to be lost in the acting and hadn’t pulled away right away. I just wanted to savor her lips a little longer, even for a fleeting moment.
Luckily, Chae-ryeong didn’t seem to notice my ulterior motives. She’d been just as caught up in the performance.
To break the awkwardness, I threw out a comment I didn’t really mean.
“……Hey.”
“Yeah?”
“Good thing the kiss scene only needed one take.”
It was a relief for Chae-ryeong, who had looked so burdened by the kiss scene. For me, though, it was a shame. I should’ve deliberately flubbed a take so we could shoot it again.
At my words, Chae-ryeong, who had been walking steadily, suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. I stopped too, puzzled, and stood beside her.
“What? Why’d you stop all of a sudden?”
“Hey.”
Her voice was filled with an inexplicable sense of hurt. It was different from her usual sharp tone that still carried affection.
“……Did you hate kissing me that much?”
“What?”
“You’ve been like this since earlier. Trying to avoid the kiss scene on purpose, and now you’re saying it’s lucky we only had to do it once.”
What was going on? Why was she angry? Was this some kind of female pride thing? Did she want me to tell her I liked kissing her? No, wait—she was the one who didn’t want to kiss, so I was just trying to be considerate.
Flustered, I answered like I was making an excuse.
“No, that’s not it. You just looked like the kiss scene was really bothering you, so…”
“I told you earlier. It’s not a burden.”
“……But before filming you were super nervous.”
After seeing her like that, no one in the world would think she wasn’t burdened by it. Not just me—any guy in the opposite role would have thought the same.
“I said it’s not! Ah… forget it. Let’s just stop talking. I have somewhere to stop by, so you go on ahead.”
“Suddenly? Hey. Wait. Are you upset?”
“Who’s upset? I’m not upset. I’m just going to the mart to buy something.”
With that, Chae-ryeong whipped her head around. She strode off quickly on her long, well-proportioned legs and crossed to the other side of the crosswalk.
“……Why is she acting like that again? Is today some kind of magic day?”
I just stood there blankly, watching her retreating figure. Thinking it was just one of her usual mood swings, I could only shake my head.
I walked briskly across the crosswalk. Then, without looking back, I slipped into an alley far enough away that his gaze couldn’t reach me.
I didn’t actually have anything to buy at the mart. I’d just been looking for an excuse—any excuse—to get away from him for a mix of complicated reasons.
“……I hate it too, you know. Kissing you? Who do you think actually enjoyed it?”
I smirked and spat out words I didn’t mean, venting my frustration. But after that kiss, I had realized it.
I liked Yoon Taeo.
So saying I didn’t want to kiss him was a complete and total lie.
In fact, that was one of the reasons I’d run away from him.
……I wanted to do it again.
The thought wouldn’t leave my head. If I stayed with him any longer, I was afraid he’d notice how I felt. I might not have been able to hold back and would’ve kissed him again.
But I really was upset too.
……Who do you think you are? You hate kissing me?
Do you have any idea how popular I am?
Because of Taeo, not many guys approached me, but I knew from the girls in my department that a lot of guys liked me. I also knew they called me the goddess of the department behind my back.
I had never once thought I lacked charm as a woman. That’s why, even though I had zero dating experience, my self-esteem was high.
But when Yoon Taeo so blatantly rejected kissing me, it pissed me off.
“……No. This is just me venting, Chae-ryeong. This is.”
Haah.
And once he disappeared from sight and my emotions cooled, I came back to my senses. Yoon Taeo hadn’t done anything wrong. We were just close friends. Nothing more. The reason I was upset with him was because I had realized I liked him.
He had only treated me the way he always had. We weren’t paid actors, and kissing someone you didn’t like was obviously uncomfortable. On top of that, I had dragged him into doing couple vlogs with me out of my own selfishness. I knew that was already too much, yet I had pushed him into a kiss scene too.
“Yoon Taeo is kind… so even if he hates it, he accepts everything from the start…”
I always threw tantrums and he always accepted me. That pattern had become so familiar that I had grown completely dependent on him. Because he went along with whatever I wanted, I never appreciated it. And now I was even blaming him.
I reflected on my terrible personality.
“Huu… My head hurts… I’ll walk a little more before going home…”
My heart was still racing. This was the first time in my life I had ever liked someone. The problem was that the person I liked just happened to be Yoon Taeo.
I never imagined I would fall for Yoon Taeo… I really couldn’t have dreamed it…
It was hard to believe, but I couldn’t deny these feelings anymore.
“……What am I supposed to do now?”
For some reason, I suddenly missed my mom. This was my first time liking someone, so I was clumsy and awkward. I had no idea what to do.
And the biggest problem was that the other person only saw me as a friend.
“Ugh… I shouldn’t have been so rude to Yoon Taeo all the time! Why did I do that? Yoo Chae-ryeong… I should’ve acted more feminine, been a little fake, shown a softer side…”
When I thought about how I had behaved around him, it was horrifying. There was no way he could see a girl like that in a romantic light. It was only natural that he thought of me as just a friend. I had even thrown my worn underwear into the laundry basket right in front of him, for crying out loud.
“I’m such an idiot. Seriously.”
But I hadn’t known. I never imagined I would end up liking him. There was nothing I could do about it now. Since the situation had already come to this, I had to start changing the image he had of me, little by little.
“Should I show that I like him…? No… that might be too dangerous…”
What immediately came to mind was confessing or dropping obvious hints to test him. But when I thought about what would happen if he found out how I felt right now, I couldn’t do it.
……What if I told Yoon Taeo I liked him and he rejected me?
It would all be over. Our relationship would become so awkward that we probably couldn’t even stay friends. Some people might say you can still be friends after getting rejected, but I wasn’t stupid. I knew that kind of thing was impossible even overseas.
“Besides, what would happen to our vlog?”
Our channel was growing nicely. The moment I got rejected, that vlog channel would probably collapse too. It was built on acting, after all. The second one of us turned out to be sincere, it would be impossible to keep it going.
……So the moment my feelings were exposed and I got rejected, I would lose everything. My dream, my longtime friend, and the person I liked.
“No… that can’t happen… that’s the worst possible future…”
There was too much to lose if I acted aggressively. Yoo Chae-ryeong wasn’t brave enough to push forward with such a risky gamble.
I stopped the negative thoughts for a moment and used my quick brain to come up with a plan. Showing it openly was a no. So what remained was making him see me as a woman first. Once that happened, I could slowly show my affection.
It might be frustrating, but I couldn’t bet my entire fortune on one gamble.
“……Still, there are some good points.”
Even so, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was hope. Because even though it was acting, Taeo and I had to keep filming couple vlogs. And since we had to upload videos regularly, we would be doing it continuously.
Even if he didn’t like me, he had to act like he did.
“Don’t actors end up actually marrying each other after filming romance dramas all the time?”
How many actors had gotten married after filming romance dramas together? When I thought about that, I felt like I had a chance too. While filming the couple vlog, I could slowly make him conscious of me. Make him see me as a woman.
Once I thought of it that way, some of the anxiety in my heart faded and confidence began to rise. There was no doubt that I was in a much more advantageous position than anyone else.
“Ughhh. Let’s do this! Yoo Chae-ryeong! You can do it! Love is something you have to fight for!”
I shouted like a crazy person in the middle of the street and thrust my fist into the air. Then, feeling the sudden stares pouring in from all around me, I got embarrassed and quickly lowered my head.
“…Yeah. I can do it.”
I hope this love doesn’t end as a one-sided crush.