Mandokbulchim

"At last, the hour is upon us. This has been my dearest wish for hundreds of years."

Had this old coot finally lost his mind?

What the hell was he talking about?

"Now then! Drink up!"

He was telling me to chug something again, but by this point I wasn't particularly scared. I accepted it figuring he must have some kind of purpose behind it.

"Master, what even is this?"

"A tonic that purifies the soul? Let us call it that."

It sounded like the kind of snake oil they'd peddle in a multilevel marketing scheme. Still, if this old man said it, I found myself trusting him a little.

Damn it. Have I been brainwashed? Why does this feel so natural?

Even as the thought crossed my mind, I was about to toss the liquid back in one go when—

This was different from anything I'd seen so far.

More eye-catching than the Open Eyes part were those two words.

Ultimate poison…?

And what the hell was that description underneath!

I was about to whip around and glare at Prurprur in pure fury when—

Snap!

Prurprur's fingers flicked, and the bottle of ultimate poison shot straight into my mouth.

And then. Gulp!

"Bleeeegh! Master! What is this?!"

"A man must eat both the sweet and the bitter in life."

"Hack—cough… You've never given me anything sweet!"

Apparently that hit a nerve. Prurprur cleared his throat awkwardly and looked the other way.

Crazy old bastard. He's dodging again.

Even as I thought that, a searing heat rose through me, proving this was nothing like the poisons I'd swallowed before.

"Gghhk… Old man! This isn't actually going to—kill me, is it?"

"Disciple. To call me 'old man' is most improper. You shall address me as Master."

And then he just gazed at me with pure satisfaction.

Beyond the heat, a pain like my throat was burning from the inside out dropped me into a thrashing heap. The poison seemed to spread past my throat into my organs—maybe through my entire body.

"AAAAAARGH! SON OF A BIIIIITCH!"

The ultimate poison showed its true colors, making everything I'd drunk these past few days feel like nothing. I was going to lose my mind at this rate.

I forced the words out at Prurprur in desperation.

"An—antidote… please… Master!"

"There. Is. None."

"Huh?"

Why? Why wouldn't you make an antidote?

At least give a guy some mental preparation!

Damn it. Maybe I should just pass out.

Pass out, my ass. Gghhk.

At some point, even blacking out was no longer an option. I buried my face in the sand and let out agonized groans.

"Haaah, haaah."

"Disciple, endure for but one hour."

And then he stretched out on his sun lounger and looked down at me like he was watching a particularly entertaining show.

Son of a bitch old man.

Someday I'd pay him back for this.

"Gurgle, gurgle……."

Wait. Was that blood foam?

"Haaah, haaah. I thought I was going to die…."

The ultimate poison's effect had been staggering. I'd figured that with my poison resistance at 100, toxins would never touch me again.

That had been pure arrogance.

Still, once I got Pain Resistance, I could feel that mind-shattering agony finally starting to ebb.

"Haa, haa, haa."

"Well done, my disciple."

"……."

"Oh-ho? And what is that look in your eyes? Has puberty arrived at last?"

As if puberty was going to hit me at this age.

"It almost did. I think I got through it safely, though."

Rage was boiling up inside me, but my rebellion came out timid.

"Glad to hear it. Should any rebellious phase remain, I know roughly a hundred ways to snuff it out. Heh heh."

Yeah. That tracked.

Crazy old man. Batshit old man.

"Rest well today."

"Yes, Master."

"Ah, yes! Dinner shall be Hot Chicken Flavor Ramen!"

That human garbage disposal of an old man headed back into the house.

Whew… it's over.

This time I'd genuinely thought I might die. The silver lining was that I hadn't walked away empty-handed.

Mandokbulchim.

In martial arts novels, it referred to a body that no poison could invade. I wasn't entirely sure of its full effects, but one thing was crystal clear—I would never have to eat something like mad cow disease cow dung again.

He's not going to invent some Hundred Thousand Poisons Immunity next, right?

I entertained that absurd thought as I checked the new quest.

Stage 7 already. Not much left, is there?

The Stage 7 quest was mastering the Intermediate Grimoire. I opened the grimoire to test my newly gained Open Eyes ability.

Flutter.

I can read it?

Open Eyes, upgraded from B-rank to A-rank, was the real deal. The Intermediate Grimoire that had been filled with incomprehensible script had somehow become readable text.

"That's incredible…."

How was something like this even possible?

I could read it, but I couldn't understand it. It was like a toddler who'd just learned the alphabet trying to read The Art of War.

Am I finally about to start learning magic?

Given Prurprur's specialties, I'd probably end up learning poison-related magic—but even that alone was enough to make my heart race.

There shouldn't be any more poisons left for me to eat. Probably. Hopefully.

I found myself newly curious about Master's full capabilities, but I decided to save those thoughts for later.

"I'm starving."

I bought a hamburger and a cola, then logged into the community.

"Let's take a look. See what's been posted."

Starting two days ago, people who had completed the waiting room quests had begun to appear. Word was the quests went up to Stage 10 total. And some of them had received a quest to take down the Floor 1 Boss.

Come on, it's just a goblin, right? Why is everyone acting like it's so hard?

They'd been casually thrashing goblins and hobgoblins, only to hit a wall at the boss. Of course, coming from someone with zero combat ability, I didn't have much room to talk.

And over the past few days of browsing the community, one particular guy had been getting under my skin.

Some bastard blatantly impersonating me. He'd started out carefully on the community boards, but once the real First Mage failed to show up, he'd naturally taken over the whole place.

I tapped the latest post from the impersonator that had just gone up.

Oh, for crying out loud. Look at this crap.

If you're First, just say First—what's with the cheap "First-tier" nonsense?

And then there was the First Mage impersonator. Alias: Fake Mage.

Fake Mage, you're getting saved to my mental hit list.

Whether he knew my feelings or not, the comment section was overflowing with praise for him. Posts about how jealous people were, and even some offering sponsorship if he'd help them. Among them were government representatives and kids from conglomerates whose names everyone would recognize.

"Unbelievable…."

My insides were churning. It wasn't just the impersonation—it felt like he was snatching benefits that should have been mine. I wanted to write it off as a petty thing ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠and move on, but my soy-sauce-dish-sized heart wouldn't allow it.

And what made that feeling worse was the lingering doubt about whether I could even get out of B1.

Can I leave?

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

I'd asked Master, but all I'd gotten was a vague answer about being able to leave when the time came. So I was anxious. My family outside would be worried sick. And our house left sitting for days. My wrecked café. Everything was weighing on me.

With my thoughts spinning, I lay down on the sand and looked up at the sky.

"The sky's really pretty."

For something called B1, that blue sky was almost mockingly beautiful.

Wait, is that the bird I saw ages ago?

On the first day I'd landed on Muchun the Taoist's island, I'd spotted a bird soaring through the sky.

"A seagull? Gotta be a seagull, right? Wait—why is it getting bigger?"

Something was wrong. Whatever was flying toward me was getting closer and closer. And the bird I'd thought was a seagull was no seagull at all.

"Holy shit, a pterosaur?!"

I flung the hamburger I'd been eating and sprinted for the house.

"Grandpa! I mean, Master!!!"

Creak.

The door opened and Prurprur appeared. He tilted his head up, watching the pterosaur descend. Then he stretched both hands out and seemed to slowly chant an incantation.

Shaaaaa.

A wave of violet light spread outward and wrapped around the entire island. Its form looked almost like rippling water—a translucent membrane…….

"Holy crap."

It was incredible. So this was magic. Completely different from the effects I'd seen from that office worker's magic on Floor 1's beach. A man's purest fantasy, unfolding right before my eyes.

"SKREEEEEEE!"

BOOOOM!

The pterosaur slammed into the shield and produced a sonic boom.

"Whoa whoa whoa! Master!!!"

"Ho ho ho!"

What the hell was so funny?

"Grrrrrr…."

The descending pterosaur hovered in midair, clearly furious at being blocked by the shield. Its flapping wings must have spanned a good ten meters. Its blazing eyes glared back and forth between me and Prurprur, and then it vanished.

"Whew… it's gone. Thank you, Master."

"Heh heh. How was it?"

"How was what?"

"All of it."

What was that supposed to mean? What was he even asking?

"The magic was sick."

"And the rest?"

"Um… that pterosaur?"

Prurprur just stared at me without a word.

"I froze up at first, but once it got close it wasn't that big a deal? It looked like a chicken you'd deep-fry somewhere……."

Of course, it didn't actually look like a chicken. Those protruding fangs looked ready to shred a person, and the pterosaur's talons were sharp enough to use as spears.

"Heh heh heh. Is that so. How fortunate."

"Huh?"

"That vacant look again! Hahaha! Do your utmost!"

Do my utmost at what?

"You must leave this place, must you not?"

I was depressed.

Why was I even alive? At this rate, dying might be better. I was trash. Unlucky trash.

Crazy old bastard. How the hell am I supposed to catch that thing?

And I couldn't even catch it whenever I wanted. I was supposed to wait until that thing felt like wandering by and then take it down when we crossed paths.

Unbelievable.

I soothed the emptiness by echoing Prurprur's words. Well, it made sense that Floor 1 wouldn't be the only place with a boss monster. B1 had a boss monster too.

Damn it all.

"Is it not ready yet?"

"Hold on. It's almost done."

Couldn't even wait three minutes for cup ramen without nagging?

Regardless of my depression, Prurprur's eyes were sparkling with anticipation.

"Mix it well and dig in."

"Very well! Sluuuurp."

Again! Getting it all over his beard.

Seriously, this old man never listens.

"Here, a napkin."

My precious points. A full ten points. I had no choice but to spend them if I wanted to maintain a civilized existence that included a bathroom. The fact that the ultimate poison had unleashed a full-blown storm through the toilet was a secret only Prurprur and I knew.

"By the way, Master. So how do I take that thing down?"

"Chomp chomp, slurp. With poison, you fool. After all you've learned, what are you asking me?"

"It's not like I can use that shield thingy the way you can, Master. Slurp."

"Then you shall simply learn it."

Yes! Finally!

"Then let's get started!"

"First, before that!"

Shaaaa.

Huh? Damn old man?

What was that sharp magic forming in his hands? Why was he casting something like that?

Slash!

"Ugh…! Wh—what are you doing?!"

"Something fun."