The Elf's Wild Curse and a Hypnotic Setup
She had just cursed him out loud, that filthy bastard!
Her face was twisted with aristocratic contempt, her pride and dignity radiating as if only someone of her caliber could utter such refined words. With a revolver pressed straight into the head of a fallen heretic, she unloaded round after round with practiced gusto.
I scanned the rubble for any living targets and, finding none, clicked my tongue in frustration. After emptying the final round and confirming the kill, I stepped closer to the elf, who was still bouncing her massive breasts like they were on springs.
“Let’s just do some more target practice later. Practice makes perfect...”
“Shut up! You’re boasting about how accurately you just shot, aren’t you?!”
“...Or maybe just throw some practice grenades.”
“Hey!”
I snatched the revolver from her hands and immediately tossed a grenade instead. Leaping over the pile of corpses behind her, I kept my distance—careful but close enough to be useful.
Now was the perfect time to search the bodies and retrieve the guns she had thrown. I reached out to pull the Peacemaker lodged in the elf’s robe like extracting a tooth. Blood and brain matter spurted from the hole as I yanked it free.
“You really do throw like a pro. That thing slammed straight into the forehead—how the hell did you aim so precisely? Brains are still oozing out...”
“It’s fine. You’ll clean it up anyway.”
“Fucking hell...”
I wiped the dirty revolver on the nearest corpse’s robe, then idly spun the cylinder with my finger, clearing out the filth. The elf, doing the same thing beside me, muttered casually.
“Oh, by the way, there are probably a few rounds left in that thing. You tossed it so fast because you were in a panic...”
“You should’ve warned me beforehand! I almost died—wait, what the—?!”
Just as I tried to mimic a cowboy fast draw and nearly shot my own foot, I suddenly felt movement behind me.
—Oh, divine light of destruction—here, I present my blood and flesh as an offering—
TA-ANG!
The figure was still twitching. I desperately pulled the pin on the grenade aimed at the writhing magic circle, but before I could feel relief at the hit, the blood-soaked hand touched the floor.
The ground began to swell as if it were alive. Stone after stone erupted, cracking open the floor like rubber. Something black shot out directly toward us.
“Dodge!”
“Wha—kyaa?!”
KWAAAAAH!
The creature burst from the ground like a hatchling from its shell. It skimmed over our heads and vanished into the hole we had entered through.
SPLASH!
I stared blankly at the hole, then reached for the elf.
“Get the grenades! We have to grab that thing!”
“You know what it is and you’re still going to catch it?!”
“I don’t know what it is, so I have to catch it! It looked like a crocodile to me!”
From what I had seen—long snout, sharp teeth, thick tail—it was definitely a crocodile.
Thinking about the monster that had just launched from the launcher above us, I realized we had to deal with it right here. If we let it escape, we’d be trapped in this sewer.
“If we can’t catch it here, we’re not getting out either. We’ll just become helpless prey exposed to its ambush! Miss Celestin, with those huge breasts, you’re probably drooling already, aren’t you?”
“What a filthy bastard you are!”
We both started hurling grenades toward the waterway without a second’s pause.
The shockwaves from underwater explosions reached us perfectly. We were like a destroyer tossing depth charges to flush out a submarine—hiding in the water to force the monster out.
BOOM! KUUUWOONG!
The repeated explosions left us drenched and covered in grime. The elf lowered her hat brim, frowning at the surging water.
“Even if it works, aren’t we just making it escape?”
“This church is the monster’s food storage! We don’t know its intelligence level, but it probably hasn’t adapted to this sewer environment yet. It can’t just start hunting. Besides, there’s plenty of food right here—we don’t need to risk ourselves!”
If it really was a crocodile, it would definitely attack us now.
Crocodiles were fiercely territorial, and their instinct to hunt humans was strong. We had trespassed into its new territory—the sewer—and even invaded its food cache. We were nothing but fearless intruders in its domain.
To survive, we had to eliminate it right here, no matter what.
“Let’s keep throwing until the bodies float up and we can see its guts!”
“Ugh… I wanted to study it!”
Just as I pulled the pin again and prepared to hurl the grenade, something black erupted toward us.
“Kyaa?!”
“Eh…?”
The monster we had just been trying to kill burst out of the water, right at us.
The elf screamed in disbelief.
“It’s a beast, yet it swallows shockwaves and water splashes like shadows?!”
I never imagined it had been hiding in the blind spot created by the explosions and bubbles underwater!
Its tail looked torn and one leg was shredded—definitely damaged. But it was still standing.
It was savoring the chance to hunt the intruders who had invaded its territory.
“I didn’t even expect it to counterattack with grenades like this.”
“Huh?!”
But the monster’s perfect ambush never reached us. It was blasted straight into the church by the force of my own grenade.
“W-what?! How did it survive?! How?!”
“Even a world-class boxer would lose consciousness if his brain got rattled by one punch. How could a crocodile stay conscious inside that shockwave?!”
This is impossible.
Of course, I was terrified inside. It was pure luck.
“Thanks to my habit of watching animal documentaries.”
“...?”
I remembered that even top predators in savannas had less than a ten-percent success rate in hunting. Nine out of ten times they failed, no matter how perfect their condition. And this creature was neither in top shape nor fully adapted—it had survived the explosions.
If I’m not extremely unlucky, this is impossible.
Its failure lay in failing to overcome its territorial obsession.
—...! …!!
I shook my head at the creature’s gaping maw aimed right at us. The shockwave had already rattled its brain, but it was trying to recover. I urgently tossed the grenade I had just pulled the pin on to the elf.
“Why are you giving me this?!”
“You were throwing perfectly earlier! Hurry and toss it into its mouth!”
“Tch, damn it!”
The elf hurled the grenade straight at the creature’s open jaws. At the same moment, I reached for the Peacemaker I had dropped earlier.
There was no time for precise aiming. The grenade was already in the air, flying perfectly into the creature’s mouth thanks to her throw—exactly when my fast draw kicked in.
Having mimicked her fast draw for three years from the shoulder, my left hand pulled the hammer with unbelievable smoothness, as if I had practiced it for days.
“Ah—?!”
TA-ANG!
The elf screamed in terror as the gunshot exploded. At the same time, a massive blast ripped through the creature’s jaws, tearing them apart.
Just as I dove behind a wall to avoid the shrapnel, the elf pointed at me, eyes blazing.
“Y-You… did it on purpose?!”
“You’re mad because I gave you the grenade for nothing?”
“Y-You monkey… even though you’re a monkey who only thinks about mating while dripping with desire… I can’t believe it! It was pure luck! Such a perfect fast draw—I can’t accept it!”
“Ah, so it was a fluke? I was just pretending to throw the grenade to look cool. I really left it to luck.”
“Huuuuh…!!”
The elf’s face turned bright red as she screamed in fury, pointing at me. I sighed, walked into the church, and let out a breath of relief before collapsing onto the floor.
It was supposed to be a simple patrol mission.
The air smelled of gunpowder and blood—far messier than expected.