Chapter 126: Nightmare. (12)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 126: Nightmare. (12)
“Ha-neul Oppa!”
I was sleeping when a Flying Sibling launched a full-body tackle at me.
“Oof…!”
I’d gotten the hang of the work and built up some decent stamina, but it seemed I was still no match for the kids’ flying tackles, which grew more powerful by the day.
Cruelly, the other children found this entertaining and began to follow suit.
The Flying Siblings, boys and girls alike, started tackling me one after another.
“You little rascals… This is my first day off in two weeks. Give me a break… I feel like I’m actually going to die.”
…Even I have to admit, I’ve really softened up.
Does this even make sense? Shouldn’t someone living a life like mine grow up to be incredibly violent and irritable?
How is it that I’m getting more mellow as time goes by?
“I drew a picture of Ha-neul Oppa yesterday!”
“Oh, let me see. It does look like him.”
Specifically, the part where the things I assumed were eyes and hair were black.
“But I didn’t have a red crayon, so the inside of his mouth is black…”
…Ah, so that was a mouth. I’m glad I didn’t guess wrong.
She would have been so sulky if I’d missed it.
“The one next to him is me! I’m going to marry Oppa later!”
“Huh…?! You’re crossing the line! Ha-neul Hyung is going to marry me!”
“Stupid! Boys can’t marry each other…!”
“That’s just how it is in our country, you idiot!”
…The conversation was heading into some sensitive territory.
Well, whatever. They’re just kids talking.
“Hmm, I bet in five years, you guys will be telling me not to even come near you.”
“…Now you’re crossing the line. Do our feelings look that shallow to you?!”
“Yep, exactly! They look very shallow!”
When I let out an exaggerated laugh, the kids got angry, insisting that wasn’t true. It was truly tragic that I was already experiencing the emotions of a father raising children.
Once the violent Director changed and I stepped in to fill the void left by Cathy, the atmosphere of the orphanage became quite bright.
At the very least, it was much better than when I was their age.
These ungrateful brats will probably start acting all prickly toward me once they grow up a bit.
“Don’t grow up, you little runts. Just stay babies forever!”
Feeling a sudden wave of melancholy, I started tickling them as a joke, and the kids dissolved into fits of laughter.
Well, fine. I could kiss a peaceful rest goodbye today. Since I was wide awake now, I figured I might as well stop resisting and go wash up.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to wash up so I can play with you. I’m a person who needs to bathe, too.”
“Hmm? Right now?”
“Why? Is someone in there?”
The little runts gave me wicked grins.
“Nope? No one.”
“…Did you guys break the water heater again while playing? Tell me the truth and I’ll forgive you.”
“We did not~”
…Then what is it, for fuck’s sake?
I walked toward the bathroom without much thought, and only then did I realize what the runts were thinking.
There was already someone in there taking a shower.
I knew exactly who it was.
But so what? I could just not go in.
Deciding to wait until she was finished, I enjoyed a light breakfast, humming to myself as I brewed some coffee. Then, she emerged, skin all puffy from the water and wrapped in a towel, and started talking nonsense.
“Ugh, why didn’t you come in! You were supposed to at least try to peek!”
“…Are you insane?”
“What, why? So what? Didn’t we wash together when we were kids?”
“You’re seventeen now. Are you insane?”
“…Tsk. Give me some coffee too.”
“Yeah, I’m making it. Go put some clothes on~”
That girl had started playing these ridiculous pranks lately.
How could a maiden who wasn’t even married act like that? It seemed she’d picked up some strange ideas after starting at a co-ed school.
“I’m telling you, I wanted to try it out for research for my novel. Don’t you know that trope where you walk in and I go, ‘Kyaa?! What do you think you’re doing!’ and throw things at you?”
“Thanks to you, I’ve seen plenty of that in light novels and web novels, but I bet there isn’t a single author out there who would actually try to do it in real life. You psycho.”
“What’s the big deal between us? I wouldn’t do this if it were anyone else but you, you know?”
“Suuuure, I bet.”
“Hey, what’s with that attitude? Want to go a round of sparring for the first time in a while?”
“Cut the crap. You think you can still beat me? Can’t you see I’ve been tempered by manual labor?”
“…You’re still such an absolute anchovy that I think I could win.”
“Okay, follow me outside. You’re dead.”
As the summer of our seventeenth year approached, she and I were still friends.
She went to school and wrote, occasionally showing me her prototypes.
I worked, minimizing my break times as much as possible, and spent time with the kids when I wasn’t working.
I was human too, so there were times when I desperately wanted to rest or felt like I was going to snap, but since that part of me was already strangely broken, I would just say I was busy and blow off steam at a bathhouse until I felt better.
When I did that, I’d eventually find myself missing the kids and wanting to read web novels, despite the hassle.
That daily routine shattered during the summer we were seventeen, not long after her first school break began.
Her family came for her.
It seemed she had already known.
So that was why she had asked me that day if we would be friends no matter what happened.
I suppose it makes sense. There are many kinds of orphans.
Maybe she wasn’t abandoned like I was.
If someone isn’t abandoned but lost, they can be found through missing person reports or DNA registration.
And yet, I felt a sense of betrayal over something so trivial.
‘I’m sorry for leaving you in a place like this.’ ‘It’s okay now. Let’s go home with us.’
Ah, I see.
I was under a delusion.
I thought you were different from the kids I lost touch with after middle school graduation. I thought that because you were the same as me, we could stay friends no matter how much time passed.
I selfishly thought you would stay by my side and be with me forever, and I was leaning on you.
But you weren’t the same as me.
To your family, this place that had become so precious to me was just ‘a place like this,’ and the place I thought was where you and I belonged was just a place you were passing through.
What kind of expression did I make?
Ah, right. That’s it. With an expression so familiar to me—one I could practically call my own face now.
I mimicked a smile and congratulated you.
“…Hey, you.”
“What? It’s a good thing your family found you. Seriously, congratulations. You won’t make much money as an author until you get famous, right? Now you’ll be fine.”
“Hey, we’re friends, right?”
“You’re asking the obvious.”
Even so, we were friends. But friends can’t have everything be the same, can they? They can’t stay in the same place forever.
Understanding that only made me sadder.
Because while we were still friends now, I knew all too well that we wouldn’t be in the future.
You probably knew it just as well as I did.
How people who aren’t orphans look at those who are.
They expressed their gratitude with words. They thanked me for supporting their daughter even though I’d given up on my own education.
But their eyes were filled with unmistakable loathing.
It was a sickeningly familiar gaze. A gaze both you and I had received until we were sick of it since we were children.
But soon, you would move from the side that receives that gaze to the side that gives it.
They probably wouldn’t like an orphan being close to their precious daughter. I understand. Once you get settled, they’ll probably put their foot down and tell you not to come here anymore, right?
But you know what? I actually think that’s for the best.
Those people can do so much more for you than I ever could.
Parents are better than some middle-school-dropout orphan bastard who does odd jobs.
Better for me, and better for you.
“Hey, go have a meal with your family to get used to them. You’re going to be living over there from now on anyway.”
“No, hey… saying it like that…”
“What do you mean, ‘no’? Everything he’s saying is right.”
“Yes, we understand you’re flustered because it’s so sudden, but what good is there in staying in a place like this?”
Would you please just shut up? I haven’t felt this shitty in a long time.
I thought I’d grown used to losing things by now, but the thought of losing just this one thing makes me waver endlessly.
I feel like my expression is going to crumble. The mask I’d grown so accustomed to over the years that I mistook it for my own skin began to crack all too easily.
That’s why I couldn’t look at you.
There was more money than expected in the bank account I’d been saving in secret.
I had planned to save even more.
So that when the time came for us to leave the orphanage, the two of us could live together.
So that I could support you until the future came where you became a famous author.
Since I had no dreams of my own, I thought it would be okay to share yours.
That’s what I thought, because we’re friends. Right?
But I guess I don’t need it anymore.
This pittance.
The goal held by a foolish boy collapses so easily.
…So please, don’t look at me with that face.
It’s no one’s fault. Don’t feel sorry, and don’t feel betrayed.
Because if you do, I feel like I’m going to break.
* * *
Not long after, she left the orphanage.
It would be strange for her to stay here when she wasn’t an orphan.
I thought a hole would open in my chest and I’d collapse after she left, but I was more okay than I expected.
Grains of rice didn’t taste like sand, and work wasn’t harder just because my goal had vanished.
I could still smile in front of the kids, and I still had the energy to snap back when the Director asked if I was okay.
Nothing had changed.
Except for sometimes.
Just every once in a while.
When I’d see your empty room and think, Where did this brat go? Or when I’d turn around, expecting you to be by my side, and you weren’t there.
Other than that slight unpleasantness from the emptiness because it didn’t feel real…
Nothing had changed.
As time passed, I gradually grew used to that emptiness.
Since there was no longer a need to save money desperately, I reduced my part-time hours.
My health returned as I got plenty of sleep.
And yet, I couldn’t stop myself from foolishly putting away a little bit of savings at a time.
I thought about just spending it all, but my hands wouldn’t move when I tried.
“Hey!”
About a month into those days, you appeared.
“…Huh?”
Was I hallucinating?
“Sorry. My family suggested I focus on them for a while, so I couldn’t come. You didn’t forget me, did you?”
How could I forget? It’s only been a month.
“Who are you?”
“Wow, you bastard, this is how you’re gonna play it…? Did you really forget me? Want to have a ‘dark past’ battle right now?”
Please, stop messing around. I feel like I’m going to cry right now.
“Actually, I snuck out just now, but anyway, it’s good to see your face after so long.”
“Did you forget me? You look like you’ve got a whole new glow about you.”
“Oh, shut up. Seriously. It’s still awkward.”
“…It’ll get better with time.”
“If you feel betrayed by me, just say it honestly.”
“Surprisingly, I don’t.”
Who am I to feel betrayed by you?
Just seeing your face again like this makes me want to cry; how could I ever feel betrayed by you?
“This is my smartphone number.”
“…Smartphone?”
“You should get a cheap one too. It’s not like we’re saying goodbye forever. We can keep seeing each other, man. If you’re short on cash, I’ll chip in…”
“I have enough money to buy a smartphone. I just didn’t get one because I thought I wouldn’t need it.”
That was a lie. I didn’t get one because I thought it was a waste.
I didn’t get one because I couldn’t afford to buy them for all the kids.
But this much should be okay, right?
Right?
“Yeah, call me as soon as you buy it. Actually, I want to go inside right now, but…”
“It’d be hard today. You’ll have to worry about your parents’ reaction, too. Just go before you get caught.”
“…Is it okay if I come again?”
“…Why are you acting all weak and unlike yourself again? Do you really need my permission to come here?”
Seriously, what is this?
Just because we exchanged a few words.
Just because you still think of me as a friend.
It’s so embarrassing that I feel like crying.
“…Thanks.”
What are you thankful for?
I’m the one who should be thankful.
I was so scared that you would treat me as a ‘past you wanted to forget.’
I was so scared that the ‘you’ I met again would look at me as just an ‘orphan.’
For now, this was enough.
Even with this strange sense of distance, as long as the fact that we were still friends remained, I felt like I could endure.
* * *
Time flowed, we grew older, and you became a college student, unable to resist your parents’ pressure. I, on the other hand, was chosen by a cafe owner and a convenience store owner, and was making pretty good money for a part-timer.
“Ha-neul…! Please! Please don’t quit…! Should I increase your meal allowance? Should I raise your hourly wage? No, at the very least, please just don’t go to the convenience store across from us!”
“We’re in this together until the end, right? Ha-neul! You don’t even have to make coffee, just sit there…! I was wrong! I’ll double your hourly wage! Double it?!”
…What is wrong with these people?
In the past, they were always itching to work me even a little bit harder whenever they saw me. But once I became an adult, cleaned up my hair, and started working out, their attitude toward me changed.
Suddenly the cafe was doing well and customers were flocking to the convenience store, so when I tried to quit, they clung to me like that.
…People have suddenly changed, haven’t they?
And when I met her after a long time, she threw a fit, asking whose permission I had to cut my hair, and I barely managed to calm her down.
“You! Make sure you get my permission before you buy clothes! I’ve been waiting for years for this, this isn’t right…! Ah, damn it!”
“…I cut it because I thought you’d be embarrassed to walk around with me. Why are you throwing a fit?”
Seeing her expression soften at those words… I couldn’t help but burst out laughing because it was so funny.
“Don’t laugh!”
“Ahahaha!!!”
I was truly laughing.