I’m Telling You, I’m Not Drunk
Siu furrowed his brow.
It wasn't exactly a look of disgust, but it was an expression I couldn't quite read.
What kind of look is that?
“What do you mean, suddenly asking me to walk you home?”
“Ah, never mind that, just do it. A girl needs to get home safely, right? We’ve been drinking.”
“You’re not drunk at all.”
Even to my eyes, Sia didn't seem drunk. Her tongue wasn't slurring, her face wasn't flushed, and her eyes were bright and alert.
Of course, the distance to the station was significant, so it might be scary to go alone, but still.
“S-should I come along too…?”
I felt a bit awkward, so I tried to chime in, and the moment I did, Sia shot a look at Siu.
It was very brief, but I felt it.
Then, Sia smiled brightly.
“No, no, only Siu oppa needs to come.”
At the same time, Siu waved his hand and smiled, too.
They were smiling so naturally that it actually felt unnatural.
“I, I’ll just go and come back. No need for you to go out and be bothered. It’ll be quick. Just rest at home.”
And just like that, they left, leaving me alone in Siu’s apartment.
What am I supposed to do here?
Siu and Sia walked toward the subway station.
Siu matched his pace to Sia’s, making it a bit slower than usual.
Naturally, Siu’s stride was longer than hers.
“Oppa, are you crazy? I gave you a signal, why did you just let her go?”
“What signal? What are you talking about?”
“Don’t play dumb when you know exactly what I mean. Why, why? Eunhae oppa….”
“She’s an unnie right now. We’re outside.”
“There’s no one listening, so it’s oppa.”
“So why did you suddenly ask to be walked home?”
“…Why didn’t you send her back and only send me? Shouldn’t you have told us to go together?”
“She said she wanted to stay longer, so why would I kick her out?”
“So you’re going to be alone together? While drinking?”
Sia stopped walking. Siu stopped half a beat later.
Sia looked up, and Siu looked down.
“Even if I just turned twenty, I’m not that oblivious, you know?”
“Sure.”
“If you know, why are you doing this!”
“Because we’re friends.”
Sia let out a short, incredulous laugh.
“Friends…? Oppa, …honestly, are you sure you don’t have any thoughts? Eunhae oppa’s body is a woman’s now. Even so.”
“Just because the body changed doesn’t mean she changed. You heard it earlier, too. No, you didn’t just hear it, you know it yourself. She’s a friend I’ve known for a long time.”
“So you think it’s okay to drink and be alone together?”
Siu didn’t answer.
“Oppa.”
“Eunhae will handle it. We’re adults. And she could just go back right away, too.”
“Do you think that makes any sense right now?”
Siu started walking. He intended to keep going even if Sia didn’t follow.
Sia hurried to catch up with him.
“It’s right for you to treat Eunhae oppa like a normal friend. I think so, too. Even from my perspective.”
“Then that’s that.”
Sia pointed a finger at Siu.
“So don’t you ever cross the line, oppa. If you do, I’m really not going to look at you as a human being anymore.”
Siu laughed.
“…When have you ever looked at me as a human being?”
“That’s not what I meant!”
To think they’d leave me all alone in the house.
Is it really okay to leave an outsider alone in your home like this?
What if I decided to run off with their valuables?
Of course, I would never do such a thing. No matter the opportunity, I would absolutely never do that.
Maybe Siu knows that’s the kind of person I am, which is why he was so willing to go walk Sia home.
…Though I’m not sure if "willing" is the right word.
‘Still, I guess I’m trusted to some extent…’
I returned to the living room.
It had been so lively just a moment ago, but now that a few people had left, it felt empty.
Maybe I’d become too sentimental, but the silence made me feel like I was about to cry.
It’s nothing, really.
I lay on my side on the floor and fiddled with my smartphone until Siu returned.
It took quite a while for him to get back.
Even if the station was far, it shouldn't have taken this long, so why was he so late?
I put down my phone and sat up.
“You’re back…? Why were you so late…?”
“Are you really not going to leave?”
“I can just stay a bit longer and take the last train….”
“It’s already late enough. It was already dark when I came back from walking Sia.”
“Well, of course it’s dark if it’s past 10 PM….”
Siu chuckled and sat down in front of me.
I brought up an irrefutable theory.
“No, the time spent coming here is a waste…. 1 hour and 30 minutes to get here. 1 hour and 30 minutes to go back. Wouldn’t it be a net gain to stay here for at least 3 hours…?”
“What kind of logic is that?”
Even as he said that, it didn’t seem like Siu had any intention of forcing me out.
If he really wanted to kick me out, he could have, but seeing him try to resolve it with just words like this...
“And it’s already been over three hours.”
Had it been over three hours? I wasn't really sure.
I didn't bother to argue. Seeing me like that, Siu continued.
“It’s dangerous to take the last train.”
“What’s dangerous about it? Do you think the public security of South Korea is a joke…? It’s not dangerous at all….”
Siu stayed silent for a moment before speaking up again quietly.
“You shouldn’t walk around alone late at night anymore.”
“Are you… worrying about me right now?”
“…I can’t help but worry.”
“…Didn’t you say you wouldn’t look at me like that?”
“Even if I don’t look at you like that, how do you think other people will see you? You know that, don’t you?”
“…I know. I know….”
“That’s why it’s a problem. And I’ve only seen you a few times since….”
I cut Siu off.
“Ah, I don’t know, I told you it’s fine. Just for today. Do you think crimes happen that easily…?”
Siu lowered his head and sighed.
“You’re going to end up in big trouble if you keep that up…. Seriously.”
Whether he meant it or not, I picked up a beer can.
It was too light.
It felt like I’d already finished one can.
…I want to drink more, though.
“Siu, where did you put the last can of beer…?”
“I put it in the fridge.”
“Can’t we crack open the last one, too…?”
“Hey, hey. I told you no.”
As I stood up, Siu panicked and waved his hands.
“I bought it, so let’s drink it half and half. I’m still completely fine. Don’t I look it…?”
Before I could even hear his answer, I walked to the fridge and opened it.
It was different from the fridge in my studio apartment.
Perhaps because he cooked for himself often, the ingredients were neatly organized.
A single can of beer was sitting on the door shelf.
“Where are the cups?”
Siu scratched his head, let out a small sigh, and silently took out a cup and handed it to me.
“…Once you drink this, you’re leaving right away.”
“I’ll go. I’ll go….”
I drank straight from the can, and poured half into the cup for Siu to drink.
“You look drunk no matter how I look at you.”
“I’m telling you, I’m not drunk….”
“You keep saying you’re not drunk, which just makes you sound more drunk.”
“I think you’re the one who’s more drunk….”
“Do you think I’d get drunk on one beer?”
As I held the can and drank, Siu stared intently at me.
“…The clothes you bought, I told you that wasn’t you who bought them.”
“Of course. Do you think I’m crazy enough to buy clothes like this? Sia dragged me there by force. She said I wear the same clothes every day.”
“Weren’t they the same clothes?”
“T-the clothes I wear every day just have the same design, but I wear different ones every time…!”
“Is there a need to go that far? You don’t have to go out two days in a row anyway. Can’t you just wear, wash, wear, and wash?”
…What is this. Is he a genius?
“……But that won’t work now. I’m working a part-time job. I have to go out consecutively now, too….”
“…Why did you start a part-time job? I didn’t think you would. Even if it was work-from-home, maybe.”
It’s a bit embarrassing to say it to his face.
‘To pay you back.’
I was also worried he might get annoyed if I brought up money again.
“……To change my smartphone.”
I held up my smartphone with the cracked screen in front of my face.
“How did you crack it?”
“I just dropped it the other day….”
I downed the beer can.
Mmm. Good.
I feel a bit hazy, too.
Surprisingly, Siu and I had a lot to talk about.
New collectible games. Anime talk.
The same stories we always told. And—
…Why am I suddenly so dizzy?
“Hey, your eyes are unfocused.”
“Are they…?”
No, I’m completely fine.
Except for being a little dizzy.
“I’m telling you, I’m not drunk…. My pronunciation isn’t slurring, either.”
Hearing my words, Siu silently held his forehead.
“……Isn’t it strange?”
“What’s strange?”
“Me wearing something like this.”
Siu looked away.
“What’s strange about it? It’s just normal clothes.”
“…You, why are you avoiding my eyes?”
Looking at him now, the tips of Siu’s ears seemed a little red.
Is it just the alcohol?
“…You have a female friend now, too.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You called me a girl earlier. You told me to be careful on the streets at night.”
My head felt a bit heavy, so I tilted it slightly to the side.
“So I’m a female friend. Good for you. Good for you.”
“…Eunhae.”
Siu met my eyes with a serious face. This time, I was the one who avoided his gaze.
I’d never heard him use that tone before. Why is he suddenly dropping his voice like that?
“What is it, suddenly….”
“When I told you to be careful, it wasn’t because I’m going to treat you differently just because you’ve become a girl.”
Even without looking at Siu’s face, he kept talking.
“The world has changed. Not you. You’re still going to go everywhere, and you’re still going to act the same way toward others. But the way people see you has changed. That’s what’s dangerous.”
He said a lot, but I didn’t understand what he was saying.
My body is the one that changed, so why is he saying the world changed?
The whole thing was a contradiction from the very first sentence.
I looked at Siu’s face again. He still had that serious expression.
“I don’t think you fully realize that yet. Even being here right now—”
“…You, you actually see me as a girl.”
…Now that I’d said it, my tone felt a bit strange, but it was already out.
“Yeah.”
“What…? What did you say?”
Siu said firmly.
“Your body is a woman’s, that’s true. But you’re still Eunhae. That doesn’t change. It’s not that I see you as a girl, it’s that I’m worried about you living in a woman’s body. Those two things are different, you know?”
What is he talking about?
My brain wasn't working, and I just wanted to escape this situation.
…I’m not the type of person who can handle such a heavy atmosphere.
I slowly leaned toward Siu. He seemed a bit startled and braced himself with one arm behind his back.
“Wh-what is it?”
“Then, is it okay if I do this?”
I placed my hand on the back of Siu’s hand, which was resting on the floor.
The contrast between his unusually pale skin and my slightly healthier-looking skin was stark.
I intended to cover the back of his hand, but I couldn’t cover it completely.
Even when I spread my fingers wide, the back of Siu’s hand was still clearly visible. The only parts covered by my hand were my own fingers.
Is my hand small, or is Siu’s hand big?
Probably both.