Rationalization
The afterglow of climax lingered for a long while. Even after that single fierce surge of stimulation had passed, I stayed submerged in the residual ripples that kept rolling over me like the last waves of a tide, twisting my thighs this way and that.
“Ahi… nn… ooh… ooooh…♡”
For a long time I could only push my lips into a round little O and spill those idiotic moans. The moment my mind cleared, I looked straight into the bathroom mirror.
The girl inside it was completely melted, staring right back at me with an expression of pure, desperate heat. Those half-lidded, bewitching eyes sent ripples through my heart as if they were deliberately trying to seduce me.
I had already reached orgasm once, yet my lust showed not the slightest sign of cooling.
“Nn… haah…”
A long sigh mixed with hot breath slipped out. The itch between my legs was so insistent that I kept rubbing my thighs together again and again.
I curled my body into a tight ball on the bathroom floor and lay there writhing like a caterpillar for a while. My completely naked female body trembled in the cold air.
After a brief moment of hesitation I dropped my upper body forward again, raised my hips high, and settled into position. I still had no idea how this utterly shameful pose had become my dedicated masturbation stance…
But it felt the best, so what was I supposed to do? That, too, was entirely the fault of Eileen’s perverted body, not mine.
Gulp.
I swallowed hard once, then carefully brought my hand to my pussy. At the same time I summoned Teacher Yohan in my mind—that calm, intellectual, bookish-looking man.
I imagined those hands that looked as if they could never do anything wicked freely touching my body.
“Nngh…!”
I bit down hard on my lip and smothered the scream that tried to burst out.
Just imagining that the hand rubbing my pussy was not my own but someone else’s made my hips jerk upward in wild, frantic spasms. And knowing it belonged to someone I saw every day only made it worse…
The sheer fact that I was reducing my own teacher—someone who was practically a mentor—to nothing more than jack-off material filled me with a guilt so enormous I could barely put it into words. That guilt transformed straight into a delicious sense of corruption and heated my body even further. It was a vicious cycle.
“Haah… haah…!”
My breathing grew rougher by the second.
I furrowed my brow tightly, squeezed my eyes shut, and sank deeper and deeper into the fantasy.
“Teacheeer… nn… haah…”
I slipped one finger inside and gently scraped the walls with my fingerprint; my pelvis bucked as if I were about to lose my mind.
I pushed fingers into my mouth, sucked them with wet, lewd sounds, twisted my lips into a mess until drool dripped freely, then moved the hand that had been caressing my pussy around to my ass.
Slap—!
A single hard strike sent a sharp sting through me along with a crisp, wet sound. The knowledge that, even if only in fantasy, I was being handled roughly and messily mercilessly poked at the secret preference I kept carefully hidden in my heart.
Riding the excitement, I spanked my own cheeks several more times—smack, smack—with my open palm.
“Ahk…! T-Teacheeer… I can’t…!”
In the fantasy I was already being cursed with every filthy insult imaginable while my ass was spanked without mercy. Because the Teacher inside my head showed no pity, my own hand showed none either. I kept up the perverted act at a slow, deliberate rhythm until my buttocks swelled bright red.
While I spanked myself I rubbed my nipples against the cold floor tiles, and at some point the climax began to surge up in a sudden rush.
“Nngh… hwaah…!”
Splat… spurt…!
I tried for a moment to hold the orgasm back, but it was completely useless.
I came even harder than before, squirting with violent force.
My ass trembled uncontrollably, lost its balance, and I toppled sideways. I collapsed face-down on the floor, unable to do anything but gasp for breath.
“I came while getting my ass spanked…”
An intensely corrupt sensation filled my chest with a soft pink heat.
I stayed there trembling for a long time in the afterglow, until reality suddenly dragged me out of the fantasy.
“Aaah…!”
The self-loathing that stabbed straight into my conscience made me clutch my head and scream.
Masturbating while thinking about my teacher… am I actually insane?
I… I’m a man. How could I do something like that with Teacher… It’s ridiculous…
Why had my thoughts even gone in that direction? “Strangers feel creepy, so just use Teacher for masturbation instead.” Even I thought that was an absurd way of thinking.
It felt as if some connecting link, some cause and effect, was simply missing… as if my thought process itself had been forcibly steered that way…
Ah, fuck it. I don’t know. The only possible cause is Eileen’s perverted body. The only thing that could influence my thinking is this body’s filthy nature, right?
Everything—every single bit of it—was because I had the misfortune of possessing this body. None of it was my fault.
The scariest part was that every time I replayed that intense masturbation session, the thought “I want to do it again” rose up. The urge to get spanked and cursed by Teacher while I fingered my pussy kept flooding into my chest.
The self-disgust was truly unbearable.
There was not the slightest chance that I, a man, would ever feel lust toward a male teacher, so it had to be Eileen’s body—hormones or whatever—poisoning me. Did I like Teacher’s face that much? What a shameless little slut.
“Haah…”
A heavy sigh escaped.
I had already masturbated twice, yet my lust still did not feel completely settled.
It was as if a second heart had been installed in my womb; the heavy thudding refused to stop.
I stroked my lower belly, trying to soothe the womb that kept insisting on its own demands.
“Hyaaugh…!”
Damn it—I had forgotten that even my lower belly had become so hypersensitive it might as well have been an erogenous zone. Startled by the scream that slipped out, I clamped a hand over my mouth.
When I finally took my hand away, another long sigh poured out. Lately everything was so chaotic that the sighs never seemed to end.
I dragged the showerhead over and began washing my overloaded body to cool it down.
Shhhhh—
The moment the cold water hit me, the heat that had been raging through my body seemed to settle a little.
When I soaped myself and rubbed everywhere, the heat rose again, but thanks to having already come twice I managed to endure it somehow.
I rinsed the soap away with another blast of cold water and cooled my flushed skin.
After cleaning the floor as well and finishing the shower, I stepped out of the bathroom.
I changed into pajamas and collapsed onto the bed.
Lying there staring blankly at the ceiling, the filthy fantasies and the masturbation from earlier floated back up. I felt myself growing wet again little by little and bit down hard on my lip. My eyes, fully adjusted to the dark, stayed wide open and refused to let me sleep. I squeezed them shut, tossed and turned for a long time, and finally managed to drift off.
The next day at school I learned that Teacher Yohan had already left on a distant business trip. Apparently some civil war in a Middle Eastern country was short on healers, so he had been temporarily dispatched under the International Superhuman Peace League or something like that…
I wondered if the situation was urgent enough to drag even an Academy faculty member away, but as a student there was no way for me to dig any deeper.
I heard that while Teacher Yohan was gone they would temporarily hire outside staff to handle the infirmary duties.
The moment I finished my schedule I naturally started walking toward the infirmary, only realizing halfway there and stopping short.
After all, once the regular schedule ended, going to the infirmary for counseling was simply the natural thing to do… My feet had carried me there without thinking. It was practically a habit by now.
I let out a long sigh and turned back the other way.
On the way back I ran into a few classmates, including Nova.
They saw me returning from the direction of the infirmary and nodded as if they understood everything.
“You went to the infirmary again? The teacher isn’t even there anymore.”
The faintly pleased yet sly look on their faces was extremely uncomfortable. What was so wrong about going to the infirmary?
I shook my head, denying whatever they were thinking.
“…It’s not like that, so mind your own business.”
“Oh, it’s not?”
She jabbed me in the side with her elbow. She looked exactly like one of those neighborhood aunties who go crazy for other people’s romance gossip.
If I kept denying it I would only get useless replies like “strong denial means strong affirmation.” Instead of arguing I simply walked faster and passed them by.
I could hear them whispering behind me, but I deliberately ignored it.
At the dormitory entrance I wrote my name in the resident log and went straight back to my room. I stripped off my clothes any which way and flopped onto the bed; all sorts of thoughts crowded in.
I had nothing to do, and no motivation to go looking for something to do either.
Once Teacher left, my entire after-school schedule had become completely empty. I had always kept that time free so I could go for counseling after classes ended; now that the counseling sessions were gone, there was simply nothing left.
It felt exactly like being fired from a job I had been attending diligently. A hollow emptiness settled over me for no good reason.