So Squishy

I stared blankly at the gaping pit that had opened where my delivery crate used to be.

What kind of lunatic opens up a massive crater right in the middle of someone's farm? Shouldn't the auction house be compensating me for this nonsense?

A suspiciously brilliant light poured from the subterranean depths, wafting a gentle, pulsating wave of mana that seemed to beckon me inward. Yet, no matter how long I waited, nothing crawled out; it simply continued to emanate that radiant glow, stoking my dormant gamer curiosity.

"Maybe I should dig just a little deeper with a trowel...?"

Reaching into the newly unpacked crate, I pulled out a small gardening spade. While it didn't feature the bear motif, it was still a charming little green trowel. But as I began chipping away to widen the narrow opening, Teddy lumbered over.

At the floating blue prompt, I immediately shook my head.

"You already protected me earlier. Manual labor is my job."

I had no idea how profoundly I would come to regret those words.

A full hour must have slipped by as I scraped at the dirt with that pitiful hand trowel. Why on earth hadn't I ordered a full-sized shovel instead?!

"I thought... this hole was smaller than this..."

Drenched in sweat, I stole a sideways glance at the stone bear towering silently behind me. Shouldn't you take the hint and offer to help again by now? You blockheaded brute of a bear! You really have zero tact!

Before I knew it, I had enlarged the rim enough for my upper torso to squeeze through, but the pit was profoundly deep, plunging down into impenetrable darkness. Seriously, what kind of vegetable plot sits right on top of a bottomless abyss? How in the world did the crops even take root down here?

"Phew... isn't there anything cold to drink around here?"

As I muttered to myself, the hard, unyielding texture of stone brushed against my back. Ah, so you finally decided to step in and tell me to move aside? Guess you're not completely tactless after all...

"Hold on, I'll get out of your way—wait, huh?"

Two massive stone paws seized me firmly and shoved my upper half straight into the pit. Oh... no, no, NO!

"W-Wait! Falling from here means instant death! I'll dieee!"

Before I could react, my entire upper body was tipped down into the void, leaving me suspended upside down with my oversized rear shaking helplessly in the bear's face. This was utterly humiliating—no, forget humiliation, I was literally going to plummet to my demise!

"M-Mr. Teddy?! Stop messing around and—"

Shoove!

My body was mercilessly thrust past the threshold. Unable to overcome the top-heavy momentum of my chest, I tipped forward and began free-falling straight down the vertical shaft.

Teddy, you damned bastard! People actually die from this sort of thing!

Just how deep was this cursed hole? Hurtling through the air with no end in sight, only one primal sound could escape my throat:

"Somebody saaaave meee!"

Plummeting at terrifying speed toward ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the rocky abyss, my mind raced through landing techniques to mitigate the fatal impact, but adjusting my posture mid-air was an exercise in futility.

"Kyaaaaah!"

My body flipped clumsily in the wind, and my heavy backside ended up aimed straight toward the ground. Bracing for the bone-shattering collision, I shut my eyes tight and gritted my teeth.

A dull thud resonated in my ears as I squeezed my eyes shut... except, agonizing pain never came.

Instead, something remarkably soft and springy absorbed the entire shock of the fall.

"Uh...? It doesn't hurt?"

Blinking slowly, I opened my eyes and surveyed the damp subterranean chamber carpeted in thick green moss. Underneath my rear sat a plush, yielding mound of sheer elasticity.

"Oh... it's so squishy."

Then, whatever lay beneath me gave a sudden, squirming wriggle. A violent chill shot straight up my spine.

H-Hey... that's my butt you're groveling under!

"Y-You perverted bastard!"

Squeezing my eyes shut in outrage, I began wildly raining down fists on the mass beneath my hips. Groping my backside? Disgusting! Should I just slaughter this degenerate on the spot?! Even I haven't gotten to touch a girl's butt before, and this creep dares—

"Die! Just die!"

I pummeled it relentlessly for a good while, but no solid impact sounded. It felt exactly like punching a giant bowl of gelatin. Puzzled, I cautiously peeled my eyelids open.

A gigantic liquid creature? Wait, could this be...

A slime!

"Are you... a slime?"

In the middle of the translucent azure mass, two black bead-like specks functioned as eyes, and from those tiny dark points, liquid was currently streaming down its gelatinous cheeks. Don't tell me... is it actually weeping right now...?

"I-I'm so sorry!"

Looking at it closely, the creature was utterly adorable. Aside from its impossibly soft texture, what kind of monster bursts into tears just from taking a few stray punches? Filled with guilty remorse, I scooped the trembling creature into my arms and gently patted its wobbly head.

"Humans are terrible, I know... but hey, I didn't kill you, did I? So let's call it even, okay?"

Accepting my clumsy apology, the creature promptly ceased its sniffling and began bouncing its squishy form with delighted vigor. Nestled against my chest, it practically panted and wriggled like an overjoyed puppy.

So cute...

Still... everything was wonderful, except it was clinging way too intimately to my upper body. Every time the creature bounded happily against my chest, my overly generous breasts sloshed and wobbled along in tandem. It looked as though the little guy genuinely mistook them for fellow members of its species.

Listen here, those aren't slimes!

Excuse me, dear System? Could you kindly refrain from popping up notifications that beg for a cynical roast every five seconds?!

"T-Tamed?"

While the Taming skill wasn't completely unheard of in Estera Online... wait, slimes were actually a tameable species to begin with?!

"Are you really okay coming along with someone like me?"

Lifting the translucent blob up to eye level, I peered into its dark beady gaze. The slime bounced enthusiastically in my grip as if shouting an eager yes. But really, its designated species name was 'Ancient Squishy Slime'...? What kind of bottom-tier naming sense did the developers have?! This poor little guy surely deserved a much cooler title than that.

Overcome by a sudden wave of pity, I pulled the creature close and wrapped it in a tight embrace.

"Waiting all alone down in a dark cave like this... it must have been so lonely, right?"

As if understanding my sentiment, the slime nestled quietly into my arms and rested motionless for a moment. For a brief span, profound stillness settled over the subterranean grotto.

A few moments later, the slime wriggled free from my grasp and began bouncing rhythmically across the cavern floor. Gesturing for me to follow like a seasoned guide, it bounded forward, and I hurried after its bobbing trail.

"Whoa..."

To think such a magnificent underground expanse existed directly beneath my modest farmstead! Clusters of luminescent azure minerals cast a celestial glow across the rock faces, radiating waves of chilling frost mana that plummeted the cavern's temperature in an instant.

"I wonder who owns this place..."

Guiding me further into the cavern, the slime stopped before a vast cluster of exotic fungi thriving among the frosty mineral deposits.

"Wait... could these be?"

Possessed by sheer gathering instinct, my hands reached out and plucked one of the luminous caps.

S-Supreme-grade... and brimming with pure mana?! This had to be an extraordinary alchemy ingredient!

"Mallang! Are there more of these around here?"

At my call, the little slime bounced twice on the spot. Was that supposed to be a yes or a no? If the game let me tame a companion, it ought to at least provide a translation interface! No, wait, this wasn't the time to nitpick game balance.

"If I loot this entire cave clean, forget my debt—I could live like royalty!"

Whoever the owner of this grotto might be, thanks for leaving all these prime resources neglected. I'll make sure they're put to glorious use!

Right on cue, an alert window materialized as if specifically designed to spoil my mood.

Does a minor technicality like that even matter right now? It's just like those real-life news reports: if someone leaves unclaimed cash buried in the ground long enough, finders keepers! It belongs to whoever digs it up!

"Mallang... you were abandoned down here for ages, weren't you?"

Adopting an expression of tragic sorrow, I scooped Mallang into my arms and mimed wiping away a tear. Exactly. This is just proper retribution against the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠negligent landlord who abandoned this poor, sweet little slime! Leaving top-tier resources to rot in a dark hole is a crime; liquidating them—er, utilizing them productively—is actually a noble service to this game world's economy!

What followed was an intense joint operation: the Slime Liberation Front coupled with merciless resource strip-mining. Taste the righteous vengeance of an abandoned familiar!

"Guess I should stop here..."

Surveying the thoroughly stripped, barren stone cavern, a swell of profound satisfaction warmed my chest. This is the true joy of spring cleaning! Not a single stray mushroom or scrap of ore left behind!

"Alright, Mallang, time to head back up."

Hearing my words, the little blue slime gave a spirited squelch and began bouncing even deeper into the cavern recesses. Naturally, I had no choice but to follow.

Mallang led me straight toward a massive, isolated boulder tucked into the furthest corner of the grotto. Etched deeply into the stone's weathered surface was a bizarre, intricate magic circle.

"I've never seen an arcane pattern like this before..."

Carefully, I reached out and rested my palm against the cool engravings. With a thunderous boom, the boulder violently fractured down its center!

Wait, if this is a booby trap, give me an advance warning! Crushed under falling boulders? That's guaranteed instant death!

Jagged stone shrapnel burst outward, flying straight at my face. Caught entirely flat-footed, I could only cross my arms over my head and squeeze my eyes shut in terror.

A blinding plume of dust and pulverized rock swept over me. Yet, no impact came.

"Huh...?"

Cautiously opening my eyes, I found a translucent azure barrier hovering right before my nose, catching the lethal barrage of flying rock. No, that wasn't a magical shield at all...

"Mallang!"

The tiny palm-sized slime had swelled into a colossal, gelatinous dome, selflessly using its own rubbery mass to shield me from the blast.

Yes, now this is the kind of bond I can get behind! A faithful familiar that literally throws its body on the line to defend its master... this is peak gaming right here!

Deflecting the heavy debris aside, Mallang contracted back to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠its adorable, bouncy size. I immediately scooped it up and squeezed it tight. Come to think of it, I'd naturally started calling it Mallang without even thinking. Well, whatever—it's squishy and cute, so it fits!

Glancing past the split remnants of the shattered boulder, my eyes locked onto an alcove hidden in the wall behind it.

"A treasure chest?!"

Dashing forward, I gripped the hefty iron-bound chest and braced myself to haul the lid open with every ounce of physical strength I possessed.

"One... two... heave!"

Oh, come on, don't do this to me.

Seriously?!

"Stop locking basic treasure chests behind stat requirements, you sadistic devs!"

If you don't want players to have the loot, just don't put a chest there! Why dangle a shiny reward in front of our faces only to slap an arbitrary stat check on the latch?!

While I slumped on the ground in bitter gamer despair, Mallang casually hopped over to the iron-banded chest. Hey, look, if a human player can't budge it, there's no way a squishy little sli—

Creeeak.

The heavy iron lid swung open without the slightest resistance. Bouncing back toward me with a smug spring in its step, Mallang proudly extended an ancient, leather-bound tome retrieved from the chest's interior.

I stared at the little blob in total existential ruin.

Wait... does this mean my physical Strength stat is officially lower than a baby slime's...?

The moment my trembling fingers closed around the mysterious grimoire, an ominous, room-sized magic circle flared to blinding life beneath our feet.

Ah, wait a second—!

I instinctively clamped both arms around the grimoire and Mallang, pulling them flush against my chest. You really need to give people a five-second warning for stuff like this!

A ferocious, hurricane-force gale materialized out of thin air, sweeping my feet off the floor and launching me like a ragdoll across the cavern.

"Kyaaaaah!"

S-Smashing into the rock wall at this velocity means certain death! It's instant death! At this speed, I'll be reduced to a red paste!

Rocketing straight toward the jagged cavern wall on a gale of magical expulsion, I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my jaw, bracing for fatal impact. But right as doom approached, Mallang's gelatinous form flashed with brilliant iridescent light. In an instant, the howling wind collapsed into a dead, gentle breeze.

Robbed of its lethal momentum, my body dropped clumsily from the air, landing flat on my tailbone.

"Ow... ouch, ouch, ouch!"

Rubbing my throbbing backside, I looked up toward the ceiling. Down through the vertical shaft I had fallen from, a thick, sturdy rope was descending toward me.

I knew it—Teddy really is the ultimate Guardian! Sure, he shoved me into ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the pit earlier, but he came right back to drop a lifeline. Truly a dependable protector! I'm definitely giving that bear a massive hug once I'm back up!

Reaching out, I seized the hanging line. The texture felt strangely smooth and ridged under my palms. I had no idea where Teddy had scrounged up a rope with such a distinct checkered scale pattern, but I wasn't about to question a rescue line. Planting my boots against the shaft walls, I hauled myself up.

"Surprisingly sturdy rope... doesn't even stretch."

Scrambling toward the daylight piercing the mouth of the pit, I finally dragged my upper half over the rim and collapsed onto the soft soil of my farm, letting out an enormous sigh of relief.

"Freedom at last!"

Overjoyed, I threw both arms into the air and waved enthusiastically at the stone bear standing over the hole.

"Great work, Teddy! You really—"

I trailed off. Wrapped securely around the Guardian's stone arms was the upper section of the checkered rope. Was he still holding onto it for me? Going so far to ensure my safety... I was genuinely touched—

Hssssssss.

A dry, menacing rattle echoed in the quiet air. I blinked, freezing in place.

Wait... hold on a second.

Slowly, my gaze traced along the checkered pattern of the 'rope,' traveling upward toward Teddy's enormous stone paw.

"T-That's... a s-s-snake?!"

Pinned firmly beneath the Guardian's stone fist was the pulverized, twitching head of a titanic serpent. Total, paralyzing horror washed over me like a tidal wave. T-Then... the 'rope' I had been clinging to with bare hands all the way from the abyss was an actual... giant snake?!

The instant that realization registered in my brain, my vision blacked out, and my consciousness instantly cut to static.

Fuck... why isn't there a single normal thing in my entire damn life?!

As my limp body collapsed into the dirt, unfamiliar footsteps crunched softly against the grass in the distance. Teddy's stone gaze snapped toward the sound, shifting into a low, vigilant combat stance.

Evidently, true peace and quiet were destined to remain nothing more than a distant fantasy.