Who Says I Have No Charm?

When I opened my eyes, I found myself lying in bed. I blinked against the sharp, throbbing ache shooting through my temples.

Did the Guardian carry me in here...?

That made no sense. The Guardian was way too massive to squeeze through the doorway. Had the ceiling been ripped off? I glanced upward in alarm, but breathed a quiet sigh of relief when I saw the rafters still perfectly intact.

"Ah, you're finally awake?"

A strange, unfamiliar voice shattered the silence. My eyes snapped wide.

Where the hell did that voice come from?

"Sleeping in this late—what a lazy little sleepyhead you are, young lady!"

I slowly turned my head toward the sound, but there was nobody there. As I blinked, tilting my head in bewilderment, the voice barked again.

"Lower your eyes! Down here, I say!"

I followed the instructions and cast my gaze toward the floor. Standing there was a dwarf with fiery red hair, a bristling beard that cascaded past his chest, and an exceptionally diminutive stature.

Wait. He's shorter than me?

"W-Who are you?!"

More importantly, why the hell was he standing in my house acting like he owned the place?!

Seeing me blink in terror and prepare to scream, the dwarf hurriedly waved his hands in the air.

"Now, don't misunderstand! I only came here in the line of duty!"

Like hell you did. Did this bastard figure out a woman was living alone out here and think he could feed me some pathetic line of bullshit? I might look like a harmless, fragile anime girl on the outside, but my insides were a completely different story! I was an experienced gamer who had personally dragged real-life online scammers to court—who did he think he was trying to hustle?

I glared daggers at the dwarf, who reeked of fraud from head to toe.

"Duty?! You broke into my house uninvited, and you dare call that a duty?!"

There was, however, one glaring flaw in my righteous indignation. Could I actually overpower this dwarf by myself?

I swallowed a silent, bitter tear as I reviewed my tragic combat stats. If I tried to push him out, he would pin me down in half a second flat. If I provoked him any further, he might use brute force to subdue me, and then...

My cheeks flushed crimson at the horrific train of thought, and I scrambled backward across the mattress, putting as much distance between us as possible. Safe distance established. This should be enough, right?

"S-So... what is this duty of yours, anyway?" I asked cautiously, my voice trembling.

Don't tell me... is he going to claim some racial duty to propagate his species and ravage me against my will—?!

Right in the middle of my escalating panic, the dwarf abruptly shoved his thick, calloused hand straight down the front of his trousers.

"Eeeeek!"

He really is a pervert! Even between two grown men, pulling a stunt like that would earn you an ass-kicking, and he had the nerve to do it right in front of a woman! Is he pulling it out?! Is that sick bastard actually going to whip it out right now?!

"Take a good look at this!"

The dwarf wrenched something murky brown from inside his waistband.

He's actually doing it!

I snapped my head away and slammed both hands over my eyes. I couldn't look. Whatever happened, I must never look at that!

"A-Are you out of your mind?! Why are you showing that to me?! Put it away, you disgusting pervert!"

Cold sweat beaded on my forehead as the sheer dread of setting off a dangerous psycho gripped me. Where are the cops in this godforsaken fantasy world?!

While I cowered in sheer hysteria, the dwarf loudly clicked his tongue and roared at the top of his lungs.

"What in the blazes are you babbling about?!"

Peeking cautiously between my fingers, I froze. What the dwarf held aloft was a rolled-up piece of weathered parchment.

Chest puffed out and scowling fiercely, he actually had the audacity to snap at me.

"You might be charming to fellow humans, but by dwarven standards, you have zero appeal, young lady! Come back after you've lived another hundred years and sprouted a proper beard, then maybe we'll talk!"

I blinked dumbfoundedly at the dwarf, who was shaking his head and clicking his tongue in blatant disdain.

Zero appeal...? And a beard...?! I used to have one! I had to shave it every single morning before I died, you jerk!

Hot tears welled in my eyes. It had been agonizing enough living my entire previous life as a guy without ever landing a single girlfriend, but now that I had transformed into this drop-dead gorgeous girl, being told to my face that I was completely unattractive made a lifetime of pent-up sorrow erupt all at once.

"S-So what?! So what if I have no appeal?! Did you ever buy me a meal? Did you contribute a single copper to my life?! Who are you to judge?!"

Overwhelmed by righteous self-pity, I choked on my words, and the tears finally spilled over, streaming down my cheeks. The moment the dwarf saw me crying, his haughty demeanor shattered. Panic plastered across his face, and sweat began pouring down his brow.

"H-Hey now, I'm sorry! Listen, lass, I only meant by dwarven standards! Just my personal tastes, that's all!"

A ridiculous, bizarre squabble unfolded between us. After a few moments, I managed to stifle my sniffles and collected my thoughts.

Rather than dwelling on why I had just cried over something so stupid, a much more practical realization hit me: What can I squeeze out of this dwarf who dared to make me cry?

My gamer instincts kicked into high gear. I daintily dabbed at my tear-stained cheeks with the cuff of my oversized sleeve, putting on the most pitiful expression possible.

"So... what was your duty again?"

The dwarf let out a massive sigh of relief and plopped down onto the wooden floorboards.

"Guarding the underground mines that rightfully belong to our dwarven heritage, of course."

He unrolled the parchment he had pulled from his trousers, revealing an intricate layout of an underground cavern network. Looking down at the sketched tunnels, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a sudden wave of familiarity struck me. Wait... where have I seen this layout before?

"Deep inside rests an ore known as Frozen Light, radiating an absolute sub-zero chill! They say rare mushrooms rich in ambient mana sprout around it as well."

The instant those words left his mouth, I made up my mind. This cave on the map? I've never seen it in my entire life. Not a clue. Total stranger.

"I don't know anything about any cave... but you do realize that breaking and entering into an innocent civilian's home is a severe felony, right?"

The dwarf instantly stiffened. Watching beads of cold sweat roll down his forehead, a dark smirk bloomed in my mind. This guy... is surprisingly gullible. More importantly, he wasn't a player—he was an NPC. In other words, he was the absolute prime target to fleece dry.

"Just remembering what happened a moment ago... my heart won't stop pounding..." I whispered, burying my face against my knees and letting out a fragile, trembling whimper.

The guilt hit him like a sledgehammer. He looked ready to jump out of his skin.

"I-I swear on my ancestors I never intended any harm! L-Look, could you perhaps overlook this if I gave you something in return?"

Stammering apologies, the dwarf hastily swung the massive pack off his back and unbuckled the straps. He began hauling out various pieces of gear, lining them up neatly on the floor.

"As an apology, I'll let you choose whatever you fancy from among these! You look like an alchemist, miss, so these ought to suit your trade..."

I peered down intently at the items laid before me.

Every single item was top-shelf luxury goods. I secretly swallowed a mouthful of greedy drool.

"W-Wow... this is so pretty." Putting on an overtly dramatic reaction, I delicately picked up the Supreme Magic Crystal. I turned toward the dwarf, letting my eyes sparkle with pure, girlish innocence. "Do you have anything even better than this?"

I leaned forward with wide, curious eyes, channeling the demeanor of a wide-eyed child fascinated by shiny treasures. God bless cash shop cosmetics! Was the original account owner a hardcore fashion whale? Every single cosmetic emote was unlocked and ready to use!

Sure enough, the dwarf's bristly mustache twitched upward into a proud grin.

"A master dwarf truly carries things of a completely different caliber... From the raw ingredients to the tools, everything looks incredible... Is this what true craftsmanship is? You're so cool, sir!"

Laying on the shameless flattery I had honed through years of corporate and gaming life, the dwarf's whiskers practically danced with glee. Throwing his head back in a thunderous laugh, he upended his entire pack and dumped the rest of his inventory out onto the floor.

"Gwahaha! These are treasures I wouldn't show just anyone... but for a young lady who appreciates the glory of dwarven craft, I'll make an exception!"

Bingo.

Feigning sheer wonder, I picked up the parchment recipe he had placed down last. "Oh my, I had no idea dwarves were interested in alchemy as well."

It seemed he had emptied out every single valuable item his bag contained.

"Mmh... everything here is so precious, it's so hard to choose just one..."

While pretending to hesitate, I casually lowered one hand toward the gap beneath my bedframe. I quietly summoned several minor junk items from my inventory and dropped them onto the floor out of sight.

"All of these clearly carry Master Dwarf's deep dedication, so they all fascinate me... Would it be alright if you chose for me instead?"

As the dwarf furrowed his brow in deep deliberation, I picked up the Mana Refining Catalyst. "This... to be honest, seems far beyond my humble abilities to handle."

I made a show of reaching toward the dwarf's pack to put it back, but covertly slipped it straight into my own inventory instead.

"And... this transmutation tool... It feels right that I should buy one myself only after I've succeeded as an alchemist."

When the dwarf asked in disbelief if I truly possessed no greed, I offered him a soft, melancholic shake of my head. "How could I not be tempted? But... you said I could only choose one."

The dwarf looked profoundly moved, tears practically glistening in his rugged eyes. "Gwah! In that case, I must give you both of these, young lady!"

He shoved both the Supreme Magic ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Crystal and the Special Alchemy Recipe directly into my hands. Damn it, I threw four items under the bed for nothing... Who knew this guy would be such an absolute mark?

"In exchange, keep today's encounter between us! It's an absolute taboo for a dwarf to hand over craftsmanship without even receiving an ale in return."

Thanks to this gullible dwarf, I had picked up an interesting piece of world lore. "You're forbidden from giving things away for free...? My, then I suppose that means you and I share a secret now, don't we?"

I clapped my hands together in delighted cheer, but internally, I was already looking for a way ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to kick him out. "Oh, but... it's nearly ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠time for me to fulfill my potion delivery quota."

I gestured toward the empty cauldron resting over the hearth. The dwarf scrambled straight to his feet.

"Bah, I've been thoughtless! Well then, human lass! Until next time. Ah, right... if you ever happen upon that cave, you must send me a letter!"

"Of course!" I nodded sweetly, walking him all the way outside the cottage and waving goodbye. The second his stout back vanished into the tree line, I ducked back inside and bolted the door tight.

To me, that dwarf was nothing less than a golden goblin. Just how much gold is all of this worth?!

The greatest harvest of all was undoubtedly the recipe. While I could somehow commune and negotiate with plants, trying to hold a conversation with an inanimate hunk of rock was an exercise in futility. I eagerly unfurled the parchment.

Hmm, this is surprisingly straightforward.

"So... take the mushroom harvested from the same spot and coat it in crushed ore powder..."

I took the High-grade Dwarven Transmutation Tool and struck the crystalline ore radiating a gentle, sub-zero chill. Shards splintered and scattered like crushed ice, feeling remarkably like the coarse, crunchy ice chips blended into a smoothie. Pulling the talking mushroom from my inventory, I began dusting the frosty powder across its cap.

"Unhand me...! Unhand me, I say! Are you trying to murder me, human?!"

Oho, this one's got quite a temper compared to the docile ones.

"I might tolerate being powdered, but I will never forgive you if you try to feed that to me!"

Aha. So force-feeding is the most effective method, huh?

Without a shred of hesitation, I jammed a hefty scoop of the crushed mineral powder straight into the mushroom's gaping maw. "There, there, it's good for your health. Be a good mushroom and swallow it all down, okay?"

Lacking legs, the mushroom couldn't even thrash around properly. It let out muffled, choked shrieks before I dumped it bodily into the cauldron.

"Now, infuse it with mana... and stir!"

A brilliant, luminous blue glow erupted from the pot as the boiling mixture swirled into a cohesive brew. Despite the bubbling heat, an intense, biting frost radiated from the rim of the cauldron, making me shiver in surprise. I carefully decanted the liquid into an alchemy vial, waiting for the familiar bear cub wax seal to materialize over the stopper.

I beamed with satisfaction, preparing to admire my handiwork... until I looked at the finished product.

Wait, huh?

"What on earth happened to this?!"