Rationalization
"A business trip? All of a sudden?"
"I know, right? The schedule just came up out of nowhere. Truth is, your teacher is more capable than you give him credit for. Places keep calling me for this and that."
Yohan shrugged, delivering the line with shameless nonchalance.
…He makes jokes like that?
I blinked at my teacher's sudden, unexpected self-praise.
"I don't know exactly when I'll be back myself. Still, I should return within a month at the latest. Could even be as soon as a week, if things go well."
"Ah…"
"Anyway, counseling will be difficult for a while, so I wanted to let you know ahead of time."
"I see…"
I nodded, a little dejected. Lately I'd been getting so much help from him, and it had felt good. Hearing that I wouldn't see him for a while left me with a strangely hollow, disappointed feeling I couldn't quite place.
"Shouldn't you be heading out soon? It's gotten quite late."
Yohan checked his watch as he spoke.
Receiving my teacher's polite dismissal, I slipped out of the infirmary.
His words kept circling through my head the entire way down the corridor.
An overseas business trip, this suddenly.
What on earth could have come up to force a schedule this abrupt? Had some academic conference been called? Or had something arisen that urgently needed a skilled healer?
A week at the shortest, a month at the longest, he'd said. If it was going to take that long, was he going all the way to the other side of the planet?
Come to think of it, I hadn't even asked where he was going. I'd just woken up and my head was still foggy; the thought of pressing for details hadn't even crossed my mind.
If I'd known it would turn out like this, I should have asked more carefully. Then maybe I could have predicted a little more accurately when he'd be back.
I walked along lost in these scattered thoughts, and before I knew it the dorm was right in front of me.
Click.
I turned the doorknob, and the lonely interior greeted me. I took one of the pills Yohan had given me, stripped off my clothes, and headed straight for the bathroom.
Before I started washing in earnest, I dragged over a chair, crouched down on it, and got ready to masturbate.
My body would heat up again soon enough anyway, and then I'd end up touching myself. In that case, better to take care of the urge now. Masturbating would leave me dirty, and the floor dirty too… so I could just shower after.
Even I had to admit it was a remarkably efficient way of handling things. Though the fact that I was calculating efficiency over a single round of masturbation was a little pathetic in its own right.
I shook off the idle thoughts and brought my hands to my chest. Softly kneading my breasts and giving a nipple a light pinch sent a sharp, electric jolt racing through me at once.
"Hooo…"
A hot, heavy sigh spilled out. It took barely a few seconds for my whole body to flush white-hot.
Incredibly sensitive again today…
On top of that, I had the strange sensation that lingering touches still clung to every part of me. How to put it—like I'd spent the entire day being thoroughly, stickily caressed from head to toe. Odd sensations and sparks of stimulation I couldn't quite put into words kept flickering through me.
For some reason, it felt like my body was growing more sensitive with every passing day.
I let out a breath and slid the hand that had been fondling my chest lower.
It passed my sternum and was sweeping down over my lower belly when—
"Nnh…"
The moment my palm glided across the skin above my womb, a moan slipped out of me unbidden. A hot, feverish sensation made my inner thighs flinch and clamp shut on pure reflex.
What… why is it reacting like this?
Not my chest, not my pussy—just a light stroke over my lower belly, and this?
Wondering if I'd imagined it, I stroked my lower belly again.
"Hnnnh…"
The same hot stimulation answered me. It wasn't as intense as when I touched my breasts or my sex… more like the way the muscles around my lower belly loosened and went languid when I sank into a hot spring.
Just gently stroking and easing the area made my heart pound, and a warm wave of pleasant happiness rolled through me. I even found myself wishing for a hand larger and firmer than my own—a man's hand—to stroke me there instead.
My womb throbbed and trembled as if I were in heat.
Was it because I masturbated so often? More and more strange places seemed to be getting developed. The way spanking my ass or sucking on fingers felt good was the same story. At this rate I was starting to worry my entire body would turn into an erogenous zone.
Were women's bodies just like this? I'd only been living as a woman for a month; I still barely understood any of it. A female body was nothing but one baffling mystery after another.
It was a little strange, but there was nowhere obvious to ask.
Should I try talking to the teacher about it in counseling? But bringing something like this up would be weird too. I'm worried my whole body is turning into an erogenous zone. That wasn't a concern—that was just being a pervert.
Even if I did ask, I doubted he'd have a proper answer. He was a man; no matter how well he understood women's bodies, there had to be a limit.
Or wait—had I ever actually gotten a proper answer from counseling with him in the first place…? I wasn't sure. All I'd ever done in those sessions was get massages and sleep…
Hmm. Come to think of it, isn't that a little odd?
Exactly as I'd just said—all I ever did in the infirmary was sleep. I'd never really talked with him at any depth or shared any real connection. So why did I feel such closeness and trust toward him? Why had the news of his trip left me feeling so dejected?
Just because his social skills were exceptional?
Something about dismissing it that simply left too many gaps in my memory…
Ah, forget it. The more I fretted over useless things, the more exhausting and complicated life became. What, was I going to claim he'd used some kind of mind-control ability to make me feel close to him? That was pure nonsense. A person couldn't possess more than one superpower. The teacher had a healing ability, which meant mind control was impossible for him.
So the reason I felt this intimate with him was probably just that the two of us clicked well. The fact that I had no one else to open up to had likely played a big part too…
And above all, suspecting the teacher of all people was truly absurd, wasn't it? He was one of the few people who completely understood me.
More pressingly, my lust had started boiling up again, and I couldn't hold it back any longer.
I shoved the pointless worries aside and brought my hand to my pussy.
Squelch…
Wetness coated my fingers at once, accompanied by a sticky sound.
My sex was already soaked to the limit; there was no need for further warm-up. Without testing the waters any further, I pushed a single finger straight inside.
Squish…
I crooked the joint slightly and dragged my fingertip down the vaginal wall. A sharp, electric sensation climbed my spine.
"Haaahn…!"
A delicate little scream tore free as my back arched. Yesterday had felt better than the day before, and today felt better than yesterday. I could feel my body growing more sensitive with every session.
At this rate, would a single light touch someday be enough to make me gush out a filthy stream and come on the spot? A fresh wave of worry washed over me.
Even so, my hand didn't stop. If anything, it moved as if determined to develop me even more thoroughly, to turn me into a complete pervert—fearlessly seeking out the sensitive spots inside and caressing my pussy without hesitation.
Squish, squelch, squish…!
"Nngh! Ah, ah… haah!"
Wet friction sounds filled the air as my back thrashed violently this way and that. The chair I'd been sitting on had long since been kicked far across the room. Upper body planted on the bathroom floor, ass thrust high in the air, I continued masturbating in the same humiliating, mortifying posture as always.
With my pussy squelching and my nipples rubbing against the floor tiles, my tongue was starting to feel a little empty. I stuffed my free fingers into my mouth and began sucking them, winding my tongue around them with wet little sounds.
"Mmph, slurp, suck… hnn♡ Aah, ah…!"
Ah, something. Something still wasn't enough… Fingers just weren't satisfying. I wanted to suck on something bigger and harder than this. It felt as though I'd spent the entire day with something like that in my mouth, sucking and licking it.
The sense that I was turning more and more into a pervert made me uneasy—and yet the dissatisfaction wouldn't go away.
My lust grew without end every single day, but what I did never changed, so I could never feel truly sated.
All of it—every last bit—was because Eileen's body was far too perverted.
Right. This wasn't my fault. It was Eileen's fault…
Rationalizing it this way and that, I reluctantly started searching for some method that might satisfy her perverted body.
Maybe I should try fantasizing like yesterday. Fantasies about being groped by a stranger, or having something rough done to me. It left me with a twinge of self-loathing, but the pleasure that rose with it had been unmistakably different.
But still—no matter what—just imagining being touched by some unknown man made my skin crawl.
Wasn't there some other way? Something that could give me psychological security and feel good at the same time—a two-birds-with-one-stone solution…
In that instant, a thoroughly ridiculous idea floated up from a corner of my mind.
If an unknown man is out of the question… then fantasizing about being touched by a man I know should be fine, right?
It was a solution barely a step above closing my eyes and pretending. I almost doubted whether something like this could even count as a real solution.
And besides—a man I knew? Ever since I'd fallen into this world, I hadn't grown particularly close to any men. This body had been sculpted to an excessive degree of beauty, and to eyes that had originally been a man's, the desire lurking in other men's gazes was far too transparent. No—not just filthy lust. Even fresh, innocent affection felt unpleasant to me.
My body might have become like this, but I was originally a man. Being loved by a man—what could be more unpleasant than that?
So a man I was close to, or could trust…
…There is one, though.
Come to think of it, there was Teacher Yohan.
We were fairly close, and he was trustworthy enough.
Tsk. But even so—using the teacher who was currently serving as my mental anchor as material for a jerk-off fantasy was a little… humanly speaking, wasn't that crossing a line?
Going that far wouldn't just make me a pervert. It would make me feel like I'd genuinely forfeited my humanity.
"Uugh…"
But separate from my personal revulsion, the moment I thought of the teacher, my body began to heat up with an almost unnatural intensity.
As if my body itself were craving it.
Eileen. You perverted bitch. In the end you're even urging me to throw away my conscience just so I can masturbate once.
Can't be helped. It's not what I want—it's what Eileen's perverted body wants. So there's nothing I can do about it. Yeah.
There was no one around to hear me, yet I muttered rationalizations under my breath as if trying to persuade someone.
I offered a silent apology as well. Teacher, I'm sorry.
Still, fantasizing about a trustworthy teacher was honestly more comforting than fantasizing about some unknown man…
I closed my eyes and began the dirty fantasy. The hands violating my mouth and my pussy right now were the teacher's hands, and the floor pressing down on my chest was the teacher's firm torso…
"Hiiik?!"
Spurt— fwoosh…!
I came with almost absurd ease, squirting as the orgasm crashed over me.