Chapter 6: It's a Chicken Coop... (2)[R-18]
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 6: It's a Chicken Coop... (2)[R-18]
Slam—!
Elfriede, posting as ㅇㅇ(154.55), slammed her desk and wailed.
"Who is this damn darkie calling a chicken coop?!"
Of course, there was no confirmation that ㅇㅇ(74.812) was actually a demon.
But it didn't matter.
Elfriede was certain that anyone using such a disrespectful tone had to be a demon.
"Seriously, no matter how many times I block this damn troll, he keeps changing his IP and coming back!! Ah! Seriously! Where do I look like a chicken coop?!"
Elves, especially High Elves, are a race that ages very slowly, but even they start showing signs in their faces once they hit around 240.
However, the reflection in the mirror right now was a very cute and adorable green-haired High Elf without a single fine wrinkle.
"Look! How fresh! I could pass for fifteen!! But a chicken coop?? A chicken coop??!! Haa... damn it... I should have covered it properly back then..."
Recalling a memory from the past, Elfriede slumped in her seat and tore at her hair.
The problem started three years ago when she posted a birthday verification and failed to properly erase her birth year.
[Author: ㅇㅇ(154.55)]
[Hawawa~ It’s this cute high school girl-chan’s birthday today~][11]
(ID_card_with_birth_year_sloppily_scribbled_out.jpg)
Everyone, please wish this high school girl-chan a happy birthday~
Baby Nepmi■: Happy birthday! Goo-goo! Grow up fast so you won't be a baby anymore! Goo-goo!!
FlamingSandwich■: HBD hbd hbd hbd
ㅇㅇ(113.111): Congrats. Give me your address and I'll send you a gift.
Perhaps because she had been active with the high school girl concept for quite a while, she received a significant number of comments for an anonymous user, who usually get less attention than fixed nicknames.
ㄴ Thank you for the birthday wishes, Baby-unnie~
ㄴ Thank you for the birthday wishes, Sandwich-unnie too~
ㄴ Hawawa~ This high school girl-chan’s address is a secret~
She was farming attention by replying moderately like that when...
ㅇㅇ(74.801): Huh? Is it just me, or is that photo weird?
ㄴㅇㅇ(113.111): What? It’s her birthday today.
ㄴㅇㅇ(74.801): No, not the birthday, look at the birth year. If you look closely behind the scribbles, you can see it. She was born in '86.
ㄴ VirginDetector■: Huh? Wait... Since this year is 1023 of the Goddess Calendar... if you calculate it...
ㄴ ㅇㅇ(113.111): ???
"...!!!"
She deleted the post less than a second after seeing the comment, but a call-out post went up immediately.
[Author: ㅇㅇ(74.801)]
[Breaking News) That anonymous user pretending to be a high school girl is confirmed to be 'at least' 137 years old LMAO][24]
(ID_card_with_birth_year_sloppily_scribbled_out.JPG)
(ID_card_with_birth_year_restored.JPG)
The top one is the original and the bottom one is the one I restored. Look at the birth year LOL. No wonder, no matter how much she tried to act like a high school girl, I could smell the boomer stench coming off her posts XDDD
ㅇㅇ(113.111): Hmm... isn't 137 years a bit much? Couldn't she just be 37? If she's 37, she's still doable...
ㄴ ㅇㅇ(74.812): Nah, she tried hard to hide the first digit, but it's definitely not a 9. It's either an 8 or a 7. Surely no one would be lurking in the Gallery at 237 years old.
ㄴ ㅇㅇ(113.111): Hmm... acting like a high school girl at 137 is a bit tough... It's a shame, but she's disqualified as my bride-to-be.
ㅇㅇ(53.71): But if she's 137, isn't she an Elf? If she's an Elf, she won't age anyway, so isn't it fine?
ㄴ VirginDetector■: But she's a chicken coop...
ㄴ ㅇㅇ(53.71): What does chicken coop mean?
ㄴ VirginDetector■: (Link) Check this out.
ㄴ ㅇㅇ(53.71): LOL ah damn, that's hilarious for real XDDDD
ㄴ VirginDetector■: Do you still want an Elf?
ㄴ ㅇㅇ(53.71): Ugh! Get that chicken coop out of here!!!
"Aaaaaaaah!!"
Elfriede screamed again as she recalled that moment.
"What's wrong with a 237-year-old lurking in the Gallery! I'm only 23 in human years!!"
Since the average lifespan of a High Elf is 500 years, if the average lifespan of humans—the most numerous race in the world—was set at 50, it meant she was only 23.
"And why do they believe that bullshit about Elves smelling like chicken coops!!"
Elfriede lifted her arm and brought her nose to her armpit, sniffing deeply.
Naturally, there was nothing but a fresh scent like lemongrass.
"Ah! Seriously! This is all because of that trashy meme!!"
Just a few years ago, the consensus was that Elves were beautiful regardless of whether they were 100 or 200 years old...
But ever since some bastard posted that ridiculous meme saying Elves smell like chicken coops, the formula [Elf = Chicken Coop] had spread throughout the Gallery.
BAM—!!
"I'm seriously going to kill the guy who made that meme if I find him... How dare he give Elves such an image?"
"Grand Elder, what keeps happening..."
"Ah! Third Elder! I told you not to just open my door! And don't call me Grand Elder! It's been ages since I quit being the Grand Elder! Why are you still harping on about it!!"
"But Grand Elder, there's a constant loud noise coming from here..."
"...Hey, Third Elder."
The Third Elder tensed up at the sudden drop in Elfriede's voice.
"Yes..."
"Go ahead, keep calling me Grand Elder. If you keep getting on my nerves, I'm going to have a campfire with the World Tree before I head to the Academy. Got it?"
"...Understood."
"Understood...? That's strange... Does the Third Elder of the Elves use formal speech with a plain 19-year-old High Elf?"
"I understand."
"Good. Now get out."
"....Sigh."
As Elfriede waved him away like a delinquent, the Third Elder let out a deep sigh and closed the door.
'How on earth did it come to this?'
Elfriede hadn't been like this from the start.
Once, she was the light and hope of the Elves, just as the name Elfriede implied.
'I miss the old days...'
A thousand years ago, when the Dark Age ended and the Empire was still called a Kingdom, the Elves were great.
They possessed Spirit Affinity from birth, something the beastkin, who smelled of animals, could never obtain in a lifetime.
Unlike humans, who looked like hairless monkeys and couldn't even climb trees properly, Elves had superior physical abilities and long lifespans.
It was only natural, as Elves were the most superior race in the world, incomparable to any other.
But unfortunately, 800 years ago, after those low-born demons appeared, many things changed.
Those short, dark-skinned fellows started spreading strange technologies like magical engineering, metallurgy, and agricultural methods... and by the time the Elves snapped out of it, humans had multiplied like cockroaches.
Then, just because their numbers had grown, they started acting all high and mighty, calling themselves an Empire instead of a Kingdom, and began defying the Elves!
How dare humans defy Elves!
What a horrific and terrifying situation!
Just when many Elves were falling into shock and horror, thinking the era of Elves was over...
As if proving the World Tree had not abandoned the Elves, it bestowed upon them an unparalleled genius.
Elfriede Karleya
Born with affinity for all four major elements, she was the hope of the Elven race who had contracted with all four High Spirits before she was even 100 years old!
'If it's Elfriede, it's possible!'
The four Elders, who remembered the era of glory, held the slogan "Make Elves Great Again!" in their hearts. To avoid interference from other races, they served Elfriede as the Grand Elder in secret and poured all their resources into her so she could contract with the Spirit Kings.
However, five years ago, while Elfriede was cultivating her affinity at the World Tree to contract with a Spirit King as usual, she said she saw something strange, and she changed.
From that day on, she began using vulgar words that only other races would use, like "boomer" or "geezer"...
At some point, she began openly mocking and ignoring long-standing Elven rules, such as "Those below Mid-Class Spirit Mages are prohibited from using the mana elevator below the 7th floor" and "Those under 100 years old are prohibited from walking with their hands in their pockets."
The Elders, who valued rules as much as the years they had lived, were significantly shocked, but they couldn't give up on Elfriede.
Elfriede was the only one with the potential to contract with a Spirit King.
'Let's just endure it for now! Once she makes the contract, the era of Elves will return!'
Believing that, they humored and soothed her as much as possible, keeping Elfriede confined within the World Tree.
And finally, a year ago, when Elfriede succeeded in contracting with the Spirit King of Flame and even achieved metamorphosis through the Primordial Flame...
The Elders cheered, thinking it was finally time to "Make Elves Great Again."
...It was a huge delusion.
[RESIGNATION LETTER]
ㅗ This shit sucks, I quit ㅗ
The day after she was formally appointed as Grand Elder, Elfriede quit.
Naturally, the Elven Elders were in an uproar.
"Quitting as Grand Elder! This is impossible! What is the world coming to!"
"I knew this would happen! We've raised Elfriede too softly all this time!"
"Tsk, tsk. In my day, we couldn't even step on the shadows of adult Elves... Tsk, tsk. Anyway, kids these days..."
"Elder Lee, even for a High Elf, 237 years old is a bit of a stretch to call 'young,' isn't it?"
"Hey! That's not what's important right now! Think about how we're going to persuade Elfriede again!"
"...Well, is there any other way? If words don't work, we have to make her listen with force. Isn't that how we all grew up in our time?"
"But she's contracted with a Spirit King, how can we stop her with force?"
"Even if she has a contract, isn't Elfriede just a greenhouse flower who grew up only inside the World Tree? If the four of us Elders, with our abundant combat experience, join forces, we can easily overwhelm her."
"Ahem... Elder Sa, still... times have changed, and using violence is..."
"First Elder, I know you cherish Elfriede, but now is the time to make a decision. And don't think of it as violence, think of it as a 'whip of love.'"
"Sigh, alright. But..."
"Yes, we must be careful not to hurt Elfriede too badly. Even if she's poorly behaved, Elfriede is a great treasure to us Elves!"
And so, the four Elders gathered in one place to face Elfriede.
...The result was decided in an instant.
Whoosh—!
"Hey, Elders. I'm stopping here because I'm afraid you old folks' bones might snap if we go any further..."
Contractor of Ifrit, the Spirit King of Flame.
A High Elf born with the blessing of the World Tree.
"If you annoy me one more time, the World Tree is really going to have a hot time, okay?"
Elfriede Karleya was strong—far too strong.
