Chapter 37
Chapter 37
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Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 37
Chapter Title: Villain and Logic
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"Hold it! I object!"
I shouted at the top of my lungs. The rats flinched abruptly.
"This great one has realized an important fact!"
I strode confidently to the center of the room. Crossing my arms, I looked down at the rats.
Squeak-?
Darkness's eyes darted uneasily left and right. White King assumed a stance as if trying to back away slightly.
That's right, you should be uneasy! This great one has seen through your lies.
"There is a fatal contradiction in these tiny rebels' claims!"
My voice dripped with sarcasm. Like a prosecutor from a courtroom drama, I slowly circled the table.
"A cockroach defense, was it? Then answer me this."
My voice rose higher and higher.
"Are you saying there were cockroaches in Crown Villa, managed by Everlin?"
I walked to the window sill and ran my finger across the surface. Not a speck of dust, as expected.
"Not a speck of dust..."
I lifted the sofa and checked underneath. It was perfectly clean.
"Not a single cobweb..."
I raised my voice even louder.
"Let alone pests like cockroaches!"
The two rats' faces grew paler by the second. Darkness shot White King a 'What do we do?' look.
"Do you not know the pride of Everlin as a maid? Claiming there were cockroaches in a space she manages is an insult to her skills."
Next, I picked up one of the pieces of evidence on the table.
My precious chocolate cake... My heart ached at its pitiful, half-eaten state.
"Look at this Black Forest chocolate cake! The bite marks... they're only on top of the cake! If it was to exterminate cockroaches, they would approach from the edges. How do you explain eating only the especially delicious chocolate topping? Do you think this great one is a fool?"
Squeak...
White King slumped his shoulders. Darkness's whiskers drooped dejectedly.
"And look at this! What about the pudding? Why is only the sweetest caramel part missing? Were cockroaches such gourmets?"
"It is indeed a suspicious pattern, Master."
I delivered the final blow.
"Above all... it's utterly ridiculous that cockroaches targeted only the snacks and left Everlin's ingredients untouched! All the evidence points to your theft!"
This great one's logic was flawless. Perfectly deduced by the mind of a genius villain!
Squeak squeak!!!
The rats trembled in shock and confusion. Just as expected of criminals crumbling before the truth!
"And where did you get this so-called 'cockroach leg'?"
I shook the evidence bag.
"Picked it up outside? No, this is... a plastic model? Isn't this a toy cockroach part?"
Darkness took off his glasses and wiped cold sweat. White King had fully retreated, now scanning for an escape route with desperate eyes.
"Tampering with evidence? How dare you mock a villain's court! This warrants additional charges!"
A victorious smile spread across my lips. I handed the evidence bag to Everlin.
"Maid Judge, examine this evidence yourself!"
Everlin took the bag and closely inspected its contents. She nodded calmly.
"Master's claim holds merit. This 'evidence' does not appear to be from a real cockroach."
The rats were completely deflated. They gestured as if shoving blame onto each other.
Squeak!
Squeak squeak-
Darkness poked White King's side. White King kicked back at Darkness with his foot.
"Behold! The truth is always on this great one's side! Argument demolished! Kakakat!"
Squeak squeak...
The rats let out despairing squeaks. They were utter defeated soldiers, with no room left for excuses.
"Defendants, do you admit to the charges? Evidence tampering will be an additional offense."
Squeak... Squeak...
Darkness pulled out a tiny handkerchief and dabbed at his tears. White King hung his head too.
A confident laugh burst from me naturally. Solving the case so clearly—what a display of a great villain's wisdom!
"Kakakat! You fear the punishment awaiting you! No lie can fool this great one's genius deductive powers!"
But at that moment, the cornered rats' expressions changed abruptly.
Darkness and White King exchanged a brief glance.
'Huh? What's with that attitude? It doesn't look like surrender...'
Squeak squeak...
White King suddenly stepped forward.
His confident gestures were suspicious. My villain senses tingled with danger.
'What is it? Are these rats plotting something again?'
Darkness silently pulled a new binder from a small briefcase he'd produced from somewhere and handed it to White King.
"What absurd excuse are you spouting now?!"
White King began squeaking in a small but precise tone.
The rhythm and cadence were like a courtroom lawyer's—logical and charismatic.
Squeak squeak squeak... Squeak-squeak... Squeak!
"The defendants claim that the snacks in question qualify as 'abandoned property.'"
"What?!"
I shot to my feet in protest.
"Abandoned property?! What nonsense is this! It's a blatant fabrication!! My snacks abandoned? The world has never heard such a ridiculous claim!"
How could something in the fridge be abandoned? This was laughable.
"They ate items from the very back of the fridge that hadn't been touched in over three months, thus qualifying as 'forfeited assets.'"
"That's sophistry! This great one's property is eternally mine! Even after a thousand years!"
It was so absurd I could barely speak. My precious snacks as 'abandoned property'? What a ludicrous notion!
Darkness stepped forward carefully and began arranging evidence on the table.
There was even a model perfectly replicating the fridge's layout. Where did these guys get this stuff?
First, enlarged photos of expiration date stickers on the snacks.
Second, a fridge compartment diagram with snack location mapping.
Third, a record table of last contact dates per snack.
White King pointed to each piece with a laser pointer, explaining.
Squeak squeak... Squeak squeak squeak...!
Everlin translated.
"The defendants point out that the snacks in the lower rear compartment of the fridge had gone untouched for an average of 124 days."
"124 days? Has it really been that long?"
I paused to think. Yeah, it could be—they were bulk buys from a sale a few months back...
"N-No! So what? You rats don't get to judge a villain's snack consumption cycle!"
White King pulled out another chart. It graphed snack purchase volume versus actual intake, showing significant waste from uneaten purchases.
"Th-That graph is faked!!"
Everlin shook her head.
"The calculations and probability models are quite sophisticated. The graph itself seems academically sound."
"Academically?! You think a mere rat can do that math?"
Darkness suddenly pushed up his glasses, reflecting light. An odd charisma emanated from him.
"Hm... a laptop...?"
There really was a tiny, rat-sized notebook computer. He tapped the keys rapidly, generating a new graph.
"Is... is this for real...?"
No, I can't let them sway me so easily! They still stole and ate my snacks, justification or not!
"Th-Then you should have reported it! Touching my snacks without permission! Everyone knows all the world's desserts belong to Grimoire!"
I blurted out something forced without thinking.
"Moreover, many items were well past their six-month expiration."
For some reason, Everlin's tone felt different from usual. Like she thought this was a chance to fix my habits.
"E-Everlin! You're supposed to be on my side! You're my maid!"
Everlin replied expressionlessly.
"Right now, I am the Maid Judge. You appointed me yourself, Master."
This can't be... My own words tripping me up!
I quickly regained my composure and counterattacked.
"Expiration dates are just guidelines! A true villain ignores such things!"
I stood and struck my most villainous pose. Gray light faintly glowed from my horns.
"Chaos and disorder are the essence of villainy! Defying deadlines is true evil! Kakakat!"
White King whispered something to Darkness. The two rats seemed to be plotting.
Moments later, White King approached Everlin with a questioning gesture.
"The defendants wish to question Master."
"Fine, whatever. Your downfall is already sealed anyway."
White King squeaked politely with his question.
"What snacks does Master usually prefer?"
A simple question. I puffed out my small chest proudly.
"The finest, of course! This great one is a world-conquering villain—ordinary snacks are beneath me! Only the best deserve to enter this body!"
White King wore what looked like a slight smile as he asked the next.
"What are the conditions for a snack to be 'the finest' in Master's view?"
I began explaining boastfully.
"Freshness, flavor, rarity! The finest chocolate is Belgian, cakes from French patisseries, pudding is Everlin's special! Especially anything not fresh doesn't suit this great one's dignity!"
White King exchanged a meaningful glance with Darkness. An ominous feeling stirred.
"Final question. Can expired snacks be considered 'finest'?"
I answered instantly.
"Of course not! Expired snacks aren't finest—they're trash... Huh?"
I stopped mid-sentence.
Wait, a trap! I've fallen into their trap!! Fooled by rats!
Squeak squeak squeak squeak─!!
White King struck a victory pose, squeaking triumphantly. His tiny whiskers quivered with confidence.
"The defendants note that Master just stated expired snacks are 'not finest.' Thus, no longer Master's property but trash—already abandoned."
"Th-That's... it depends on the situation! During world conquest, supplies might run low! They're emergency rations!"
Squeak squeak!
"The defendants reviewed the world conquest plans and point out that emergency ration lists include only canned and dry goods—no short-shelf-life fridge desserts."
I was being logically cornered. I stepped back, barely keeping balance.
Squeak squeak-!
"Analysis of Master's snack consumption shows true favorites are eaten within three days. Anything left longer is deemed uninteresting."
Darkness stepped forward with a serious expression.
Squeak... Squeak squeak...!
"The defendants believed disposing of expired, spoiled snacks for Master's health was the duty of loyal minions."
No, are these rats claiming they did it for my sake?
And Everlin's voice carried a hint of agreement! What's with that 'perfect timing' look??
"Master's impulsive snack buys have been getting worse lately. This could be a chance to improve..."
The two rats clapped their front paws furiously. Their squeaks sounded like a victory fanfare.
'They're all in on it!'
"Hold on! This is just rats stealing my snacks! Don't stray from the trial's point!"
White King, sensing victory, laid out his final argument.
Squeak squeak squeak... Squeak! Squeak squeak!
"Finally, the defendants approach from a 'resource recycling' perspective."
The rats held up a small poster emphasizing environmental protection. It read, 'Wasted food hurts our planet.'
"By consuming food that would be thrown away, they reduced waste pollution, helped manage Master's fridge, and even freed space for world conquest needs."
These rats had me truly cornered.
"Hm... World conquest and pollution..."
A villain needs a livable planet too. If the world I rule is buried in trash, it's no real victory...
No, no! I'm wavering again!
"Rats worrying about pollution? That's putting the cart before the horse!"
Darkness suddenly donned a tiny tweed jacket, adjusted his glasses, and straightened up.
Squeak squeak squeak, squeak.
"The defendants self-appoint as 'Crown Villa Eco Guardians' and have sorted trash for a month. Fulfilling their mission as eco rats."
"Eco rats? Never heard of it...! Making up a ridiculous job out of nowhere! Everlin, do you really believe them?!"
Everlin paused briefly before replying calmly.
"Recently, sorted trash and food waste output have dropped dramatically."
Darkness held up a small bar graph. It statistically showed food waste from my fridge disposals had fallen 68% from last month.
"Eek...!"
How did these rats prepare such thorough evidence? They even know my habits inside out! Their intel is insane!
Finally, White King and Darkness bowed deeply together and spoke. Their polite demeanor was anything but snack thieves.
Squeak squeak squeak... Squeak squeak... Squeak!
"The defendants say: 'If our actions disappointed Master, we sincerely apologize. But please understand they stemmed from loyalty to your fridge management and health.'"
Suddenly, the rats looked so earnest and sad. Like misunderstood loyal minions...
Th-This is...
I was confused. Their logic made sense. I do often buy snacks and forget them. Some might really be way overdue... A villain doesn't sweat the small stuff...
Everlin raised the pork cutlet hammer.
"I have heard both sides. Now, I will render judgment."
No, this can't happen! Losing to rats in my own trial?
And logically! That's my strongest field! I'm a brainy genius villain!
"Th-This can't be..."
This was a bad omen. I bit my lip, anxiously scanning around.
Losing fridge sovereignty before even conquering the world!
'If I lose the trial... it sets a precedent to share all snacks with rats forever! The foundation of Grimoire Empire shakes!'
A horrific future unfolded before me.
Every time I open the fridge, rats demanding their share.
Worse, they might invade my room, using my stuff!
'It won't stop at snacks. Approve today, tomorrow it's the game console, next it's my villain collection. Eventually, even my throne!'
My fingers trembled at the nightmare. White King wearing my crown, Darkness in my cape, squeaking 'Squeak squeak!' mockingly.
'And ultimately... control of Crown Villa slips away... They rename it 'Rat Kingdom,' and room 301 becomes 'Rat Chateau'!'
Squeak!
Darkness and White King high-fived confidently.
The slap of their tiny paws echoed loudly. Seeing their assured victory filled me with betrayal.
I fidgeted with my horns anxiously, brainstorming a reversal.
"Kakakat, kakakat..."
My laugh trembled. I'd started this trial, but now the rats controlled it.
I clutched my head in despair. Hate to admit it, but their logic was perfect.
'Grimoire! You're a genius villain! There must be a way to win! Think! The most villainous way!!'