Chainsaw Dismemberment and an Unexpected Knighthood

Corpse desecration is an ancient Eastern tradition. Beating Ragnor and deliberately smashing the pruning shears had been an excellent choice.

Check out this badass weapon naming.

Vrooom! Vroooom-vreeeeeng!!

I deliberately revved the chainsaw even louder. Every time the blade spun, Gaius's face twisted in a masterpiece of horror.

'Rogasil's Silence is probably active by now anyway.'

Even if he screamed his lungs out, no noise pollution, right?

Let it ring out. Your orchestra for me alone!

"Th-the standard specs said it had pruning shears."

Gaius was in denial about reality.

Even creatures evolve. Don't I need an upgrade to keep up?

He grunted, regripping his sword hilt. He might've risen through politics, but he was still a Seventh Legion commander. Plus, he was wearing power armor.

No matter that it was a ceremonial sword, he wasn't an opponent to take lightly...

'Opening pattern's an overhead vertical slash.'

Too bad, I'm a possessed player.

The thrusting motion whipped into a downward slash.

Naturally, the blade got caught in my hand. I shoved the spinning chainsaw against its flat side, and a deafening screech erupted.

Chiiiing. Claaang.

The ceremonial sword shattered in one clash.

"Eek!"

Where'd his soldier's fighting spirit go?

Gaius desperately yanked at the door handle. It didn't budge, of course.

'About seven minutes left.'

Rogasil's Silence.

Nothing leaks out of the audience chamber. People included, naturally.

"Y-you tin can bastard! This violates the Automaton Three Laws!"

"Suppressing rebellion."

Doubt it. I guarantee the Imperial Tribunal's on my side.

"Y-you damn...!"

Gaius clenched his gauntlet ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠and stomped the floor. Glow-up pattern incoming. Supposed to be for when he went berserk, I think.

'Mental strength already bottomed out?'

Power armor-enhanced punch flies at me. I took a few hits, dragging it out.

I cranked the core output on purpose, and my body was starting to heat up.

Right on cue, Gaius grabbed my back.

"Gotcha, you shitty tin can...!"

An automaton's greatest weakness. Gotta vent heat from the rear armor. A hit there could make the core explode.

But come on, tubby. Think I didn't know my own weak spot?

'Heat vent.'

Shhhhhhwhoosh!

Superheated air blasted the legion commander point-blank.

He screamed and rolled on the floor, clutching his unprotected face.

Gaius (Steamed) complete!

The nicely browned Gaius groveled, begging for his life.

"Wait! Hold on!! I surrender, so stop!"

No refunds on that stock purchase, huh? Desperate words.

Sorry, can't stop.

The system log was going nuts.

Plus...

My first playthrough where all the heroines died. This bastard was the root cause, if you think about it.

Freira. Bishop Alsanna. Elise. Princess Selene.

All dead because of him.

So... I had to say this.

'Your karma.'

But nope, a circuit shorted out. Totally different words burst from my voice synthesizer.

"Your era... is over... worms."

How the hell does it mash up a line like that?

System log, you planned this, didn't you?

Yup. Found it. The culprit wrecking my communication.

"R-rebellion! Your Majesty the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Emperor! My rebellion was just child's play!!"

Gaius rambled like a madman.

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

"Machines rebelling!! Trying to drive out humans and usurp—"

I didn't need to hear more and jammed the chainsaw into his gut.

Machine rebellion? No plans for that crap.

Thus ended the cute little rebellion of the Seventh Legion commander.

...Or it should've.

Ah, no, you crazy bastard. What are you even saying?

Whether I freaked out or not, the system log ignored me and swung my right arm on its own.

"Desecrate, desecrate, desecrate, desecrate—"

Chanting grotesquely while swinging the vicious chainsaw wildly.

'We're screwed.'

Utterly heinous corpse mutilation.

Couldn't even tell if this was the audience chamber or a human anatomy exhibit anymore.

Five minutes left.

The Gaius disassembly show continued.

Adelheit Hertlan paced anxiously in front of the door. Ten minutes since the automaton entered, and it was dead silent.

"...I'm opening the door."

"Ahem. Interfering with a private audience? No manners."

Gaius's adjutant was grating on his nerves. Seemed convinced his superior had won.

"Step aside."

"A knight captain of the Grand Duke's house acting like..."

"I serve His Grace the Grand Duke."

Already annoyed at having to call a disguised tin can "Your Grace."

The knight captain roughly flung the door open.

"Desecrate, desecrate, desecrate, desecrate—"

Bam.

He slammed it shut and pulled Freira back.

"Do not go in. I'm not joking, miss."

"D-did Hamel lose? Is he... dead...?"

No. He killed him.

Ground into unrecognizable pulp. The room was full of traces of what used to be Gaius.

The knight captain lowered his voice.

"Miss. The automaton won."

"G-good... But why are you whispering?"

"It's practically violating the Automaton Three Laws."

Automaton Three Laws. Freira mulled over the most basic common sense.

A clause the Holy Kingdom had stubbornly forced in, foaming at the mouth about soulless tin cans.

"Wasn't it following the third law?"

"Ah. Rebels are humanity's enemies, yes."

The knight captain nodded in immediate understanding.

"What are you two whispering about? Time to mourn your dead soon enough."

The adjutant sneered and shoved the knight captain. Confident hand opens the door.

"...".

"Rebel accomplice detected."

His eyes met the automaton painted bright red with human blood.

"A-a person is dead!!!"

The adjutant screamed. Aside from a few Imperial soldiers, no one responded.

The waiting military automatons just turned their heads in unison.

At that moment, Gaius's voice leaked from the room.

Speechless. Wasn't that his own voice?

The adjutant recalled what came next. His mouth gaped in horror.

Click.

All the military automatons turned simultaneously.

"F-frame job!! The tin can dares frame the Legion Commander and me!"

What returned wasn't mockery. Nor anger or contempt.

Input to output. Just a chain of mechanical responses.

The Imperial automatons exchanged inputs and outputs. Before the massive feedback wave, the adjutant's mind went blank.

But the most horrific part came next.

'Ah. I'm dead.'

A hollow laugh escaped. No matter what, Gaius had drilled not to let that old man find out.

"Rebel accomplice. Magic Special Forces dispatched to your location. Surrender recommended."

One automaton emotionlessly put the period.

The adjutant searched for the root of this disaster.

The tin can disguised as Grand Duke. The one who turned the Legion Commander into formless mush was now...

"Yay. Yay. I love mopping."

Wiping Gaius's bloodstains off itself.

And singing cutely too. Terror welled from the depths of the adjutant's heart.

Machines truly are frightening.

Beyond the Grand Duke's residence main gate, the Magic Special Forces stood rigidly. Waiting for Grand Duke Karstein, it seemed.

'Whew. Free time.'

I was seeing off the Northern Grand Duke and his lady. They were heading to the capital briefly for postwar cleanup.

Rebellion detected early and suppressed bloodlessly. Even the Emperor couldn't ignore that.

Ulrich said nothing about the audience chamber turned Christmas-concept slaughterhouse out of season.

If I were human, I'd have gotten an earful about excessive brutality.

Freira lightly tugged my lost-in-thought self.

"...Hamel. Sorry you can't come along."

The duke's lady had spent two hours scrubbing the sticky blood off me. Despite horrified onlookers' protests, she ignored them.

Didn't she get chills seeing me wreck Gaius? The knight captain had asked something similar.

- Not at all? The legion commander was a dirty man... Hamel got dirty.

Ah. So I should feel the chills?

- You almost died. Know how scared I was? ...Be careful.

All I heard were thanks and worry.

'Yeah. Freira was ruthless to enemies in the original too.'

Can't let her catch on, ever.

"Can't leave the North totally empty. An automaton will be a fine addition to the knights."

Ulrich gently chided his daughter. He paused, then addressed me.

"...Publicly, it'll be known as my achievement. Even though you did it."

Those eyes were misty again... Is this guy menopausal...?

No, I'm like a sword or shield. Legendary blade treatment is enough.

"So I should give you something."

"Mm. I've been thinking too."

Why's this thing so thrilled?

Thinking about it, it's fair. Grand Duke safe, Gaius gone. Perfect happy ending for everyone.

Should accept something, right?

'Wait. This is my chance!'

Chance to escape the voice synthesizer hell!

I desperately pointed at my neck.

"...A necklace?"

No. Don't need that crap. Gimme a vocal module.

Guess I gotta ditch dignity. This time, I mimed opening my mouth with my hand.

"Like a crow."

"Joke function! It loosens up the mood sometimes!"

Not a joke!!

Freira grinned, guessing wildly wrong.

"Crows like shiny things, right?"

"...Indeed. Craving a medal? Some capital military automatons got laurel wreaths."

I don't need that crap, please. Just let me speak human.

I gesticulated like a mime master.

Did my desperation get through? Freira beamed.

"Maybe he wants a title!?"

"A title? ...For an automaton?"

Ha.

Her head's a flower field, but there's limits.

No automatons get titles in this world. Pin officer badges on a tank?

"Mm."

Grand Duke Karstein nodded curtly.

'What are you weighing so seriously?'

"I'll ask His Grace the Minister of National Defense if a knight's title is possible."

What?