Chapter 62
Chapter 62
It was a long time ago when she first met her.
Hair so black and lustrous that even tied back, it seemed bound to slip loose, and crimson eyes like masterfully cut rubies.
Skin so pale you'd wonder if it had ever seen sunlight, and a slender yet graceful figure, still beautiful despite being a little thin.
The same patient gown and hospital bed as everyone else, yet a dignity that showed through regardless. Of course, she'd been in a VIP room, and maybe calling the bed she lay in 'exactly like everyone else's' was stretching the truth a little.
A soft, beautiful voice. And a gentle nature that seemed incapable of clashing with anyone.
She was a kind of person she had never seen before.
Is this what someone becomes, growing up with no worries and nothing but love?
No. She must have had worries. Her body was so frail she kept ending up back in the hospital before you could forget she'd been there.
And it couldn't have been nothing but love either. Whenever she was in the hospital, the ones caring for her weren't her family.
Even so, whenever she came to her room, she always gave her a soft smile.
The IV had to be changed several times even in the middle of the night. Painkillers had to be administered when needed, and a nurse always had to stay up through the night to monitor her seizures.
Yet, strangely, when she had to stay up all night for her, it didn't feel particularly hard.
Whenever she looked at her lying in the hospital bed, she felt an odd surge of emotion, though she knew she shouldn't put it that way.
"You must be very tired because of me."
Sometimes, when their eyes met while she was lying awake, she would say that with a rueful smile. Most nurses would have answered with some routine phrase. No, it's fine. It's what we're here to do. And of course, the moment they left the room, the nurse's face would go haggard with exhaustion again as they trudged toward the counter.
But she was different.
She was genuinely happy that she would speak to her like that.
In truth, she had wanted to hear those words again and again. She didn't want the passing small talk between just another patient and nurse. She wanted a real conversation between people who actually knew each other.
And so she ended up answering her with these words:
"No. This is something I do because I want to."
She immediately regretted it.
She had no idea how a patient would take a statement like that. 'Something you have to do' and 'something you want to do' are different. Something you have to do is about duty.
Whether you do it because you're paid, because of your sense of mission as a medical professional, or because you've decided it's your responsibility; there's a big difference between that and work you do because you want to, even when others would rather avoid it.
Sick patients tend to be sensitive. Plenty of them would seize on a single word to pick a fight, get angry, or try to pin the reason for their pain on someone, anyone.
But she didn't do that.
"Is that so?"
Maybe because she'd heard an answer different from all the others, her eyes went wide with surprise. For just a moment, something like curiosity seemed to pass through those beautiful crimson eyes.
Ah. Right. That's how it was. She simply lay there in this place.
During the day, a servant came. But the conversations they had weren't particularly warm. She would try to say this or that to the servant, but the servant just smiled awkwardly and gave perfunctory replies.
Maybe that was why. She seemed to have no intention of saying anything more to her. The curiosity ended as soon as it was felt. If I press further, I'll probably make her uncomfortable. She'll find it bothersome. That's likely what she thought.
"......."
What more should I say? No, better not. If I keep talking, who knows what kind of slip of the tongue I'll make next.
That day, she simply gave a slight nod of the head in farewell and turned her back on her.
*
"I'm sorry. Because of me......."
She heard those words once more.
Not long after being discharged, she came back to the hospital. Perhaps 'came back' was the more fitting expression. She had stayed there so long that no one in the ward didn't know her name.
The cause was unknown. At least, no physical cause could be found. They didn't even know the name of the illness, yet she was growing weaker by the day. When night fell, the seizures came without fail. Even lying still, she would often scream and tremble violently.
Taking care of her grew harder and harder. If her room hadn't been a VIP room, costing as much per night as a stay at a top-tier hotel, the hospital would have given up on treating her long ago. There's nothing more we can do for her—that's the answer a hospital gives to people without money.
Whether it was a misfortune or a stroke of luck, her family seemed to have plenty of money. At least enough to provide for a concubine's daughter who hadn't even married—money enough to see her through college and to cover the health problems that came after. Though not enough love to care for her attentively.
"There's no need to worry. This is something I do because I want to."
This time, too, she answered that way.
And this time, she was certain.
Because whenever she spoke to her like that with a bright smile, the expression on her face, that faint curiosity as she gazed up at her, had been growing more and more at ease each time.
She could feel the distance between them closing, little by little.
"Nurse."
One day, she spoke to her.
Even after speaking, she seemed to deliberate for a long while before finally managing to get the words out.
"How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?"
It was a very random question.
But the one who received the question was glad.
"My age is—"
By coincidence, they were the same age.
A conversation that started somewhat awkwardly flowed more and more naturally. Even after changing the medication, the two of them talked happily for a long while. She seemed to enjoy talking with her more than talking with the servant, too.
Again and again, day after day, the two of them talked.
She found joy in those conversations.
The difficulty of the work didn't matter at all. Even when a colleague quit and she got stuck with sudden overnight duty, even when a coworker took off after making up some excuse about having plans, she was happy. Because her time to talk with her kept increasing.
They got to know each other more and more.
That she hadn't lived in that house from the start.
That she had grown up not even knowing who her father was, until her biological father suddenly appeared and brought her into that house to live.
Of course, she didn't tell the whole story.
She didn't think it was to hide the truth. She must have simply not wanted to talk about those things. Because in the moments they were together, she only wanted to share bright things.
A few weeks later, she left the hospital again.
But she didn't mind. She'd be back soon enough anyway.
*
"I've met someone I love."
When she came back, she heard those words.
Maybe it was because she had someone to love now.
She said she'd been introduced to him. He was a man with so much money that it was faster to count the people in the entire world who had more. One of the very wealthiest in the country.
At first, she thought it was just an arranged marriage. Her appearance was something anyone would covet.
But they weren't meeting just because they had to meet.
'Something you have to do' and 'something you want to do' are different. In a lifetime, the two almost never overlap.
But for her and him, it seemed those two things aligned perfectly.
They married soon after. The happier she grew, the more her illness receded. The doctor cautiously speculated that perhaps it had all along been something born of the heart.
Still, she didn't let herself be discouraged.
It was something that would have come someday anyway.
She'd known all along it would end up this way.
But she couldn't help the ache in one corner of her heart.
Maybe she had loved her as more than a friend.
"Will you come to the wedding?"
"Of course. I'll be there."
In her wedding dress, she was beautiful.
Simply designed, without much adornment, but it looked very refined. There was no train; the dress didn't drag. She had a way of radiating elegance through nothing more than her own presence.
She stared at her as if spellbound.
Fortunately, their connection didn't end there.
He and she loved each other, but he was terribly busy. He had to go abroad several times a month, had to be apart from her.
Maybe that was why she soon began going in and out of the hospital again.
When he wasn't there, she would just stare out the window for a long, long time. He visited diligently when she was in the hospital, but there were many times when even that was impossible. The servant who looked after her was warmer than the one her maiden family had sent. But even that, it seemed, wasn't enough to heal the sickness in her heart.
"......I have a favor to ask."
"Just tell me. I'll do anything for you."
She smiled at those words.
"You've always stayed by my side."
She couldn't bring herself to answer.
"Would you be able to stay by my daughter's side, too? If I leave this world before her."
She couldn't bring herself to answer.
*
In a lifetime, 'something you have to do' and 'something you want to do' almost never overlap.
But the moment she saw her, she understood.
Beautiful black hair and crimson eyes set like jewels.
Skin as white as porcelain.
Still too young to say for sure, but a body that, when grown, might look exactly like her mother's.
The girl, still so very young, looked up at her.
"Hello."
She offered her greeting.
"Hello."
The child placed her hands neatly at her waist and bowed politely.
She was still so young and tender.
But in that gesture, she could already see the mother who had left this world.
"I'm sorry. It was my wife's last request."
"It's all right."
At his words, his hand resting on the child's shoulder, she answered with a soft smile.
"This is something I do because I want to."
It was the second time in her life that 'something she wanted to do' and 'something she had to do' became the same thing.