A Bit Too Much of a Joke?
Was it the alcohol? My face felt a little flushed.
Siu sat there without a word, even with my hand resting on him.
Why wasn't he reacting? If anything, this silence made it even scarier.
I’d rather he just react to it somehow.
I pressed down a little harder with the fingers I had resting on him.
‘Are you not going to react even to this…?’
Siu reacted immediately.
“Stop doing that, you crazy bastard.”
“Ouch….”
Siu hit my head. Then he hit it again.
Just like last time, he struck the top of my head with the side of his hand.
The spot was the same, too. It hurt. My head was throbbing.
And he’d cursed at me.
I covered my head with both hands.
Still, I’d managed to break out of that heavy atmosphere from earlier, so I’d achieved my goal.
Yeah. That was enough….
But it hurt so much.
“Ugh, ugh…….”
“You, you. Don’t do this to other people. Seriously.”
Siu’s voice trembled awkwardly.
Could it be?
“What is it? You talk all high and mighty, but you *do* see me as a girl, don’t you…!”
“Yo, you *are* a girl, I told you. You heard me right just now, didn’t you? Hey, you’re properly drunk.”
“I’m not drunk.”
Siu swept his bangs back as if he felt dizzy. He tried to let out a sigh but swallowed it instead.
“This is driving me crazy. It’s only because it’s me that you’re getting away with this. If it were someone else…”
“What would happen if it were someone else?”
“…….”
Siu was struck speechless, his expression freezing into a blank stare.
His mouth was half-open, as if he’d stopped mid-sentence.
The pupils looking at me wavered slightly.
‘Oh…?’
I laughed internally, making sure Siu couldn’t hear.
What is this? This overwhelming sense of superiority.
Seeing Siu so flustered made me feel strange.
Usually, I was the one left speechless like that, but today, the tables had turned.
Calling this feeling ‘superiority’ didn't quite capture it.
It was a sensation like something blooming in a corner of my heart.
It was hard to put a name to the emotion.
I might have even been smiling without realizing it.
“Siu-ya.”
“What are you trying to do now? Hey, just go home.”
Siu looked fed up as he grabbed my arm. He tried to drag me toward the front door.
I tensed my body to avoid getting up, but Siu’s strength was immense.
I lowered my center of gravity as much as I could, but despite my efforts, I ended up being dragged along anyway.
“Ugh, you said the way home was dangerous…. Walk me home.”
“It’s not dangerous right now.”
“But it’s dangerous when it’s dark…. You said it was dangerous. You walked Sia home, but you won’t walk me home.”
“Are you actually in your right mind?”
“I am in my right mind, though….”
“Then stop it already.”
Siu’s voice was lower than before. No, it was lower than it had been just a moment ago.
… It was a little scary.
‘I should stop now….’
If I kept going, he really might get angry.
I went back to my original spot. When I returned, I walked and sat down on my own.
A moment of silence passed.
I aimlessly traced circles on the floor with my palm. The friction made my hand feel a little warm.
“S, Siu-ya….”
“What now? What.”
“What would happen if it were someone else? Why, why didn’t you tell me the rest…?”
“Do you know and are you just asking? Or do you really not know?”
His voice was low, just like before. He sounded a bit annoyed, too.
My brain told me not to push it, but my mouth moved on its own.
My thoughts and actions hadn’t been in sync for a while now.
… Am I actually drunk?
Ah, whatever, I’m going to say it anyway. I don’t know.
Seeing Siu react was a little fun, so a smile tugged at my lips.
How would he react if I said this?
I looked him straight in the eyes and answered.
“I do know, though….”
As soon as I answered, Siu lunged at me.
Before I could even react, both of my wrists were pinned.
I was a little surprised by how strong his grip was.
And then, he pushed me over, right where I was sitting.
In the blink of an eye, my back hit the floor, and my view was suddenly fixed on the ceiling.
Siu’s silhouette blocked the fluorescent light, making my vision a bit dark.
Still, I could see his face. His eyes were fixed on me.
He was looking down at me.
Even when I tried to look away, no matter how I turned my head, Siu was always in my field of vision.
“Eh…….”
What just happened?
I needed a moment to process this in my head.
And then I realized I was lying down, my wrists held fast.
“…So this is what happens.”
His voice was calm, devoid of any emotion.
Siu’s hands, gripping my wrists, felt not just warm, but almost burning.
“Hey, l, let go of this. It hurts a little….”
I tried to move to pull my arms away, but they wouldn’t budge at all.
Once, twice, three times.
They didn’t move an inch.
It was as if he were telling me not to resist since I couldn’t move anyway; every time I exerted force, his grip tightened even more.
“Why, why are you doing this…. Are, are you drunk…? This is a bit too much of a joke…?”
I found myself stuttering. My voice came out quieter than I’d intended.
Even if my voice was small, he should have been able to hear me at this distance.
Siu didn’t answer.
Instead of answering, he silently held my arms and pressed down, as if to show me through action.
Harder, tighter.
Since he wasn’t saying anything, I started to get genuinely scared.
“Ah, it hurts, seriously…. Let go….”
At this point, he should have let go and laughed, or gotten angry.
That’s what Siu would do—the Siu I knew.
Is he as drunk as I am? Has he lost his grip on reason?
What’s going to happen to me now?
Siu was just staring at me.
“…….”
“Hey…. That’s enough…!”
I couldn’t move my arms, so I thrashed about.
I pushed off the floor with my heels. It had no effect at all.
I even tried to kick Siu’s side with my knee, but he didn’t move a muscle.
It was as if he were telling me that no matter how I resisted, it was meaningless.
He didn’t even seem to feel the pain.
His pupils moved slowly, scanning my body.
Siu’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.
“…….”
“Ugh….”
I was so scared I felt like I might wet my pants. I crossed my legs without thinking.
My breathing grew rapid.
“Siu-ya…?”
My eyes grew hot as I spoke.
Did I go too far?
I’d been joking around since earlier, but that wasn’t really me.
No, it *was* me.
I think I was a little drunk, so I just did it without thinking.
Please, say something.
“I, I’m sorry….”
I didn’t even know why I said I was sorry. The words just spilled out of my mouth.
I felt like if I closed my eyes, tears would spill out. So I kept them open.
And there was Siu’s face, right in front of me. It was the same face as always.
Now, his unwavering eyes were just staring straight at my face.
I tried to shift my focus to the fluorescent light behind Siu’s back.
If I did that, I wouldn’t have to see his face.
“I, I’m sooorry….”
I hate this. I’m scared. Being unable to resist.
I used to be able to shake off things like this.
Why now?
Just then, the strength in the hands holding my wrists slowly began to fade.
“…That’s why I said, b, be careful. Because this happens. How was it? Shock therapy.”
His voice was as casual as ever. It was the Siu I knew.
He was even smiling, his expression softening as if what just happened was nothing at all.
“Ughhh…….”
I slowly pushed myself up to a sitting position.
I looked at my wrists; the spots where he’d held me were red.
My nose stung. Tears didn’t fall, but I’d almost cried for real.
“…Are you crying?”
“N, no. I’m not crying…. Do you think I’d cry over something like this?”
As I said that, I sniffled without meaning to. My nose was stuffed, making my voice sound muffled.
“I, I’m going to the bathroom….”
…Did I actually wet my pants? The inside of my trousers felt a little damp.
When I came out of the bathroom, Siu had changed his posture, sitting with his back turned to me, unlike before.
It wasn’t just his posture that had changed. Siu was avoiding eye contact even more than before.
Earlier, I was the one avoiding him.
Or perhaps, even if Siu tried to meet my eyes, I was the one avoiding them, so we were both just avoiding each other.
Things were a bit awkward between Siu and me, but the conversation continued without a break.
Neither of us brought up what happened earlier.
Siu didn’t bring it up first, and I didn’t either.
There was no need to mention it.
Maybe Siu had done it because of the alcohol, too.
And maybe I’d joked around too much because of the alcohol.
In the end, nothing had happened, and the wisest choice was for both of us to just pretend it never occurred.
Still, I’d learned a clear lesson.
…I should never mess around in front of Siu again.
No, not in front of anyone else, either.
I’d been overpowered by force when joking around in the past, but it had never felt like this.
When Siu put his strength into it, I couldn’t resist at all. There wasn’t even a hint of movement.
No matter how much I thrashed, he didn’t budge.
I had been overwhelmed back then.
No, could I even call it being overwhelmed?
…I thought I’d given it my all, but was it possible I hadn’t actually pushed back with everything I had?
Was this really the limit of my strength, even when I gave it my all?
My head felt dizzy.
I picked up the beer can. I’d had some, but there was still plenty left.
Siu was silently snacking on some crackers.
Was there nothing left to talk about?
Things had quieted down. Neither of us spoke. We didn’t even look at each other, just stared at the floor.
The only sound was Siu crunching on the crackers. I didn’t even reach for a snack, just sipped my beer.
It was bitter, as expected.
Americano was bitter, but beer was bitter, too.
Still, I liked the feeling of alcohol coursing through my body, which was why I’d been able to drink it until now.
Perhaps seeing me drink without any snacks looked a bit pathetic, because Siu silently turned the opening of the cracker bag toward me.
My mouth was feeling a bit dry, so I reached in and ate some.
I couldn’t even really taste the crackers.
Crunch, crunch.
The sound of chewing echoed from inside my ears.
After chewing for a bit, I thought I could taste them.
I couldn’t tell if they were sweet or salty.
If they were chocolate-covered crackers, shouldn’t they be sweet?
I picked up the beer can. It was light.
When I tilted my head back to drink, only a drop or two fell onto my tongue.
‘Oh, I finished it…. When did I…’
I blinked.
I don’t know if it was the alcohol or because it was so late, but my eyelids felt a little heavy.
Should I head back now?
‘Siu-ya.’
I tried to speak, but no voice came out.
I closed my eyes for a moment, just like I had earlier, to blink.
And then, I tried to open them again.