Welcome to the Golem Commotion (11)
I blinked at the mage guild representative’s question.
“Huh?”
My brilliant intellectual response left him momentarily speechless. I repeated every curse I knew inside my head about ten times before forcing a smile onto my face.
“Sorry about that. I was deep in thought and accidentally slipped into my hometown dialect. It was a slip of the tongue—could you please overlook it?”
“Ah, of course. Your pronunciation is so fluent I completely forgot you were a foreigner.”
“Thank you for understanding.”
Thank you very much, you son of a bitch.
The mage guild representative nodded politely but kept staring at me. What the hell are you looking at? I already told you I don’t know anything.
“As I said before, I have almost no idea what’s been happening lately. And I’m truly sorry for answering a question with another question, but I still don’t understand why you believe the golems and the black mages are connected.”
It was true that black magic and earth golems had excellent synergy. Magically speaking, ‘earth’ was a rare material that simultaneously symbolized the birth and death of life. Wasn’t there even an old saying about “white bones turning to dust”? Earth was both the place where life was born and the place where dead creatures returned. That was why black mages who wielded dark and yin mana also favored earth as a magical medium.
Like kimchi with curry, kimchi with ramen, and kimchi in kimchi fried rice—perfect compatibility. Because of that, many black mages kept earth golems as companions. There were even rumors of advanced variants like the rag golem that had evolved from this manufacturing technique.
But that doesn’t automatically mean “mass golem outbreak = black mage culprit.” That’s way too much of a stretch.
Did they have any actual evidence? When I asked with that thought in mind, the lady from the Gilpy Guild spoke up.
“We discovered golems appearing in the hideout we found last time. There’s no doubt that black mage is a master of golem creation.”
“Ah, I’ve heard the rumors circulating among the citizens too.”
It sounded familiar—something Dorka had mentioned back when I was still single. He said monsters had come out of a goblin den and a black mage’s hideout. Meanwhile, I’d ended up having a lovely rendezvous with otherworldly brats in some ruins that were supposedly monster-free.
“I see. I was wondering why capable people like yourselves, who are so busy with important work, would gather to deal with mere golems. So it was all for the sake of Sargadis’s peace. As a citizen of Sargadis myself, I’m truly impressed.”
I laid on the flattery thick, sounding genuinely moved. Take this 21st-century corporate ass-kissing I learned from the military and office life!
Some of the coalition members looked pleased or puffed up at my praise. The one showing off the most was the Gilpy Guild lady, whose smile stretched so wide the corners of her mouth nearly reached her ears.
“You’re well-informed. That’s right. Our coalition was formed specifically to prepare for the possibility that this is all part of a black mage’s scheme. And of course, it was our Gilpy Guild that founded it.”
“Impressive. However, from what I heard in Heisvent, this incident was officially announced as golems appearing from ancient ruins, wasn’t it?”
“Hehe. That was the public statement. It would be troublesome if the black mage caught on, wouldn’t it? We also have analysis showing that the soil composing the golems comes from quite a deep geological layer.”
“I… I see.”
Public statement? Public statement my ass—what the hell does that even mean?
That meant everything they were telling me right now was classified information, not meant for the public. These bastards were casually spilling secrets to a fresh private who just got promoted to E-2. What the fuck?
Suddenly I felt a chill. It was like being dragged straight into the heart of a criminal case. The feeling of sitting in a police car with detectives while they casually discussed a drug bust you had nothing to do with. How the hell did I end up in this shady situation?
I was supposed to rest properly today, play with Franc, and enjoy a nice fountain show while going “poof poof.” Life really was impossible to predict.
“Ahem. So that’s why you even asked for the opinion of a third-rate adventurer like me—because this incident might be the work of a black mage.”
“There’s no need for such modesty. So—what do you think, Mister Nord?”
I’m not being modest at all, you idiot.
I used the classic civil servant tactic of stalling for time while my brain spun at full speed.
Should I just say “I dunno lol” and run away?
No, that seemed like a terrible idea. The guy who had been talking so smoothly suddenly going “hehe I dunno~” would only raise suspicion. Especially with the crazy guard captain right next to me—the one whose motto was “beat the suspect first, ask questions later.” Getting labeled as a dangerous element or a red sympathizer would make life hell from then on.
Besides, if a black mage’s conspiracy really was involved, Sargadis could be completely screwed. I decided to answer seriously here.
“Before we get to reasoning, there’s one thing we need to consider first. Why would a black mage do something like this?”
“You’re talking about motive?”
“Not exactly. Ordinary people like me—or even outstanding heroes like all of you—cannot truly understand the twisted mindset of lowly criminals.”
“A very wise statement.”
The guard captain nodded. As I always say, the stupidest thing in the world is trying to understand people who can’t be understood. If I tried to comprehend the dogshit philosophy of those human-compost bastards who raise longhorn beetle larvae in their bodies, my own criminal coefficient would only get worse.
“Black mages are all lunatics or mentally deranged, but anyone capable of pulling off something on this scale must have an exceptional mind. Magic is not a discipline for fools.”
“That is true.”
“Exactly. So we should be thinking like this: ‘What is that black mage trying to achieve by doing something so conspicuous?’”
“Ah, that way we can guess the enemy’s goal without needing to understand a madman’s way of thinking.”
—Snap!
The mage guild representative snapped his fingers. For a shut-in mage, his reaction speed was surprisingly sharp.
“Precisely. If I were the owner of those golems, I would have kept them hidden in one place until I achieved my goal. Leaving them scattered so carelessly and drawing attention would be foolish. Therefore, we can establish three hypotheses.”
I counted on my fingers as I spoke.
“First. The black mage has lost control of the golems. Second. He believes it doesn’t matter even if they’re discovered. Third. He actually wants them to be discovered.”
“……I don’t quite follow.”
The golden archer crossed his arms and muttered.
“The first one makes sense. If he’s injured or never had proper control to begin with. But what’s the difference between the second and third?”
“Heh heh heh. There’s a very big difference.”
The one who stepped in to answer was the mage guild representative. He displayed the classic “explanation addict” trait common to people from my original world.
“The hypothesis that ‘it doesn’t matter if they’re discovered’ carries the premise that ‘the goal can still be achieved anyway’ or ‘even if discovered, we must move quickly.’ However, ‘wants them to be discovered’ means—”
“It’s a trap.”
The Gilpy Guild lady snatched the conclusion.
—Zap!
The two mages glared at each other, engaged in a silent staring contest. Were they on bad terms? I’d heard the Gilpy Guild was a high-intelligence, Mensa-like organization. Or maybe these two just personally hated each other.
Fortunately, the guard captain intervened.
“Please maintain your dignity, both of you. More importantly, when you say ‘trap,’ are you suggesting those golems are a diversion?”
“Yes. That seems to be what this gentleman meant as well.”
“Correct. It could also be seen as a deliberate act to draw attention—pardon me, to aggro.”
—Tap tap.
I tapped the part of the map labeled “Golem Origin Point.”
“To put it bluntly, those golems are weak monsters that my companions and I could easily defeat. Without your decisive leadership, adventurers would have flocked there to collect golem cores.”
“So the black mage was aiming for that?”
“It’s possible that he was aiming for it. If he plans to use them as sacrifices for human offerings or materials for undead, there’s no loss. If he’s a lunatic whose brain has been eaten by worms and is planning to attack the city, he might have wanted to reduce our forces in advance.”
“Hmm. Quite a few adventurers have already left to hunt golems.”
Hmmm. Do I really need to know that?
Anyway, this whole speech was pure bullshit from my own head. For all I knew, this could just be a lucky golem event that gave tons of experience.
“Since we have no clear evidence, everything I’ve said is nothing more than armchair theory. However, if the possible scenarios are divided as I described, then we stand at a crossroads of choice.”
“A crossroads?”
“Whether to assume the black mage is acting recklessly out of impatience and strike with overwhelming speed, or treat it as a trap, prepare thoroughly, and hunt him down. Since this is your decision, I don’t think I should interfere any further.”
This was it!
I spoke firmly so no one could argue back.
“In any case, I believe I’ve shared all my thoughts. I’ll take my leave now.”
“What? No, please stay with us a while longer.”
The flustered mage guild representative widened his eyes and tried to laugh it off. But my clear-mind, iron-will state didn’t budge an inch.
I don’t care anymore, fuck this. I’m logging out and going home.
Nord is a baby. Baby needs to go to mommy’s milk dispenser. I’m busy, so you salaried professionals can handle the rest. Fighting!
“People like me—bottom-tier adventurers with neither credibility nor reputation—shouldn’t be influencing talented individuals such as yourselves. Please treat my opinion as nothing more than a reference.”
When I finished speaking, the guard captain clicked his tongue and said,
“What a shame… In that case, shall we take a short break? I’ll have my subordinates organize what we just discussed.”
“Let’s do that.”
At those words, the coalition members began to move. I needed to get out of here fast. If I kept pretending to be a reasoning vending machine, these people might tie me up and start yelling “Where’s the black mage, you damn deer bastard!”
I’m not the magic mirror from Snow White’s stepmother, for fuck’s sake.
—Shuffle shuffle.
Wait, what the hell? Why are you all following me?
It wasn’t just my imagination—this really felt like all the guild representatives were trailing after me. So this was what those endless handshake requests were about.
At that moment, the Gilpy Guild lady at the front spoke.
“You’re Mister Nord from the Audumla Guild, correct? Hehe. Are you perhaps dissatisfied with the treatment you receive at Audumla?”
“Hey. Are you seriously trying to poach an adventurer from my guild right in front of me?”
The golden archer frowned slightly at her words. The lady simply laughed brightly.
“Oh dear. I’m sorry, Carlyle. But if that’s how it sounded, doesn’t the guild branch leader who can’t manage his own people share some of the blame?”
“……Tsk.”
—Whoosh.
The golden archer looked like he wanted to say something to me after her provocation but simply turned and left. Wait, was he seriously the branch leader? I was shocked. Why was a mere gold-class guy acting as guild master proxy? Was it because the real master was trash?
I froze, unsure what to do after suddenly being headhunted by another company president right in front of my own boss.
“Hehe. The adventurer guild prohibits dual membership, doesn’t it?”
Then the mage guild representative cut in.
“For Platinum Class or higher, the adventurer guild alliance permits accepting requests from other guilds. However, Mister Nord will have to wait until those narrow-minded old men grant him the qualification.”
“Cromwell. Don’t interrupt so rudely.”
“Don’t I have the right to speak as well? Miss Sargadis Branch Master of the Gilpy Guild?”
“……Tsk. In any case, Mister Nord. You’re always welcome. When the time comes that you feel inclined, please come find our Gilpy Guild. A wise person should stay near those who can recognize their worth, after all?”
The lady clicked her tongue but spoke in a sweet, gentle tone. However, my eyes didn’t miss the way her tongue licked her lips. Nor did I miss the sparkling jewel ring on her left ring finger!
Oh shit.
My instincts screamed at me. This lady was exactly the type I needed to avoid. The very incarnation of polygamy—keeping multiple capable husbands and working them to the bone! If I got caught by this woman, I’d be sucked dry day and night and turned into a dried-up husk within ten years. I could feel it in my bones.
“Haha… I’m sorry, but I already have a lover I’ve promised my future to, and she belongs to Audumla. I would need to discuss it with her first.”
“Oh my. That’s too bad. Still, please give it some thought, won’t you?”
—Slide.
Don’t casually brush my jawline like that, lady. Ugh, how embarrassing.
I saw her off with a forced smile while feeling goosebumps all over.
—Glance.
The mage guild representative, now alone, looked toward the Sekhmet Guild camp. He seemed to be checking whether they would also join the endless handshake offensive.
“Zzz……”
But Nefertiti was face-down on the desk, fast asleep like a high schooler napping after lunch. Just what kind of person lived so freely and shamelessly like that? I was starting to feel a little respect for her.
“Ahem. Mister Nord. My name is Verzrud Cromwell.”
The mage guild representative, having beaten out his competitor, spoke.
“I am truly grateful for the insightful advice you have given us. Listening to you felt like a fog had been lifted from my eyes. Thanks to you, the framework of our operation has also taken shape.”
As he said this, Cromwell offered a handshake. For someone in a position where he could not easily bow his head in public, this was the greatest expression of gratitude he could show.