Chapter 35
Chapter 35
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 35
Chapter Title: The Villain's Melancholy
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Clutching the volunteer certificate tightly, I stepped out through the library's main entrance.
My footsteps felt heavy. Even my horns drooped limply. Another stain had been added to my villainous record.
"Not again..."
A sigh escaped me naturally. The scrap of paper and plaque in my hand were nothing less than proof of a villain's shame.
'Library Special Merit Award,' they called it.
Special merit award.
Merit award!
I gripped the volunteer certificate, tempted to tear it to shreds, but then a thought struck me.
'If I show this to Everlin, she might raise my allowance. Then I could buy even more tools for villainy...'
Yes, this was merely a stepping stone for greater evil.
My throat was parched.
I'd spent the whole day attempting villainy and burned through a ton of energy. Only an ice-cold carbonated drink could soothe this sense of loss.
There, in the corner of the library plaza, stood a vending machine.
"On a day like today, grape flavor is the choice for this great one!"
I fed two 500-won coins into the slot and pressed the button for the blue grape soda.
Press!
Nothing happened.
I pressed again, and again, and again...
Still nothing.
"What the hell?"
Tap tap tap!
I hammered the button, but the vending machine stubbornly stayed silent.
"What? You dare defy this one's command?"
Irritation bubbled up. I'd endured frustration all day, and now this pile of scrap metal was ignoring me too?
"It's all because stupid humans made this machine! Their idiocy has infected even the vending machines!"
A faint gray light began to leak from my horns. This time, I couldn't hold back. The frustrations of the day surged up all at once.
"You thought you'd get away with stealing this one's coins?"
I recalled a battle cry from a comic. Infusing it with all my villainous intent...
"Cherry-o!!"
I raised my left foot high and slammed it into the vending machine with all my might.
Bam!!!
A red light flashed across the vending machine's panel.
Ding!
Rumble rumble rumble!
With the sound of circuits frying, the front of the machine burst open, spilling coins and soda cans everywhere.
"Eek!"
Startled, I jumped back.
Soda cans rolled around me. Drinks of every color scattered across the ground.
I was flustered at first, but soon a rush of triumph washed over me. The corners of my mouth curled up.
Kakaka! Behold, you worthless machine! This is the pathetic end for those who defy this one! To challenge Lady Grimoire? Foolish indeed!
My chest felt unburdened. My drooping horns began to perk up again.
I crossed my arms proudly and grinned in satisfaction.
I'd finally pulled off a proper act of villainy! Vandalism—what could be more textbook evil?
Murmur murmur.
People started gathering, drawn by the commotion. Library staff came running too.
'Perfect. Now everyone will see me as the villain who smashed the vending machine. At last, recognition as a true villain!'
They'd surely be shocked. When they learned I was the one who'd destroyed it in one blow, they'd tremble in fear!
Yes, this was the true face of a villain!
I struck a majestic pose and declared,
"That's right! This one is the culprit who destroyed the vending machine! Fear me, all of you! Kakaka!"
One person heard me and...
Clap clap clap!
Started applauding.
"...Huh?"
Then others joined in with cheers and applause.
"That busted vending machine is finally smashed! Serves it right!"
"It swallowed my money for a whole week without giving me a drink. I must've lost ten thousand won to that thing."
"Exactly! We complained to the company, and they just ignored us."
A girl in school uniform chimed in.
"And every once in a while, it'd tease us by spitting out pine needle soda. Who the hell wants pine needle flavor?"
"We were hoping someone would fix it, and now the agent of justice has arrived!"
Agent of justice?
What was going on? My horns twisted in confusion, tilting left and right.
"Thank you so much. Seeing that vending machine wrecked makes me feel relieved at last."
"Ah... no... this is..."
I was at a loss for words. My horns felt even more limp.
A library staff member rushed over, panting as they spoke.
"We've been getting nonstop complaints about that machine. The management company just kept saying it was 'working fine.' Thank you for fixing it!"
My face twisted further.
People around me started handing me fallen soda cans as tokens of gratitude.
"Here, for the hero!"
"You were awesome today!"
"Thanks to you, no more lost money. Much appreciated!"
Before I knew it, my arms were full of assorted soda cans.
"I... I've become a hero again..."
I stared at the vending machine wreckage.
That hunk of metal had a worse reputation than me? This was all wrong!
"I'm not a hero! This one is the villain who destroyed the vending machine!"
"A true hero always denies being one!"
"So humble! And those horns are adorable!"
"Grimoire! Grimoire!"
I screamed, but they just cheered louder, calling me humble.
Still, I took the sodas. These were spoils of villainy! Definitely not hero rewards!
Arms laden with drinks, horns drooping, I headed home.
"How am I gonna explain this to Everlin..."
The villain's pathetic walk home—my only comfort was the sodas in my arms.
Arms stuffed full of countless soda cans, I trudged down the hallway of Crown Villa.
Villainy takes stamina. After a day of failed schemes, I was utterly exhausted.
I reached door 301, but my hands were too full to open it.
"This one has returned. Open the door, Everlin!"
No response. Second try.
"The king commands you! Open the door at once!"
Still silence. I pouted and tapped the door with my foot.
"Everlin... there are too many sodas... I can't open the door..."
Just this once, I wanted to get inside quickly.
Click.
The door opened, and Everlin appeared in her perfect maid outfit, as always.
"Master, what happened? Where did all these sodas come from..."
Instead of answering, I brushed past her into the living room and dumped the sodas on the floor. Then I flung myself onto the sofa, sprawling face-down with arms spread wide.
"Master...?"
Everlin approached cautiously. I groaned into the sofa cushion.
"Ughhh... this one's villainy has... again... again... and again and again! Failed!"
Everlin silently picked up the scattered cans one by one and carried them to the kitchen. I heard the fridge door opening and closing.
"The world is crumbling right now! Do you have any idea how it feels to be a villain hanging upside down in the abyss of despair?! It's all over! Completely, thoroughly, utterly ruined!"
"Would you care to tell me what happened?"
Her calm voice made me bolt upright.
Chatter chatter.
I poured out every failure of the day in a torrent of words.
Gesturing wildly, I reenacted every frustration from the library like a dramatic performance.
"Why does it always end up like this?! The world refuses to recognize me as a villain! That vending machine seemed more villainous than me! And yet, this one is clearly the greatest villain in history!"
I jumped up and paced the room.
Ughhh, so unfair! So unjust!
"Master, you've been frustrated by these failed villainous acts so far, but in truth, all of this is part of your grand strategy."
"What?! Everlin, did you just say that?!"
She shook her head ever so slightly, her black hair swaying softly.
"Think about it, Master. What is true villainy?"
Everlin began counting on her fingers.
"Simply beating people up or smashing things? Anyone can do that. But your villainy runs far deeper."
She handed me a soda can.
"You've completely overturned the library patrons' perceptions. How they read mysteries, view self-help books, even organize the shelves. This isn't mere villainy—it's advanced evil that influences the subconscious."
"Uh..."
I was confused, but her words somehow rang true.
"An ordinary villain topples buildings, but a great one topples beliefs."
"Uh... is that so...?"
"Manipulating perceptions is the mark of a top-tier villain. You've already planted seeds of chaos in their minds. They don't realize it, but they're under your wicked influence."
Everlin's words restored a bit of my pride.
"In that sense, there were no failures today. Only groundwork for monumental evil."
"Right! This one's villainy operates on a whole different level from ordinary villains! Psychological domination! Mental chaos! Kakaka! As expected, this one is a genius villain!"
"And how did the people seem to you today?"
"Like idiots! Those pathetic humans couldn't comprehend the greatness of this one's evil. How could the library patrons be so brainless? Their heads must be completely empty!"
Everlin responded not with a smile, but with a knowing glint in her eyes.
"Then your 'S-City Idiocy Project' has already succeeded."
"...Huh?"
Her words lit a bulb in my head. Right! The plan I'd made this morning!
"The S-City Idiocy Project! I went to the library to dumb down the citizens, but they were already morons! This one's plan was destined for victory from the start!!"
I flopped back onto the sofa, bursting into victorious laughter.
"Kakaka! Kakaka!"
Everything made perfect sense now. My genius even astonishes me sometimes. This is what a great villain is!
"Excellent! Then let the feast celebrating today's victory begin! Bring every snack from the fridge!"
Everlin's expression shifted subtly.
"Master, overeating isn't good for your health."
I thrust out my palm to silence her.
"Quiet! Villains don't worry about health!"
Hiss.
Gulp gulp.
I cracked open a soda can and chugged it down. The cool fizz sliding down my throat felt amazing.
"Pwah! This isn't enough! I need something much sweeter! I'm gonna devour every ice cream and chocolate cake right now! I'll shatter the record of five tubs!"
"Master, if your health as a villain deteriorates, who will conquer the world—"
Before her words could sway me, I dashed to the fridge.
"Cake! Cake! Chocolate cake! Huh?"
I flung the door wide open.
I couldn't speak. The sight before me was too shocking.
"Wha... wha... what... is... this...?"
Squeak?
Inside the fridge, Darkness and White King—my loyal (or so I thought) rat minions—were happily devouring my precious premium snacks.
Their mouths smeared with chocolate, the rats froze when they met my eyes. Half-eaten cake chunks dropped from their mouths.
Squeak?
"......"
We stared at each other for a moment.
"Wh-what is this?!"
A quick search revealed the situation was even worse.
Madagascar vanilla bean premium ice cream?
The lid was off, and half was cleanly gone.
A wheel of gouda cheese imported straight from France?
It was riddled with bite marks, looking like the surface of the moon.
Black Forest cake?
The chocolate topping had vanished without a trace, and rat footprints dotted the whipped cream.
And my special strawberry yogurt, rare cheesecake, Belgian artisanal chocolate, even the fancy pudding!
All half-eaten or marked with clear teeth marks.
"This... this is blatant treason!!!"
Anger made my whole body tremble. Every dessert that should have been in the fridge had been ravaged by the rats.
The most egregious part? Not a single gram of Everlin's cooking ingredients had been touched.
Her neatly stored supplies remained pristine, as if marked by an invisible boundary.
They'd targeted only my personal snacks.
"Daring to touch this one's emergency energy source! This one's villain fuel! Embezzling war supplies for world conquest is punishable by firing squad under military law!"
I planted my hands on my hips, striking an imposing officer's pose.
"Plotting this mutiny while this one was away on the library expedition! More treacherous than Caesar's betrayal!"
Squeak squeak.
Darkness and White King huddled together, trembling in fear. Their tiny bodies shook with terror.