Chapter 11. Communal Living (1)
I decided to get a little more shameless. Honestly, there was no other way.
Of course, I trusted the magical girls' character — Hayun's above all. These girls weren't the type to kill someone just to save their own skins, no matter how far they were cornered. Breaking a combatant's limbs, pounding them into the dirt with magic — that much had happened, but that was in the heat of battle. Whatever else you could say, the enemy combatants had been after something, doing something, and the magical girls had only been moving to protect it.
And I knew they weren't the type to threaten me or stage something like that, either. More than anything, this wasn't nearly desperate enough to call for it. The world hadn't ended; we were just five people together inside a ruin that was, if nothing else, roomy enough for all of us to lie down.
We weren't trapped, and it wasn't as if we had no other options. Walk out of here and you'd reach a nicely paved stretch of asphalt; follow that road long enough and a village, a town, was bound to appear. The problem was having no money — and, granted, that even in this country, wandering down a road in the dead of night was a bit much. But the point stood: there was no shortage of ways out of this place.
The girls here were here, in the end, because they wanted to be. There was no reason to wage a post-apocalyptic struggle for survival over the remaining food.
Even so — I was the one who had taken the girls' circuits. And I had no intention of losing the initiative here. Someone trying to talk me around would have been, quite simply, the worst possible outcome.
"I have no intention of sharing my tent with anyone."
I said it flatly, drawing the line.
"Food, or... whatever else, too. You're the ones who insisted on coming. Whether you suffer for it is none of my business."
"......"
Dalia and Delphinium looked up at the abandoned house with faintly uneasy eyes.
If it rained, they wouldn't be soaked through as long as they stayed clear of the windows — but it was still nowhere near a tidy place. The nights were still cold. The wind seeping in through the broken panes would be bitter, no question about it.
There was time left before nightfall, but in truth it wasn't enough to prepare for the night in this state. These weren't girls who'd had survival training somewhere; they were just kids. As far as I knew, none of them had ever trained for anything like this.
It wasn't cold enough to freeze to death, though. So I decided to play it hard.
"Okay."
The only one who nodded without so much as a flicker of expression was Hayun.
It was strange. She had surely grown up in a wealthy household her whole life, yet even here she wore an expression that somehow looked... relieved. Why on earth that face? Where did that kind of pride come from? That she wasn't rattled in the slightest, even in this situation — something about it didn't add up.
"How far are we allowed to go?"
"......How far......?"
I had confiscated every phone and pager. I did intend to give them back — just not yet; James was still tearing them apart. I hesitated a moment.
What if they got lost in the mountains?
...They had followed me here uninvited, so whatever became of them was none of my business — that's what I told myself. Whatever they got up to, the consequences of the magical girls' actions were ultimately their own responsibility. Minors or not, they still had the capacity to judge, didn't they? I knew it was a cowardly thing for someone who'd been an adult in a past life to say. But in this world, I was roughly the same age as these girls. If someone had wanted me to feel more responsibility, they should have had me born into this world a few years ahead of them.
All the same, excuses aside, I truly didn't want the girls to go missing or die. For now, the magical girls might still be of use to me. Government or Federation — if they came hunting for me, I could simply tell Hayun to deal with it somehow.
...That was all. It really was only that. There was no worry in it. None at all.
"...Just go as far as you can still see the house. If you get lost out there, I'm not coming to look for you."
Besides, I hardly knew the lay of the land around here. All I knew was that a single road ran through it.
"Okay."
Hayun wasn't fazed. Nothing like when I had first arrived here. Nothing like the nights I'd had to spend sleeping beside the oxygen tank.
Since coming to this abandoned house, I hadn't wanted to do anything. So I had shut myself in my tent, dealing with only the bare minimum of bodily necessity, and the thought of going through the other houses looking for anything useful had never once crossed my mind.
"......"
Whether or not I glared, Hayun was looking at the girls.
"Then let's get moving."
"Moving? To do what?"
At Hayun's words, Rose asked.
"We have to sleep tonight, don't we? You're not planning to sleep like this, are you?"
"......"
At that, Rose and Iris exchanged a look. Behind them, Delphinium and Dalia pulled faces of open dismay. Normally, that kind of expression would have been the perfectly ordinary reaction.
So why was Hayun—
"We'll head out and come back. We won't go far — like you said — so don't worry."
"...I wasn't planning to."
Hayun said it looking at me, so I turned my eyes away as I answered. I couldn't see what expression she made at that.
But soon came the sound of bodies turning. Behind Hayun's unmistakably brisk footsteps followed footsteps that hesitated a little — yet moved all the same.
Were they really planning to stay here? Until when, exactly? No — more than that, I couldn't understand at all why they had come here in the first place, giving up even their circuits.
"......"
Thinking was a chore. Too much had happened today. I just... wanted to rest. To do nothing at all.
With that thought, I crawled into the tent. Paying no mind to the clink and clatter of James fiddling with something, I fell asleep on the spot — without even getting into my sleeping bag.
How many hours had I slept? When I opened my eyes, James was gone.
I was rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand when I caught sounds from outside the tent. Something rustling. Hard things clacking together. Something flapping.
When I stepped out—
"You're up?"
There stood Hayun, smiling at me for reasons I couldn't begin to guess.
Outside, it had already grown a little dark. Not that much time had passed, though — the days were still short this time of year.
Hayun was... laying a sheet of clear plastic across the ground. It was in decent shape, and big enough that it looked like the girls could sleep on it comfortably.
"I think it's what the people who lived here used when they made their field. I borrowed it for a bit."
In truth, she must have rummaged it out of the half-collapsed house.
With the plastic down, there was at least a space fit for a person to lie on — at the very least, lying here wouldn't leave you filthy. Maybe the field had been fairly large; no, come to think of it, the house itself wasn't all that big. Either way, there had been enough left over to cover the walls here and there, beyond what went on the floor.
The girls were paired off two by two, fixing plastic sheeting to the walls. Not neat as proper wallpapering — just roughly, just enough that brushing against it wouldn't dirty you. But even that much made the place look so much more... sanitary.
"......"
I came out of the tent and sat down. James sat in front of the tent, gnawing an acorn open. So hamsters eat acorns too, huh. Had Hayun gathered those as well?
"Isn't this rather impressive?"
said James, gnawing the acorn with his front teeth.
"It would appear the notion of hope serving as an energy source is not entirely false. To arrive at such a conclusion even in circumstances like these."
Tell me about it.
It was certainly a far more constructive direction than charging the enemy lines in utter despair. But I didn't like it.
The reason was nothing but useless pride. This was a place I had reached first and turned into somewhere livable. I had even planned to lay out a field in front and feed myself from it. And somehow, these girls had finished the job far faster than I had ever imagined.
Of course, there was still nothing like bedding. Even if any remained in the other houses, it wouldn't be in any state to simply use. And there was no food, either.
"......"
Fine. Go ahead and try, as far as you can take it. Sooner or later, you'll come whining that you want to go home anyway.
Even if it was only a matter of fixing plastic to the walls, doing it halfway properly takes time. Besides, by the time I opened my eyes, the sun was already sagging low in the sky.
I looked slowly around at the girls seated in a circle.
Hayun hadn't come right up beside me. But she sat a little apart, her body turned my way.
Of the five girls, only Hayun looked all right with all this. It didn't seem feigned, either. Hayun... wore the expression of someone genuinely relieved just to know how I was.
And so I had no idea how I was supposed to respond to that face. I didn't want to be glad of it. But neither could I simply shove it away. Over the long stretch of time I had spent at Hayun's side, I had learned to read her expressions well enough — and more than once, I had matched them, smoothing over her moods.
Call it instinct. Or call it conditioned reflex.
My eyes kept trying to drift back to her, so I wrenched my head the other way.
The others, naturally, looked anything but comfortable. They were girls who had done nothing but fight me. If we had been close friends the way Hayun was, other feelings might have layered meaning onto that relationship — but the other four had no such loyalty to draw on. The reason they were here at all was simply that Hayun was.
"So?"
I turned to the others.
"What now?"
As grating as I could possibly make it.
"What? What did you come here planning to do? Don't tell me you came all this way to make up?"
None of them answered. Not even Hayun.
And yet, strangely, none of them got angry at my words, either. In their eyes, I had to be a villain. That a villain could say such things and be met only with shut mouths and silent endurance — something about that didn't add up.
"If you want to go back, even now, just say the word. I'll hand back your circuits — or not — and send you off somewhere in Seoul. You never had any reason to be here in the first place."
I tried saying it once more. But once again, the girls only looked at Hayun.
"Or did you run away from home? Come to hate the Federation?"
I forced my head around toward Hayun. Her expression had begun to crumble. She had gotten what she wanted, and she didn't look happy about it at all.
"...Hayun."
"So now that you finally know the truth, what exactly do you plan to do?"
"...That's right."
Unable to stomach my sniping any longer, Rose spoke up in Hayun's place.
"Seohee-unni."
"...Hayun. You have to tell her. You can't just keep saying nothing forever."
Rose said it looking at me, her face stiff, as if her mouth were moving against its will.
"That's right. Because we know... you weren't the one behind that terror attack."
"Oh? Did you finally catch the real culprit? Did some undeniable piece of evidence turn up — so undeniable you can't deny that I'm not the culprit?"
No. That wasn't it.
"You knew from the very beginning. Didn't you?"
Yes. This was it. The reason I had been this angry. The reason I had had to go this far.
I — at least on that count — had done nothing wrong. I was not a murderer.
Whether I served years in prison before walking out, whether the juvenile protection act applied or not — none of that was the point. People had died in that terror attack. That much was certain. Far too many had been hurt.
But, at least—
As a combatant, I had gone around hurting people, stood against magical girls, been tangled from a distance in the Company's business. But at least—
At the very least, I had never killed anyone.
"You were there. For all of it."
Only moments ago, when I had first opened my mouth, I had been furious down to the roots of my hair — but the more I spoke, the more my head cooled, settling into clarity. The way circuits overflow — was that what my emotions were doing, too?
"...But no one said a word."
At that, Rose — stung, perhaps — bit her lip. Then, as if wringing the words out:
"We were going to tell you. We tried."
"Even if that's true, it's far too late."
"I know."
Rose answered.
"You knew — and this is what you do?"
The absurdity of it made me fire back.
"Was tailing the hideout of someone in hiding really your grand purpose? You could have gone to the Federation and spoken in my defense. Or faced the press and given an interview. At the very least, you could have gone to the orphanage and kept those kids safe."
I knew all of it was just me pinning the blame on them. But, still—
I couldn't simply swallow any of it.
Too much had happened in far too short a span. I still didn't even know whether Jihye was all right. Because of me, Jihye had been torn into like that — and the media hadn't spared a shred of interest in what she had nearly been put through.
No — the broadcasters who had gone so far as to raid Jihye's school and turn the place over kept invoking my name on a loop, spewing that bitchy refrain of [True culprit, or victim?]
"What do you think you can do now, showing up like this? Did you think following me would fix everything, just like that? Is this seriously what you thought helping me looked like?"
I said it looking at Rose.
"Truth is, you just wanted to run away too, didn't you? You didn't want to fight it. You just wanted to flee and do nothing at all. Because the moment you said anything, you'd have been the one taking the flak."
If the magical girls testified, my situation could change. But they never would. If they had meant to from the start, I would never have been driven here in the first place.
"So—"
"...Jieun."
As I tried to press on, Hayun spoke.
"...It was because of me."
At those words, every gaze in the circle snapped to Hayun. Mine included.
Hayun sat hugging her knees, her face on the verge of tears.
"All of it. It was because of me. If only I had stepped forward......"
"......"
Seeing that expression on her face, I couldn't breathe.
"I — I thought...... I thought I could be your strength. I thought you would get a fair trial."
"You thought that."
And you call that words?
But the rest wouldn't come out. I couldn't breathe. My chest was as tight as if my heart had simply stopped.
So even Hayun had been thinking like that.
"I thought — I thought I could go out there and testify. So I just, I just......"
Terrified of what would come out of Hayun's mouth next, I shot to my feet. And I stomped outside, thudding with every step.
My soles were, of course, caked with dirt, and that dirt stamped itself all over the sheeting the girls had worked so hard to lay. But I had no room left in me to care.
I slid open the door, shoved aside the spread plastic, and went out. I gulped down the cold night air, again and again. My fingertips were shaking.
Right. I know.
Hayun might well have thought that way. She's a girl who believes in justice. A magical girl. Someone who has never once betrayed her hope for humanity.
If I had received a fair trial, and Hayun's testimony had cleared me, I surely could have walked free.
With a hand pressed over my chest, I drew breath, several times over.
Maybe — whatever was done to me — if Hayun had testified, it might have been all right. Maybe she would have come to find me herself, before things got serious, and pulled me out. If I had let Hayun help me, maybe none of this would have happened in the first place.
But, still—
—Still, I hate it.
Because I want to stand on equal ground.
No.
The truth is — because I want to stand higher.
The way it always goes in transmigration stories — I wanted to become the protagonist's one and only, and in the end, the one who had everything.
So wasn't I planning to use Hayun all along—
Disgusting.
It felt as though someone were whispering it right into my ear.
"Jieun."
A voice came from behind me.
I spun around.
Hayun had been watching me with a worried look — then her eyes met mine, and the color drained from her face.
I was gasping for air.
Hayun took a step toward me. I fell back a step.
"J-Jieun. I'm sorry. So......"
Thud.
I crumpled to the ground. The strength had gone out of my legs.
"Jieun!?"
Hayun rushed over and caught me in her arms. One arm braced behind my back, her other hand holding me, she lifted my upper body.
Her embrace was warm. Just like earlier today, when Hayun had held me from behind.
And that was what frightened me.
Me, for dragging Hayun into something like this. Me, for thinking I hated her even now, in the middle of all this. Me, for being glad she was here. I hated all of it.
"...Let go."
I forced the words out between breaths.
"Jieun, I—"
"I told you. To let go."
I pried Hayun's hands away. And staggered upright.
I glared straight at Hayun. As if driven back by that look, she stumbled backward.
I forced my mind to turn over.
"...You said you'd do anything. Didn't you."
I deliberately took a step toward Hayun.
Hayun didn't retreat. Even with a frightened look on her face, she didn't give an inch, gazing up at me.
I took another step.
"Then cooperate."
Even with me pressed right up against her—
I closed in until our faces were nearly touching, close enough to feel each other's breath — and still Hayun didn't shy away.
My heart was hammering.
"All of you."
To hide it.
I spoke deliberately in a whisper — like a threat.
"I'd like you to cooperate. With my revenge."
"......"
Hayun looked up at me.
A frightened expression. Even wearing a face that looked like she'd crumple if I so much as flicked her, Hayun never once stepped back.
That — I didn't like it. Because it scared me. A little.
"...Okay."
Hayun nodded.
"At least I will. For as long as I can."
"......"
The two of us stood there, gazing at each other, for a long, long while.