Chapter 36
Chapter 36
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Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 36
Chapter Title: Villain and the Courtroom
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"This is... This is blatant treason!!!"
My entire body trembled with rage. Even my horns felt scorching hot.
The desserts safely stored in the fridge had all been attacked by rats.
The rats I trusted and took in as subordinates had betrayed me!
"Is this the reward for loyalty? You traitors! How dare you sink your teeth into the villain's energy source! Stealing the great villain's food is a capital crime, no different from coveting the throne!"
Squeak-
Darknis and White King began trembling as they hugged each other.
The black rat and white rat shaking while clinging together... it was honestly kind of cute. It softened my rage a little. Just a little!
Then, right on cue, White King's tongue poked out and licked the chocolate around its mouth.
Argh...! I can't take this anymore!!
"Delicious, isn't it? Of course it is! Those are my finest snacks! You dare destroy evidence right in front of me? Prepare yourselves! Today, you will taste the wrath of the great Grimoire!"
My voice echoed throughout the kitchen.
The two rats huddled even closer and started conversing with each other.
Darknis subtly shook its head at White King, who pointed at Darknis with its paw.
Squeak?
Squeak-!
Excuses like 'You said we should eat them' and accusations like 'You got caught because you took one more bite' flew back and forth.
"Passing the blame to each other! No excuses! Your guilt is clear!"
Thinking of my precious snacks reignited my fury.
Luckily, I discovered it. Otherwise, they would've devoured everything!
And this wasn't just giving in to temptation—it was clearly premeditated!
Even more malicious: they hadn't touched a single one of Everlin's ingredients!
Tomatoes, onions, meat... all perfectly intact in the fridge.
'These guys... are they more afraid of Everlin than me? They couldn't touch her stuff but targeted only my snacks?'
This was a direct threat to my authority as a villain.
"Calm down, Master. What happened?"
Everlin approached from the living room.
"Look! These vile traitors I trusted as loyal subordinates! While I was on an expedition to the library, they raided the snack warehouse!"
I made my decision.
Betrayal cannot be forgiven! I must set an example! Time to enforce discipline in the Grimoire Empire!
"Charged with unauthorized theft of snacks belonging to the supreme leader of an evil organization! You're under arrest as perpetrators caught red-handed! I hereby remand you to villain court!"
My solemn declaration made the two rats shrink back even more.
"Everlin, you'll be the judge! I'll be the prosecutor!"
"Understood, Master. This mock trial will be a fine opportunity for you to experience logical reasoning and legal thinking."
"What? No, this is a real villain trial! Forget logic and excuses—this is for punishing traitors..."
"Even villains need logic. If evil deeds have structure and justification, world conquest gets one step closer."
"...Is that so? Fine, let's start right now! Prepare yourselves, you wretched rodents!"
A short while later, the dining table in Crown Villa had transformed into a perfect villain courtroom.
Bang-!
Everlin took her seat at the head of the table.
A tonkatsu mallet had been promoted to judge's gavel, placed beside Everlin's hand.
I found a black towel and draped it over my shoulders. From now on, I was the villain prosecutor!
"Time to judge these wicked traitors! Villain court is merciless and harsh! Everlin, as maid judge, issue your rulings according to my orders!"
"No, Master."
"What?!"
I recoiled in shock at the firm refusal.
Everlin refusing my order? This was an unexpected twist!
"A judge must be independent, Master. They rule based on evidence alone, without taking orders. That's the true dignity of a villain court, I believe."
"Urgh... Hm... Fine! There's merit in that! If even a villain court delivers fair judgments... wouldn't that be the ultimate mockery of this world!"
Bang bang bang.
Everlin lightly tapped the cutting board with the tonkatsu mallet.
The trial was finally beginning!
"Court is now in session for the fridge raid incident. First, we confirm the identities of the two defendants."
The two rats stood atop a milk bottle cap—an impromptu defendant stand.
"Darknis and White King, the defendants stand accused of unauthorized consumption of snacks from Master's fridge."
I slammed a thick cookbook onto the table.
"You violated the basic duties of subordinates: loyalty, obedience, and respect! Worse, you touched my painstakingly collected dessert collection! This is a grave sin deserving any punishment!"
My voice grew louder. The two rats exchanged tense glances. I could see White King's tiny paws shaking.
Good, they're scared. This is satisfying!
"I present the evidence!"
No sooner said than done—I dashed to the fridge and hauled out the exhibits.
Half-eaten chocolate cake, hole-riddled premium cheese, scooped-out pudding—I laid them all out on the table.
My precious snacks! They never even reached my stomach, ending their lives in tragedy!
"Behold! Proof of their crime! These were all my treasured fridge snacks, ruined by rat teeth marks! And White King boldly licked evidence right in front of me! This is blatant provocation—a challenge to me!"
Everlin nodded.
"Evidence accepted. Defendants, how do you respond to these charges?"
Squeak-
The two rats hung their heads. They seemed to admit guilt.
Of course! With such clear evidence, how could they deny it?
Guilty! Guilty as charged!
"Too late for regrets now! The evidence is irrefutable! When did you plan this villainy? Who led it? How many snacks have you stolen so far???"
I pounded the table with my fist. The rats jumped slightly.
"Their guilt is crystal clear! Issue a guilty verdict immediately!"
Bang bang.
Everlin quietly tapped the cutting board. Her blue eyes turned to me.
"However, the defendants must be given a chance to defend themselves."
"Everlin, are... are you taking the side of these ungrateful rats now?! Defending the ones who stole my snacks?"
"No, Master. But even in a villain court, basic procedures must be followed. That way, true villain dignity stands. Besides, giving defendants a chance to defend themselves can be even crueler. It's evil to give hope... then snatch it away."
I stepped back, arms crossed. The black towel flapped dramatically on my shoulders.
"Hmph! Fine, let's hear your excuses."
This was mere formality—the trial's outcome was already decided.
No matter what they say, I'll demolish it with my genius logic!
The two rats looked at each other.
Squeak-
Squeak squeak!
White King poked Darknis with its tiny paw. Darknis shook its head vigorously.
A sneaky exchange: 'You defend first.'
What pathetic camaraderie! My victory is assured!
"Enough! Are you conspiring lies with glances in front of me? Get on with it!"
Squeak.
Suddenly, Darknis pulled something from its tiny pocket.
Miniature glasses? Where did a rat get those?
White King set up a tiny table next, pulling out a mini binder and quill to organize their defense.
Squeak squeak squeak! Squeak squeak! Squeak squeak squeak squeak!
Darknis raised a paw and began explaining like a professional. Meanwhile, White King scribbled furiously on paper and handed it to Everlin.
"Hold on! What? 'Not plunder, but routine patrol for fridge hygiene and pest control'?"
Squeak squeak squeak!
Darknis held up a photo of suited guard rats to bolster its defense.
"But aren't you the pests?"
White King straightened up, puffing its whiskers. Pride filled its expression.
Squeak! Squeak squeak!
"Higher rodents? A rat's a rat—what's 'higher' about it!"
Everlin read White King's note calmly.
"The defendants claim they are not mere pests but intelligent higher rodents, volunteering as security agents responsible for Crown Villa's hygiene and safety."
Darknis suddenly got serious, gesturing at the fridge. White King joined, striking defensive poses around it.
"Who exactly were you protecting the snacks from? Bigger rats?"
Squeak squeak squeak!
White King scribbled another note and passed it to Everlin.
"They claim cockroaches were invading the fridge to contaminate the snacks."
"Cockroaches?"
I eyed the rats suspiciously.
"Hmph! Then why didn't you exterminate them and report to me? Loyal subordinates report to their master, don't they?"
My logic was flawless—an ironclad conclusion.
White King stepped forward dramatically, acting out being chased, darting around before collapsing in exaggerated panting.
Squeak squeak... Squeak squeak squeak...
"The situation was too urgent for immediate response, most invasions happening at night while Master slept. Moreover... knowing your extreme disgust for cockroaches, they handled evidence themselves to spare you mental trauma."
"Consideration for me? The evidence... Hm, I do hate seeing cockroaches up close."
My resolve wavered briefly. Did the rats fight cockroaches all night for me? That's loyal and touching...
Hold on!
"But that still doesn't add up!"
I held up one exhibit: the half-eaten chocolate cake.
"Ridiculous! Is that your excuse? Then why did you eat half the snack to 'protect' it?"
I shook the pudding bowl.
"Explain!"
White King gestured again, mimicking careful tasting.
Squeak squeak squeak... Squeak!
"The defendant claims it was a 'taste test' to check if cockroach toxins contaminated parts of the snacks."
"Taste test? On everything? What nonsense!"
I dumped fridge interior photos onto the table.
Snaps from various dates showed the progression.
"Look! This isn't one 'invasion'—it's ongoing theft! Cake, pudding, chocolate, even cheese! Decreasing bit by bit over days!"
The two rats stared silently, then Darknis stepped up.
Squeak squeak squeak squeak... Squeak!
"The defendant says cockroach numbers required long-term surveillance. They patrolled nightly to guard the snacks."
I let out a hollow laugh. As if I'd fall for such obvious lies! I'm a genius villain!
"Then why did you gain weight? Eat a lot of cockroaches? Ha!"
Darknis suddenly tapped a tiny calculator (who knows where from). It scribbled on paper, and White King held it up.
Shockingly... it was a cost comparison chart between pro pest control services and the rats' free service! With graphs!
Squeak squeak squeak!
"Defendants claim snack consumption was essentially their salary. All work needs pay. Hiring pros costs at least 150,000 won minimum, but they provided 24/7 security for mere snack scraps."
"That's... Hm..."
A quick calculation made it somewhat convincing.
"Even so, it's unauthorized snacking! I decide salaries! Subordinates taking pay themselves? That's wage theft!"
Suddenly, both rats made sad faces, pulling out tiny handkerchiefs to dab tears.
And was that sad violin music? Wait, it's actually playing!
"What? You have iPhones!? Latest models too??"
Rats with better phones than me!
Squeak... Squeak squeak... Squeak...
"They claim sleepless nights battling cockroaches. A snack scrap is scant comfort for their pain."
White King unfolded a paper—like a horror movie poster.
'The Cockroach: Occupying the Villain's Fridge'
Squeak squeak! Squeak squeak squeak!
Darknis handed another note to Everlin.
"They fear if their defense line falls, you'll be branded 'Villain Living with Cockroaches,' ruining your villain image."
I raised a hand to halt the emotional appeal.
"Enough! This is a sacred... no, sinister court! No sob stories! Win with evidence and logic!"
At that moment, Darknis pulled something out. A cockroach leg!
Squeak squeak!
"Evidence they fought cockroaches to protect the snacks."
I was momentarily confused. Were there really cockroaches? Did the rats risk their lives for my snacks?
If their loyalty was genuine... did I misunderstand?
'Wait, something's off.'
A click in my mind. I slowly raised my head. My eyes sharpened, a confident smile curling my lips.
"Hold it! Objection!"
I shouted loudly. The rats flinched.
"I've realized a crucial fact!"
I strode to the room's center, arms crossed, glaring down at the rats. A faint gray glow seeped from my horns.
Squeak-?
The truth is always one. These little suspects' claims have a fatal contradiction!