I Think I Like Him, For Real
I ended up calling my cousin who lives overseas that same dawn. “......So what do you think, sis?”
My head was a mess and my chest felt so tight that I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I didn’t sort this out.
“Mmm. Chae-ryeong? Hang on a sec?”
Yoo Ga-eun. She was the cousin from my dad’s side I was closest to. Out of all the people I could have asked for advice, I picked her for a few reasons. First, she’s pretty and has a ton of dating experience. I’d heard countless times that she was popular all through school and had dated a bunch of guys. Plus, the reason she lives overseas now is also tied to her love life.
......And it’s seriously romantic.
My cousin, who loves traveling abroad, happened to meet my brother-in-law during a trip to France. They started dating, tried a long-distance relationship across countries, and eventually she gave up her life in Korea for love and moved to France to be with him. Kyaa. Isn’t that just too romantic? How could I not ask a romance expert like her for advice?
Well, there was an even more important reason. Honestly, the easiest people to talk to about dating would’ve been my same-age college friends, but they already think I’m dating Yoon Taeo. It would’ve been too hard to explain the real situation to them. Of course, I couldn’t give my cousin every tiny detail about the vlog or the acting either, but at least she’s overseas so there’s almost no chance she’d watch my YouTube channel, and she’s far removed from my current circumstances.
“Okay, let me summarize. Your childhood guy friend said something that sounded like he used to like you, and now you can’t stop thinking about it, right?”
“More like he liked me in the past? That’s the vibe I got… anyway.”
“So? What exactly are you wondering about?”
“It’s just… I don’t know if I like him or not.”
Asking my cousin to figure out what my heart was doing might be pointless, but I figured talking to someone with actual romance experience would at least give me something useful.
“You don’t know if you like him… Does he not even register as a guy to you?”
“A little?”
“Then what if he confessed? Would you turn him down?”
I thought about it for a second. In my head, I pictured Yoon Taeo confessing to me. It felt awkward. A confession? From Yoon Taeo? The two of us dating?
“I probably wouldn’t turn him down… but accepting it feels… weird… I don’t know, sorry sis…”
“Like you can’t even imagine it? Because you’ve been friends for way too long?”
“Yeah, exactly! Wow, sis, you really are an expert. How can you read my mind so well from just that?”
“Because there are tons of people like you. You think I’ve only done this kind of counseling once or twice?”
“Ooh. That’s kinda cool, sis?”
I didn’t want to reject him. But if she asked whether I wanted to date him, the idea felt too awkward because we’d been friends for so long. My cousin let out a small hum, then asked me carefully.
“Then how about this? Can you do skinship with him?”
“Skinship?”
“Like hugging or holding hands, for example?”
Uh… we’ve already done way more than that, sis. But it felt weird to say that, so I just told her it was possible.
“I think I could manage that much.”
“What about kissing?”
Kissing. That was actually something I’d already come to a conclusion about in my heart. We were going to film a kiss scene for the project anyway.
“......I think I could do that too?”
“Then what about sex?”
“Wha— what what what?!”
“I’m asking if you could sleep with him. You’re an adult, why are you so shocked?”
Sleep with Yoon Taeo? With him? Like those bed scenes in dramas? The two of us taking our clothes off, coming out of the shower, lying in bed, whispering that we love each other, and then… doing all that stuff…? Pshhh. Just thinking about it made my face burn up. I’ve never even done it before, and doing it with Yoon Taeo? I couldn’t picture it at all.
“......Th-that one… I don’t know… I’m not answering that…”
“Pfft. You’re seriously so cute, Yoo Chae-ryeong. You really haven’t dated anyone? You’re still a baby, huh?”
“No I’m not! Have you seen a baby with boobs this big?”
“Just because they’re big doesn’t make you an adult, sweetie. Hehe. Anyway. You can just start gaining experience little by little from now on, right?”
“I don’t know. Stop teasing me and give me real advice already.”
“Okay, okay. Don’t sulk. I’ll be serious now.”
The last thing was probably just a joke to tease me. She still had that mischievous side. It reminded me so much of Yoon Taeo sometimes.
“Sis. Then… if I kiss him, will I know for sure?”
I wasn’t sure if I should even say this. But whatever. It’s acting for a group project anyway. When my cousin heard me, she burst out laughing like she couldn’t believe it.
“What? Is this the new MZ way of dating? You’re just gonna walk up and plant one on him? That’s kinda cool, Yoo Chae-ryeong?”
“No, no, that’s not what I mean… My major is Media and Video, remember?”
I briefly explained the whole situation about filming the kiss scene. My cousin listened quietly, then let out a small chuckle like she finally understood.
“Oh my. So you’re even filming a kiss scene? You’ve already set everything up perfectly, haven’t you?”
“It’s not like that… It just kind of happened…”
“Honestly, I think the chances that you like him are pretty high. It’s really not easy to even imagine kissing a guy you don’t like.”
“......So that’s how it is?”
“But if you still want to check, this is perfect timing. Kiss him this time. You’ll know after that.”
“How?”
“Well, you’ll feel it when you kiss. Whether it feels like kissing the family dog or like kissing a guy you actually like.”
Is that how it works? Maybe I just don’t know because I’ve never kissed anyone. Would it really feel that different?
“Can you really tell the difference that way?”
“Try it once and then tell me, Miss Chae-ryeong.”
She laughed like I was adorable, then declared confidently.
“You wouldn’t know since you’ve never done it, but it’s on a completely different level from just holding hands. Your body is way more honest than your heart. I bet the feeling will hit you instantly.”
#
“The scenes we’re filming today are all the campus ones. I know it’s crazy to cram everything into one day because we’re short on time, but please understand. Anyway, we’re doing scenes 1 through 5, plus scene 9 and the final scene 16. Everyone ready?”
Gararam, who was acting as director, glanced at the script and looked around at the group.
It was Sunday. After filming the vlog with Chae-ryeong yesterday, today was the day we tackled the group project. Since we didn’t have many places we could book and controlling the crowd was difficult, we’d decided on a campus romance concept. Most of the filming would happen on campus, so everyone had come to school today.
“Ha-min organized the script nicely, Gang-hu brought all the equipment, I’ve memorized everything. And the most important ones today are you two. Yoon Taeo, Yoo Chae-ryeong. You got it?”
“Of course.”
When I answered, Chae-ryeong nodded beside me. We’d both memorized the script and had practiced together during the week whenever we had time. It was mostly just dialogue practice with almost no action, but it was better than nothing. Since we weren’t theater majors, a lot of students were probably filming without any practice at all.
“Hmm… and Ha-min, while you’re watching the shoot, think about editing points and talk to me later? Scene 16 is the kiss scene, so you two should mentally prepare. Did you both brush your teeth?”
Gararam grinned and threw in a joke while looking at us. It seemed like he noticed we were a bit tense and was trying to loosen us up. He really had good leadership instincts. Very observant.
“I brushed, flossed, and even used mouthwash. I also put on lip balm even though I never usually do.”
“That’s basically full armor. Taeo, were you that excited for the kiss scene?”
“A little?”
“Heh heh.”
I joked back with Gararam to lighten the mood. Then Yoo Chae-ryeong, who was standing next to me, whispered.
“.....Stop saying weird stuff.”
“Okay, okay. It was just a joke. A joke.”
Her face was flushed like she was embarrassed. It looked so awkward that I decided to stop there. Gararam lightly eased the atmosphere, then quickly moved into actual filming.
“The first scene is on the stairs of the Humanities Building. It’s the scene where the two meet for the first time. Actors, take your positions. Gang-hu, get the camera ready, and make sure the lav mics aren’t visible on the others. Let’s do one rehearsal first.”
“Okay.”
With an answer as heavy as Yoon Gang-hu’s build, the team started moving quickly. They attached the small lavalier mics to our collars and finished setting up the camera. Chae-ryeong and I muttered our lines, running simulations of how we’d act.
“.....Pfft.”
“Why are you laughing?”
“Nothing? It’s nothing.”
Chae-ryeong suddenly burst out laughing after hearing me mutter. I guess watching me shadow-box in the air by myself was funny. I gave her a look that said do it properly and moved to my position.
Where did they even get that? They’re really going all out. As I headed up the stairs of the Humanities Building, Gararam, who had somehow gotten hold of a megaphone, shouted loudly.
“Actors on standby! The marks are roughly set so don’t step outside them! Camera rolling?”
When Chae-ryeong and I made a big O with our arms to signal we were ready, Gararam nodded and said,
“Camera is rolling! Ready~ Action!”
With the signal, the rehearsal before the real take began. But I approached it with the same mindset as the actual shoot and immediately started acting. Me walking down the stairs while looking at my phone, and Chae-ryeong coming up from the opposite side. I pretended to be distracted, then bumped shoulders with her—thud. The prop phone slipped from my hand and fell. It was one of Gang-hu’s old phones he’d brought. He said it was from ages ago so it didn’t matter if it broke.
“Ah.”
When I stared at the phone tumbling down the stairs, a startled Chae-ryeong ran down to pick it up. She handed it back to me with an apologetic expression.
“Ah, I’m so sorry. It looks a little cracked, doesn’t it?”
“No, it’s fine. I wasn’t paying attention while walking either. It’s both our faults.”
Our hands brushed slightly as I took the phone. Chae-ryeong sent me a gaze full of fluttering nerves. After a short pause, she spoke.
“You’re Yu-jin sunbae, right? Second-year in our department.”
“Ah, yes. That’s me. Do you know me?”
“Yes! Don’t you remember me? I saw you giving a speech during MT, sunbae.”
The character I was playing was Han Yu-jin, the second-year student council president of the department. She was Lee A-jeong, a junior who had a crush on him before they started dating. This first scene was before they became lovers, when the two happened to run into each other. It was the exciting moment where A-jeong threw a straight ball at Yu-jin and they started getting closer.
“Um… what’s your name, junior?”
“I’m Lee A-jeong. Sunbae, I’m really sorry about breaking your phone, but… have you had lunch yet?”
“Huh? No, I haven’t eaten yet.”
“Then I’ll buy you lunch. Want to eat together?”
This was the part where I fell for her smile at first sight. Well, acting like I was smitten was easy. I was already in love with her, so I just had to show the feelings I usually hid when I looked at her.
“Ah… yeah… should we?”
I acted slightly flustered, wearing a dazed, enchanted expression while waiting for the signal. From far away, Gararam yelled “Cut!” loudly. Then Gararam and Ha-min came running toward us at full speed. Both of them had huge grins on their faces.
“Whoaaaa! Yoon Taeo! Yoo Chae-ryeong!”
“Dude, are you guys crazy? What the hell was that?”
“I don’t even want to direct anymore! Why are you two so good at acting? Can I just be the audience instead?”
Watching them make such a fuss as they ran over, Chae-ryeong and I met each other’s eyes. She shrugged and lifted her shoulders proudly. I’d thought it went pretty well too, and it looked like she felt the same.
“Really? Was it okay?”
At Chae-ryeong’s question, Gararam and Ha-min started talking excitedly.
“The emotions were flowing so naturally! Honestly I didn’t have high expectations since you’re not actors… but you two looked like real actors.”
“Yeah, yeah. Especially—wow, did you see Taeo’s first-sight love acting? His eyes and expression were insane, right? Is this the vibe you get when it’s a real couple?”
When the wave of compliments continued, we lightly thanked them. Then they looked at us suspiciously and asked,
“You guys haven’t done acting somewhere before, have you? Even as extras? How does it make sense that you’re this good on the first try?”
At those words, Chae-ryeong and I exchanged a slightly shaky glance.
.......Well, you guys wouldn’t know, but. We’re still doing it right now. The couple acting.