Self-Development
I lay sprawled on the bed, staring blankly at nothing as idle thoughts drifted through my mind.
Until yesterday, I would have been heading to the infirmary around this hour to kill some time. Now that my schedule had suddenly emptied out, I had no idea what to do with myself.
If I had known it would turn out like this, maybe I should have asked Nova or some of the other girls to hang out. Lately I had been so busy with counseling sessions that I had neglected my friendships a little.
I could not even remember how I used to spend this time of day before the counseling started. Had I studied hard? No, that did not sound right. I had not been putting in extra training either.
I would just come back to my room, fiddle with my phone for a while, take a shower, and go to sleep. Looking back on it now, it had been such a colorless, lifeless routine.
But now that I tried to fill the hours the same way, it somehow failed to satisfy me. When there had never been any schedule to begin with, it was fine—but once an existing appointment vanished, I was left with this hollow sense of loss.
It was like how a longtime freeloader can while away the days without a care, yet the moment someone quits a job and becomes unemployed again, they suddenly have no idea what to do with themselves and flounder around… something like that.
The example was a little off, but that was roughly the feeling. I could feel the empty space where the teacher used to be.
Come to think of it, what was the teacher doing right about now?
He had been called away so urgently that he was surely working himself to the bone. Unlike me, he would not have a single spare moment to wonder what to do with leftover free time.
The moment my thoughts turned to him, the memory of yesterday’s fierce masturbation session flashed through my mind. One filthy fantasy after another about the teacher rose up in a chain reaction.
Of course my body began to heat up little by little.
I hugged the blanket tightly against the restless itch crawling over my skin.
“Ugh…”
The sun had not even set yet. Masturbating in broad daylight still felt like a step too far.
At this rate I was starting to think I had a real problem. “Masturbation addiction” was starting to sound accurate. Getting aroused just from thinking about the teacher was hardly a normal train of thought.
For a while I panted, trying to force the rising lust back down. It was completely useless. The harder I tried to stamp it out, the more fiercely it spread, like a wildfire.
Damn it…
I spat out a silent curse and kicked the blanket away.
From everything I had learned so far, forcing myself to hold it in only made things worse. Better to just give the desire a proper release. My hand drifted downward.
I was alone in my room and had not bothered getting dressed, so I was lying there in nothing but panties. When my palm slid over my body, bare skin met it at once. I brushed my fingertips lightly over the fabric of my underwear; a shiver raced up my spine and my back arched smoothly.
The panties were already soaked through. I traced the damp vertical line with my index finger, and a chill like a sudden fever ran through the insides of my thighs, making them tremble.
As the excitement built, my lower belly tightened as if something were squeezing it. My womb seemed to lift and flutter. Inside, my vagina clenched and lengthened with arousal, and the extra space made me ache to fill it with something.
“Haa…”
Just gently stroking my pussy was no longer enough. There had been a time when a few light caresses along the slit would send me over the edge in seconds. Doing it the exact same way over and over had left me stuck in a rut. Looking back, even the fantasies about the teacher had probably started for the same reason—the stimulation was growing too familiar.
Calling it “masturbation burnout” sounded a little ridiculous, but…
“Ah—come to think of it…”
Something suddenly occurred to me. I sat up.
I forced my trembling thighs to steady themselves and took a few steps. My bare breasts swayed with every movement, sending a small shiver through me. After a short, awkward walk I reached the desk drawers.
I crouched and pulled open the bottom drawer. Something shameless tumbled out—a dildo still sealed in its packaging.
“Tsk…”
I clicked my tongue in embarrassment and picked it up, package and all. Its thick, elongated shape looked thoroughly indecent.
I had not bought it. It belonged to the original owner of this body—Eileen. It had been here even before I possessed her, so that had to be right.
The first time I found it in the room I had been so startled I threw it on the floor. After that I shoved it into the farthest corner of the drawer and completely forgot about it.
The packaging was still intact, so Eileen herself had never actually used it either. She had probably bought it out of curiosity, then gotten too embarrassed or scared to try it and left it sitting there. The fact that there were no other toys around suggested she had never been seriously interested in that sort of thing.
“Hoo…”
I took a deep breath and tore open the package.
When I wrapped my hand around the shaft, the weight and grip felt solid and heavy.
Ugh, this felt weird. Holding something like this now that I was a girl left me with a thoroughly uneasy sensation.
Judging by the design, it was meant to be stuck to the floor or a wall… so after I put it in, I would have to rock my hips myself? That was basically humiliation play.
The fact that I was resorting to something like this just to break out of a masturbation rut filled me with shame and self-loathing.
And yet the fact that I had no intention of stopping was almost funny.
I fixed the unwrapped dildo to the floor, then slid my panties down. Carefully crouching, I took hold of the tip and aimed it at my pussy.
“Haa… haa…”
My breathing was growing rougher by the second.
When I gently rubbed the tip against my labia, a sensation I could not put into words flooded through me.
N-no, I really could not do it. Even if I had become a girl, actual penetration still felt like a line I should not cross. It was like a final fortress. I might have turned into a masturbation-obsessed pervert, but I was still a virgin. The fact that my purity remained gave me a kind of peace of mind—proof that I had not fallen all the way. Breaking that so casually would be unthinkable.
I must have briefly lost my mind while making excuses about “breaking out of a rut.” Too much pent-up lust had clouded my reason. Lately it even felt like my womb was starting to do the thinking for me.
I sighed and pulled my panties back up. I detached the dildo from the floor as well.
Lying on the bed again, I examined the toy still in my hand.
Still… I already opened the package. Feels weird not to use it at all…
Having come so close to insertion, my body was far hotter than before. My pussy felt desperately impatient.
After a long moment of hesitation, I pressed the tip of the dildo against my panties with a soft pok.
“Nn…♡”
A completely different kind of pleasure from simple finger strokes raced up my spine.
Because the shape so closely resembled a cock, an indescribable sense of wrongness and taboo washed over me.
In my head, my Intuition blared a fierce danger warning. But by now, ignoring that Intuition and chasing lust felt like just another part of the forbidden thrill.
In the end I could not stop myself from poking my pussy through the fabric a few more times. Eileen’s body seemed to believe penetration was imminent; my lower belly and the inside of my vagina instinctively clenched tight. The insides of my thighs and the small of my back shivered as if I had frostbite.
Pok, pok, pok…
It was only through the panties—there was zero chance of actual insertion—yet the strange feeling was unavoidable.
“Oh…”
While I kept poking, I brought my other hand to my chest. A light tap, tap against my nipples quickly made me feel good.
My mouth was starting to feel empty too. I moved the hand that had been teasing my nipples up to my lips. I licked and suckled on my own slender white fingers while I continued masturbating.
Still too small.
I had thought the same thing yesterday—fingers just were not satisfying. The urge kept rising to suck on something bigger and thicker.
While I searched for a better option, my eyes fell on the dildo still poking at my pussy.
A residual sense of revulsion lingered, but the idea of putting it in my mouth suddenly seemed like it would feel incredibly satisfying.
I carefully took just the tip—complete with a carefully molded glans—between my lips.
“Mmm…”
The thick, massive thing filled my mouth completely. It was so large that even holding a little of it made my jaw ache. And yet a strangely deep sense of satisfaction flooded my chest.
Ah… this felt familiar. Like I had held something like this—no, something even bigger—in my mouth before. I had no idea why that feeling came over me.
Encouraged by the odd sensation, I began licking and sucking the object filling my mouth more earnestly.
“Slurp… chuuup… mmph…”
Every time it slid deeper, an unidentifiable sense of déjà vu and fulfillment softly swelled inside me.
My lower belly clenched hard with excitement, and my womb seemed to thump and flutter.
Naturally my free hand drifted back to my pussy.
I slipped my fingers inside the panties and gently stroked. My already thoroughly soaked folds dripped love juices, begging for more stimulation.
After caressing the soft flesh a few times, I pushed a finger straight inside. When I lightly scraped the vaginal walls and teased the rough sensitive spot deeper in, the climax began to rise almost at once.
And in that moment, completely out of nowhere, Teacher Yohan’s face floated into my mind. Maybe yesterday’s fantasies were still affecting me. Suddenly the fingers working my pussy and the thing in my mouth both began to feel like parts of the teacher’s body. I had no idea why the thought came. I simply felt that I had to.
“Slurp… chuuup…♡ Nnhh…!”
The instant I pictured the teacher, I came hard, squirting. Powerful jets of fluid slapped against my panties and palm again and again.
“Haaah… haa…”
I pulled the dildo from my mouth and gasped for breath. For a while I simply savored the aftershocks of the intense orgasm. Once the lust had boiled over, it showed no sign of cooling down. After a brief rest I immediately took the dildo back into my mouth and started masturbating again—this time picturing the teacher’s face from the very beginning…