Chapter 127: Nightmare (13)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 127: Nightmare (13)
Well, through that process, we managed to remain friends even after becoming adults.
Even though she still had to walk on eggshells around her parents and couldn’t meet as often as before, it didn’t really matter.
‘What do you think of this protagonist?’
‘Isn’t he a bit too bland? These days, a character this righteous is considered “cancerous.” He won’t be popular.’
‘I’m aiming for a niche market! I’m going for it precisely because no one else is!’
‘I don’t think anyone will read it. There’s a reason people don’t do it.’
‘Do you seriously want to die? Stop back-seat driving.’
Ever since we got smartphones, we could text and call whenever we wanted.
Thanks to her reaching out first—I still don’t know how she got my number—I was able to reconnect with our old middle school friends, and I was just getting by.
I spent my time laughing and chatting with friends who suddenly dropped by, looking after them when they drank until they were plastered, and visiting the orphanage to play with the younger kids whenever I had a moment.
The twist in that seemingly unchanging daily life probably started after her writing failed to gain popularity.
To be precise, it would be more accurate to say that the changed environment wouldn’t let her live the way she used to.
In the past, if she messed up a story, we’d just laugh, chat, and fix the plot, and that was that.
Sure, we’d bicker because I teased her a bit too much, but in the end, it always finished with a simple, “You’ll do better next time.”
But perhaps her parents didn’t see it that way, or maybe they just hated the fact that she was writing in the first place.
Under the constant pressure, she was slowly breaking down.
Anxiety began to seep into her writing, and despite how much she used to hate the idea, she started trying to imitate others.
But in the end, she couldn’t completely shed her old habits. Her writing, which failed to even be a perfect imitation, lost more and more of its popularity.
When I met her after a long time, she no longer had that cheerful aura.
What was the first thought that crossed my mind?
I stepped aside because I thought they would make you happier than I ever could, so why do you look even more miserable than me?
It was probably a resentment like that.
…No, of course, I understand.
I can easily guess that even though they pushed her to the brink, they probably did it out of their own kind of worry and concern, which is why things ended up like this.
An unpopular web novel author.
Her income was beyond unstable; it was practically non-existent.
Since she spent her childhood in an orphanage and had nothing built up, they were bound to worry.
Still, understanding was one thing, and accepting it was another.
“Hey, we haven’t seen each other in forever, so what’s with that face? Is this boring? Is a date with me not even a real date anymore?”
The one who isn’t having fun isn’t me, it’s you.
Why do you have that look on your face, like you’re being hunted?
Somehow, I think I know what you’re trying to say after calling me out like this.
It’s written all over your face that you want to give up right now. How long have I known you? Did you think I wouldn’t notice?
“Whatever.”
I know.
I know that this is just the process of a child becoming an adult.
I also know that not everyone can achieve their dreams.
‘…This character is modeled after Teacher Cathy? I don’t think they look alike at all.’
‘Well, I dramatized it a bit. I can’t just use her exactly as she is. I used a lot of the other kids as references for the other characters, too. You’re in it, too.’
‘…This guy who’s written to die at the very beginning?’
‘Yep.’
‘…Do you want to stop breathing?’
“Cut the ‘date’ crap between us. Let’s just go eat. What do you want?”
‘I’m telling you, why are you pulling a bait-and-switch after pretending it’s a youth drama, you idiot?! Who’s going to read this?!’
‘That’s just how life is! I hate forced happy endings!’
‘No, damn it, a novel should be a novel! Reality is shitty enough, who wants to read shitty things in a book too?! At least write it as a tragedy from the start!’
“Crap? Wow, you sure have a way with words. I want pasta.”
“You never used to eat stuff like that. Your tastes have gotten expensive.”
‘Wait, why are you killing off all the heroines too?!’
‘Well, I never said they were heroines. Haven’t you heard of “Heroine Dies First”? Lilac isn’t that kind of character.’
‘Do you think readers will just magically understand if you only keep it in your head?! At least explain it!’
‘An author speaks through their writing, not their mouth.’
‘Your novel’s view count is absolutely trashed…!!!!’
Seeing her flinch at the prices at the pasta place made me irritated.
“Hey, let’s just…”
“It’s been a while, so I’ll pay today.”
“Ah, what are you talking about? How can I let you do that? I’d feel bad.”
Feel bad? What is there to feel bad about between us?
“In exchange, you pay for the karaoke.”
For now, since I’ve been working since I was young, it might look like I’m ahead.
But you’re not going to end here.
Didn’t you say you were going to be a successful author? Weren’t you going to make enough money that this pasta would seem like pocket change?
I’m the one who chose to expect things from you, but that dream isn’t yours alone.
So, I won’t let you say you’re quitting.
Even if it’s nothing to others, even if it’s a failure that even you want to give up on.
It’s a world we spent all night building together. To me, that story has a different meaning.
If others are pressuring you and cornering you just because there’s no immediate gain or direct profit…
Then I’ll take care of it first.
…At the time, I was stupid enough to think that, and I made a move.
It was money I had saved up to live together, intending to look after you until you eventually became an author.
Even though I knew it would never happen, I kept piling it up like a lingering attachment.
If that’s the case, I’ll use it to keep your—no, our—dream alive.
[You have sponsored the author with 3,000 Coins.]
Sponsorship Message: I am always enjoying your writing. It might not be mainstream, but I think it’s a good story that clearly shows your unique style. Please don’t give up and keep writing.
[Huh?! Reader, thank you so much for the sponsorship…?!]
You were happy, and you found your energy again.
So I thought this was the right thing to do.
Stupidly, I expected things from you on my own, cheered you on on my own, and forced my ideals on you on my own.
Without realizing that the result would be a catastrophe, I just liked seeing you happy.
I liked you talking for ages on the phone, bragging about getting your first sponsor.
I made a moronic choice.
* * *
If a novel isn’t interesting, readers leave.
After over 100 chapters, only 30 readers were reading the latest updates.
Still, you tried your best to write.
Occasionally, people who read the novel would leave cruel, harsh reviews.
When that made you hesitate and unable to write the story you wanted, I would send another sponsorship.
— Author! Hang in there! I’m enjoying today’s chapter too!
‘I’m telling you, there needs to be some lighthearted parts. I mean, how the hell is this Lilac guy supposed to endure this with absolutely no hope?!’
I cheered her on through sponsorships, but when we talked on the phone, I spoke as I always did, hoping she would improve even a little.
After over 300 chapters, only 15 readers were reading the latest updates.
We fought like crazy among ourselves in the comments.
Whether killing Cathy was right or not, how the villains lacked charm in the first place, how the protagonist himself was flawed.
Because I hated seeing her get hurt by those things, I sponsored her again.
The readers who cheered when Baek Seol appeared were enraged again when Aisha Livias died.
There were 10 readers left.
— Ah, I seriously can’t take this anymore. Is this even a novel? lol
— This is ridiculous. It’s an Academy story, so I was waiting to see when Lilac would finally be happy, but I didn’t think it would still be this shitty even after he graduated from the Academy after 400 chapters!
— Since it’s come to this, let’s just have him date Cheon Yu-hak.
ㄴ Cheon Yu-hak will probably die too, for real lol
On days when the comments were especially toxic, I sent another sponsorship.
— Are you trying to keep me alive with sponsorships…! It was too large a donation to say just that. Thank you…! Overwhelmingly thankful…!
She seemed bright in the afterwords, but in reality, she grew darker by the day.
At some point, she stopped coming to alumni gatherings.
When I called, she more frequently answered with a strained voice, and she started saying she missed me more often.
A world in shambles.
A broken Creator.
The view counts plummeted further, and eventually, the latest chapter’s view count was only 3.
Only three readers.
One was me, and one was the author herself, so there was only one reader in the purest sense.
Our dream, which we had been desperately clinging to, had already ended, and it seemed I was the only one who didn’t know.
And then.
By pure chance.
I made a stupid mistake and got caught.
I had let my guard down because it had been a while since we met.
I was in a good mood and forgot a simple check.
The problem was that I handed her my smartphone when she asked to see my bookmark list, saying she needed to study again from the beginning, not realizing I was still logged into my sponsorship account.
By the time I realized, it was already over.
I was caught.
“Hey, what is this?”
Of course.
The only thing bookmarked on that account was her novel, The Academy’s Holy Sword Hero.
“I asked, what is this?”
And naturally, the record of all the sponsorships I had sent until now remained on the account.
Actually, even then, I thought I could move past it if I just apologized.
Until I saw her face contort with a sense of betrayal and despair I had never seen before, as tears began to fall.
It’s a bad habit of mine.
Reaching a conclusion on my own, not trying to explain to those around me, and trying to solve things alone without understanding them.
Was it because of that arrogant thought somewhere in my heart—what would change even if I told them?
You foolish bastard. What makes you think you’re so great?
In the end, you’re just going to make her wear that kind of expression because of a small mistake like this.
It would have been nothing if I had just said it first. Now that it’s come to this, anything I say is just an excuse.
So, like a coward, I shut my mouth again.
This, too, was my bad habit.
“Hey, was it funny and entertaining for you, then?”
No.
“Do you even know how happy every single one of those messages made me?”
I know. You were so happy and bragged about it every day. Because of that, I worked even harder for you, so how could I not know?
“While I was bluffing to my parents who looked down on me as a writer, saying I finally made some money, and using that money to get illustrations made… you must have been laughing at me?”
“…No.”
“The hell you weren’t. Then you shouldn’t have done that. At least you should have told me halfway through. What does this make me? I worked so hard for the person who sponsored me. I worked hard because that person said it was interesting. But you, you did nothing but complain about the novel every day. Was there even a single ounce of sincerity in those sponsorship messages?”
There was.
Ridiculously enough, both sides were my sincere feelings.
“…Do you know what kind of money that is? I know exactly how you saved that money. What does that make me, bluffing like I’m being generous and buying all sorts of things for my parents with it?”
It was money I thought didn’t matter how it was spent, as long as it was for you.
“Or did you just pity me?”
“I told you, no.”
I should tell her the truth right now, but my lips tremble and no answer comes out.
And then.
“Then why did you do it…! Do you know what that money means? How could you use it like that…!”
She also touched my sore spot.
…Like that?
What do you mean, “like that”?
I know she didn’t mean it that way.
I understand she’s upset.
Even so, hearing that everything I did for her was “like that” was hard to bear.
“It’s my money, why do you care how I spend it?”
“You spent it on me, so of course I care, you crazy bastard!”
We glared at each other.
The girl who was strangely bigger than me the day we first met was now a head shorter than me.
The girl I thought would be a child forever seemed to have put on some makeup in her own way, but her face was a mess from crying.
“…I’m done.”
— Hey! I like making up stories. You, read this.
“Done with what?”
“I’m going to throw everything away.”
“I asked, what?”
“The novel, everything, I’m quitting all of this garbage. There’s only one reader besides you anyway, so who’s going to care?”
…I don’t want her to quit.
They are characters we’ve been drawing since a long time ago.
It’s a world that’s fallen into a mess, but I think that’s exactly why it shouldn’t end like this.
If it stops now, then what did those kids break down for?
At least, what about the original ending set for this world? What about the characters who have worked so hard until now just to see that scene?
But I couldn’t argue.
I was the one who struggled to continue a child’s dream that should have ended long ago.
“I’m sorry.”
“…What are you sorry for?”
“It’s precious money you gave me. I’m sorry for using it recklessly.”
Don’t cry.
I didn’t give it to you to make you cry.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. So…”
“…Sorry, I can’t listen to your voice anymore today. If I hear more…”
She, who had been crying, turned completely away.
“I feel so pathetic that I think I’ll collapse.”
After she left, I stood there blankly for a long time.
Even after the time for the movie tickets I had printed out in advance to watch together had passed, I just stood there like an idiot.
“…That damn money. I saved it for you in the first place.”
If I had said it sooner, would anything have changed?
Around the time she would have arrived home that day.
The novel’s status changed to “Discontinued,” and no more chapters were ever uploaded.