Clown Grandpa, File Driver!!!
The risk ratings were classified with refreshing simplicity.
Greek letters: Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta, Epsilon.
Alpha-class entities could collapse human civilization. The kind of things that made the Council have seizures, like SIN-002 or SIN-003.
Beta-class could cause nationwide damage if containment failed. Gamma-class would level cities.
Delta-class could usually be suppressed with the loss of just one or two facilities.
So what about Epsilon?
‘This thing’s complete dogshit. Not dangerous at all.’
The official dogshit certification mark.
The damage they caused was practically negligible. In some cases, they were even beneficial to humanity.
It was also the rating given to civilians with only trace amounts of anomalous properties—in other words, people who had the misfortune of being quarantined.
In that sense, a Delta-class appearing inside an Epsilon-class containment zone was nothing short of a catastrophe.
Ordinary people whose only anomaly was something like ‘heads always comes up on coin tosses’ had zero chance of standing against a Delta-class.
“Guhk… Guuuuhk.”
One of the victims let out a wheezing scream. There was a hole in his lung; he couldn’t breathe properly.
In front of him, a clown with spindly limbs twisted its mouth into a grotesque grin.
“Oh. Ohoho. Present. Present.”
Crunch. Crack.
The clown ripped off the victim’s limbs and skillfully twisted them. Before long, a Christmas tree made of human flesh was complete.
“…”
The victim could no longer speak.
“Shhh.”
The clown raised a finger to its lips in a silencing gesture.
Its face was clearly aimed at the surveillance camera.
Delta-class anomaly, SIN-766 Clown Phobia.
If it made eye contact with you, it would follow you to the ends of the earth.
It would absolutely follow, then transform its victim into a random ‘present.’ The victim would suffer unimaginable agony before dying.
Bullets? They didn’t work. It was completely immune to physical attacks.
There was only one method of containment.
A living human had to take its picture with a Polaroid camera.
And if you accidentally made eye contact while doing so?
Death.
SIN-766 <Clown Phobia> has breached containment.
Containment failure in progress.
“Assistant Researcher Yu Seo-ah. I’m going to change, so please look away for a moment.”
“Huh? Ah, y-yes!”
Yu Seo-ah hurriedly turned her head and pretended not to notice.
Swish. Rustle.
Tatiana quickly stripped off her clothes. What she needed now wasn’t a lab coat, but a combat uniform.
Normally she would have gone to the changing room, but there was no time. Casualties were already piling up.
As she changed, a stray thought crossed her mind.
‘Why did a containment breach have to happen right now…?’
She put on her combat uniform and gas mask, checked her firearms, then quickly sent a transmission.
“Command center. I need a casualty report.”
“Three assistant researchers confirmed dead. Multiple facility management staff presumed dead. …SIN-1823 Coin Toss Scammer has been terminated.”
An Epsilon-class anomaly was dead. And it had been turned into a Christmas tree while still alive.
It might have been called an anomaly, but if you didn’t give it coins, it was no different from an ordinary person.
— Shhh.
Clown Phobia appeared on the monitor. Its grinning face looked like it was mocking them.
“What about the other special task forces?”
“Two additional Delta-class entities are attempting to escape. Support is impossible.”
“Understood. I will suppress SIN-766 together with the special task force under my direct command.”
Tatiana finished arming herself in under a minute.
Behind her, Yu Seo-ah fidgeted anxiously and asked again.
“C-Chief. The containment cell right next to the one that just had a casualty is…”
“I know.”
SIN-998 The Director. Real name: Lee Shin.
The brand-new anomaly who had only arrived two days ago was sitting quietly inside the monitor.
If he made eye contact with Clown Phobia, he would probably die instantly.
“Assistant Researcher Yu Seo-ah. Broadcast the emergency protocol across the entire Epsilon-class containment zone.”
“…Yes!”
“You are absolutely not to leave this lab. Understood?”
“Y-yes!!”
The moment Tatiana stepped out the door, armed personnel immediately joined her.
“Task Force Leader. All members of SIG-12 are accounted for. Polaroid cameras are functioning normally.”
“We’re taking the shortest route. Paradise Lost special task force, begin suppression.”
Human bodies twisted into grotesque shapes littered the corridors. Victims of the clown.
As Tatiana rounded a corner, she thought to herself.
‘SIN-998. He might be an anomaly, but he’s still a person first. I’d rather not see an innocent man die.’
Please just follow the instructions and stay put.
For some reason, she felt increasingly uneasy.
***
“Why is an eagle’s beak yellow…”
I, Lee Shin. Twenty-two years old.
Supposedly classified as SIN-998.
My real job is director of Haetsal Orphanage… though I haven’t been able to go to work for two days now.
‘Isn’t this technically job abandonment?’
Are the kids even eating? Is Yul-ha brushing her teeth properly before bed?
I was starting to worry about the children. I missed them too.
“They did a good job making this attraction, but this is basically half imprisonment.”
I figured I should ask them to let me out.
Wait, hold on. I’m supposed to be an anomaly, right?
‘Then if I break out, wouldn’t that count as a containment breach???’
Whoa.
The one event you absolutely can’t skip in any Management Bureau horror story!
“Alright. Let’s break out.”
I could also see how the actors would react. Two birds with one stone!
I stood in front of the containment cell door made of some unknown material. It looked pretty sturdy, but it was probably just for show. One good kick and it should break.
I braced myself. One! Two!!
Crackle—
Right before I could deliver a soccer kick, static burst from the containment cell’s speaker.
The sound sent a chill down my spine, like when the platoon leader was about to call me out…
“Attention all personnel in the Epsilon-class containment zone. Immediately sit down, close your eyes, and cover them with your hands. This includes anomalies!”
Seo-ah?
Yu Seo-ah was making the announcement.
When I stared blankly at the surveillance camera, a high-pitched yell came through.
“SIN-998!! Stop spacing out and follow my instructions right now!!”
“Busted.”
However!
When a man sets out to do something great, can his wife possibly stop him?!
“Three!!!!!”
KWAAAAAAAAANG!!!!
I suddenly threw my whole body against the door, and the pathetic thing flew right off its hinges.
“…Huh?”
“Hmm. Must be aluminum or something. Definitely an attraction.”
“A-Aaaah!!! Are you insane?! Get back inside the cell right now!! You’ll die!!!”
Realistic acting, +100 points.
The corridor came into view. Sirens blared as bulkheads began to descend.
‘Holy shit…’
This really was a containment breach?
All this just because I broke out…
‘Ugh.’
I almost cried, but barely held it in.
I pretended not to hear Seo-ah screaming her lungs out and took one step out the door.
“Oh. Ohoho.”
Out of nowhere, an old man in clown makeup was standing there. He was roughly the same height as me—about two meters. He was a bit on the skinny side, though.
When I looked at his face, the clown stared straight back at me.
“…”
“…Oho. Ohoho?”
This bastard’s laugh is so fucking stupid…
‘Wait, no! What am I thinking about an elder?!’
Watch your words. Watch your thoughts!!
“…Ohoho.”
The clown seemed slightly flustered by my intense gaze. Maybe he was feeling shy?
Drip. Drop.
The blood-soaked makeup covering his body dripped down. They even replicated the smell of blood. Pretty realistic.
In the end, I couldn’t hold back and made an offer to the clown grandpa.
“Whoa. That makeup is insane. Come on in. I’ll give you a round of applause.”
“…Ohohohoho? Present?”
“Yeah. Present.”
The moment I turned my back first—
Shiiiing!
The old man suddenly thrust a bladed weapon at me.
“Your hands are pretty quick, huh?”
I grabbed it and slammed him with a body slam!!!!
…I did hold back a little so I wouldn’t break the old man’s spine.
THUUUUD.
The clown grandpa who had been slammed into the floor of my containment cell blinked rapidly.
“…Oh? Oho?”
He was making a dazed sound similar to ‘ohoho.’
‘Wait a second. This guy…’
Maybe he was acting as an escaped anomaly too?
“E-Eurekaaaaat!!”
I clenched my fist tightly.
Of course! It wasn’t just me escaping—this was a full-scale containment breach event!!
“Wow. This place really went all out. How much money did they spend?”
“…?”
“Gramps, why are you making that blank face? I’m complimenting you.”
Let me see… Every time I stared at this clown grandpa, he seemed to get flustered.
“Ah, right. It’s that gimmick where you can’t move if you make eye contact, like a statue, huh?”
“????”
“Okay, got it. That’s why you waited for me to turn around before aiming for my back.”
An elderly man was acting out his gimmick perfectly.
Then I had to respond in kind if I wanted to be a TRUE MAN, right?
“There! I turned around! Go ahead and go wild!”
The moment I showed him my back again, Seo-ah’s voice screamed from the speaker.
“Oppa!! …Hey!! Lee Shin!! Get out of there and run right now!!”
“Hmm.”
“You’re going to die like this…”
She sounded like she was on the verge of tears?
Anyway.
“Oho. Hohoho.”
I felt a presence behind me. The clown grandpa had spread open a pair of long scissors and pressed them against my waist.
‘Oh. He’s really trying to cut me in half. Bold move.’
But before that!
I grabbed the blades of the scissors!!
“Oho!!?”
And flipped him upside down like this!!!
Ta-da.
The clown grandpa was now upside down, flailing his arms and legs. He was still trying his hardest to cut me even while inverted.
“Goddamn. Just how serious are you really?”
There was one problem, though.
I hadn’t controlled my strength properly.
“Here we go.”
The clown was driven straight down into the ground headfirst.
“Ughk.”
Crack.
Some extremely dangerous sound came out.
‘I just pile-drove him skull-first into the floor?!’
Pile driver!
This wasn’t the time to be impressed, damn it!!
“Gramps!! Open your eyes! Stop foaming at the mouth!!”
Smack!!
Even after I slapped his cheek, the clown grandpa didn’t wake up.
Oh no…!
- Pile Driver Applied
— There is a bounty on your head
O. Murder.
Completing the Macho Bingo with a criminal act was the one thing I absolutely could not do!!!
“Clown Grandpa! I’m going to count to three and then start real CPR!!”
Riiip.
I urgently grabbed his top and tore it open.
His scrawny skin looked terribly frail.
***
Epsilon-class containment zone. Corridor 28 on the third floor.
Tatiana stood at the front, pulling out a Polaroid camera. She had just received a frantic report.
“Yu Seo-ah. Calm down and speak clearly.”
“C-Chief! Or should I say Task Force Leader right now?! Anyway! SIN-998… Hic, heuu…”
“You’re hyperventilating. Calm down and breathe.”
The containment cell door at the end of the corridor had been completely blasted off its hinges. The nameplate clearly read SIN-998.
It seemed Clown Phobia had somehow made eye contact with Lee Shin.
‘…He’s dead.’
The command center had gone completely silent for several seconds now.
Tatiana let out a low sigh through her mask.
She didn’t know Lee Shin very well, and they weren’t particularly close, but—
‘…I didn’t want an innocent person to die. So he really was an orphanage director.’
Those children had lost their parents once again.
She pushed down the sorrow and checked the camera once more.
“Paradise Lost. We are entering SIN-998’s containment cell. You all know this, but physical attacks have no effect.”
“…Looks like we’ll have to make the curry for the orphanage kids ourselves.”
The special task force members formed a tactical formation and raised their cameras to their eyes.
The moment the clown entered the lens, they would snap the photo. One mistake meant instant death.
Right before they breached the door simultaneously—
The command center reconnected through the static. The operator was stuttering slightly.
“Uh… Paradise Lost. There has been a variable.”
“We are about to make eye contact with the clown. Give me only the essentials.”
“The thing is… the suppression of the target anomaly has been completed.”
“……? Repeat that.”
“SIN-766 Clown Phobia has been suppressed. All you need to do is go in and take a photo to complete the mission.”
Tatiana tilted her head slightly toward the inside of the containment cell.
“What the…”
A massive man was performing CPR without a single scratch on him.
Beneath him lay Clown Phobia, foaming at the mouth and unconscious.
“…How?”
“Wasn’t that thing immune to physical attacks?”
“Holy crap. Look at all the blood on the floor. Must’ve come from the clown’s head.”
Lee Shin must have noticed their presence, because he turned his head.
He lifted the brutally beaten Delta-class anomaly and spoke.
“The actors are here! This is bad! I think I killed this old man!! Hurry up and arrest me, then get a defibrillator for gramps—”
The Paradise Lost task force gave no response.
They were containment professionals. Their mission took absolute priority above all else.
A blinding flash went off.
Clickclickclickclick—!!
Tatiana frantically pressed the shutter.
The corners of her mouth had faintly risen at some point.
